Chinese Parent Amy Chua Talks Extreme Discipline and Parenting Regrets

I know two teenagers who experienced this parenting style. One of them was put on academic probation after her first semester at MIT. She had a 1.2gpa, and spent all of her time at parties. The other is in med school, and doing incredibly. It is very dependent on the child. I also have a neighbor who moved here from India with his young wife before they had kids. He raised them here, in the "western style." One of them is a hedge fund manager, and the other has 4 Master's Degrees and is a software engineer. After spending most of his retirement travelling the world, he says there is no place other than America he'd rather live.

I pity her kids. They probably have limited (if any) social capability. Her "hybrid" method is probably the way to go.

Hasn't anyone ever noticed that the older generation always has a horrible opinion of other people's kids? We never have anything good to say about them, but are always able to rant about how they're brainless, uneducated, spoiled, and don't know right from wrong. Children need discipline, but they need to understand and be able to make decisions for themselves without the parents around. We don't want to raise a generation of followers.

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I don't see any one perfect way to parent a child...The 'spoiled rotten' touchy-feely' American model is as bad as the oft-strict and overly-structured Chinese model. The only way to parent well is on an individual 'child-by-child' basis and to find out what motivates each individual to love and contribute to our world. And besides...That gorgeous picture of this rich inter-racial Chinese-American couple with their lovely girls, magnificent dogs and stunning house looks pretty cushy to me...And very American!

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Burn the book! I am Chinese. Born and raised in HongKong.
To raise a child these days is very different from the old time.
Every child is different even they came from the same "production line". They also don't come with "manual". These days, the position
of parents is more like a coach or mentor. The image of the parent
is the most important thing a child's mind. Punishment never achieve the objectives. Rather guidance and encouragement are the way. A child with no self-esteem will not be a achiever and will probably lost among the human race. Especially, raising daughters,
they need the father a lot more than you think. Because, he is the first "man" in her life. I raised my only daughter sucessfully. My advice to you, I don't even have to read it, just burn that book!

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I am curious as to what their American father's opinion is of this? We have 3 daughters -all very different personalities. We have learned that each need different parenting skills from both myself & my husband. He appears to be passively (or not at all) involved with these girls.
Are these the individuals we want our daughters to work with, or for, as they pursue their dreams? One can only imagine the cultural clash with respect to teamwork, winning & losing, collaboration, and all the other 'American values' we work hard to teach them.
"Like mother, like daughter(s)"!!!!!

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I am a Chinese American and my parents are raising me the same way this woman is raising her children. While I do admit that this way of parenting has given me a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility, I can not count the number of times my mother has put me down and told me I was not good enough for her standards. This way of parenting is a good way of making kids feel like trash and it has made me miss out on many opportunities that my friends have had.

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Looks at the faces of the individuals who have created the most unique and successful companies in recent years : Microsoft, Google, Apple, Facebook.

Those companies employ a lot of Asians, but how many were started by Asians? Think about it.

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I applaud Ms Chua for her parenting skills. I have always felt that the Asian have always excelled over Americans when it came to discipline, math, and science. Too many American parents raise their kids wanting them to be their best friends-thus the lack of discipline. Parents need to be just that-parents. Best friend are to be made with other children within their peers.

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This is definitely not ideal parenting. You can be strict and your child can be an overachiever without calling them garbage or trashing their self-esteem.

I have seen this backfire on my own family growing up. One sibling became an overachiever on several anti-anxiety pills that feels like she is never good enough. Another sibling completely gave up and said "It's never good enough for mom, so why even try?" I am the third sibling and I feel like I still have no control over my life, and constantly second guess myself and look for my parent's approval before I make a choice.

All of my mother's children ran far away from home because of this sort of parenting. It's nothing to be proud about.

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My sisters and I were always the well behaved, high achievers. We didn't have physical abuse, but we definitely learned we had better behave. We all went to top schools. My sisters were almost non-functional with stress and depression, I functioned but as a robot with depression as well. I noticed the kids that weren't as high achieving were much happier, more social and did fine in the less technical jobs. I gave my children much more leeway, while emphasizing school was more important than sports, part time jobs or cars. They turned out fine, with better social skills and more mentally healthy. There has to be a balance, achievement isn't everything.

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Ha Ha HA! Post colonial Western style is this generally (politics and parenting), the golden rule. Do unto others... so we have principles we have tried to live by; equality, laws, etc. Chinese thought, generally is basically "Do not do unto others..." Which basically makes them feel entitled to military rule over their people and invading Tibet, etc.

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O please , she choose the EASY way !!!!

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This seems very racist to me! Stating that Chinese parenting is better than others neglects the fact that there are lenient and nonlenient parenting styles among all people.

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If Chinese is so great, why did she marry a caucasian man?

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I think we all could write a book on disciplining and rearing children.
Yes, I agree with some of Amy's ideas. Kid's do need to show respect to adults, have good morals, have motivation to do the best they can. I am caucasian and I have adopted 3 asian children. One boy from S. Korea, one daughter from S. Korea, and one daughter from Vietnam. They all are very different and need different ways of being disiplined. This is no one way for all children. All my kids are very respectful(not because they are asians) it's because I taught them to be respectful. They are very happy and well adjusted children even after a nasty divorce with their mom.

My Asian doctor friends feel that if kids can be raised with both an asian toughness and American way of creativity, he thinks we would have the best of both worlds. He knows asian children born is Asia are put through rigorous upbringings and their parents expect them to get straight "A"s and make them work 12 hour days studying, etc.
But, in reality, children need to be children and should enjoy learning and being creative human beings. Yes, the writer who said we have the best Universities in the world and yet, it Asia was so great, why are they all coming here to get an education. My asian doctor friend says Asia turns out students who are like robots and learn only to memorize things. They don't learn how to be creative and to think for themselves.
So, yes, give your children encouragement to do their very best and give them a reason why? not just a beating when they don't get straight A's in Latin. Hello, children have different likes and dislikes, and I know my children have to learn latin in their Prep school and they hate it. I'm not going to beat them if they don't get an A. I encourage them to do well in subjects that they are interested in.
Question? How many people will ever use latin ever in their lives and if they don't get an A in latin, will that make them a failure in life.
Let's get real. I don't think we need to change all of our American children into Chinese learners. The last product I bought was made in China and only lasted 2 weeks. UHHHH??? I just want my adopted Asian children to be respectful, do their best, and be happy individuals. My job will be done, then it's up to them.

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After raising four children I have found that its important that a child not only know who he is...but who he is NOT. There are times when its necessary to come down hard on a child (no hitting) to make him understand that what was done or not done was not acceptable. A sense of humor is also important. Don't take everything too seriously you have to access the situation and go accordingly.

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