Hot on HuffPost Parents:
Child Limit Imposed On Muslims In Parts Of Myanmar
PHOTO: Virgin Mary Figure Appears With Child Battling Leukemia
When Relatives Give Your Child a Gift You Don't Allow, Things Can Get Awkward!
Filed under: Relatives, Holidays
When my son was about 8 years old, one of his relatives gave him an Eminem CD. Having seen how intrigued my boy had been by the rapper's music when he had heard it at his house, Uncle X thought he'd found the perfect gift for his nephew. It was a very uncle-y thing to do, and my son was thrilled. I was not.
Don't get me wrong. I love music -- every kind, flavor and genre. Truth be told, I even liked Eminem. Apart from his highly offensive lyrics, I thought he was a very talented young man.
I also felt that the words to his songs and the dark undertone of his music were completely inappropriate for an 8-year-old. As you may have guessed, this led to some problems. I took the CD away, my son was furious, and I had to decide whether or not to mention it to his uncle, and, if so, how to broach the subject without offending him.
'Tis the season. The season to shop, decorate and open presents, some of which you do not want your children to have. Chances are, the gift you don't want your youngster to open is the very one he'll be so excited to receive that you'll have to pry it out of his grubby little hands while he clutches it for dear life, possibly while kicking and screaming.
To make matters worse, because of that ear-to-ear grin on your child's face when he opens the unacceptable gift, the relative who gave it may feel obligated to wage war on your child's behalf.
And so the drama begins, with you being accused of being "the meanest mom in the world" or an uptight parent who doesn't want your darling to have a little bit of fun. Meanwhile, the goodwill of gift-giving flies out the window.
Brace yourselves, parents. Be strong. Your relatives may be well-meaning, but if you're confident that they've given your child something entirely inappropriate, you have to take a stand. You can allow your child to enjoy the gift until Aunt So-and-So leaves, and then gently tell him he'll have to exchange it for something else. Or you can let Auntie know right away that you so appreciate the gift -- your child has been longing for that very item -- but that unfortunately it's beyond his age range or inconsistent with your values.
Either way, the clearer you are, the less you'll get looped into a power struggle or battle. Acknowledge your child's upset -- and Auntie or Uncle's disbelief -- without launching a major offensive. Be gracious and grateful, and most of all, don't blame your relative for deliberately giving something they "knew" your child couldn't have (even if you suspect they were aware of your views about the gifted item.) Offer your thanks, and let your child know that he can exchange it for something else.
Finally, if the gift is something you'd rather your child not have, but isn't that big a deal, let him keep it. You may not want your son to have that Super-Duper Commando Squirt gun, or a Cutesy Girl makeup kit, but if it isn't awful, let your child keep the gift -- with whatever restrictions you feel to be necessary. (He loses the squirter if it gets taken inside, or the makeup cannot be worn outside the house.)
Have fun, make merry and enjoy the holidays!
Your<span>Voice</span>
Ask Us Anything About Parenting
TheTalkies:RelatedVideos
-
What To Avoid When Choosing Gifts For Friends Or Relatives
Nancy R. Mitchell gives us some protocol and etiquette advice on gift giving, such as what should you avoid when selecting gifts for friends or relatives
-
Prepare and Freeze Holiday Dishes Ahead of Time, from Ellie Krieger
Between visits with the relatives, the kids, and gift-giving, cooking for the holidays can seem like an overwhelming task on top of everything else. Ellie Krieger, nutritionist and host of The Cooking Channel's "Healthy Appetite", gives us some quick tips on how to prepare and freeze holiday dishes ahead of time. Part of the series Mondays with Marlo on MarloThomas.com.
-
How to Know If Your Child Is Doing Math at Grade Level
Here are a few tips to help you know how well your child is performing relative to their peers.
-
Former PRP Fire Captain Arrested on Child Porn Charges
Police said they found sexually explicit images of children on the former firefighter's computer, and that a relative first found them.
SitesWeLove
- Site Map
- |
- Staff
- |
- Terms of Service
- |
- Privacy Policy
- |
- Trademarks
- |
- Advertise With Us
- |
- About Our Ads
- |
- AOL Downloads
- |
- Contact Us
- |
© Copyright 2012 AOL Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Aol Family
ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
12-25-2010 @ 12:12PM
rhiannon said...My sons were raised to know the diferences between what they deem appropriate and what I as a parent feel. I never had an issue with their music choices.However my problems were weapon related.They each went through the GI Joe and weapons stages,which lasted maybe a year a piece. They understood my wall against weapons as I was deafened by one as a child. They both knew that and have gone on to raise their children with that same belief structure. We had a very open communication which I feel helped them both.They knew they could openly discuss anything they wanted to with me. I raised them as a single parent [ well sorta my husband chose to not be a part of their lives,though he was present in the home.] The fact I raised within the military was a plus as they both knew there was that form of discipline within the house. I must have done something right along the way as they are both in uniform and serving where-ever they are needed. I will tease them and say..' well my boots are being filled and tracing steps of old while making steps in new countries..'
Reply
12-25-2010 @ 12:53PM
Christopher Hacke said...Anyone who doesn't recognize Eminem as unsuitable for anyone below the age of forty or just paroled from rehab should not be selecting presents for 8-year olds.
Reply
12-25-2010 @ 1:01PM
MarKeane444 said...One time, I gave a small present to unwrap and money, thinking that the mother can buy the child a toy he truly wanted. Well, the money was quickly deposited in a bank account and it looked as if all I gave was a small gift. I will never make that mistake again.
Reply
12-25-2010 @ 2:08PM
Eileen said...Basically my opinion for what is it worth is one should NEVER look a gift horse in the mouth. Uncle X thought he was doing a good thing. If you allowed your son to listen to rap music, he assumed that one is like another. I would not know one from the other and possible Uncle X didn't either. You left yourself open for your son's gift by allowing him to listen to that genre in the first place. So shape up Dad....
Reply
12-25-2010 @ 11:55PM
MercSolo said...I'm sure all the people so vehemently against rap music in these comments are not only non-racist, but also "have many black friends" as well.
[/sarcasm]
Reply
12-29-2010 @ 11:53PM
gina said...i have to agree with what jillian said...he is a moron ,unless he doesnt have a t.v, radio, computer etc.lol. if you are realy afraid to offend then let him listen to it once or twice and then oops, where did it go. must be somewhere( throw it out)
Reply
1-05-2011 @ 5:36PM
Principal Silverstein said...As a principal, I do believe I am a strict parent. But, I think Eminem is wildly popular and a good influence on young minds. My 7 year old daughter, Willow, and my 23 year old son, Jerry, love his music and are deeply moved and inspired by it. Eminem went through a tragic past; he was abused by his parents. I think my children can learn from this and become better and stronger people. For people that think Eminem is inappropriate, they are completely wrong and should listen to his music. A CD from his lovely self is a great gift for a child ages 5-100. That parent is stupid, and should not return the greatest gift of all time. Don't you dare tell the Uncle, him and I will be insulted that you would do such a thing. You are insensitive to people's feelings and should be ashamed of yourself. Eminem is inspiring and is a great tool for young minds.
Reply
1-25-2011 @ 1:35PM
Carrie said...Dont get rid of the offensive gift. Just put it away for when your son is a bit older.
Reply