Barbara Walters' Question on 'The View' Gave Me a Pregnant Pause

did it ever occur to you that so many of us would love to stay home, but have to work to actually care for our children??? My husband has been in and out of work for 7 years and I am supporting us and our 3 daughters. Being a working mom actually has shown my daughters that I am a strong, capable, woman who can care for them and myself and that is a great role model. Does it make me sad? Absolutely, but we live with what we were dealt and make the best of it. Do not compare stay at home moms to working moms- studies have actually shown the kids of working moms do better in many areas of their lives. Moms should support one another- we all have a tough, but beautiful job to do.

Oh goodness - motherhood is filled with guilt!...please don't add to it! We should be supporting each other through the difficult choices were something inside of us says, "am I ruining my kid's life?" or "am I bad parent?" Why would you say something like your post just to bring everyone down? Not only is it NOT TRUE! It's wrong (and mean and impolite) to say such things to fellow moms. Who raised you?!

We really ought to be supporters for each other. They say childrearing takes a village... No offense, but I hope you, Kaya, are in some other village ;)

I agree with Maggie W and the others on this. They're speaking sense, as opposed to Kaya and Gangsta.

"My mom worked and I turned out just fine," so says an oblivious poster ironically self-titled as "GANGSTERPIMP." As to Kaya's original post: well said! I am sorry for moms who HAVE to work due to circumstances beyond their control. But as a mom who has made great economic sacrifices to stay and home and raise my kids, I know it can be done. Most of the moms I meet who "have" to work, are usually doing so to pay for a luxury car, a luxury home, luxury vacations, and other non-necessities. I know too many families who scrimp and save, clip coupons, get by with 1 car, forsake expensive lessons and classes for the kids, kids share bedrooms and clothes and toys, no cable TV subscriptions, buy both dry and frozen bulk goods in food coops, and do what needs to be done in order to give their kids the precious gift of a mom who is there, in the home, to provide stability, love, and continuity, all day, each and every day. Sorry, but working moms delude themselves to think that the so-called "Quality Time" that is squeezed into 1-2 hours a day is a substitute for Quantity Time. If anything, most Quality Time parents are parenting from guilt, which is why so many parents are reluctant to discipline their children. Let's quit pretending that MOST working moms aren't making a deliberate choice to put materialism and/or personal satisfaction ahead of their kids needs and wants.

Sharon- Motherhood should NEVER be filled with guilt. Do what is best for your kids, legally, with respect and dignity. Even if you're job is cleaning stalls at Medeival Times...respect and dignity comes from within you. There is always someone worse off than you, and if your children see you show kindness, that is one of the best lessons you can teach. If you live well, and by well I do not mean rich, there should be no guilt. Be a good person. Do unto others....there will be no shame, no guilt.

@Momma- I, quite frankly, think you're an idiot. If that's what is right for your family, fine. My parents both worked and my mom showed me that women could do anything and everything and be so much more than June Cleavers. Women should support each other no matter their life choices because who else will? Certainly not most men, who only seem to care for women as maids, sex toys and people who remove responsibility from them. If a mother is hay staying at home and her family can afford it, great. Good for her. She deserves to be supported. If a mother needs or wants to work for whatever reason, that's great too. It doesn't mean she loves her kids any less and she deserves the same support. My roommate was raised by a SAHM and has the social skills of a rabid raccoon. I went to day care for half a day while m mom worked and have no problem making friends wherever I go. Because m parents worked, I got to experience foods, cultures and new things with them that we never would have afforded had my mom stayed home. It's not like that for every family and ever child of either a SAHM or a working mom, but I never regret my mother working because I never felt unloved and I was certainly never not disciplined when I deserved it.

studies have shown that daycare kids are far more aggressive. Did anyone notice the incidents of bullying has gone up dramatically? I think the kids are acting out because of lack of parenting at home. Oh my did I say something WRONG? Well, its known from my own experience that if both parents work, they aren't there for their kids, emotionally AND physically.
I work full time, I go to school full time. My kids are adults now but I am SO glad that I got to stay home with them when they were small. Kids might achieve more in some cases (of both career parents) but I think those kids would have done so anyway, they may be oriented toward learning/achievement from the start. My experience is that when parents are self-absorbed in their little 'careers' kids suffer badly. My son was almost killed by a "career" woman's bully kid. Maybe if she paid attention to her kids they might not have tried to kill my kid. :/ she is a "professional" woman too.

Finally got time to watch the View and have to say that Barbara Walters' delivery of the question wasn't as acerbic or provactive as it sounded from your post. But still a dumb question in my view - it sort of reminded me of what a great aunt or grandparent or old fashioned judge might say at a dinner party when they run out of other, more interesting things to talk about and all you can do is smile sweetly at them because there's really no good (polite) response...

Didn't care much for your statements about staying out of DC for its values. Lots of good hard working families here, all different vocations (not everyone's a politico), shapes, sizes, religions, races, ethnicities. I get why someone wouldn't want to move here from rural Wisconsin (it's a much higher cost of living for one thing, which I'm sure was the key factor), but if your family values are that susceptible to being eroded by simply living in DC, that doesn't say much about the strength of your convictions.

Anne, I had the exact same thought - she didn't hire her!! Maybe that's why Barbara was so otherwise warm and welcoming in her other comments.

You can have family without having kids. I have cousins and their children fill my life with joy. However, I know that I want to be a travel writer and so far, everything I've done has pushed me towards succeeding in that. Maybe you didn't like what your plans meant for you, but I wouldn't change mine for the world.

Also, you don't know me. Don't tell me I'll change m mind when you know nothing of it. Also, it's incredibly irresponsible to try and push children on someone who doesn't want them. Every day people who shouldn't procreate do and their children end up neglected and abused. I know my personality and, while I love the children in my life, I know I am not cut out for motherhood, so I have decided against becoming a mother. There are plenty of people in the world to pop out poddlings for me, trust me. If you have nine kids, you've already made up for what I would've had.

Also, "epifamy" is actually spelled e-p-i-p-h-a-n-y

Alicia is such a twit.

Godiva is a useless troll with nothing to add to the conversation.