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'Shiny Knife' and Other Carols of the Season
Filed under: Holidays
Sometimes, you just gotta sing to stay sane. A few carols to get you started!
SCHADENFREUDE IS COMING TO TOWN (TO "SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN")
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better get out the vodka, here's why:
Christmas cards are coming to town.
If you're on their list
It's there in the mail
You're gonna find out who got into Yale
Christmas cards are coming to town
They show whole families grinning
They're surfing in Cancun
The youngest one just got straight 'A's and she starred in Brigadoon!
Oh! You better watch out
From under your bed
You better get out your shredder and shred
Christmas cards are coming to town.
SHINY KNIFE (TO "SILENT NIGHT")
Shiny knife, very sharp knife
Watch it, kid! Save your life
Here let mom cut your din-din for you
Don't say, "Mom, please, I'm 32."
I will cut you a piece! Mommy will cut you a piece.
HERE WE COME A SNIFFLING (TO "HEAR WE COME A-WASSAILING")
Here we come a-sniffling among the Kleenex green
Here we come a-hackin' up a homemade lima bean!
Snot and goo come to you
Because we are in Grade Two
And "God bless you" and, "Cover up your mouth" is all we hear
And we sniffle for five months of the year.
SINGLE MOMS ROCK (TO "JINGLE BELL ROCK")
Single mom, single mom, single moms rock
Single moms yell and carry Purell
Ranting and panting and shouting, "Let's go!"
Now the single mom's running the show.
Single mom, single mom, single moms rock
Single moms sleep just three hours a week
Running and gunning the kids to lacrosse
While she's trying to floss.
In the night time, that's the right time
To do another load
Then make lunches and do crunches
Till it's time for some Rocky Road.
Wake 'em up, grab a pack, drive 'em to school
Kiss 'em and off they go!
Sometimes it's draining but who is complaining?
That's the single mom
"I gotta tinkle, mom!"
That's why single moms rock!
SCHADENFREUDE IS COMING TO TOWN (TO "SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN")
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better get out the vodka, here's why:
Christmas cards are coming to town.
If you're on their list
It's there in the mail
You're gonna find out who got into Yale
Christmas cards are coming to town
They show whole families grinning
They're surfing in Cancun
The youngest one just got straight 'A's and she starred in Brigadoon!
Oh! You better watch out
From under your bed
You better get out your shredder and shred
Christmas cards are coming to town.
SHINY KNIFE (TO "SILENT NIGHT")
Shiny knife, very sharp knife
Watch it, kid! Save your life
Here let mom cut your din-din for you
Don't say, "Mom, please, I'm 32."
I will cut you a piece! Mommy will cut you a piece.
HERE WE COME A SNIFFLING (TO "HEAR WE COME A-WASSAILING")
Here we come a-sniffling among the Kleenex green
Here we come a-hackin' up a homemade lima bean!
Snot and goo come to you
Because we are in Grade Two
And "God bless you" and, "Cover up your mouth" is all we hear
And we sniffle for five months of the year.
SINGLE MOMS ROCK (TO "JINGLE BELL ROCK")
Single mom, single mom, single moms rock
Single moms yell and carry Purell
Ranting and panting and shouting, "Let's go!"
Now the single mom's running the show.
Single mom, single mom, single moms rock
Single moms sleep just three hours a week
Running and gunning the kids to lacrosse
While she's trying to floss.
In the night time, that's the right time
To do another load
Then make lunches and do crunches
Till it's time for some Rocky Road.
Wake 'em up, grab a pack, drive 'em to school
Kiss 'em and off they go!
Sometimes it's draining but who is complaining?
That's the single mom
"I gotta tinkle, mom!"
That's why single moms rock!
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
12-22-2010 @ 12:45PM
Michelle said...These songs are pretty stupid. I don't know why you call your blog free-range parenting, when it's more like anti-parenting. A couple of times I have clicked on your blog hoping to find a little parenting humor, but each time I have been disappointed in your over-reaching, contrarian style.
Reply
12-22-2010 @ 8:07PM
molliek said...Brain cells roasting from an iphone 4,
Jacked-up sugar-coated high,
Yuletide nightmare of indulgence and greed
WIth little thought or wonder why
Everybody knows
The meaning of this holiday
Is just to make the season's jing
TIny tots with their long lists of wants
For every kind of useless thing
They know that Santa's on his way
He's loaded lots of plastic gadgets on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna cry
When all those gadgets self-destruct before their eyes
And so I'm offering this simple thought
To folks who buy what they can't use
Although it's been said many times, many ways...
Save your money
Save your money
Save your money... please do.
Reply