'Princess Boy,' 5, Loves Wearing Dresses, Inspires Mom to Publish Anti-Bullying Book
Filed under: In The News, Bullying
"I look at myself in the mirror lately and I see this guy -- in earrings, pillbox hat, veil, maybe a little choker of pearls -- and I ask myself, 'Would a sane man dress like this?'"
-Cpl. Klinger, "MASH"
In the Army, dressing like a Disney princess might help you get a Section 8 discharge as a head case, but Cheryl Kilodavis is a lot less touchy about such things than the military. Her 5-year-old son dolls himself up in pretty pink dresses all the time.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
In fact, Kilodavis has put together an entire picture book, "My Princess Boy," about how there's nothing wrong with that.
Some 12 years from now, will Dyson, her son, want that book trotted out and shown to his prom date or the guys on the football team? On the website for her book, Kilodavis says she hopes for a better world by then.
She writes that the book "is designed to start and continue a dialog about unconditional friendship and teaches children -- and adults -- how to accept and support children for who they are and how they wish to look."
At first, Dean and Cheryl Kilodavis were uncertain they should let their son sashay about looking like the Sugarplum Fairy. Cheryl Kilodavis tells the Today Show she told her son to knock it off -- in a kind, motherly way.
She explained that boys cannot be princesses.
Her older son, 8-year-old Dkobe, changed her mind.
"Dkobe said to me, 'Why can't you just let him be happy, Mom?' I realized at that moment that this was my issue, not his, and not Dyson's nor Dean's," she tells Today. "After taking a second to do some self-searching, I realized I had years of preconceived notions from my childhood, spiritually and culturally. After journaling, I printed a prototype of my book at a local copy center and used it as a tool to share my feelings. It explained how exclusion hurts and how even a basic level of acceptance can really change lives."
Of course, mothers have a reputation -- perhaps even a stereotype -- of indulging their children's eccentricities. What about Dean Kilodavis? How does he feel about all this?
He thinks it's pretty cool, actually.
"It's not contagious," he tells Today. "He's just like any other kid. He plays checkers, he plays in the trees. He just likes to do it in a dress. Big deal."
It might be a big deal to a bully looking for faces to rearrange. But Cheryl Kilodavis tells the network you can't stop bullies by sacrificing who you are.
"I understand that we all want life to be easy for our children," she tells the network. "I want that, too. But I don't think bullying will stop if my son wears traditional boy clothes. We need a wake-up call. America needs one. The world needs one. We need to start asking ourselves why we are condemning people and things just because they are different and make us feel uncomfortable."
It is the bullies that need to be stopped, she says, not their victims.
"Bullying is taking lives. It is unacceptable. Period," she tells Today. "We must stop standing by while others are being harmed for expressing themselves. Our children are teaching us how to accept them every day. We all want our children to live in a world where they can express themselves without harming anyone else or being harmed."
What does Dyson say about all this?
"I'm a princess boy and I love wearing dresses and I love the colors of pink and red," he tells Today.











ReaderComments (Page 2 of 42)
1-03-2011 @ 8:23PM
ii2shayii said...Here's a scripture that talks about raising children: Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." This boy's going to grow up as a homosexual and he's going to get teased about it and his parents are to blame for it. I seen their family on a talk show talking about this boy is expressing his feelings...What five year old boy wears little girl clothes to express his feelings? The mother, herself, actually buys little girl clothes for her boy to try on, like where's the father figure in this situation. No real man will allow their son to put on girl clothes talking about he's expressing his true feelings. That's crazy. The father of this boy is feminine himself. Just watch the talk show. The mother tells everyone it's about acceptance. Right there should show you that it's not about how the boy feels, it's about accepting gays in this society. Many people oppose it and some are for it, but that's what this whole story is about; accepting homosexuals. Here's a scripture about homosexuality: "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them" (Leviticus 20:13).
1-04-2011 @ 6:14AM
Brian said...I caught my daughter having sex at the age of 13 with her boyfriend in our house. Of course i was furious but than my wife said, "Why don't you just let her be happy?" I knew she was right. So now we let my daughter have sex whenever she wants. She says she loves being a "Slut Princess" for all the boys. And she really likes sex! I feel like a good parent because instead of helping her make good decisions im gonna let her ruin her life but at least she'll be happy! Cheer's everyone! Hope she gets knocked up soon so she can be even happier! Maybe i'll write a book about being a kid's friend instead of their parents, thats the way it should be!! Oh yeah, we let her drink and smoke pot to because it makes her happy!
1-04-2011 @ 8:35AM
Beverly said...Children are multi faceted, they change their taste and choices many times in different stages of children all through and into adulthood. The only problem that would be wrong in the way his parents would affect him would be if they limited their suggestions to him for variety and all dressing opportunities and lifestyles. Too much emphasis on any one choice could cause him to be insensitive to others who dont want to be like him. Their needs to be balance and not forced thinking. I hated olives as a child, but I was offered them at every meal, never forced to eat them, now as an adult I love olives and eat them regularly.
1-04-2011 @ 8:50AM
Sue said...I have a 7 yr old girl and a 6 yr old boy and my boy does not want to wear his sisters clothes of play with her dolls he plays with cars, trucks and motorcycles. And she is a total girly girl.
1-04-2011 @ 9:54AM
Cindy said...I have a 6 year old grandaughter who likes to dress like a boy. She wore dresses until she was old enough to voice her own wants and wishes. Then she wanted to dress like a boy right down to the shoes... The only thing she wears that is a girls in her panties. And she really doesn't want to wear those.She has been doing this for 2 years now and I don't know if she will grow out of it or not. But she is healthy & happy and knows she is a girl. I love her and take her just the way she is. She knows everyone is not the same and she is more than okay with it.
1-04-2011 @ 3:20PM
JJJJ said...I had five older sisters and as a little boy, my dad saw them "playing dress up" with me. He told them that it was not appropriate and potentially harmful to my identiy as a growing boy. I don't even remember that it happened but, as a grown-up, I'm glad that my father intervened on my behalf.
1-05-2011 @ 2:27AM
Kristin Land said...Another hero!!! Good parenting! My son too loved dresses, mermaids, pink, princesses and girls...he's 16 today and awesome!!! Read the article about him if you wish...best of luck to your son and family!! Sonoma, CA
www.pressdemocrat.com/article/20101121/ARTICLES/101129938
1-05-2011 @ 2:50AM
Kristin said...Great great parents!!! How wonderful to let YOUR child be who he or she is at 1, 2 or 16. We are all gods children and god intended us to be who we are exactly where we are. Kids will grow out of toys, but not out of being who they are inside. Some of you need to seriously think about the difference. Who cares if he likes pink dresses? I truly think if parents ALL taught kindness instead of sexual orientation stereotypes when kids were young and truly let them choose without any swaying - many boys would choose to wear dresses and girls would choose to climb trees...it's fun!!! Why wouldn't you do something you thought was fun? It's the parents who need to let the judging go and look into the eyes of their beautiful children and let them be who they are. Let them do what they are good at and support it. Teach your kids kindness, it will multiply. Sonoma, CA
1-06-2011 @ 9:41AM
Amath said...I agree. And if he doesn't grow out of it, who cares. Everyone in this world needs to practice the age old saying MYOB. We definitely need to be less worried about how a five year old is dressing and more worried about what we put into this world as individuals. We can only be responsible for ourselves. Cmon world! Rise above it and be better than that! The mom is actually sending an amazing message. And let's be real, the whole bible nonsense, well unfortunately that's all it is. Nonsense. Let's write a new book, claim it to be gods word, and spread a little more happiness and acceptance and truly live out a righteous life.
1-03-2011 @ 2:29PM
Ms. Martin said...I think it's a beautiful thing. We should see our kids for who they are and not what we want them to be. Or whom society says they should be. Let him live and be happy, you only have your childhood once. Bless him for having a mother who understands and is accepting of him now and forever. God Bless your family now and always. You are a true warrior and we need more moms like you in this crazy world we live in.
Reply
1-03-2011 @ 2:46PM
Howard said...This story reminds me of "William's Doll" from "Free to Be You and Me":
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lshobg1Wt2M
1-03-2011 @ 2:47PM
jeff said..."You are a true warrior and we need more moms like you in this crazy world we live in."
Warrior? why is it always a war? what they do in their own family is their business, and from the article they haven't hurt anyone. so why are you taking up their cause?
you talk about crazy? you're the crazy one Ms. Martin!
1-03-2011 @ 6:00PM
shell said...I agree with you. I loved to use boys cloths and play boys game as a child my mother hated that and was on my case on a daily basis and I didn't turn out to be lesbian, I also have a 3 year old that loves everything that is pink, he loves to wear his big sister's pink boots. So what's the big deal let them be and let express themselves. The only ones that see it as taboo are those that are not happy with themselves.
1-03-2011 @ 7:00PM
JAMIE said...you are wrong........this is wrong........sick sick sick
1-03-2011 @ 7:25PM
zoid20 said...I've taught high school going on 30 years, and what they're doing to this kid, I can see the future now - 7 periods a day, 7 beatings a day, and let's not forget the out-of-school torment. Mom and Dad- don't expect everybody, including his peers, to be as accepting as you are. Just giving you a heads up.
1-03-2011 @ 9:58PM
JaimeJ said...We should RECOGNIZE our children for who they are and then teach them the tools they need to develop the good and restrain the not so good. Since when did we stop TEACHING and MOLDING our young ones, and just ACCEPT them? HUMANS are works in progress. As soon as you just ACCEPT and ALLOW you stunt growth. We need to RECOGNIZE and DEVELOP. "Self" restraint and a bit of "self" sacrifice. Our world is so "self" absorbed. To much "self indulgence"!
1-03-2011 @ 2:14PM
EDUARDO said...SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO SAVE KIDS ( AND ADULTS ) FROM THEMSELVES.
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1-03-2011 @ 2:45PM
lajanice said...what are you saving him from? Himself? You'd rather make him fit a mold that doesn't fit? Doesn't sound like a good deal for him.
1-03-2011 @ 3:23PM
Boetica said...I TOTALLY agree, Eduardo. This is ridiculous. This child needs some serious psychological help, and so do his parents.
1-03-2011 @ 3:19PM
Janet Kaliku said...Parents, remember children are emulators. Your children are like trees, if you want the tree to be bent or straighten, you bent and mold it in the direction needed from the beginning of growth. The outcome of a good meal is the result of good effort and necessary ingredient added to it. In other words, your planted seeds only give you what you sow. There is nothing wrong with self expression; however, do explain to your children the meaning, differences, outcome, consequences, and then let them decide on their own. Ignoring behavior without explaining and directing it properly, is dangerous and can backfire both ways. Guidance is needed before you turn your children loose to our cold world and to our unforgiving society. Ha! You forget, they eventually leave your safety nets. Love and teach your children correctly, it is how you empowered them and ensured that they have acquired the necessary survivor tools from your nurturing.