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Is Your Child Going Outside in the Snow? The Advice Every Parent Must Read!
Filed under: Activities: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Activities: Big Kids, Activities: Tweens, Activities: Teens
Brrr! It's a snowy day and you know what that means: Snow advice! From the "experts!" Advice-givers who can turn any childhood activity into a disaster waiting to happen. Or, of course, an educational bonanza. Or both!
For God's sake, do not send your kids out into the deadly white powder until you consider these life-saving, grade-boosting, treat-you-like-a-total-moron tips!
1. Before your children leave the house, make sure they are wearing something on their feet. Best bet: Boots!
2. Kids love snow and may try to eat it. That's fine -- if first they come inside and let you inspect the snow they are considering eating. Microwave it on high for five minutes to kill any dangerous bacteria and then, enjoy! Note: This goes double for icicles.
3. Some children may try to form the snow into a small sphere. This is ideal for developing fine motor skills, but can turn deadly if they child attempts to project the ball. Nip this danger in the bud by simply following your kids around all day and taking away any ball small enough to poke out an eye, or large enough to bruise a kidney. Hint: Use a toilet paper tube to see if the ball is too big. Or small.
4. Large spheres of snow can be balanced atop one another to form a "snow person." (Try to avoid the phrase "snow man," because little girls are people, too!) Making a snow person can foster a sense of accomplishment, which fosters self-esteem, which has been shown to foster better test scores. That is, until the day the snow person disappears. Can your child accept this kind of loss? No way! Make the rule and stick to it: "No snow persons." A better idea: Suggest building a "snow lump" instead, as it will be less traumatic when the "snow lump" melts.
5. Sledding? Just make sure the kids are wearing helmets, knee pads, mouth guards, goggles, lip balm, hand warmers, long underwear and a non-stocking cap, as long caps can get tangled in the razor-sharp blades of the sled, which could then slide over your child's throat. Ouchie! Safety first: It's also not a bad idea to mount a video camera at the back of the sled for when your child is backing up.
6. Have you ever told your kids about the time you made your own igloo? Tip: Don't.
7. Remind the children of their No. 1 job: Have fun! When they come back inside 3-4 minutes later, warm them up with hot cocoa. Good idea: To avoid mouth trauma, instead of a marshmallow, use an ice cube!
For God's sake, do not send your kids out into the deadly white powder until you consider these life-saving, grade-boosting, treat-you-like-a-total-moron tips!
1. Before your children leave the house, make sure they are wearing something on their feet. Best bet: Boots!
2. Kids love snow and may try to eat it. That's fine -- if first they come inside and let you inspect the snow they are considering eating. Microwave it on high for five minutes to kill any dangerous bacteria and then, enjoy! Note: This goes double for icicles.
3. Some children may try to form the snow into a small sphere. This is ideal for developing fine motor skills, but can turn deadly if they child attempts to project the ball. Nip this danger in the bud by simply following your kids around all day and taking away any ball small enough to poke out an eye, or large enough to bruise a kidney. Hint: Use a toilet paper tube to see if the ball is too big. Or small.
4. Large spheres of snow can be balanced atop one another to form a "snow person." (Try to avoid the phrase "snow man," because little girls are people, too!) Making a snow person can foster a sense of accomplishment, which fosters self-esteem, which has been shown to foster better test scores. That is, until the day the snow person disappears. Can your child accept this kind of loss? No way! Make the rule and stick to it: "No snow persons." A better idea: Suggest building a "snow lump" instead, as it will be less traumatic when the "snow lump" melts.
5. Sledding? Just make sure the kids are wearing helmets, knee pads, mouth guards, goggles, lip balm, hand warmers, long underwear and a non-stocking cap, as long caps can get tangled in the razor-sharp blades of the sled, which could then slide over your child's throat. Ouchie! Safety first: It's also not a bad idea to mount a video camera at the back of the sled for when your child is backing up.
6. Have you ever told your kids about the time you made your own igloo? Tip: Don't.
7. Remind the children of their No. 1 job: Have fun! When they come back inside 3-4 minutes later, warm them up with hot cocoa. Good idea: To avoid mouth trauma, instead of a marshmallow, use an ice cube!
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
1-04-2011 @ 11:11AM
Alicia said...The sad part about this being, I saw a kid in a helmet and knee pads when I went sledding last week. Even the kid on the snowboard trying to go down the bunny hill didn't have padding.
Reply
1-04-2011 @ 1:15PM
Alicia said...You're not great at recognizing satire are you? She's not being serious.
1-05-2011 @ 12:28PM
Duke of Lacrosse said...If you plan to take your children to a ski area in the future it makes sense to get them started wearing a ski helmet early. Ski helmets have insulation so it's really just a big hat with a hard outer shell. They're also easier to keep track of than hats are.
For children, going to a ski area without a helmet is comparable to riding a bike with no helmet or riding in the car with no seat-belt.
Avoid the whining later by getting them used to it now.
1-05-2011 @ 10:49PM
Alicia said...I agree that children learning to ski and snowboard should wear a helmet. Chucking oneself down a snow covered hill/mountain on a piece or two of fiberglass requires such precautions. In fact, even with a helmet it sounds like a dumb idea to me (granted, I hate being cold and I can't bear the thought of an entire day on the slopes) so any kids I may ever have will likely not be learning how to do either from me. However, my friend and I were on a silly little hill behind our old high school and it's not unusual to see young kids on boards, since we live in the city and there's a ways to go before one reaches a ski resort. However, since it was a small hill and the only child with a helmet had ass-on-snowtube the entire time, I somehow think his mother was WAY overboard on the protective bit.
1-04-2011 @ 12:32PM
A Concerned Parent said...I find this article to be absolutely ridiculous. Instead of trying to force your children into a "happier," more SHELTERED life (which is often something they can be teased about later in life), why don't we try teaching them how to cope with some of these issues? A disappearing snow family could be an opportunity to teach your children about snow, the seasons and to allow children to understand loss and change at a less traumatic scale than something like a friend moving away or the death of a pet. Maybe try "when snowpeople melt, it allows room for birds to be born, etc." "An Educational Bonanza" is exactly the opposite of what this article speaks to. This article talks about censorship, not about the sharing of information. Wouldn't it be better to share your own childhood memories of snowpeople and igloos rather than censor them from your children? That way, there is further emotional and experiential connection between parent and child. Of which further allows the parent to strengthen their role in the child's trusted support group. Advice #3 is useful if it didn't include micro-managing children to almost literally a move-by-move play. Many kids who grow up feeling like their life is being micro-managed by their parents tend to rebel, right?
Advice #1 and #7, great advice! =]
Reply
1-04-2011 @ 1:15PM
dougalcandy said...Hi, not sure if you have ever read Lenore's columns before...this is a totally sarcastic article! She is a huge advocate of "free range" kids, allowing your kids to go out, live life, do things by themselves and not sheltering and micromanaging their lives.
If you haven't read her stuff before, check it out, I love her and think she's right on the money most of the time!
1-04-2011 @ 2:06PM
maggie.brazeau said...Did you think Swift's "A Modest Proposal" was serious, too?
1-04-2011 @ 8:33PM
Coop said...Good lord! What a moron. I feel sorry for your kids. . .
1-05-2011 @ 10:47AM
Silver Fang said...This is sarcasm, friend.
1-05-2011 @ 12:40PM
Duke of Lacrosse said...You seem to be getting your information from unreliable sources. Can I recommend TheOnion.com to stay up to date on current news and trends.
1-04-2011 @ 12:50PM
elijah said...Is it just possible that people read this and NOT see that the writer has written this completely tongue-in-cheek? I cannot believe the comments. Ha.
Do you seriously think she is advising parents to microwave snow? No, you can't admit that you really believe that.. nah...
haa... wow.
Reply
1-04-2011 @ 1:22PM
Inadequate Wife said...Thank you. Someone who understands sarcasm and doesn't get all bent out of shape over a humorous take on the overprotective masses.
The reason the snow is microwaved is to poke fun at those people who insist on sterilizing everything that might go into their kid's mouth.
At my daughter's school, kids cannot make snow balls, snow "persons", or igloos. They aren't allowed to even pick up the snow, or roll in the snow.
When I was a kid, we went outside, played, got soaking wet, threw snowballs, and sledded down steep hills. We all survived, a few bruises and a few frozen fingers, but we learned how to have fun too.
Today's kids are so well protected they can't do anything. That's why the article is full of satire.
1-04-2011 @ 1:47PM
Jennifer said...Don't forget the sunscreen and sunglasses, Lenore! All of that sun reflecting off the snow can cause third degree burns and snow blindness!
It's a sad commentary on our culture that people read this and take it completely seriously.
Reply
1-04-2011 @ 2:51PM
kkemmerer said...Uh, say what? How could you forget to write about the dangers of ski poles, which can be used to hold up snowed-in 7-11s? No parent wants their kid to start down that road at age five. Right? Skis themselves can be used to inflict blunt trauma on one another. This may be the untold story in regard to the great child head trauma plague.
Finally, the making of snow angels may lead to the immediate onset of hypothermia. ERs are already filled with kids stabbed with ski poles after being taken down with a good swing of a ski. They do not need hypothermia victims to be added to the list.
Reply
1-05-2011 @ 7:56AM
Inadequate Wife said...Snow "angels" are religious in nature. Please refrain for offending non-Christians who may pass by your yard!
1-04-2011 @ 2:55PM
Ann in LA said...Over Christmas we had the good fortune to have a good sledding hill in the back yard. One day our 10 year old girl got injured. Her mouth was bleeding badly; I worried about her teeth and her braces. Turns out she had an abrasion on the outside of her mouth, and she bit the inside pretty badly. I cleaned her up and went back outside to shovel and keep an eye on the rough-housing boys, On my way out, she asked if her injury meant she couldn't sled again. I told her it was entirely up to her.
I was thrilled when she came back outside 10 minutes later and got right back to the fun.
Reply
1-04-2011 @ 11:31PM
Alicia said...I love seeing kids spring back. That's how normal children act. As long as there's no lasting damage, normal children will be up and at it in no time. Coddled, sheltered children who have been cowed into being terrified of their own shadowed by over-protective parents cry and whine and hide inside.
1-11-2011 @ 10:59PM
pro choice i guess? said...Wen i first read this i was like...are you serious?? But by the whole melting snow thing, i realized she had to be joking. Its sad that some parents actually really follow this.
Reply
1-18-2011 @ 6:16PM
Talia said...You forgot about wrapping them up in bubble wrap before you let them go outside. Oh, and let's not forget if they don't have snow suits they shouldn't even be allowed to step a toe outside! :P
Reply