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Christmas for the Non-Religious is About Love, Peace and the Right to Believe in Just That
Filed under: Holidays, Religion & Spirituality, Opinions
Holiday spirit doesn't have to be religious. Illustration by Dori Hartley
With Thanksgiving behind us, we feel the spirit is on now, and all we can say is, "Bring it!"
I will slide the patio doors open and hit the storage closet, from which she and I will haul out the box that contains our 5-foot tall, plastic Canadian fir, along with bags of ornaments, garland and strings of tiny, shiny multi-colored lights.
And, just like it's done in so many American households, we're going to make the experience a festive one. This means that, as we trim our tree, we're going to sing, laugh and, in our case, sweat like pigs, crank the AC and guzzle down a pitcher of icy cold lemonade (insert extra lip smacking for emphasis, please).
When we're finished, we'll fall back into the couch, pat ourselves on the backs for a job well done and smile contentedly as the miniature lights glow within their little nests of silver garland. We'll be as happy as elves, dressed in our tank tops and shorts, and though it's far from a winter wonderland here in the tropics, it works for us. And isn't that what matters?
The holiday season is all about family, love, awesome food and, of course, the giving and receiving of gifts. Whether you're devoted to the religious paths that accompany the origins of these holidays or not, one thing most of us have in common is a love for the good, warm atmosphere of holiday spirit.
So, the question is, "What is this spirit, if it's not religious?"
The spirit is love. For those of us who don't believe in religion, this is the top of the line. Love and peace are what we believe in. I would like to think this is a universal truth -- something that unites us all.
My daughter and I are non-religious. I was raised in New York City, where, every Christmas, my also non-religious parents would put up a beautiful, real tree for us kids. Reluctantly, my Russian-born, Zionist grandparents came to accept that, as a family, enjoying an annual bowl of matzo ball soup was about as Jewish as this second generation American gang was ever going to get.
Truth was, for third-generation me, I just couldn't get into any of it. Judaism, Taoism, Christianity, Hinduism, Paganism, Islam -- I studied them all. I took the good stuff from the good books, and added it to my list of "Things That Enhance My Life." The religions, though? Nah. Not for me.
As for my daughter, under the guidance of her father, she attended many, many Sunday church services. And, after several years of experiencing the teachings, rituals and community, she, too, came to the same conclusion about religion: "It's just not for me." Must be genetic.
My Zionist grandfather once said, "God is not in the business of religion." Those were pretty strong words, being that they came from a man who stowed away on a ship in order to escape religious persecution. But he held on to the tenets of his religion throughout his entire life, and, for this, I will always recognize him as a holy man. It didn't matter that I was destined for a different path. What mattered was that he found what he was looking for, in his own way.
There's a common misconception about people who are non-religious. We're not rebelling against religion, nor are we lost souls, waiting for redemption. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Every day, our hearts are filled to the brim with the gratitude we have for nature's gifts, for our lives together, for our beautiful animals, for our health and happiness.
When my daughter shoots me that secret smile that tells me all that's on her mind? That's when I know the meaning of love. When I push her hair behind her ear and gently kiss her forehead? That's when she knows the meaning of love. When, cats sitting by our sides, we all watch a movie together? That's when we know love.
Love is what we believe in. Love is all.
My kid and I don't need a religion to make us believe in what comes so naturally on its own. If you're religious and your faith lightens your load, then you are, indeed, in the presence of greatness. If your beliefs make you feel love, then more power to you. And, if you can embrace and respect a world built on difference and variety, then you are the love you seek.
Let me put it this way: If truth is beauty and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then the road to truth is a personal path. For my daughter and me, that path is love. And, on this path, we respect the planet, animals, human intelligence, human spirituality, ourselves and everything that is different from us.
For some, the holidays come with a religious aspect. For others, it has nothing to do with religion, whatsoever. And, in the same way that my daughter and I still can have a great celebration without snow or hot chocolate, we also can enjoy the splendors of the holiday season without religion.
What's not to love?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 3)
12-02-2010 @ 10:42AM
Diane said...Thank you so much for having the courage to write this. I am also non religious, but certainly enjoy celebrating the holidays and most importantly being with loved ones. If people would educate themselves they would also find that the Christmas holiday actually goes back further than the birth of Christ and is a combination of many celebrations.
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12-02-2010 @ 12:03PM
Penny said...We, too, are a non-religious family. We gather for the love of our family. I loved this entry as it speaks to the universal nature of coming together as a unified front against the "terrors" of the world, whatever they be, at whatever age.
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12-02-2010 @ 12:32PM
charlotte7224 said...ABSOLUTELY!!!!! THANK YOU for this article, it should be sent to every & all organizations. I was raised strictly Catholic, the only one in a family of Protestants, (who knows why?!?) After having religion rammed down my throat, i did what any self respecting teen does, I rebelled & dumped the lot! I did experiment with different organized religious faiths & services, what eventually turned me off completely, was throughout my life, I found--repeatedly--that those that professed to be "christians, or so religious, were more often than not, the biggest hypocrites, by far 'not the nicest of people,' often with hidden agendas, & so judgmental!!!! If you don't think like them you're obviously "in the wrong" & need to be corrected! The most influential people, those I wished to emulate, were the non-religious, not atheist, but agnostic, who believe in doing the right thing, & allowing each to follow the path most right for them. These people were more supportive, kinder, & had more to offer "spiritually speaking" than any 'religious person' I ever met. And more importantly, the kindnesses that they did were
done quietly, with no fuss, for the true benefit of providing the help, service, or whatever, unlike the so called "christians" who seem to feel the need to scream from the rooftops every time they do anything "good"
Sorry, but I can only say what I see, & for me, I truly believe Humanity will never see World Peace until we dump organized religion in favor of Private Spirituality, & the acceptance of whatever that means for each individual.
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12-02-2010 @ 1:51PM
Denise said...THANK YOU! As a non-religious woman (raised as a devout southern baptist by my evangelical mother), I can completely relate to this. I'm not "lost'. I don't feel a void in my life. I have a wonderful family and friends, a fulfilling job, a beautiful home and neighborhood, and I wholeheartedly seek the joy and peace I can find every single day. The holidays, for me, are just an amplified version of all that is good around me, and I don't think you have to embrace a religion to get that and love that. Some people cannot imagine having a holiday without acknowledging their faith, and that's great - for them. I've raised my children to be respectful of other people's faith and its importance to them, and we learn all we can about all of it. If they choose to embrace Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Paganism, Taoism or "none of the above", I'm cool with that. As long as they're kind, ethical, responsible and actively seeking the joy in their own lives, it's all good.
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12-02-2010 @ 1:48PM
ebh824 said...Let's not forget to point out that the Christmas tree is actually taken from Pagans. We are an atheist family and we still love to get into the "spirit" of the holidays, without having to get near any of the religious affiliations. It's about being together with loved ones and creating memories.
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12-02-2010 @ 2:36PM
Yathatsright! said...Give me a break, if you dont believe dont partake.... Stick to your Non Relgious veiws!!!!
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12-02-2010 @ 2:55PM
jkhoyt08 said...They do believe-in what is important-love, family, friends, kindness, compassion get the point? Isnt THAT what most organized religions teach? The ONLY difference is this lady and her daughter are NOT HYPOCRITES!! Turn the news on once and a while-then you will see more examples of those "walking Gods path" who are being accused of molestation, thievery, terrorism etc. I rather surround myself with people who are true to themselves then those who "pretend" once a week to do the right thing. Then Monday thru Saturday they are backstabbing others and doing WHATEVER it takes, regardless of the pain they leave behind, to get what they want-because THEIR souls and hearts are empty and their minds misguided. I was raised Roman Catholic, went to Catholic school etc., I guess you haven't heard about the Catholic Priest who took a hit out on young man because this young man has brought molestation charges against this "man of God?" As long as he held a bible in his hand, I guess this Priest is an ok person to you uh? I have found my path-and I don't need to go to a building, or have others push their thoughts and beliefs down my throat in order for myself to by at peace and teach my children what really maters-LOVE, COMPASSION, KINDNESS, the things that really MATTER and that this world needs much more of. I applaud this lady and her daughter-they are true examples of what is right in this world!
12-02-2010 @ 10:06PM
Diane said...Please educate before you spout your intolerant views. Christmas is a combination of many ancient celebrations. If you feel this is a religious holiday then I must assume you do not take your children to see Santa Claus, you do not hang lights and do not have a tree, none of which have their origins in the Christian religion. I do not believe but do certainly recall that the Jesus from my childhood was a loving and tolerant person and have no doubt that if he did indeed exist, he would be more than happy to celebrate with believers and non believers alike.
12-08-2010 @ 9:07PM
AreAreYouReallyThatDumb? said...You want to talk about intolerance when you just bashed this person's view. Not all Catholic priest molest children and the catholic church and community certainly don't support them. Your type of generalization is hurtful and ignorant, jkhoyt08. Its no surprise to me that you left the church if you don't understand that. You are the type of person that only looks at the negative things that have happen of 2000 years, Look at all the good things that the Catholic church does on a daily basis. You don't hear about them because they aren't news worthy. Its a disgusting part of the country.
Those people that are nonreligious are rarely nonreligious because don't just believe in what the particular church says, but mostly just lazy and self assured. They don't want to get up and go to church every week, or make any sort of commitment towards a religion because that means they can be as horrible as they want and not be morally responsible for it. "I'll still believe there is something out there so but I don't know what." People just say that so they can go to sleep at night and look themselves in a mirror everyday. Get over yourselves and realize you aren't the end all of end alls of the universe and take some responsibilities for your actions. Look at the rude and horrible children in the world today, coming from nonreligious families and see why not having a moral obligation is so bad. You people are disgusting, and I'm sad to say I live in this country with you.
12-08-2010 @ 9:54PM
Renea said...For all of you that argue if you do not believe in religion do not partake in Christmas get over yourselves, shut up, and learn the true history of Christmas! Christmas was NOT originated as a Christian holiday it originated as a PAGAN celebration for the Winter Solstice. Don't believe me? Look it up! Christmas is nothing more than what we make it and in the US it isn't about religion or non-religion or traditions it is about togetherness with family and friends, commercialism, and the alteration of the original traditions. And for those of you who celebrate the birth of Christ on Christmas Day... I hate to tell you that he wasn't born on Christmas Day, actually, his date of birth isn't truly known. So maybe you should involve yourself in a history class and look at your own bible which I believe states judge ye not and ye shall not be judged.
12-02-2010 @ 3:05PM
Fran said...Thanks for the uplifting words. The folks who insist that 'Jesus is the reason for the season' totally miss the fact that the season was around for millions of years before Jesus was even born (presuming that he ever actually was - of which we have no historical proof). And every culture that ever developed at a latitude where the days get scarily dark and short around the Winter Solstice has come up with some sort of ritual way of celebrating the fact that the sun is indeed going to come back again. Whatever we believe or disbelieve, we love these holidays that affirm light in time of darkness and that bring our families together in whatever activities form our own traditions. I left the church in which I was raised at the age of 14, and if I ever go back, my friends will know that my mind has gone and it's time to put me in a nursing home. But I still cherish sharing Yuletide with my loved ones. And 'Peace on Earth, Goodwill to People' may finally come when people stop insisting that their Way is the only Way.
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12-02-2010 @ 5:22PM
Godiva said...Oh yes, Fran, there is plenty of evidence that Christ was indeed born and lived and died and rose again. Eyewitness accounts, diaries kept, letters written, etc etc etc prove He lived. Whether He is just another Jew or Son of the Living God to you, He was and is and is to come. But that's just me. Accept or reject, believe or not, that is certainly your choice.
And while He was here, He tried to destroy religion. His harshest words for for the religious leaders of the day. "You burden the people with harsh rules that you yourselves don't keep!" He told them they strained at gnats yet swallowed camels.
My faith is not a religion, it is a relationship with the Living God through His Son Christ Jesus. And it is mind-boggling.
My parents said we were evangelicals but I don't claim the evangelical title. We don't need to evangelize.
People KNOW. We all know there is a God. God has revealed Himself through Creation, our conscience, the Written Word, other believers, circumstances. He Himself says there are no heathen. Simply those who want Him and those who do not.
Some of the nastiest ugliest comments posted are on ParentDish. I don't know if some of us do it just to yank chains, or because we aren't feeling well, but it makes me sad that we talk to each other like that.
I am glad the author and her child and all those who have chosen that path are happy and I hope everyone has a merry Christmas, happy holidays, happy hannukah, etc.
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12-02-2010 @ 7:22PM
tana green said...It would be easier to have a non-religious, non-consumerist december if the media were not so saturated with this pseudo religious festival of the mall.
The traditional movies from the 30s to the present are filling the airwaves and the theaters, sales, sales and more sales. Buy, buy, buy - it's just like the second bush presidency again.
Decorations parties the sanitized "holiday" references. It's as if our collective consciousness has this atavistic need to see the sun (son -, yeah, I get it) return and we dress it up with all the trappings of civilizaton to reassure ourselves that we're not living in the dark on a teeny planet hurling around a wild ball of fire.
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12-03-2010 @ 10:15AM
Cyndi said...I do have some spiritual aspects to my life, but, not religious. I couldn't agree with you more. Love is what everything is about, it's what it all comes down to L O V E. We're nothing without out, so it's certainly the theme a joyous season. Great article!
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12-03-2010 @ 1:53PM
Shirley Keyser said...God is love. We wouldn't understand love except God created us to. He demonstrated His love for the world through Jesus, Christmas celebrates the incarnation of God. One of the names of Jesus is Emmanuel, God With Us. He lived among us and understand us. He gave the new commandment that we love one another. Yes, it's about love, but human love is tenuous.. Why not give God thanks for love, family, and all the other things He has given us to enjoy. Why not celebrate His birth, the fact of God with us.
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12-03-2010 @ 2:28PM
Alicia said...Why not accept the fact that some people don't believe in God and Jesus and are happy with love from their friends and families. They aren't wrong and, honestly, I think it shows a lack of love on your part to imply that they are.
12-04-2010 @ 8:26AM
CLDimsey said...Thank you so much for this amazing article. My family is also non-religious. We have a 4 year old daughter and I get so much grief from others especially during the holidays. I sometimes feel that we aren't supposed to celebrate them or participate because we are "non-believers". I feel that if you take everything you can out of your life and love and respect the world and people around you, that it doesnt matter if you "believe". Again, thank you so very much for putting my feelings into words. Have a wonderful holiday season!!!
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12-04-2010 @ 9:10AM
Alicia said...Don't let anyone make you doubt your right to celebrate the lengthening of days and family and friends and good food. I'm pagan, but instead of fighting with my family to celebrate the solstice, I just call it Christmas and when they go to midnight mass, I go to my altar. Makes everyone happy.
12-05-2010 @ 5:02PM
denise said...It is easy for everyone to celebrate a holiday that encompasses the materialism of giving and getting presents. Christmas is about love because Jesus so LOVED the world that he came to save everyone(not just the Gentiles). You can live your life being non-religious but at death there is only heaven and hell and that is eternal. When you don't choose Christ then you don't choose heaven and that will be forever regretful. Choose to have a relationship with Christ, it is a life changing relationship.
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12-05-2010 @ 4:00AM
grumpybumpas said...Christmas was designed to make money for merchants
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