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'Are You Giving Me This Atomic Wedgie Because You Miss Your Daddy?'
Filed under: In The News, Bullying
Excuse me, bully, but could your mean streak be due to Daddy issues? Credit: Getty
Say, kids, the next time the school bully is giving you an atomic wedgie, try looking deep into his eyes with a sympathetic expression and tell him, "Wow, looks like someone misses his Daddy."
If this only escalates the severity of the wedgie, feel free to cite a Vanderbilt University study that concludes children are more likely to become bullies if their fathers work long hours and don't pay them enough attention.
Of course, the wily bully might shoot back with something like, "Yeah, well my mom works long hours too, doofus!"
In that case, be ready with a quote from Andre Christie-Mizell, an associate professor of sociology at Vanderbilt's Nashville, Tenn., campus (and one of the lead researchers in the study).
"This is one of those cases where the non-finding -- that Moms' hours and the perceptions (of time spent together) aren't significant factors -- is pretty important because that's not what conventional wisdom tells us," Christie-Mizell tells the Vancouver Sun.
Building on this quote, explain to the bully that working moms spend a great deal of time with their children by default because they still shoulder most of the responsibilities as housekeepers and family managers.
Meanwhile, researchers suspect, working fathers might need to set aside specific time to spend with their children.
Suggest the bully sit down with both his parents and discuss the family schedule, carving out some quality time with Dad. Add that you will do your part by going to the school principal to suggest teachers and administrators do more to involve fathers in the educational process without relying so much on mothers.
"In the '60s and '70s, as women were starting to enter the labor force, there was a lot of hysteria around what was going to happen to our children, what would happen to our communities, would children all become delinquent? The finger was pointed at mothers, so there was a lot of mother-blame," Christie-Mizell tells the Sun.
"Now, 30, 40 years later, we revisit the question and find it's not true," he adds.
If you share all this information with the bully, who knows? You might start a real dialog. He might break down and start crying about his strained relationship with his father. The whole thing could be very cathartic -- for both of you.
And a day that started with an atomic wedgie could end sharing scones and hugs with a new friend. Or you might get the snot pounded out of you as the spaz who quotes university studies.
There are too many variables to accurately predict an outcome. More research is needed.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
1-15-2011 @ 11:51PM
LadyJane50 said...I am not a parent, but I am curious, what effect does it have on a girl growing up without a father up to the age of 12 years? I heard children of single parents tend to get very jealous of other children from nuclear families (both mother and father)? How do these single parent children, that are now adults, get over this type of jealousy? How do you help an adult female to stop looking or yearning for a "father figure" or "parent replacement" for herself, even though she is now a parent herself? How do you help this adult when it is against her religion to get professional counseling and her husband does not know how to help her?
Reply
1-16-2011 @ 12:26AM
LadyJane50 said...I would also like to add, I am not a psychiatrist, but I think she also has a codependency problem with her family. Every time her half siblings, mother, step father tell her of their problems, she always tries to solve their problems for them, even though they are grown adults and able to take care of themselves on their own. She makes her relatives stay at her husband's house for weeks and months at a time, every year.
1-17-2011 @ 11:35AM
Duke of Lacrosse said...I can tell you from experience that schools are not as welcoming to dads as they are to moms. Also it only takes 1 mom who either doesn't like you, feels uncomfortable having a male volunteering or is jealous of your child to negatively influence all the parents in your child's classroom or grade. Even those parents who previously only had good things to say about you.
I had the bizarre experience of being well-respected and valued as a volunteer in one of my child's classes while being reviled in my other child's grade. It was traced back to two parents who were prone to overreacting.
The take-away here should be that if you spend time volunteering at a school then you should encourage dads when they volunteer. Some of the kids get very little exposure to male role models outside of athletics especially if they don't have a dad at home. Seeing men who are intelligent and interested in academic achievement has a very positive impact on boys.
The economy has idled many more men than women. I've seen a huge increase in men with small children in tow shopping for toilet paper, bread and milk during business hours when they would ordinarily be working somewhere. If you see a dad everyday picking-up a kid from school than ask him to volunteer.
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1-18-2011 @ 3:28PM
LadyJane50 said...Three-fourths of all prison inmates come from single parent families. So what does this tell you about single-parented children in schools? I also have to wonder if most of the students that are drug abusers/drug pushers, or alcoholics in schools might be single-parented children because their mothers are poor or low income or just don't care. The only sure-fire way to control drug or alcohol problems in schools is by having the students, their school lockers and vehicles inspected by police canine sniffers.
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