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Admit It: You Use Santa Claus Threats to Discipline Your Kids
Filed under: Opinions
You'd better not pout, I'm telling you why ...
Thursday, after school:
My 4-year-old daughter is playing with a stuffed animal. And what's that she's also got? A plastic bag. That's not going to work for me.
I have a rule against playing with plastic bags of any type. I remember one time being in line at the grocery store checkout and watching a small boy in a pushcart put a plastic grocery bag over his head while his mother was busy looking at the magazine rack. She never even noticed. Someone behind her had to get her attention. It all happened so quickly and I remember having heart palpitations even though it wasn't my child. How long does it take a child to suffocate?
Nope. No plastic bags for me. We've got plenty of other things around this house to play with.
"Mads, please throw the bag in the trash," I say.
"No."
"Did I ask your opinion, missy miss? The rule is no playing with plastic bags. There are plenty of other things to play with. Please throw it away."
She stands there, immobile, clutching the bag as if it was a treasured possession.
"What did I say, young lady?"
Reluctantly, with more than a little purposeful slowness, she shuffles over to the trash can. She looks at me and hesitates as if the fact that she's so damn cute will make me change my mind. She is so damn cute. I could drown in her cuteness, but I'm not changing my mind.
I go back to whatever I'm doing in the kitchen, but I have a sense that something is up. Out of the farthest corner of my eye, I see that she is hiding in the hallway between the kitchen and the front of the house, crouching down behind the trash can. I know exactly what she is up to. She has decided she must have that bag. She thinks I can't see her. I pretend to continue busying myself.
Slowly she moves. Inch by inch. It's like she's in super slo-mo. She's quiet as a mouse as her arm reaches up slyly toward the bag in the trash can. It feels like I'm watching a car crash or the climax of a thriller. I can't believe how patient (and devious) she is, the little imp! After what seems like an eternity, for me and I'd bet for her as well, she reaches the bag with her hand and snatches it silently out of the can.
Anger and instinct take over. I fly around the corner in a flash and for the first time in her life, I smack her on the bottom. More than once. Like I mean it. I want her to know that lying and being sneaky are not okay with me, nor will they ever be. I have this feeling that I must make my stand now. I can't wait until she's 15 to make sure she knows how important this is to me.
She cries tears of shock and heartbreak. I send her immediately to her room.
I can hear her sobbing upstairs and I hate it. That whole cliché that it "hurts me more than it hurts you" may be true. Later I go talk to her about how important it is to tell the truth and to listen to your mother. I tell her that it's not OK that she went behind my back. I love her very much and I always will, but that behavior was not OK.
"OK, mama. I'm sorry, mommy," she says.
The afternoon resumes as normal. We both recover.
Friday morning:
My children are in the family room having breakfast before school.
"Mama, is it my turn to open another door on the Advent calendar tonight?" she asks.
"No. Remember? As part of the punishment for yesterday's behavior, you are going to miss your turn tonight," I say. "You can do it tomorrow night, though. I want you to make good choices, sweets. No lying. It's not okay with Daddy or me if you lie."
Then, without thinking, I throw in "It's not okay with Santa if you lie either." Yes, I know. Probably a little too manipulative with the Santa thing. A step too far. (Don't tell me you haven't done it yourself.)
"But that's not in the song, mama," she says.
What?
"That's not in the song."
And then it hits me. I've been singing "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" to her every night before bedtime since Thanksgiving. She loves that song. She has taken to heart to you shouldn't pout or cry, unless you are hurt of course. Santa never said anything about lying, though. That's not in the contract.
I laugh out loud. How I love her.
Touche, my dear. Touche.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
12-08-2010 @ 11:08AM
Alicia said...I remember the Santa threats and the Easter Bunny threats. They no longer work in my family because at some point when I was seven or eight, my grandma threatened to call Santa and I told her if she had Santa's number, then why did I have to write a letter, therefore, she was lying.
Unfortunately for my family members who have decided to breed, my little cousins are just as clever and just as mouthy and capable of seeing through adult bullsh*t.
Reply
12-08-2010 @ 6:19PM
Michelle said...The Santa threats usually do work for me (I am very guilty of this!),
but kids catch on to Santa sooner or later (usually due to bratty kids at school who know better than to ruin it for others but do it anyway) and they ask lots of questions, so you have to be quick on your feet. I tell my kids that Santa has a phone and email. There are even Santa websites dedicated to keeping the spirit alive. Our local Lions Club makes phone calls to young children (at your request)--"SantaCalling". As a parent you have to just act indifferent, as though Santa does actually exist. We use different wrapping paper for giftsfrom Santa, too. I always tell my kids that in order to receive gifts, you have to believe in Santa (this happens to work for me), andyou have to be kind, do your best, obey your parents, and do good to others. It's really very similar to what the Bible teaches us about Jesus. Even though you can't see it, sometimes you just have to have faith. I believed in Santa until I was 12 and my best friend told me about it. I remember beingcrushed-I really had no idea. Guess I was just a kid who trusted whatmy parents said was true! It's all in good fun. I think most kidsfind out at an early age (7 or 8), that Santa is not for real, but a lot, if not most of them, keep that secret to themselves as to notspoil it for younger siblings and children, and mostly because they, themselves still want the joy of believing. The hardest thing for me is when I tell my daughter the items on her Christmas list are too expensive, and she replies, "That's okay, Mom. Santa can buy it." Now how do I explain that one!!
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12-17-2010 @ 8:42PM
smurphette said...I thought I would be crushed when my oldest girls found out, too. But I broke it to them by way of letting them in on the secret...now, they could "be" Santa, too. Now, they got to help pick out that perfect something that was never going to be expected, and share in the excitement of waiting to see if you got it right, and most of all, keeping the secret.
We also let them purchase gifts for one of the children's charities, and at the time, there was a program where you could choose to answer some Santa letters that got sent in through this program, and they helped me with those.
Don't just let them find out, let them become. It will be the most wonderful disappointment of their lives.
12-09-2010 @ 12:06PM
Jack clark said...Ahh yes, the santa threat... wasnt many years ago (15-20yrs) my parents said "if you're not nice santa wont come." I must say it worked. I even thought I saw santa one christmas eve in the night sky... in retrospect it was only a shooting star. none the less I thought I'd really seen santa flying. And like your children, I, too, would feel disappointment when santa didnt give me what I wanted, what I'd written on my list- mostly due to the expense or the absurdity of the item. For example, I was born and raised in florida but I wanted a snow mobile and I'd found the perfect one in a service merchandise catalogue, wasnt too expensive, certainly the parents could afford it, perhaps Santa knew it never snowed in florida. tsk tsk.. I miss my youth and the feeling of christmas adn the mystery of santa and his reindeer.
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12-14-2010 @ 10:05PM
Carrie said...We actually don't teach our kids about Santa Claus. I wouldn't use this threat even if we did. To threaten your children, in order to get them to behave just kinda shows that you really don't have the respect of your children enough. For a fictional character to have more authority over your child's behavior than you do, would mean that you have none at all.
Reply
12-17-2010 @ 8:39PM
smurphette said...It's too bad you are missing out on a fun tradition. It doesn't have to be about discipline unless you make it that way. My parents used to tell my brother and I that we could tell Santa what we wanted, but he always checked with them, both to see if that was okay with them - like, it wouldn't break any house rules - and to make sure no one else was going to get it for us. We never questioned it, and knowing that Mom could actually veto Santa if we were bad...!
For my own family, some years ago, I was doing some family history research, and found a letter regarding one of several brothers, Claus, in Germany who had joined a monistary. The letter seemed to be some sort of review of Claus by his Cardinal. In part, it said that "...Brother Nicholas is a very Saintly Friar." So, we say to each other, in some languages, 'saint' is 'santa'... 'Saint Nicholas' ....'Santa Claus'! So we can claim to be related to Santa Claus!
Of course, this Nicholas was not THE Saint Nicholas, though this Nicholas did minister to children as well, and I am sure was a very good man. We delight in the story, and in adding a little extra holiday spirit just for him.
12-30-2010 @ 12:53PM
Heres Johnny said...I use Krampus instead. Don't know who Krampus is? Santa's dark partner - google it.
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12-17-2010 @ 8:39PM
smurphette said...I was on the phone with my mother once, my daughter was quite young still, and out of the blue, she asked; "were you talking to Santa?" well, it was December, so I could see how it would be on her mind. Jumping at the situation, I immediately said; "Yes, I was" and I wouldn't say anything else about it. She turned white as a sheet and was a perfect angel for several days, which to a small child is quite a feat. I never made any threats, or used any Santa bribes, all I did was agree to her assumption!
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12-18-2010 @ 2:17PM
Brandy Barnett said...I actually in fun, gave my dog a santa threat last night. A few years ago, when my nieces and nephew were over for a party before Christmas I had to discipline them for something that was mostly the girls' fault. So after I had scolded them and took away the video camera they were misusing, I noticed nephew off to the side crying. I went to ask him what was wrong and he said, "Santa isn't coming because I was bad" I said did you learn a lesson so you won't do it again, He said yes, I said that's all Santa wants, he doesn't expect you to be perfect, just to grow and learn and try to be good which you do.
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12-19-2010 @ 10:26AM
Lynn said...I'm one of those bah humbug people who never had any plans to do the Santa thing...but dad did and my son ate it up hook, line and sinker. So, he spends his time trying to convince me of why Santa is real. It works out better this way...no lie from me, still fun for him.
But I never use the fake dude to get good behavior. I'm selfish like that. I want my child to mind me because he wants to please me and God (I do teach him that God is always watching).
Reply
12-19-2010 @ 9:00PM
Tom said...I never lied to my children about Santa Claus. I made a point to never lie to them about ANYTHING. That is the only way to keep their respect. Always tell the truth. Give no phony threats, but give only the real ones.
If a child defies you and you "promise" punishment, even corporal punishment, you had better deliver. Otherwise your word is mere noise in the wind.
"Don't touch those drugs. They will kill you."
"Well, he/she said that sort of thing about masturbation. I didn't quit, still love it, and still do it. Maybe she's lying again. Nobody wants me to have any fun."
Don't lie to them and give them some lube and some tissues.
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12-19-2010 @ 10:38PM
Pat said...It's better to remind your children that Christmas is not about Santa at all. Santa was invented by merchants, to make you spend your money on a fairy tale to keep your kids happy. Tell your children about the Christ child being born to save the world. Now that's a tradition to build on. It's the same with the Easter bunny. He needs to jump away.
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12-21-2010 @ 8:39AM
JEREMY said...What about that line,"He knows when you've been bad or good..." ?
What the little girl did in this story should fall into that group somewhere,I would think.
Reply