Hot on HuffPost Parents:
Mitch Kellaway: Father's Day as a Transgender Man
Melissa Sher: The 7 Annoying People You'll Meet When Pregnant
Free-Range Parents and Chinese Moms: Where We Agree
Filed under: In The News, Opinions
All week my inbox has have been practically shouting: "Did you see the Tiger Parenting piece? It's like the opposite of Free-Range Kids!"
Except, in part, it isn't.
Free-Range Kids, my book and blog, contends that we don't need to helicopter so much. Our kids can make their own playdates, sandwiches and -- most importantly -- mistakes. A kid who takes the wrong bus and then figures out the way back home is a better kid for it: She goofed, it wasn't the end of the world, she rose to the occasion. Now she's ready for the next thing that looks a little daunting.
Too often, today's kids never get that kind of challenge. We baby them out of fear that they're less safe ("She can't take the bus by herself -- she could be abducted!") and less competent ("He can never figure out anything to do -- that's why I have to play with him!") than we were.
That is not a problem Amy Chua seems to have.
Like her approach or not, she fully believes in her kids. And from what I read in the infamous Wall Street Journal article, her kids rise to the occasion. When her younger daughter bit, hit and cried that she couldn't play a piano piece, Chua forced her to practice until she got it right. And afterward -- since no one called the cops -- far from being upset with her mom, the girl was thrilled with her newfound competence. She was also cuddly cute.
Free-Range Kids doesn't go that same route, to put it mildly, but those of us trying to hover a little less are aiming for the same goal: We want our kids to experience the thrill of doing something significant. The big difference, of course, is that Chua sat on top of her daughter for hours and hours, while Free-Rangers believe in hours and hours of kids doing stuff on their own -- even stuff that will never score them a recital at Carnegie Hall. Even stuff that helicopter parents find too scary. To us, a snow fort is as valuable as a Chopin sonata. Shopping solo for supper equals an A in biology.
Whether or not free-range kids will end up as prodigies (wait -- does anyone end UP a prodigy?), we hope they'll end up motivated and self-reliant -- traits that will serve them at least as well as perfect SATs. Stuart Brown, the granddaddy of research on play, says that when NASA and the Jet Propulsion Lab consider hiring someone, they look for sparkling grades, yes. But they also look for something less common: Time spent, as kids, just tinkering.
In other words, the smartest places want the kids who "wasted time" in their youth doing things just because they found them interesting, fun -- and hard.
And the kids did them on their own.
Your<span>Voice</span>
Ask Us Anything About Parenting
Recently Asked
TheTalkies:RelatedVideos
-
Free Range Kids
A father let his six-year-old walk a few blocks to the local post office alone, and now Protective Services may take his child. Parents will always worry, and predators do exist, but we have to teach kids to be independent...for their own safety.
-
What It's Like To Raise Kids Named 'Spielberg'
Academy Award-winning director Steven Spielberg recently sat down with Oprah for a one-on-one "Oprah's Next Chapter" interview about life, career and his new movie, "Lincoln." The father of seven children ranging in age from 16 to 36, Spielberg opens up about the parenting challenges that he and his wife, actress Kate Capshaw, have faced. Watch "Oprah's Next Chapter" on OWN Sundays at 9 ET.
-
Overcoming the Fear of Santa
Meeting Santa can be stressful for children as well as their parents eager for a photo op. But seeing jolly old Saint Nick in person can be fun for everyone, according to Martin Antony, a leading expert in anxiety and psychology professor at Ryerson University in Toronto. "Children when they're visiting Santa experience a wide range of feelings. So, some kids are very excited, very happy to see Santa, but a small number of kids are quite terrified when they see Santa."
-
Family Scribble iPad App Review
Family Scribble is highly entartaining and creative drawing app for the whole family. It is fun both for kids and their parents. Wide range of tools will keep your kids engaged for a long time, and will also boost their creativity.
SitesWeLove
- Site Map
- |
- Staff
- |
- Terms of Service
- |
- Privacy Policy
- |
- Trademarks
- |
- Advertise With Us
- |
- About Our Ads
- |
- AOL Downloads
- |
- Contact Us
- |
© Copyright 2012 AOL Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Aol Family
ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
1-18-2011 @ 2:05PM
Kristin said...This is exactly what I was thinking when I read it. I don't support the tactics but focusing on allowing your kids the chance for a real sense of accomplishment is one of the best gifts you can give them. It's a major part of Martin Seligman's research based approach to raising kids who are confident, resilient and less prone to depression.
The one thing I noticed though is that while she says she has all this faith in her kids she doesn't seem to have the faith to let them choose their own pursuits and she doesn't have the faith that they don't need to be emotionally flogged to find out the joy of mastering a difficult task. But of course those two things go hand in hand.
Reply
1-18-2011 @ 5:05PM
Heather said...You know what her tactics lead too. Kids who don't know what to do when the get to University and take they dotake wrong bus, kids who at 24 have never cooked for themselves. Kids who have never spent a night away from home and don't know what to do when they go off to university so they party like mad and get into trouble. They don't know how to handle the new freedom. People who can't think for themselves. People like the guy I work with who has no social skills , he can't talk to people ( all of us want to know how he possibly passed the interview?).
It also leads to my daughters friend who was bawling her eyes out in the school office because she was terrified to go home when she got a 96% in history and a 98% in English. The teacher trying to explain no gets 100% in English because there is always room for improvement in English. The girl was shaking.
It leads to people who are afraid to make mistakes even though they are human. Where perfection is the only option and if you don't get into that right school then life is over and you get suicidal.
Reply
1-21-2011 @ 10:55AM
El said...I had friends like this during college...and I use the term friend loosely since they always seemed to keep this wall up. Anyway, they knew how to study and get good grades but would either, hole themselves up and be anti-social or go absolutely wild with their new freedom and end up failing harder than should have.
I had one friend in particular whose parents pressured her into studying nursing but the whole time, she talked about how much she loved art but could never major in art because her parents wouldn't approve. She's a damn good nurse now but is constantly miserable. She's an adult now yet she's still living under the strict rule of her parents at 26 years old!
I want to raise my children to be independent, follow their dreams and be make their own choices.
Reply