Your Kids (Still) Don't Want to Be Facebook Friends

My family and I love our FB page. We share pictures, ideas etc. My kids are in their 20's and they requested me on their pages. When my daughter was in Basic Training it was a wonderful lifeline to her life. My husband's kids from a previous marriage 24 and 30 year old is another story. The language sometimes is not what you want in your home, much less for their grandparents, etc. to see. One time the stepdaughter removed us from her FB page and she put us back on because her Dad noticed it. Then another time she said awful things about me about things that were untrue so needless to say she is not on our FB pages anymore. Nor is her Significant Other and now the stepson and wife. There is accountability even when your kids are adults. I know there is a lot less drama in our lives. It was said it was Freedom of Speech, but even freedom of speech has accountability.
My kids and I are on opposite sides of the country and appreciate the connection.

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Treating your kids like they're your friend will make them not respect you

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OMG don't any of you trust your older kids (highschool and college) I am not friended with my college aged son on facebook because he deserves some privacy -but all his grandparents and uncles and aunts are.When my son was in highschool another parent friended the kids and then ran around telling parents what was being said !!.The kids sent up the alarm ..dont friend Mrs @#$.My son has to endure such thrilling news as "We painted the bethroom" or "snowed on the way to church"We all have many languages and lives college aged kids need to communicate in privacy with their peers .Facebook is a huge prying machine

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Clearly this article was written by a young adult who is still trying to hide their world from their parents.

You should have your privacy but facebook is a big neighborhood party and not the place to share your private world.

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Articles like this are prime examples of why society is such a mess. If parents had a decent relationship with their children in the first place, this would not be an issue at all. My 15 year old daugter and I had a 90 minute conversation the other night about everything and nothing... just because we wanted to talk to each other. THAT is how a parent/child relationship should be. And saying that someone wants privacy in their online life is an idiotic statement. If you want it private it so should not be online. Ever.

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I am fb friends with both my kids (18 & 14). My daughter (the 14 year old) bugged me until I set up an account. My kids were the first two people to friend me along with my 18 year old stepson. Several of my kids friends have friended me too. Sometimes I have to remind my daughter that everyone can read her posts-including some relatives that she friended-but other than that I don't see the big deal. My kids and I have always had a positive relationship and we are able to discuss any topic openly. I am not their buddy-they know and are glad that I am mom-but I do try to be understanding of their beliefs and feelings even if I don't agree. Young people can be responsible and intellegent about their behavior if you allow them to be. I enjoy being able to read and comment on their posts and they often comment on my wall too. I guess I am just especially blessed and grateful.

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Well, I use face book a lot. Kids are grown, youngest is a freshman in college. Fact is, all my kids friends ask me to be friends with them on FB. I never ask them. I guess if you did a good job as a parent, acted as a close parent and know where to draw the line, the kids will lean on you. My kid's friends call, visit and come to us for advise. we love it and we all help each other.

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My kids friended me on facebook, after making me sign up for it. They constantly post on my page. And a lot of their friends friended me too, and they post on my page too! Guess I must be doing something right!

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We seem to be in the lucky minority. We have 4 kids, 3 of whom are old enough to have FB accounts (all teens). They sent friend requests to us without being told too. Not only that, but all of their close friends and many of the others have "friended" us as well. In turn, although we comment on many things, we have the courtesy to try not to embarass them. We also make sure that the posts and comments on our own pages are appropriate for them to read. All in all it has been a fun tool for all of us...But it is a tool, not a lifestyle.

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Being a responsible parent and watching out for my teen's best interest and safety IS NOT helicopter parenting. I'm shocked on a weekly basis at the centerfold-type pictures some of my daughter's friends post on their profiles. Not only is my 13 year old my friend, but I also have her password. Facebook has controls that allow me to hide any part of my profile from everyone, a group of people or even one particular person. Teens figure this out REAL quick.

The generalities of this article clearly show the author spit this on out under deadline. Teens are not adults and while I'm still finacially responsible for (and financially liable for) my daughter, I will monitor her internet with zero guilt.

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Facebook was so much better when it was only for COLLEGE students. Now that everyone and their mothers (literally) are on it, it's not that appealing anymore. It's getting to the point where people are posting things that no one cares about (your daily itinerary for example) and I don't want to know that much information about you.

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The writer of this article needs to GET A LIFE! And certainly doesn't need to be giving advice to anyone....especially on line!!

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WHen parents are not "allowed" to know what hteir children are doing when they live in their home then there is a serious problem growing. My children - ALL adults and my grandchildren - some adults, some teens and one a pre teen are all on my firend list as I am on theirs - we are a family who lives all ove the country and this is one way we can share what is going on, how people have changed and the goings on in our lives. Sure, there are thi ngs my kids and grnadsons post that do not please me, and there have been times when I know one grandson was talking rather scary talk and I called him on it, called his mother and they got him the help he needed BEFORE he did something very stupid - I don't do anything to make my kids feelthreatened and htey show me the same respect - if htere is a post I am not particulary fond of it gets hidden and I go on my way - after 6 kids and 4 grandchi Fdren I know they say and do silly things, but by the same token, facebook will follow them long after they have grown out a stage. Remember - YOU are the parent, they are rhe child and if they are in your home, you are paying for their education, then you have rights. Because I was f irends with my one grandson I prevented a tragic accident happening again in this family and I will not stop reading what they say and what they are doing.

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Just 15 years ago it was OK to TELL kids that they could do this and couldn't do that. I used to install home computers and I would sit the kids down and explain that the Internet is just like a huge city with millions of little alleys and streets. There are lots of attractive signs and noises and even flashing movies down all of them. But you would never go down one without a parent or a safe and adult friend. Same with the computer. As a result one family caught a predator trying to access the 12 year old girls in the town.
Today, not only are people scared to tell kids they can't have the computer in their room, that they may not join this or that, but "experts" have decided it invades their "space and sense of correct boundaries." I wonder how those experts explain the value of having a stranger-pedophile molest and abuse a kid of 11 or 13 or 15.
Fear and the fear of action to DO anything is wasting our kids.
And for those who think they are exempt because their kids "would never do - (this or that), sorry. Yes they would IF they think they are adults and have free choice. If they have free choice, why is there a legal system preventing children from entering into a contract, having sex, getting married, driving a car and so on? Yet Schools and the people entrusted with aiding us care for children are stuck - they will get sued if they step in and stop something - like selling drugs on school grounds, or stopping kids from Sexting. Or busting up underage drinking or sex and drug parties.
I remember a kid of 13 threatening a police officer because "you didn't read me my rights before you snuck up on me!" His locker had Pot, Cocaine and E in it. The case never was prosecuted and the Kid moved to another school district.
Today schools - most or all schools - are the most dangerous place for children because that is where the entrance into the hidden worlds of Sex, Drugs, Alcohol and the Internet all are introduced.
Check out their Face Book? YOU BET! When they want an account, help them set it up and then YOU pick the password. Then ONLY YOU can sign them on. Next- get a hidden Keystroke recorder and check the logs. FInally make sure the computer is IN YOUR LINE OF SIGHT in the living room, kitchen or study and that you set the times they can log on and log off. Check often to see if their friends' friends suddenly have a new friend - it could be your kid with an account he or she set up at someone elses house, under a fake name - like veilofuselessscreams jones. Check out that person's photos and see if your kid visits that page.
Lastly, for parents of girls, 12-17, let them know that when studies were done, they found that 60-70% of "Teen Girls and Teen Boys looking for relationships were really 54 (average age) year old MALES.

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Some of these posts bring up a good point - there is a way, even though your child "friended" you, to keep you from seeing everything that he or she posts, or their friends' posts. My grown children have no problem being my "friend", but I know they are shielding some of the more offensive/crude comments from me just because they know I don't like to read such things. But it is a good way to keep in quick contact with each other and I have a better idea of what their internet life is like when I see who their "friends" are. They are savvy adults and know the dangers - physical as well as career, and keep their accounts private. Younger children I would definitely keep tabs on because they don't have the executive functioning yet that enables them to discern harmless fun from possible danger. Keep the computer in a public place in your home - no computers in the bedroom! (Or TVs for that matter - it always amazes me how many parents still don't believe this is a bad idea - you should hear the stories my students tell me...)

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Yeah lets not pay attention to our kids or whom they hang out with until they shoot up thier school. Lets be real. I have software that monitors everything they do and they know it. I am not going to wait til its to late. How many times do we find out about the stuff these people have been posting when its to late. It was a cry for help and the parents had know idea. Take whatever steps you need to. They are your kids, your house and I am sure you paid for the computer. They get all the privacy they want when they have thier own place.

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I think Facebook and other social sites like it are not a place for anyone under 20. Sorry. They are not responsible and too emotional to manage such a site. Example, my daughter who is in middle school was the only one who passed a science test with an A with the second highest was a C. Shortly after, I was notified that horrible things were posted about my daughter on FB accusing her of cheating. How damaging is that? Not one member of my family has FB page. Its my understanding you have to be 15 to get a page. If this is true, then parents are allowing their kids to lie about their age. What else are they allowing?

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