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When Relatives Give Your Child a Gift You Don't Allow, Things Can Get Awkward!
Filed under: Relatives, Holidays
When my son was about 8 years old, one of his relatives gave him an Eminem CD. Having seen how intrigued my boy had been by the rapper's music when he had heard it at his house, Uncle X thought he'd found the perfect gift for his nephew. It was a very uncle-y thing to do, and my son was thrilled. I was not.
Don't get me wrong. I love music -- every kind, flavor and genre. Truth be told, I even liked Eminem. Apart from his highly offensive lyrics, I thought he was a very talented young man.
I also felt that the words to his songs and the dark undertone of his music were completely inappropriate for an 8-year-old. As you may have guessed, this led to some problems. I took the CD away, my son was furious, and I had to decide whether or not to mention it to his uncle, and, if so, how to broach the subject without offending him.
'Tis the season. The season to shop, decorate and open presents, some of which you do not want your children to have. Chances are, the gift you don't want your youngster to open is the very one he'll be so excited to receive that you'll have to pry it out of his grubby little hands while he clutches it for dear life, possibly while kicking and screaming.
To make matters worse, because of that ear-to-ear grin on your child's face when he opens the unacceptable gift, the relative who gave it may feel obligated to wage war on your child's behalf.
And so the drama begins, with you being accused of being "the meanest mom in the world" or an uptight parent who doesn't want your darling to have a little bit of fun. Meanwhile, the goodwill of gift-giving flies out the window.
Brace yourselves, parents. Be strong. Your relatives may be well-meaning, but if you're confident that they've given your child something entirely inappropriate, you have to take a stand. You can allow your child to enjoy the gift until Aunt So-and-So leaves, and then gently tell him he'll have to exchange it for something else. Or you can let Auntie know right away that you so appreciate the gift -- your child has been longing for that very item -- but that unfortunately it's beyond his age range or inconsistent with your values.
Either way, the clearer you are, the less you'll get looped into a power struggle or battle. Acknowledge your child's upset -- and Auntie or Uncle's disbelief -- without launching a major offensive. Be gracious and grateful, and most of all, don't blame your relative for deliberately giving something they "knew" your child couldn't have (even if you suspect they were aware of your views about the gifted item.) Offer your thanks, and let your child know that he can exchange it for something else.
Finally, if the gift is something you'd rather your child not have, but isn't that big a deal, let him keep it. You may not want your son to have that Super-Duper Commando Squirt gun, or a Cutesy Girl makeup kit, but if it isn't awful, let your child keep the gift -- with whatever restrictions you feel to be necessary. (He loses the squirter if it gets taken inside, or the makeup cannot be worn outside the house.)
Have fun, make merry and enjoy the holidays!
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 2)
12-22-2010 @ 8:22AM
Coop said...I can assure you if someone gives my son a Cutesy Girl makeup kit, the gift is going back!
Reply
12-23-2010 @ 1:57AM
Jennifer said...I say wait until the aunt, uncle or whoever leaves, then explain to your child why they cannot have the toy and they can exchange it for something more appropriate. I wouldn't mention it to the person who gave the gift, unless they make it a habit of giving inappropriate gifts.
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12-25-2010 @ 7:54AM
Bill said...I think that you SHOULD tell the giver --- even if it's one of your in-laws (which is why they might've done it in the FIRST place). Come on, you know that's a reason.
12-25-2010 @ 7:43AM
Gc said...I have the opposite problem. My son and his wife give their kids gifts that are totally inappropriate for their age. They see nothing wrong with giving violence and profanity ladden DVDs/CDs to kids under the age of 10. Then they get angry when the kids use the profanity themselves. Well, what did they expect? I'm considered an old fuddy-dud. It's a totally lose-lose situation.
Reply
12-25-2010 @ 8:09AM
John F.C. Taylor said...Well, you started off wrong with this article. Rap is NOT music. For it to be music, you've got to have someone singing by themselves or singing along along with instrumental background. As for inappropriate gifts, just don't let the kid have it. Tell the relative - nive try, but it's not for him/her. There's a big difference too between inappropriate and bad gifts. Bad gifts probably would not hurt the kid, but it's something the parents don't want to deal with.
Reply
12-25-2010 @ 10:46PM
Andi said...Where did you get your definition from? And does classical music fall into that definition you just gave. I think rap is just OK, but your logic is VERY flawed. A proper definition instead of the made up one you just presented: "an art of sound in time that expresses ideas and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony, and color."
12-25-2010 @ 8:11AM
Judy said...We do not approve nor allow any rap crap hip hop saggy pants sideways idiot cap hand slinging crouched over noise to be givin to our children as a present anytime.
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12-25-2010 @ 9:13AM
Harry Hurt said...Gc, just hang right in there and be a fuddy-dud. If you let your kids give their kids inappropriate entertainment, the youngsters will grow up to have poor values, immoral persuasions, and will end up voting democrat. Nip it in the bud while there is still time.
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12-25-2010 @ 1:08PM
Bill said...Obama IS a citizen. Get over it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12-25-2010 @ 9:21AM
Harry Hurt said...Gee, Rebecca, it sure is nice to hear about your penny auction site. Sure is a welcome change from the subject of the article. When people click on the article, expecting to read about the subject, they get a nice thrill when reading your comment. BARF!
Reply
12-25-2010 @ 9:30AM
Judy said...None of our relatives or friends that give gifts are stupid low lifes that would even think of giving a gift of ignorant Rap Crap Hip Hop saggy pants sideways idiot cap noise. We hear that mess too much when one of those hand slinging crack heads pulls up beside us at red lights. If our child got that we would throw it into the garbage and toss out that person with a severe scolding. God Bless America.
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12-25-2010 @ 10:23AM
Andi said...You do know that the ONLY reason rap sells as much as it does is because of Urban/Suburban Anglo Saxon children supporting the artist and giving them air time on the radio. PLEASE do your research before showing your ignorance.
12-25-2010 @ 9:52AM
Chief said...I let everyone know in advance what is not appropriate nor wanted as a gift. And if they think they are going to be "FUnny" and give it anyway; be expected for it to come back 4 fold. Have NEVER gotten anything we gave back.
Reply
12-25-2010 @ 10:12AM
Chief said...You are absolutely correct in that deduction, RAP is not music. It is nothing more than rime with a voice. Do you happen to notice that not one rapper can read, write music or put note to paper nor play any musical instrument. Rap also had it's poorest year in sales. So to be gone fad; not soon enough.
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12-25-2010 @ 10:55AM
SNMP said...Many rap artists are intelligent and they can read. They also probably know more about music than you do. I consider rap artists to be modern day poets, and some of what they write (if you would bother to listen) is excellent. And I AM an old fuddy-duddy (I'll be 60 next month). What you say above can be said for country artists. Their music is laden with double negatives, incorrect grammar and badly chosen rhymes, although I don't mind listening to it. My grandfather was a concert violinist. He bought me my first Rolling Stones album when my parents would not. He even listened to it with me. His opinion of music was, "If someone enjoys it, then, it's good music."
12-25-2010 @ 1:32PM
Connie said...What. An. Idiot you are. The sad thing is, you probably literally believe everything you just posted. Many rap artists play multiple instruments, are geniuses with running sophisticated recording soundboards, and pioneer processes that advance musical genres and the technologies that drive them. Methinks your primary issue is that these artists are often millionaires, while you---well, you apparently have little going on in your own life, hence your thinly veiled jealousy of the successes of others. Poor Christmas spirit there, love.
12-26-2010 @ 4:58PM
Alicia said...How is rap different from spoken word poetry or performance? Yes, many popular rap artists have controversial lyrics and songs that are empty of meaning, but many independent artists have songs that are politically and socially charged and are meant to try and change the world and show the flaws of this country and the society we live in through rhyme and beat.
I find it amusing that you trash the literacy and intelligence of rap artists while spelling rhyme "rime."
12-25-2010 @ 10:04AM
Charles said...BE a parent ... if someone gives your child a gift that you find to be inappropriate ... TAKE IT AWAY from your child. By all means tell the person who gave the gift what you have done and tell them why! You may not be too popular with your child or the person who gave the inappropriate gift ... but as a parent it is your responsibility to see to it your child is raised with decent morals ... unless YOU don't have any of your own.
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12-25-2010 @ 11:22AM
Nancy W said...I used to be on the opposite side of the fence - no matter what I gave my neice and nephews, my brother's wife would consider it inappropriate and return it. I finally realized she just wanted the cash refund, so I started giving them Toys R Us gift certificates, because those have to be used at the store, and they give you a store credit for the unused portion. Sure enough, she asked me not to give them gift certificates to that store because they had to get toys with them - heaven forbid, a child getting a toy from an auntie! I just gave her a big pppfffffft and ignored her. Yes, I realize they needed pajamas, socks, underwear, whatever, but, that's their parents job to buy them that stuff, but they weren't poor, and I wasn't about to supply her with the cash to do it.
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12-25-2010 @ 11:59AM
Richard White said...This sounds more anal retentive parents who have their own issues that have nothing to do with the gift.
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