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Is My Daughter's Name Too Confusing?
Filed under: Baby Names
We named our daughter Kennedy for her first name and Devyn for her middle name. We now realize that when just hearing her name, no one knows if she is a boy or girl, because both first and middle names can belong to a girl or a boy. Did we make a mistake? Should we change her name while she is still very young?
- Girl's Mom
- Girl's Mom
You chose two names with a similar style. Most parents do. Our tastes are consistent, and we like the way "matching" names sound together. But as you've discovered, a matching pair can also double up on problem spots like gender confusion.
Does that make your name choice a mistake? That depends on what your goal was when you named your daughter. If your main objective was a fashionable, contemporary name with an androgynous edge, you got it. If your priority was a "can't miss" name that nobody will misspell or misunderstand, then you've gotten a rude wake-up call.
If you do decide that the confusion isn't worth it, the good news is that you only need to change the middle name. That shouldn't ruffle too many feathers. And if you do choose that route, let me make a case for the artful mismatch.
"Mismatched" names have different styles, but they don't have to clash. Like any great pairing, they can and should create a harmonious sound and a pleasing rhythm. Think of it like composing an outfit. Even a woman wearing the menswear trend won't dress head to toe in clothes from the men's department. It's the combination of effects that makes the impact -- the pinstripe suit matched with a statement necklace or a frilly blouse.
Names can work the same way. An androgynous first name can make a jazzy contrast with a ladylike middle name. A traditional middle name can anchor a a whimsical, offbeat first name. Even a plain-jane, conservative first name can suddenly look like a fashion statement when paired with a middle name that shows a bit of sass.
You might also think of a mismatched name as a kind of dress-up box: it gives your child plenty of room to play around with different identities before settling on the one that suits her best. (One woman who used the variety to her advantage: "To Kill a Mockingbird" author Nelle Lee, who wrote under her middle name Harper.) So if you do decide to make a practical-minded switch, you shouldn't have to sacrifice strength or style in the process.
How did you choose middle names? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 8)
12-16-2010 @ 12:09PM
Alicia said...Kennedy Devyn is a middle name and by the time she's old enough to actually understand and be hurt by name confusion, no one will be confused anymore. As for teasing, I have a fairly common name in my area and was still teased. Kids tease. They will alwas tease. Everyone is teased. Besides, unique names are the new "normal" so it'll be the Johns and the Wills and the Marys and the Sarahs who will be teased.
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12-16-2010 @ 6:51PM
Alicia said...*beautiful name
Sorry, I'm a bit out of it today.
12-18-2010 @ 12:35PM
Irish Rose said...It is a beautiful name and I hope that the parents are really not second guessing themselves. I have a short, 5 letter name, very clear that it is a plain name but oh the teasing and nasty things that it became when i was in school, a Catholic school at that. I learned to consider the source and ignore the name calling, ignorance and teasing for the most part. When it did get to me I would grin and come up with a nasty name back but KEPT IT TO MYSELF, the best revenge as there were some that were more bothered by what they did not understand, my grin and by my not showing my Irish and loaading down on them like a ton of bricks.
1-06-2011 @ 1:58PM
sflynn said...Spell it with an i
Kennedi - unmistakenly feminine.
1-14-2011 @ 2:19PM
meg said...I love the name.
My 7yo daughter's name is Jayden, most people assume she's a boy until they see her. It's not a big deal.
12-16-2010 @ 1:05PM
Fran said...They should've thought of this sooner - something like Kennedy Ann or Kennedy Jane would've helped avoid the confusion. But if the child is already here, it seems like it's too late to be changing the name itself. They still could employ a more feminine-sounding nickname like Kenna or Kendra or Kenzie, however.
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12-16-2010 @ 3:15PM
LEB said...I have a gender-neutral name (though the spelling is considered more feminine in the US, as opposed to the UK where the spelling is used for males, as well), and I like it. I'm SO glad my parents didn't give me a cutesy girly name like Daisy or Britney, or a ghastly common name like Ashley or Jennifer.
No one who sees your daughter will have any confusion about whether she's a boy or a girl... and if they do it hardly matters, babies are babies and all pretty much the same. As for situations where she is not present and it's not obvious whether she is male or female (like applying for a job via resume when she's an adult), it's NOT a bad thing to have a gender-neutral name because it will help protect her against the personal biases of whoever is making a decision. Discrimination against women in the workplace is still around, so if people see her qualifications first and not her gender, it may work in her favor.
With my gender-neutral name, I've received letters and phone calls looking for "Mr. So-and-So," and it's a tad annoying, but hardly the end of the world. Little Kennedy will do just fine.
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12-16-2010 @ 6:19PM
Alyssa said...They only figured this out AFTER she was born???
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12-18-2010 @ 12:50PM
Toni said...That was my thought exactly?? Now she's asking if it's too late to change her name?? Really? LOL!!
12-22-2010 @ 3:30PM
Jody said...How thoughtless of you to "lol" because a parent is concerned that her child may be teased. The name generates strength & confidence and I'm sure it was chosen with love.
As to the teacher "cope" I'm thankful for all my many years in the educational system (on faculty & as a parent) that my children never were in your classroom. You are a disgrace to our profession as you sit judging a child by their name. And for the record, there are plenty of children (most often girls) with the name Kennedy.
12-17-2010 @ 2:36PM
DeniseJ said...Back in 1994 I remember reading an article on how names are perceived on college/job applications and chose a "gender nuetral" name for my daughter, Presley Shae. Your daughter's name was chosen and agreed upon between you and your husband for YOUR daughter. I think you should leave it just the way it is. She is not alone!
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12-17-2010 @ 8:39PM
Alicia said...Presley Shae is another beautiful name. I'm so glad we're moving away from traditional gender exclusive names. I absolutely despise my name and wanted so badly to change it to a gender neutral name when I was little, not because it was gender neutral but because I just tend to like them better.
12-18-2010 @ 12:00PM
Natosha said...My best friend went with a gender sensitive name for her son. His name is Cassidy Lyric. It has been really hard on her and her husband because the fathers family fought and fought against the name till the day the baby was born, and when the birth certificate was signed, the fighting got so bad over it, that his family litterally disowned him over him naming his son cassidy. this was a name chosen by both parents! it is so sad that they family says oh he will be picked on, and he will be discriminated for by his name..so the family does the one thing that they said everyone would do. they now want nothing to do with this baby and his parents because of his NAME..exactly what they claimed everyone else would do
12-22-2010 @ 3:32PM
FL said...Sorry, but "Presley Shae" sounds like a trailer trash name, and I doubt it would give anyone an edge when it came to college or job applications.
12-22-2010 @ 9:35PM
j said...While I agree that Presley Shae is a beautiful name, I disagree that it is gender neutral. The Shae makes it very feminine. I also disagree that it is a trailer trash name. If I had seen this when I was looking for new hires, I would have thought it was a "princess" name -- as in, someone of today's Entitlement Generation who expected everything to be handed to her, and not needing to work hard at anything in her life.
Of course, if the resume is outstanding and she has good references, that's all that matters.
12-17-2010 @ 5:41PM
anonymous said...Yes duh, you gave her two boy names. Imagine she starts dating and her boyfriend starts telling his guy friends that he is dating Kennedy? Think about. Also would parents name their sons Jessica, Brittany, Tiffany, Bianca etc? Kennedy or Devyn isn't a unisex name and if it is eww.
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12-18-2010 @ 9:43PM
CHL said...Kennedy is actually more popular for girls right now - I know about 4 or 5 Kennedys who are girls and no boys. Also, Devyn/Devin/Deven/etc is just as much a girls name as it is a boy. Usually the spelling indicates whether it is a boy or a girl. And no, boys will probably not be named Jessica, Brittany, Bianca etc because those are NOT uni-sex names. That doesn't really help your argument there. Lastly, God forbid you ever come across someone with an "eww" name, cause we know how you're going to act. You'll probably end up pissing them off, but at least they'll be better off not having you as a friend in the long run. No one needs a bully.
12-18-2010 @ 12:52PM
Jennifer said...Wow! How sexist as you sign YOUR name "anonymous" SMH
12-18-2010 @ 6:43AM
Shawn said...I am over 40 and have a gender neutral name~ Shawn Lee. It has been confusing at times but considering the alternate name~ Belinda~ I am really happy my parents chose this one! My twins have neutral names also~ Sage is a boy and Skye is a girl. I think your name is very pretty and wouldn't change a thing. In a world where Katies have to go by their last initials to tell them apart in school you are making her stand apart.
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12-22-2010 @ 3:32PM
FL said...Sage and Skye....are your children elves?