Accidents Happen (Or, How I Had 4 Kids)

With each child it's gotten easier, though I'm far from being a super mom.

"But I love all my kids with all of my being.

Unfortunately, all that love doesn't help me remember to get two dozen eggs at the grocery store and ensure that I have best system for dealing with the daily loads of laundry that taunt me.

And it doesn't keep me from yelling at my kids and then subsequently apologizing more than I'd like to admit."

You don't sound so different than those of us who always wanted a bunch of kids. Kids are really good for that!

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After our first son, who was an accident, I asked my husband, "When will we be ready to have a second child?" He turned to me and said, "I don't know. When we start getting lazy about using condoms." It was spot on advice. I'm glad to read that someone else thinks there's something a little strange about "planning" children.

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I know both kinds of parents, accidental and planned. I have gleaned from my knowledge of these people that the only ones who "plan" their kids are folks with fertility problems

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Thank you so much for writing this post!

So far my 2 kids have been accidents. The first was a true birth control failure, but the second was simply semi-protected sex.

We know we want a third and feel compelled to be "responsible" and actually plan/try for this one. And it's incredibly stressful, because we can always think of a reason NOT to have a child. We'd be waiting for the perfect moment, which would never come.

So, we're back to having semi-protected sex. And I'm happy with that. No matter what point in life, we'll welcome a new child in our lives.

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Both of my kiddos were accidents as well, but on the accident-scale, they were pretty minor. Meaning, both times we had unprotected sex. So, there you go. But the second time, I swear, the midwife didn't believe me that my date of conception was accurate. I had given my husband a freebie, i.e. told him he didn't have to wear a condom, because I shouldn't have been fertile at that point (which the midwife confirmed). Apparently, I'm an early ovulator. Yay me! Wouldn't change a thing, though. I would, however, like to know what it's like to try for pregnancy and achieve it, rather than holding the test and saying 'Oh shit.' :)

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I really enjoyed reading this article and the comments.
I and my wife had actually wanted a big family but with failures in birth control we ended up with 6 children in 9 years.
No twins.
The first two were born in the same year!
Two were actually planned.
We're always saying that our family is proof that the 1% rate of failure in the birth control methods considered to be 99% effective actually exists.
That just shows it's still true that the penny method (abstinence) is the only 100% sure way to prevent conception other than a hysterectomy.

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We're a mixed family in that regard. Our older daughter was planned, our younger daughter was an accident. The first time we had decided to start trying for a baby and "caught" her in the first month of trying. Four years later, we were using two kinds of birth control at once, since we knew we didn't want to have a second kid until things had improved in our lives (such as moving to a better house instead of the dump we were living in-and "dump" was an accurate word for that place, sad to say!) Both forms of BC put togther and used CAREFULLY like we were doing were supposed to be nearly 100% accurate. So when my period was late and my husband insisted I was pregnant again (despite my having no other pregnancy symptoms like I had had with our first daughter), my immediate response to him was, "Quit being an idiot!" He kept insisting I was pregnant though, so to prove him wrong and shut him up, I went out and got a test kit. Needless to say, when I saw that little plus sign I just about had a heart attack! Took the second test the next day to be sure it wasn't a mistake (same answer), and as soon as I got downstairs, one whiff of my husband's coffee brought on the morning sickness (as if I needed more proof). All my husband said was, "I told you so!"

Both girls are the lights of our lives, and they get along together great (my older daughter had been bugging us for a little brother or sister since she was two, so when we told her we were pregnant, she was over the moon!). Sure, they drive me nuts sometimes (since I'm a stay-at-home mom in a town where there's no SAHM group, cabin fever is a regular thing!), but I wouldn't change things for the world! However, we knew two were enough for a variety of reasons, so after the younger one was born, I got "spayed." If for some bizarre reason we get pregnant again (I certainly hope not!), somebody's really got some serious explaining to do! It's so nice to be able to enjoy time with my husband without having to fuss with birth control or worry about getting pregnant anymore!

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Parents who wish for a certain gender or discuss "surprise" children that they didn't really want should remember that the children didn't necessarily plan to have morons for parents either.

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yeah, it's a whole lot like the old saying "Caution: Accidents cause people!"... Or, was that the other way around?

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I have three daughters(mostly grown now). The first one was planned. Then I had secondary infertility(unable to conceive even though one has had a baby without intervention in the past). Finally we had baby #2. Since I was unable to get pregnant without fertility drugs we were done....or so we thought. My second and third daughters are only two years apart. Since I "couldn't" get pregnant again, I didn't even realize that I was until I was almost 12 weeks. I felt like a dumb teenager that I didn't even realize it. Also, it just wasn't a good time for another baby financially. When I called my mom in tears she told me this wasn't an accident, It was a surprise. She said "A surpise is something you didn't know you wanted until you get it and then you can't imagine not having it". How wise she is. My youngest daughter is a joy and at 17 years old now has been a blessing to our family every day. Remember, NO accidents, only surprises!!!!

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It sounds like most of the posters here, like the author, were responsible people and able to care for their children, so having "accidents" didn't really mean much. However, having worked in social services for over 25 years, I still firmly believe that people should plan children. Folks who are single and alone with no support, have no money so need the state to care for them, or worse yet - ABUSE their children and act like brood mares having one child every year that ends up in the system, are people whose "accidents" are truly an awful situation for everyone, especially the poor child. Our society would be a truly different place if every child was truly wanted and loved. Also, there are plenty of men and women who break up, but have a child between them, and who resent it a great deal. Sorry, but having babies does not make people suddenly become responsible or make a relationship strong. People need to be that way BEFORE children come along..

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Sometimes you need a lubricant that does not degrade the latex. Some people just do not set aside the time to do things properly and can strain the latex upon onset of use.

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Just who does this obviously angry woman think she's deceiving? You don't have four unplanned preganancies! Maybe two, but certainly not four. Has she ever heard of tubal litigation? She appears to have some wish to punish herself for her self loathing - or so she would have you believe. Bet those kids don't feel loved but they certainly know what it feels like to be a burden.

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I think the problem with "surprises" is that they are really that easy to prevent. I have one daughter who is 4&1/2, and another on the way in October. My husband and I will have our 9th anniversary in May. We've used what I call the high-octane rhythm method all that time. Which is to say, I learned to monitor my fertility cycle very closely, and we used condoms during my ovulation period, and nothing the rest of the month. Our daughter was conceived on the first "try." The one on the way was NOT a try; we'd used a condom that ...well...ended up in the wrong place at the right time, to put it delicately. The first time that ever happened, I just went the next day to my local pharmacy and got the morning after pill. There was no question of anything else; our daughter was less that 18 months old and my husband was so severely underemployed that we were living with family and had no insurance. So...I guess my point is, while we may be mammals just like all the rest in the world, we do have the power of reason, and we know how babies are made, right? So how can they ever be a "surprise?"

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you are a liar...no child is an accident...if you have sex what do you expect...whether you put on a condom or IUD, Birthcontrol pills etc...sex is how you get pregnant regardless of all of precausions...accident...I think not...use at your own risk...pleasure without the responsibilities...so I was married and the condom broke and my second child came...no accident...produced because of having sex...thats the only way you get pregnant...tell the truth...whether you want a child or not and using all of what they say to use...you believe you will not get pregnant...the only way not to have a baby if to abstain...100% effective...no mistake or accident as you will say in abstaining...it is what it is...tell the truth...

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