My Teenage Daughter Was My Best Friend, and Now She's a Terror!

The title says a lot. So many parents these days want to be best friends with their kids above everything else. That is what their best friends are for. A parent's job is different. Parents need to be good role models, a strong guiding hand and patient and loving. The best thing a parent can do for a teenager who is trying to find themselves and trying on thier new found independence is to be consistent and firm. Maintaining standards and expectations and setting appropriate limits while also allowing the teenager to explore their own independence/responsibility is not an easy line to walk, but that is a parents job.

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My teen daughter is my best friend. It is very appropriate for your daughter to be your best friend. I know the limits between friend and daughter and I set limits for her. She wants to go to a concert a distance from here, I said no, she's too young without responsible adults that I know with her. She was disappointed, but said to me "I know, mom, you just want me safe". I respect her, she respects me. She can come to me with anything, and she does, but she also knows I'm mom and I set limits with her for her age. I also give her plenty of room to be her.

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What Kids need these days is a good azz kicking. but as parents were not allowed to punish our kids anymore and people wonder why there out of control

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Just recently I wrote a book which deals exactly with this issue. My daughter Aimee articulated the problem in a short writing I found after her summer visitation with me had just past and I was cleaning out her room. The book is available at Amazon.com. Just type in IVERSON SANCTUARY WITHIN to find it. There is always more to say than could be said in a book, but it touches poignantly on the possible distress the youngster is going thru and your role as a parent to help your child at this formative, critical time in their life.

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Yes, let us blame the father after all he is the symbol of authority,and we know how young people hate that.

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This is because you are NOT your childrens "freind" best or otherwise. You are thier PARENT your role is to keep your kids between the white lines, to make the tough decisions about who,what when and where. Lazy people with no guts, who are too cowardly to make hard decisions are the ones who want thier children to be thier "freinds" then wonder why the child has no respect for them. . You fools who want your children to be your freinds are making a huge mistake. Parents set the rules and enforce them, freinds do not. If you are stupid enough to give up your role as the rule-giver and law enforcer this is a perfect example of what will happen.

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Take away TV,Computer,Phone and any other privlieges they value and take for granted. Don't argue with them about their attitude just let them know that you disapprove and act on that. Your kids arent going to be your best friend at certain ages, but they do need to respect their parents and what parents provide for them. A teenager will learn this very quickly when they know, that as a parent you are only legally bound to provide the bare essentials for their well being. A trip to Goodwill for school clothes is always a nice touch.

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Don't overlook the possibility that drug use has caused, or is a part of the reason for, this huge and sudden behavioral change.

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Jane;
You ar deluding yourself. You CANNOT be your daughters "best friend" and her parent at the same time. These roles are diameterically opposed to each other, they cannot exist in a true parent/child relationship. You are headed for a wall head-on unless you drop the phoney pretense of freindship and parent-up. I think you like telling others that you are your daughters' best friend. Is it too hard for you to be her mother and parent and not cloud the issue by being her friend?

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I feel sorry for anyone who thinks having their parent or child being their best-friend is normal. It shows how anti-social they are since they are not able to form close relationships with other people. The title holds the answer in itself. Anyone who thinks otherwise is delusional.

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It starts so young. There is no defense against the female mind........

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If this is an unusual change in behavior, first I'd ask myself if there is anything remotely possible that the parent did to alienate her. If so, apologize. If not, do some investigating of her friends. Where do they go when they hang out? Are they supervised. Even 16 year olds need supervision. Could drugs or alcohol be involved in the personality change? Don't think it could never happenn to your kid. Even good kids can fall from grace in a heartbeat. If you still can't come to any conclusions, seek counseling. I'd suggest a doctor's visit is in order as well. A teen can suffer from depression.. Along with changing hormones also comes changing body chemistry, and that means brain chemistry as well. Anger, hostility and apathy can also be symptoms of depression. No, you can't be your kid's best friend when they're a teen, but you SHOULD be able to have their respect and love. If not, something is definitely amiss and it's NOT normal. I'm a mom of 3 and Gran of 4 who has been raising children consistently for over 32 years. I also teach children. Get help and soon!

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I have a similar problem, but with my son; who is 35. We use to be close and suddenly he is rude and disrespectful. He does not speak to me on the phone only through texting, which I hate. His girlfriend he moves in acts emotionally rude to me. The house they live in is owned by me, they pay little rent. I live in another state and need him to help with the up keep of the house. However, I do not know how to deal with this attitude and what has cause this, since we were so close.

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Both of my kids went through a period of being beligerent. It's nature's plan to make it a bit easier on you when they go off on their own. If they were perfect angels you would be devastated at the thought of them leaving to start their own lives so nature leads them to separate themselves in their teen years. It's rough on the parents for a while but all smoothes out later unless the parents prolong the period by whining, giving in to demands or generally being doormats.
My kids are 34 and 23. Both are great people, good heads on their shoulders, respectful to us and we have a great time together. Both went through a couple years of being distant, beligerent and generally testing the limits in their teens. The teen years are like going into a dark tunnel with no idea when the light will shine. Be strong, consistent, ready to listen at those odd times that your teen wants to let you in and all will be fine in the end.

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I live with my boyfriend. He has 2 daughters 19 and 24. When and if they come to visit they think they are visitors. Leave dishes, unmade beds etc...They do help out in the kitchen if asked. I refuse to wait on them nor do I say anything. Silence is Golden my opinion. In the past year they have only been to the house 2/3 times each one. In the past the 23 year old brings a new BF for the night or week. They bring home beer bottles to return from an activity. I told my BF that his home should not be treated as a hotel for all her lovers.

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I see so many parents that try to become friends with their kids; a huge mistake! Loving, protective, FRIENDLY, seems to be the best solution. There must be a "line" the child knows is unacceptable to cross and the consequences of doing so will be severe and the reaction will be consistent. Too many times parents lower their reactions to those of their child. Screaming, ranting etc. are sure fire responses kids will pick up on and run with. When people are yelling they can't hear! Parents are too concerned over being politically correct in rearing a child. There are ways of dealing with unruly or disrespectful children that just a positive as a good smack on the butt to get their attention. Being a friend to a child only serves to put you on their level. I was raised with slaps on the face, belts across my butt, but the people that were doing the hitting were my parents and I knew without question why they were so tough with me; they loved me and showed it when I was doing the right thing. Never ONCE did I EVER think of calling the police on my parents! If they took them to jail where would I be, what would I do without them? Children today grow up thinking they can get along just fine without their parents! WHY??? BECAUSE WE'RE THEIR FRIENDS and like friends, some remain and some we can do without! Your PARENTS are there FOR LIFE!!!!

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"You can't be best friends with your daughter" should read 'You shouldn't be best friends with your daughter'. It's odd, creepy, and robs you and her of the chance to have a true parent/child relationship. You wouldn't be friends with a 12, 13, 14 year old that moved in down the street. You'd be suspicious of any adult who tried to be "best buds" with your daughter. You don't expect your friends to do as they're told!
We're on our 4th teen girl, and let me tell you, they are difficult to handle but not impossible. It's not personal. Teen girls are fighting for autonomy and having two alpha females in one home doesn't work, so they fight with you and become rude.
My husband and I solved our teen girl issues fairly easily. We nipped it in the bud. We sat down and decided what we would and would not put up with;
slamming of doors is a no-no and results in the perpetrator's bedroom door being removed for a month. violence against the house we all live in is not acceptable.
telling anyone in the home you "hate" them is also a no-no. you MAY say "I don't like you right now" - heck, I don't like my kids all of the time, but I always love them. I don't like all of my friends all of the time, but I love them. My kids don't have to like me. I expect them to be mad at me. Screaming "I Hate You" results in me doing only the minimum required by law. I feed, house, and clothe them. I do not drive them anywhere or converse with them in any manner. The 'silent treatment' continues until a heart-felt apology comes about. It usually takes 3 days. We've only had to do it to 2 of our daughters. the other 2 decided they didn't like it and have never said they hated anyone or anything.
the biggest rule in our house: I am not your friend. I have friends my own age. You have your own friends. It is not my job to be your friend. It is my job to raise you to be a productive, contributing member of society. Get over it.

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HUMANNOIDS HUMANNOIDS... Now they are starting to think for themselves and not agreeing to everything you say.. and now "Oh they are foreign to me, oh they are selfish, they are.... becoming a full fledge human and you...... "are losing control" and hate it. BUT not to worry... you can always buy them a new car, send them on vacation, and HERE starts the control game all over again.

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