Tiger Mom, Amy Chua's Daughter Defends Her

Let's see, we now have Tiger Mom's, and Momma Grizzlies. What's next, Momma Crocodiles? Here in central Pennsylvania we have a lot of Momma Elephants, but that's got nothing to do with parenting - just eating. What I want to know is where and what species are the fathers in these animal-oriented family units? Geldings perhaps?

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Hello: It's her story so just be quiet and read it you want. A mother may raise and groom her children for a child's success as she wishes. We all too often read, hear how so many children in America are raised by the mother or often a grand parent because the mother's an addict especially in ghettos.

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because she is more contributed to USA than your crap "native" citizens.

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Being Asian I can relate. My Dad will probably be in jail if it was here in the states especially nowadays. Four younger brothers and the only girl in the family, nobody was exempted from that belt if
anyone did something out of line. All we have to hear from my mother was "wait till you father gets home" . Bring home good grades, be polite, respect your elders, etc. Nobody did summer jobs, tuition and allowance well provided because my Dad worked hard. All of us goal orientd, are doing very well in fact great, above average tax payers because of how we were brought up by my strict parents. We didn't think about self esteem, ADHD and all the
new psycho terms. I'm more liberal and Americanized with a touch of Asian traditions towards my children. They both think
me, me, me, first. Being an American is a right instead of a privilege.They are both good kids but different from the way I was brought up.

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I was raised very harshly, I still suffer from self esteem issues because things were said not just once but repeatedly. A punishment for a wrong was fixed by a severe spanking, grounding and then belittling in front of my siblings at the dinner table for two to three days. There was not a lot of openly expressed love to any of my brothers and sisters but particularly for me. i was the black sheep, diagnosed in the early 70's with minor brain dysfunction a diagnosis that is now changed to ADD. All this said my parents did not have the 1000's of "Experts" to guide them. They came from very harsh backgrounds themselves, we were borderline poor and it was a struggle to raise us four kids. I wish things could have been different as I have suffered and paid a big price, especially for the verbal abuse. Despite the harshness of childhood I have grown up to always respect my elders, have always held a job, have with more ease than others been able to adapt to the cold hearted nature of my peers in the working world. I have never been arrested and I take responsibility to for my failings. I would say that Tiger mom wrote about the discipline that she carried out, but did not write about the time she spent loving, nuturing and explaining the reasons for her punishments. One of her children clarified this in the letter to the editor today. I think that my parents had everything on the punishment side correct because i did a lot of very bad things. Where they let me down was in not spending the time with me to let me know that despite my failings that I was indeed a unique, important, and capable person. Parents today that try to be their childrens best friends are setting them up for worse trauma than I went through. I look at kids today and they come across as ungrounded, disrespectful, selfish, & fearless. None of these characteristics are going to help them in the independent world even worse none of these characteristics allow them to help others in need. When I look at the social problems and heinous acts that are carried out by kids today I conclude that a few more spankings and heartless punishment toward them would have done them well. I have a good relationship with my Mother and I know she suffers from having to live with the mistakes she made. I was able to hold my Fathers hand, Kiss him goodbye, and tell him I loved him before he died. He responded that he loved me too. I think that this was a deeper more meaninful exchange than many of the children raised today by parents turning circles to give them every new THING will have when their time comes.

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If a parent must resort to physical or mental abuse then they have lost the battle.

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Whatever you say sounds racist.

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What a lotta people don't realize is that everyone has different ways in which they want to raise their children, Asian people especially. They are much harsher and much more strict only because they want their kids to be great, succeed and not end up in the same position they were as they were growing up. Aside from being strict, they're parents as well meaning they have a sense of humor and are nice! Even if they may be strict and never funny its only cause they want the best for their kids. Every parent has a different way they raise their children and much of it comes from customs so clearly I don't see why people are making a big issue out of this when this isn't even their family we're talking about.

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The issue that bothers me the most in most discussions about parenting is that just about everyone confuses discipline with punishment. Children can be quite strictly disciplined yet have almost no punishment involved. Discipline (control) has to start early, be consistent, and be shown to be done out of love. Kids aren't stupid. They know when something is being done for their sake rather than that of the parent. Punishment is usually the last (but sometimes first) resort of a person who is himself or herself undisciplined.

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Really the main problems I have with her is depicting this parenting style as "Chinese". Someone should tell Earl Woods and Richard Williams. Also, there are a few things that may correlate with her style but aren't the cause. In most cases, a successful person is the person with the most experience and practice. That is an obvious generalization that is subject to scrutiny but hard work typically pays off. That doesn't mean that her style of criticism is what is warranted. Which leads me to her daughter defending her. Of course she is defending her, her entire life was trying to live up to her mothers extreme expectations so why would she suddenly decide to stop trying to get one iota of approval from her mother?

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I'm all for discipline but when a parent believes the child is put on this earth to serve the parents' demands, that child is going to crack or rebel. Ever notice how many FEMALE CHINESE marry white guys? The culture raises its men to be Gods...and that's BS.

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The issue that bothers me the most in most discussions about parenting is that just about everyone confuses discipline with punishment. Children can be quite strictly disciplined yet have almost no punishment involved. Discipline (control) has to start early, be consistent, and be shown to be done out of love. Kids aren't stupid. They know when something is being done for their sake rather than that of the parent. Punishment is usually the last (but sometimes first) resort of a person who is himself or herself undisciplined.

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The critics are upset that this family didnt have to spend money on drug treatment stays, lawyers, and all the other ills that American parents spend on their children who are infected with the ills (Racial HATE, GREED) of this society!

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Her daughter is obviously brainwashed as she thanks her mother for the abuse! She won't know the difference until she experience a lifestyle where she is cherished and respected. I hope her adult experience will be much different from when she was a kid and then she'll be able to make an unbiased decision on whether her mother was right or wrong.
Love is truly all there is! Don't try to "prepare" your kids for life! Unless you can see their future in the crystal ball how can you tell what to prepare them for??!!! Passing your experience, doing things together where they can watch you is all they need. Life will teach them the rest, believe me!
How could my mother ever prepare me an 11 year old kid at the time for a fall of my birth country, civil war and mass killings? Her unconditional love helped me through it all and knowing that I was loved helps me now that she is gone.
Tiger Mother??!!! To me Mama Bear is an animal to represent a strong mother. Even though she may smack her cubs a time or two :) she is still one loving, caring yet powerful mother who is always there for her cubs.
P.S. check out "Mama bear, Bjork" on youtube. She is so adorable with her cubs.

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I grew up with a father who was born and raised in mainland China and an American mother. My father was very strict and had we also had a Chinese mother, most likely we have been raised a lot like Amy's kids. Each child must learn a foreign language, play an instrument, play a sport, study, limited TV, read the paper not just the comics and do their best. And if you did not earn an 'A', then you were not doing your best - no excuses! The American influence of our mother also allowed us to have sleep overs, not study every waking hour and make sure our social skills were as developed as our educational skills.
There might be times when Amy's daughters wish they could spend more time watching TV or goofing around, but there will still be plenty of time for that. As an adult, I have never wished that my father had pushed us less (as a child, Yes, many times!). But I am married, in my 30's about to complete my Master's degree and in my opinion, the least successful of us children.

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netflix? i though tv was banned.

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I won't even read the other comments made as I'm certain most are negative. But... I ran a sitter/nanny service for 10 years and I have seen just about everything... I also had a small kennel and raised beloved Golden Retrievers and I can tell you, I learned a LOT about raising kids, by raising well rounded, beautifully behaved DOGS!
I have always admired the manners displayed (with the exception of one spoiled rotten brat) by children of Far East parentage. I raised one child and, unfortunately, my spouse undermined everything disciplinarian and we are reaping what was sowed. I so wish I could say I was truly proud of the results, but actually... I can only say I am proud of a couple of things. For the most part, I am embarrassed/ashamed, as ... there appears to be zero self-drive, no apparent ambition, and an absolute refusal to work. My spouse insists on depleting our retirement to support this "child" and spouse (yes, married!) and it's the number cause of grief in our own marriage.
I have asked/begged/demanded that they do volunteer work of some kind as they will have nothing on their future resumes except for school (and they're not excelling there either). And the last time we saw how they lived, we were horrified. I have to say... the bigger influence (to the negative) on my child turned out to be, in hindsight, his choice of friends. I had no control over that, though I tried.
Now he married to a girl I genuinely like as a person, but... in that neither seem to be motivated... you want the best for your kids, you want for them to be happy... but I tell you what. had I known how it would have turned out... I would have done things very differently... even if it meant divorcing the spouse that not only allowed but encouraged bad behavior by being a buddy instead of a parent. NOW, he sees the error of his ways but has he changed? No. There is no respect anywhere in the picture. Without respect in ANY relationship... there can be nothing else.

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We raised our kids in a loving caring environment and they maintained a 4.0 GPA all the way through college. They are now very successful adults and we never once belittled them or called them garbage. We raised them in a Italian/American home and they always knew they were loved and appreciated. Our neighbor who happened to be writing a book about parenting was so impressed with our children asked what we did to make them so well rounded. We would have strangers compliment us on our kids regularly in social settings. So I don't think you have to be a dictator around your home to raise good kids, you do however need to be a parent. Anyone can have children, but there is a proper way to raise them to be good,happy, functioning adults. Our secret is no secret, it's all spelled out in the greatest book ever written, The Holy Bible.

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