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Tiger Mom, Amy Chua's Daughter Defends Her
Filed under: In The News
Tiger Mom Amy Chua has been attacked for her uber-strict parenting style. Credit: AP Photo/Larry D. Moore
The essay, excerpted from her book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," was printed in the Wall Street Journal and describes an extreme parenting regime that includes drilled academic learning and demands hours of daily music practice.
The Internet erupted in a firestorm of outrage over the piece, in which Chua describes how she belittled one daughter, calling her "garbage," and threatened to withhold food and bathroom breaks from the other if the 7-year-old didn't play the piano perfectly.
The self-proclaimed tiger mother and Yale law professor's e-mail box soon started filling up with furious denunciations and even death threats, according to the network.
But, this morning, Chua's eldest daughter, Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld, 18, tells the New York Post her side of the story in an open letter, defending her mom's super-strict parenting style.
"Dear Tiger Mom, You've been criticized a lot since you published your memoir, 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.' One problem is that some people don't get your humor," Chua-Rubenfeld writes. "They think you're serious about all this, and they assume Lulu and I are oppressed by our evil mother. That is so not true. Every other Thursday, you take off our chains and let us play math games in the basement.
"But for real, it's not their fault. No outsider can know what our family is really like. They don't hear us cracking up over each other's jokes. They don't see us eating our hamburgers with fried rice. They don't know how much fun we have when the six of us -- dogs included -- squeeze into one bed and argue about what movies to download from Netflix."
Chua-Rubenfeld writes in the Post that having Chua as a mother has been no "tea party."
"But now that I'm 18 and about to leave the tiger den, I'm glad you and Daddy raised me the way you did," she adds.
In reference to the handmade birthday cards her mom ripped up because "they weren't good enough," Chua-Rubenfeld writes: "Maybe if I had poured my heart into it, I would have been upset. But let's face it: The card was feeble, and I was busted. It took me 30 seconds; I didn't even sharpen the pencil. That's why, when you rejected it, I didn't feel you were rejecting me. If I actually tried my best at something, you'd never throw it back in my face."
In the Post letter, Chua-Rubenfeld lists reasons why she supports her mom's parenting, and concludes that strict rules made her more independent.
"If I died tomorrow, I would die feeling I've lived my whole life at 110 percent," she writes. "And for that, Tiger Mom, thank you."
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ReaderComments (Page 4 of 10)
1-18-2011 @ 3:36PM
April said...seriously who is right and who is wrong when it comes to your own children kids now a days have no respect and they are taught to get what they want and dont seem like enough is enough kids need to know survival those who have everything what else is there to get but trouble
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1-18-2011 @ 3:37PM
PuraRosa said...I am raising three sons with love and nurturing, they are respectfull, decent, kind and excellent in school, I find that aproach to parenting just CRUEL, So glad I did not grew up in such a household where even "love" has to "earned"
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1-18-2011 @ 3:40PM
starchildx31 said...It doesn't matter as long as the child be productive then the teaching and the child has been a goodthing. Good for you Amy, and kudos to your parents
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1-18-2011 @ 3:44PM
Joe said...as Bruce Lee said; we have the impulsive and instinctive nature and the contolled nature both within us, and are to COMBINE the two in harmony. Go to one extreme and you are out of control and self destructive, go to the other and you are a mechanical person.
In my humble opinion this woman and her daughter are way too controlled as human beings. Their problem is thats all they know and they think they are happy. Deep deep down though they are control freaks, and I hope for both of them they find a better balance.
If the girl does well in lif ehse'll be ok. What if she fails at her career? what if her kids are stupid? The mom got lucky. You push a kid like that it can work out well if the kid is like minded. She just as easily could have ended up with a drug addicted rebel who never talked to her again due to emotional damage..
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1-18-2011 @ 3:56PM
sueb said...Well stated Joe. Not everyone has the gifts to be "above average". It is about learning to work hard in order to LIVE your life well. There is nothing wrong with learning that hard work is rewarding - but where is the reward? Not everyone is going to excell, what happens to those that can't live up to perfection?
1-18-2011 @ 4:46PM
BADBOY said...HAY MAN, THIS WAS TO BE PLACE TO COMMENT ON THE ISSUE, NOT AN ADVERTISING BOARD, DIDN'T YOU MOTHER OR FATHER TEACH YOU MANNERS AND HOE TO READ!!
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1-18-2011 @ 5:46PM
Medellin1955 said...Listen America!!!
The old days, it used to be the whole village will raise the kid and they grew as resposible hard working kids (baby boomers)
Now you can't even repremend your own kids without having an ignorant person calling the cops on you because you're are trying to bring up your kids as good citizens with a great future ahead of them.
This new generation of kids are lazy,disrespectful,and don't want to work,they're just sitting at school interrupting other kids or being bullies. America needs to raise their kids like military.
These kids now days have not common sense or know how to work.
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1-18-2011 @ 7:57PM
taina said...I agree with you. My dad may he RIP once hit my brother in the street, it was because he did something, and I think he pulled his ear also, she call child abuse on him. After that, he was afraid to hit him because he used that incident. I understand there is rampant child abuse, but that is real sicko parents who don't deserve to have children. It is a shame, today, parental rights are taken away.
1-18-2011 @ 7:46PM
rod templar said...this mother is a SELFISH BITCH!
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1-18-2011 @ 3:50PM
Marc L said...So, this woman has raised her daughters with discipline. She has taught them to be the best at whatever they do, not just go through the motions. She has taught them that if you are going to do something, don't ever fake it or do it half heartedly. She has taught them to be winners. She has also taught them what self confidence is really about. And she is criticized for it? This just shows me how bad this Country has become. This shows me how much we have come to accept mediocrity as a good thing. So sad that discipline is looked down upon.
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1-18-2011 @ 4:05PM
sueb said...It is possible to raise a hardworking, well adjusted child without such abusive methods. It "worked" because the children were above average and had no choice. I riased a lovely duaghter with a great career and family. She is charnming and happy. She was expected to be responsible and taught the value of work = reward without depriving her of a normal childhood.
1-18-2011 @ 3:53PM
pfwolf01 said...What is left out of this discussion is the question of values. There is an unstated assumption that the goal for a child is "success" and that success probably means getting into the "best" schools and then making a lot of money and/or having a high position. There are other values- developing a rich depth of feeling and sense of responsibility/caring for others (i.e. becoming a mensch), exploring one's creativity, floating around until one finds something that is autonomously meaningful, contentment in life, etc. Before discussing how to raise a child, one must first look at one's values- and address whether those values should come from the parent or child.
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1-18-2011 @ 3:58PM
lesa said...My dad would have made her mom look like a liberal. He treated us like furniture..." when we get back you'd better be sitting right here!" and he meant it, I did'nt move for 2 years, LOL! But he and my mom raised 7 college graduates without a criminal record or children out of wedlock or divorces. And like this beautiful woman we 7 people have the most warped senses of humour you can imagine. I'm glad they were tough on us. They taught us to work, made decisions, speak for ourselves and to be tenacious about life and by the way, successes.
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1-18-2011 @ 3:58PM
Denise said...Kudos to you, Tiger Mother, for raising your children the way YOU thought best for them, and to you, Sophia, for standing up for your mother's parenting and for having the maturity to see that your upbringing helped make you the woman you are today.
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1-18-2011 @ 4:02PM
BT said...At least Asian's raise their children to have respect of other's used to be that way in England now they are just as rude as children here. I would not degrade my child but a little discipline does not hurt now if you look at a child some one shouts child abuse
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1-18-2011 @ 4:13PM
ken said...If this is how Asians teach their children, then it explains why the Oriental mind has been so non-creative over the centuries. Her children study what kind of music? Western. They study mathematics and science developed by what minds? Western. It's great to teach your children her way if you want robots. But then what is the point? Why not just build robots.
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1-18-2011 @ 4:18PM
Delia said...Maybe that's why the students at the best HS here in NYC are all Asians! I wonder why.
1-18-2011 @ 4:26PM
kmv said...no offense, but music did not originate in the western part of this world, and -no offense- the majority of the mathematical and scientific advancements were not developed in America either (try looking farther east for all of that). just sayin'
1-18-2011 @ 4:51PM
ken said...No offense, but music studied today is western, no offense, but Western does not mean American. It is mostly the Europeans that developed the basis of our modern science and mathmatics. I'm not knocking Asians, when I went to school, I considered them the best students. My point is, rote learning has it's limitations.
1-18-2011 @ 4:17PM
Carl Brock said...I haven't read the book , but the gist is of good sense. I spent 34 years teaching elementary school children and the decline in discipline and the need to excell has diminished greatly over the decades! It has been my experience that Asian ( that covers a broad spectrum of the population ) perform better, are more proficient in music, math, and even the English language. That doesn't rule out the huge numbers of parents of other cultures whom have great expectations of their children, but the former seem to take no exception to laziness and excuses. My only regret is for the child who just doesn't quite have the aptitude or is compared to a sibling whe excelled and the pour sot can not even come close to the talents of their older or younger brother or sister. Parents need to slack off and let that child follow their own course. I've seen many do quite well without the added pressure.
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