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Filed under: Tweens, Teens, Celeb Kids, Media, Opinions, Tween Culture, Teen Culture, Development: Tweens, Social & Emotional Growth: Tweens, Development: Teens, Social & Emotional Growth: Teens, New In Pop Culture, Celeb News & Interviews
Do you have Bieber fever? Credit: Chris Polk/KCA2010/Getty Images for KC
Parents of tweenage girls, Twitterers, trend-watchers-and the rest of the world, probably-know all about Justin Bieber, the 16-year-old pop sensation who appears to have sprung fully-formed from the Canadian heartland to take America by storm. And those with more than a passing interest and access to the Internet likely know that the teen star has been linked to the latest in a string of young women, the singer Selena Gomez, who is 18. Recently, the Web was aflutter over pictures of the two on a Caribbean vacation, apparently locking lips. Innocent fun, right? Free of consequences? Not when the "Beliebers" get you in their sights.In fact, the combination of "Bieber fever" and Twitter has turned lethal -- at least verbally, as some fans have actually issued death threats targeted at Gomez. And while the anonymity of the Internet cloaks the age of these posters, they are likely young girls and adolescents. Take your pick of shocking posts:
• "@selenagomez I'll kiII you I swear on GOD!!!!"
• "@selenagomez stay away from Justin ped0phile, retard wait i'm gonna kiII ya in the night underneath your smelly bed"
• "@selenagomez whore cancer whore..like i'mm kiII myself cuz i saw you and Justin kissing well thankyou Selena thankyou now i'm kiIILing myself"
Death threats? Slurs? Suicidal language? Why would our children type these things? Sadly, it's another side-effect of the culture of the Web: Just like teens bully their peers even more viciously online than in real life because the consequences aren't immediately apparent, children and adolescents in the virtual world are quicker and more outrageous in their anger or despair when faced with a setback. The stream-of-consciousness spewing of raw feeling has, unfortunately, become accepted as a form of authenticity. As if the immediacy of the emotion somehow excuses the virulence of what's being expressed.
Which leads to a another disturbing question: How did our kids get so deeply invested in Justin Bieber's love life? Don't they know he doesn't sing just for them?
Girls today can get incredibly wrapped up in relationships that in reality are nothing but fiction. This is nothing new, of course -- mention Sinatra, Elvis, the Beatles, David Cassidy, Michael Jackson, New Kids on the Block, the Backstreet Boys, and any number of women of every age will recall a youthful infatuation bordering on obsession. And yet today it is different -- young fans have a much stronger illusion of access to their idols, who communicate "directly" to them on their smartphones and iPads via social media. A youngster could be forgiven for thinking that Justin Bieber is, in this virtual universe, reciprocating her affections.
This is just what Bieber's media machine is after. An astute reader of the Huffington Post points out that in some countries in Asia, like South Korea, male pop stars are forbidden from having public romantic relationships to preserve the fiction for their young female fans -- and thus pad the bottom line. This fiction can be dangerous -- sure enough, at a Bieber concert in Australia last year, a number of young fans were crushed in the rush to be near the stage and their virtual beau in the flesh. But the more pervasive danger is emotional -- as evidenced by the virulent outpouring following the Gomez flap. And it's especially worrying because these obsessions are less and less visible to parents.
The days of posters, magazines, and massive CD collections are gone, all disappeared inside the computer, or even the device in a kid's pocket. Endless calls that used to tie up the phone are now silent text messages. And with this increased access -- that Bieber has to his fans, that they have to him, that our children have to the wider community on the Web -- the harmless, if hysterical, crushes of the past now spur open talk of murder and suicide. Another HuffPo commenter makes light of the phenomenon -- in the '80s and early '90s, she writes, "we didn't have 'THE INTERNET,' we had AOL! It was way too slow for us to be totally outraged on the Internet." This joke contains a fairly substantial kernel of truth: The Web is not just a forum, a new method of communication; it amplifies raw emotions, passing rages, and their consequences.
Bieber's mother is reportedly upset with him about the pictures. We don't need to be angry with our kids, but we need to teach them that the rules they know to follow don't magically disappear when they're in front of a keyboard and a screen. We understand that these Beliebers on Twitter probably don't truly feel murderous or suicidal; they're indulging in adolescent exaggeration, and if we heard them say it, we would probably hear it that way. But these kinds of remarks read very differently in print -- you just can't tell online. And remember that when 18-year-old Tyler Clementi killed himself last year, following a heartless prank, he left this message on Facebook: "jumping off the gw bridge sorry."
Knowing the difference between real pain and teen exaggeration is key to monitoring our kids' emotional lives in this digital age, and the only way to do that is to know your child. Be tuned in to her moods; talk to her about her music and her crushes. You want to understand how powerful her interest is, gauge how emotionally involved she is, and know when she's suffering -- even if the object of her affections is someone she's never met. It's not easy; not a lot of parenting in the 2.0 world is. But this is her life. You want to be there for her, even if it seems too silly to be serious. A broken heart is a broken heart, even on the Web.
Alan Ravitz, MD, MS, is a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Child Mind Institute. For more on parenting adolescents, go to childmind.org, which offers advice and a wealth of information on childhood psychiatric and learning disorders.












ReaderComments (Page 1 of 3)
1-07-2011 @ 11:05PM
Katerina said...This is crazy, im a HUGEE Bieber fan, but i also lovee Selena Gomez, and if she wants to date him, so be it. No one can help love.
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1-10-2011 @ 2:32PM
concerned & worried said...i'm sorry moms and dads, but any parent letting their teens or tweens get mixed up in the justin biber or (miley cyrus) obsession are out of their minds. these inexperienced children aren't going
to be good role models. look at the track record of every other young star and their walk to fame and then drugs, immorality and rehab. do you want to think about your kids in drug rehab?? be
smart and show your kids you care. there's plenty of good entertainment out there ( Http://bit.ly/GamesForFree for example). but stop letting your kids grow up too fast.
1-10-2011 @ 7:50PM
evabral said...i think they should be together they look right together
1-12-2011 @ 4:58PM
Camryn said...I am a big time JB fan, but i am not going to hurt myself or others because of someone that Justin likes ! I believe someone mentioned if you really love Justin you would be happy that he has found someone. Also if you are making death threats i do not think it would be wise of Justin to go out with you
1-13-2011 @ 10:11AM
shannon said...this shit is so insane....!!!!!!!!!!OH MY..... i like their music but death threats and all to selena is just so plain dumb....just because they have money and can sing does not mean they are any different than any other teenager...selena and justin look so adorable together.... HATERs out here have gotten way out of controll....
1-14-2011 @ 3:17PM
mom of 2 teen girls said...I believe that celebrity personal lives should be their own business. He is a singer and she is a singer/actress, what does that have to do with who they date?? stop and think about it. would you want your personal business put out there for everyone to see? It's your choice to listen to them or watch them no matter who they are with or what they do. if you don't like it them don't listen/watch. but everyone else doesn't need to hear your ranting nor does it give you the rright to threaten anyone.
1-10-2011 @ 6:32PM
nestmission said...I agree with "concerned" It would be nice if parents would teach these kids that these people are just a fantacy! There are far better role models to follow after than these amoral people. Most of these silly girls would do anything and I mean anything to get to one of these stars. It is all in the parents hands in the first place....teach them this stuff is ok to listen to if you wish, but forget the singers. I have 2 girls...that are adults now, and I never had this problem with them going nuts over some singer. I think we taught them right!!
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1-16-2011 @ 12:55AM
JillR. said...How about teaching our kids that showbiz people are not necessarily "amoral" but that they are ordinary people that just happen to have talent and success in singing, acting, etc?
1-10-2011 @ 1:18PM
shanay sparrow said...yall people is too hype if they wan to kiss let them mind yall busnisess he not yall boyfriend who dnt even know yall so stupid yep i said yall stupid he want her not yall get over it and yall need to stop makin threats cause dnt none of yall got enough heart to cum through
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1-11-2011 @ 9:54PM
John Gdovin said...Where the hell did you learn to write English you fool.
1-10-2011 @ 9:00PM
kat25923 said...is Bieber fever harmful, lol, personally speaking i would not go anywhere NEAR this kid his charm is that lethal, lol, Maria Menounos would not lie, lol...
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1-10-2011 @ 11:37PM
Susan said...Lol. I'm 16 and HATE this kid. Can't stand Selena (or many other celebs or pop stars) much, either, but at least she CAN sing... Thought Beiber was a girl first time I heard "Baby"!
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1-11-2011 @ 2:00AM
Jzee said...First of all no 18 year old woman should be dating a 16 year old boy. Turn that around and I believe it's statutory rape. I have heard of both, not infatuated with either, but this is the price we pay when we turn people, yound or old, in to gods. Stop idolizing people. Don't miss your own great moments trying to be like someone else.
Parent(s) stop BS-ing with your children. You are the parent(s). Stand up be parents and stop acting like you're afraid of them; I don't care how much money they make. Stand up now before we start seeing a night dedicated to taking back our world back from these over-priviledged brats. Help the next generation, please.
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1-11-2011 @ 8:21PM
Daniel said...First of all, nobody said that Bieber and Gomez were having sex. They could just be going out. Second, Bieber is from Canada, and I think there it is legal for anyone 16 years or older to have sex, so even if they were having sex, if the pair did it in Canada it would be legal.
1-12-2011 @ 9:11AM
Jen said...Really? Two years difference? Get over yourself. That is absurd. There is no maturity disparity between a 16 year old and an 18 year old. When I was in highschool I dated a boy two years older than (he 18, I 16) I was a sophomore and he was a junior. Statutory rape? We've been together 7 years, yesterday.
Use your damn noggin, it's there for a reason. Really, just think about it.
1-13-2011 @ 8:41AM
sharon said...Ummm....Its not statutory rape either way. Statutory rape has to have an age difference of greater than 4 years
1-11-2011 @ 12:10PM
th3b8m8 said...i dont even know why people like this GIRL when i heard his songs he sounded like a chick i will never listen to him again
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1-11-2011 @ 10:50PM
Olan5 said...Justin is a tenor who's voice hasn't finished changing. Check out his voice in 3 or 4 years.
1-11-2011 @ 3:35PM
DDoggie said...They both look like dweebs-- why is that girls head so big??
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1-11-2011 @ 4:49PM
iamme said...i don't know why everyone is so obsessed with justin. he's just a kid who can sing. there are a lot of 16 year old guys that can sing too. and why do so many people hate him? he hasn't done anything so bad that you have to hate him or want to kill him. what ever happened to music being about entertainment or having fun? isn't music something for people to enjoy? i'm not saying that people should love justin to death or hate him to death. he's just a guy. let loose people. stop all this hating. and plus, kids now a days are getting cell phones way too young.
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