The Hatch-Palucks, Week 15: The Elephant In the Room

by Amy Hatch (Subscribe to Amy Hatch's posts)
Jan 20th 2011 9:00AM

Filed under: Healthy Families Challenge

Emmie loves to bake with her Easy-Bake Oven -- but she rarely eats what she makes. Credit: Amy Hatch

One of the most basic aspects of parenting is feeding your child, and it's the one that most often makes me feel like a failure.

It isn't because I'm not a good cook. It isn't because I resort to fast food too often. It isn't because I prefer baking treats to creating healthy dinners.

It's because of the elephant in the room.

The pachyderm in question is Emmie's food phobia.

Our daughter always showed strong food preferences, even as an infant on baby food. She hated anything green, turned her nose up at proteins (with the exceptions of yogurt and cheese) and gave up milk at age 15 months.

I took mothering her very seriously, of course, and I was so excited the day that she had her first taste of "real" food. Even then, I could tell Emmie was going to be finicky. She didn't even like baby-food peaches. And who doesn't love baby-food peaches?

My own sweet tooth and emotional-eating history influenced my feelings as well. I have strong associations with treats and love, so imagine my delight when watching my own child enjoy a chocolate-chip cookie made by her grandmother (and she does).

Until Emmie was about 18 months old, we could count on her eating roast chicken, broccoli and other unprocessed foods. She adored my homemade macaroni-and-cheese, and would always eat her Mandarin oranges.

Then, she began to exhibit normal developmental pickiness. She stopped eating meat, unless it was molded into nugget form. She made her preference for mac-and-cheese from a box known. She gave up all fruit and veggies, with the exception of bananas, and fell in love with French fries and grilled cheese.

I indulged her, thinking it was just a phase.

Now Emmie is 6 years old and her diet consists entirely of frozen waffles and pancakes, grilled cheese and fries, chicken nuggets, smooth yogurt (no fruit pieces allowed), bananas, boxed mac-and-cheese, Nutella, white bread, bagels, crackers and some cookies.

When we ask her to try something new, like noodles with butter or pizza, she has a panic attack -- the kind you can't fake. This isn't just a child throwing a tantrum to get out of doing something she doesn't want to do. She gets hysterical from the fear, with tears and the shakes.

It's heartbreaking to watch.

Her food preferences extend to sweets and junk food, too. She isn't a fan of frosting, won't eat oatmeal cookies or anything with nuts, and she can't stand Doritos.

Heck, if she ate a Cheeto, we'd consider it a breakthrough.

I joke, but only because it deflects the uncomfortable truth.

Our daughter has a diagnosed, severe food phobia. She's seen several doctors, and they're in agreement. She fears new foods as someone with a dog phobia would fear a pit bull. In fact, that's exactly how one professional described it to me, when I expressed my frustration with Emmie's reaction to being asked to try a new food.

Imagine, she said, fearing dogs and being asked to cuddle one on your lap.

When we ask our child to try a new food, she panics. It is so hard to watch, especially when it's an item that we know would help make her healthier. For weeks, I worked on coaxing her to try a sliver of peeled apple, and, when she finally was able to make herself put it in her mouth, she gagged and almost vomited.

As Emmie has gotten older, eating has also become a social issue. Birthday parties and play dates become a nightmare when you can't bear the thought of putting peanut butter or pizza in your mouth.

It's so hard to hear her tell me that the pot of tomato sauce simmering on the stove smells delicious, then watch her struggle to find a way to get over her fear of tasting it. I know she wants to eat something different.

She just can't.

No doubt, there are some texture issues at play, as well as some preferences that she comes by honestly. Channing and I are hardly what anyone would call adventurous eaters.

In taking on the Healthy Families Challenge, our hope was that Emmie would follow our example as we ate better. Sadly, this hasn't been the case. She's had behavioral therapy designed to desensitize her to new tastes and textures in the past, and even that hasn't worked, so I suppose it shouldn't be a surprise.

Not too long ago, we had a glimmer of hope. My mother pointed me to a piece that ran on ABC's Nightline, about this specific issue. Watching the video of the young girl in the piece was like watching Emmie. It even gave us a name for her problem -- food neophobia.

There is someone out there who might be able to really help our daughter. According to Nightline, Dr. Nancy Zucker is an assistant professor at Duke University's School of Medicine, and runs its Center for Eating Disorders. That organization is just beginning to study food neophobia.

It's time for us to reach out to Zucker, because I can't stand to watch her suffer -- and she does suffer -- one minute longer.

Who's the rest of the competition? Check out all the challengers' latest updates here.

How is the Hatch-Paluck family doing? Check in on their progress!

ReaderComments (Page 5 of 18)

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1-22-2011 @ 8:37AM

josie said...

This comment relates to little 6 yr old Emmie. Please consider taking her to an allergist physician for testing. She may be avoiding the foods that make her feel ill. Many children avoid certain foods because their body is "telling them" what foods to not eat. i.e. nuts, dairy, animal protein...etc. It's certainly worth the try to help her.

1-22-2011 @ 8:41AM

Givemeabreak said...

This is not a matter of a parent overindulging a child. I have two chilldren with completely different tastes and reactions to food. Our first child ate, and still does eat, nearly every food imaginable. By age two she would eat such foods as beef, chicken, broccoli, lobster, escargot, spinach, asparagus, and artichokes. Our second child hated anything green that was in his plate. Despite all efforts to get him to eat vegetables, he refused. His diet became very limited and he would go days without eating. If he even attempted to try a vegetable, he would vomit. He is still like that to this day at the age of 18. While his taste has now expanded to eat things he would have never tried or been able to hold down as a child, he still cannot tolerate eating most vegetables. To him, they taste so foul that he retches every time he tries them.

1-22-2011 @ 8:49AM

LSULinebacker64 said...

When someone wants to make a remark blaming this all because on parents. NO! There's different disorders that occur on different people. No telling what it may come from. This isn't say just because of a way a parent feeds a child. There are mental and emotional disorders of this type that effect peoples eatting habits. It has nothing to do with anything else around them.

1-22-2011 @ 8:55AM

Just Call Me Z said...

I have this STILL and I'm 40 so this is SERIOUS! It is NOT the parents fault for allowing the kid to eat what she wanted, although that did help to solidify the limited allowed foods list. Once a food is removed, its downhill from there. Another food will be removed and another, until you are left with even less than what she currently eats. Try very hard not to allow her to lose any of the foods currently on her list. They won't be replaced when she is starving.
To those who think if you starve her she will eat, you have no idea what you're talking about. I should weigh 135 or so, I'm 5'6" and medium bone... I weigh maybe 102, who knows, could be 99 now.

People don't know how to treat this, and the name isn't necessarily accurate... as a 'food phobia'. (Side note: Aspergers could have something to do with this because sufferers make rules to live by that once they are made, they themselves can't even break them).

This is more complex than a phobia of new foods. She is fearing a disaster from consuming them. What the deep fear is may never be discovered and that may not be of importance anyhow.
What is important to know is that desensitization isn't going to work because you are trying to fix the emotional reaction to the THOUGHTS that are causing the emotional distress.
The answer lies in identifying her thoughts... and getting her to either change her way of thinking (very hard to do as children get older but at six, maybe still a chance, by 11 I'd say its more complicated and by 15 I'd say its near permanent - that's what I see around me, in people with all sorts of behavior issues) Anyhow... its the thoughts that need to be dealt with, not the fear reaction. The fear will ALWAYS be there so long as the THOUGHTS are there.
Imagine a bus coming at you at 100 mph... and saying "dont fear this"... not going to happen. Your thoughts tell you that you are in real danger and your body and physiology WILL react in tremendous fear and anxiety as a result. Now if your thoughts changed from the bus is coming at you to, the bus is going to go past you ... the fear is MUCH decreased and you likely don't panic.
Her fear is that something catastrophic is going to happen when she consumes the food. Now here's the kicker... this phobia is MUCH worse than any other I can imagine because you can't reverse it once you take that step. For example, a fear of dogs, you approach, you freak, you walk away. With food, you approach, you eat, FOOD IS STILL IN YOU!! No way to retreat, no way to get it out, even if you vomit there are remnants of fearer object remaining IN YOU. You cannot walk away, you are stuck you are doomed.
With the huge reaction you describe with her, I imagine its something deeper like this. Not just a simple "this feels bad in my mouth" texture issue. Once swallowed there'd be no texture issue, so she wouldn't be gaging and vomiting as you mentioned in the article.
Any phobia has to be dealt with like this unless its very mild. If it has any real hold on the person you have to go after the thoughts and attack them.
The absolute best advice I could give anyone on this is that we have to teach people suffering with this that the body is reacting to thoughts and that the brain doesn't always send us correct information on what we need to pay attention to or react to. Its not that the thoughts are irrational necessarily, although they may be, they might not be (like one of mine is the fear of peanut butter because it contains Aflatoxin a mold known to cause liver cancer over time even in low quantities) so to tell me I'm thinking irrationally to not want to consume a known cancer causing toxin is like telling me its okay to smoke cigarettes, and I'm correct, and I'm not irrational.
If the fears are reality based don't try to tell the person they are thinking irrationally, because they know they are not.
Again, trying to accept the thoughts "peanut butter and other nuts have alflatoxin, cancer causing mold, and so its okay for me to eat this... why?" And if you don't have a damn good answer, that fear will not end, because those thoughts will not change. For me, its just unacceptable to put that in your body, just like milk or meat with hormones (causing boys to grow boobs) and antibiotics in them. You just ought not consume such things. But in further review even organic foods have some residue of pesticides etc... so what can you do? If you're phobic of this stuff, you are in a very bad reality.
Obviously your daughter isn't to this point yet. But she has latched onto some information that makes her believe there is something to fear, that something bad will come from consuming foods. Let me say it again, the only real, long lasting treatment (hate that word) for this is dealing with the thinking, the thoughts, not the emotional fear reaction... the panic is secondary. Meds treat the panic, but they don't treat the thinking so stay away from them, and get to the core of the thoughts that are causing the distress.
We have to all learn to accept that life is dirty, that our water has caffeine, anitanxiety drugs and anti epilepsy drugs in it along with all the other contamnants like lead and bacteria etc. But if you can't accept, you get phobic.
Best advice I ever received was - "let go"
-easier said than done.
Focus on countering the fearful thoughts with thoughts that are more reassuring. (and saying we all have to die of something isn't one of them)
I would give her details about fruits, vegies, proteins, grains, and explain how these build your body. Keep it simple because if you explain how flour is considered a toxin to your body and the government should NOT allow production of white bread for any reason - yes its that toxic and foreign, yet we don't understand that as consumers.
And this isn't an eating disorder, its an anxiety disorder. Its just that the object involves food, which affects nutrition, and bodily functions if it goes too far.
Keep it simple, straight forward, and real. Get to the thoughts, and the bad feelings (panic) will go away (assuming you have reality based info to counter the thoughts that are causing the distress)... and remind to 'let go.'

1-25-2011 @ 12:06PM

Lindsay said...

I relate to you 100%. I am about to turn 26 and I have the same eating issues you do. It is SO FRUSTRATING that people do not understand this disorder and continue to make ignorant comments about it. Question for the ignorant people: When you hear somebody has cancer, do you say, "Oh, it's your fault for not doing x, y and z. You had bad parenting as a child." NO! I bet you don't judge cancer patients like that! It would be ridiculous to do so. Selective Eating Disorder is a severe disorder that people cannot prevent. People shouldn't judge SED victims without understanding it. I can't just pick up a carrot and take a bite, even though I know it's stupid. I just can't do it. I start sweating, gagging, I get dizzy, heart palpitations, I feel like I can't breathe. I've gone to multiple doctors and therapists and after working with them, they've told me that they're sorry, they don't know how to help me and they wished they did. They recognized the severity of this disorder, at least. The general public has no idea and thinks people with this condition can just get over it and had bad parenting. It's so frustrating.

1-22-2011 @ 9:07AM

justanothermom said...

Wow, How overanalyzed is that? It's called "A picky eater". My brother ate almost nothing but corndogs and corn, for what seemed like years. One Thanksgiving, my brother would eat nothing at the family meal at Grandma's house. My Grandmother was an excellent cook and I remember my dad getting up from the table ( very aggravated ) and getting him a bowl of cheerios. All of grandma's staples sugar, flour etc... were in canisters. Instead of sprinkling sugar over the cereal, he accidently sprinkled salt. Needless to say, when Mike took his first bite of the cereal, he let out a big hollar and started whining again. I was concerned that my brother wasn't going to survive the day. But he lived,and little by little he tried different foods. Now he's a creative cook. Go figure.

1-22-2011 @ 9:10AM

Carolyn Medendorp said...

These are cruel comments. My son (now in his 40s) was just such a picky eater. He NEVER was given alternative foods. He either ate what was served or went hungry. He went without food for three days. Eventually we had to serve something he ate! We NEVER had junk food in the house. And he NEVER ate fruit except raisins and applesauce and NEVER ate vegetables except peas. He NEVER ate jam or soup or casseroles -- anything with a mixed consistency. He wouldn't eat jellybeans or ice cream with bits of caramel or chocolate in them. As an adult he's more willing to try things but he's still a notably picky eater. That's just who he is and has been from infancy onward. His siblings have normal eating habits.

1-22-2011 @ 9:16AM

Karen said...

Hello,
Our son has the same problem and it started when he was a baby. He would only eat orange baby food, even though he was too little to comprehend that the food he would eat was orange, so there is something deeper there.
He is 7 now and in sensory classes at school. Before he started school, he would only eat mcdonald cheeseburgers, cheese pizza, fruit snacks, cheese, hot dogs and frosting and that was it.
Between the sensory class, where they work on issues like that and everyone in class has the same issues and eating with school mates, he is slowly trying new things.

If we ask him to try something and he does not want to, you can see it in his face, when he puts it in his mouth he will gag and throw up and he will. Texture and crunchiness are issues. He will only eat one kind of cookie, keeblers soft chocolate chip, any other chocolate chip cookies is too crunchy or too hard.
Everyone blamed us and always said, if that is all that you offer him then he will eventually eat. He can go all day without eating if he is not offered something that he will eat.
What I am saying is have patience and look into sensory classes at school. We have gotten our son to try new foods by trickery (putting small slivers of chicken in with the cheese on his noodles, bribery, I once gave him a dollar to try a piece of pork chop, which he found out that he loves and eats every time now and by threat that if he did not take a bite, I was going to make him eat a whole helping.

1-22-2011 @ 9:15AM

kelly said...

Did you ever think your child might have allergies? My son is 6 and for the past few years we had a hard time getting him to eat. He didn't have hives or anything, I thought he was really picky. Someone told me to get him an allergy test. So i did and we found out he is allergic to soy, soy is in just about everything. Now that we took soy out of his diet he is eating like a teen.

1-22-2011 @ 12:48PM

kzt said...

This child is spoiled and catered to. Of course she will play the fear out..she's getting attention and getting her way. Do you think starving or poor children have these types of phobias?

marlene said...

Children learn eating habits which they are taught. Lots of kids go through picky periods, mine did. The more wrapped up the parent is in the child's preferences the worse it gets. Provide some adequate foods, get rid of the candy and junk, let the kid make their own meals. Get rid of the "counselling" and act like a normal parent, eventually your child will act like a normal child.

1-22-2011 @ 9:20AM

Ellen said...

WOW,,,,FIRST OFF, SHAME ON THOSE OF YOU FOR SAYING THIS CHILD IS A BRAT!!! AND THAT HER PARENTS ARE INDULGING HER...WALK A MILE IN THEIR SHOES BEFORE COMMENTING. I AM A MOTHER TO 5 CHILDREN, OLDEST 23, YOUNGEST 5...MY 5 YEAR OLD SON HAS SIMILAR ISSUES. AS AN INFANT UP TO AGE 18 MONTHS HE ATE ANYTHING I GAVE HIM, AND THEN SUDDENLY STOPPED..SINCE THAT TIME HIS DIET CONSISTS OF PEANUT BUTTER, BREAD, YOGURT, MILK, OJ, AND "CRUNCHY" FOODS (CRACKERS, PRETZELS ETC.) I TOO WOULD THROW A PARTY IF HE WOULD TRY A CHEETO!! ALMOST DID THE DAY I GOT HIM TO "LICK" A CHICKEN NUGGET!! I HAVE BEEN REPEATEDLY TOLD BY PEDIATRICIANS THAT ITS A PHASE..AND HAVE CONTINUALLY AS A "SEASONED" PARENT TOLD THEM ITS NOT A PHASE...I DO BELIEVE ITS SENSORY RELATED, AND WOULD APPRECIATE HEARING FROM ANYONE CARING AND UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PROBLEM AND ANYTHING THEY HAVE DONE TO CHANGE THINGS.

1-24-2011 @ 6:19PM

Anette said...

Your child sounds exactly like my son. It is so helpful to hear of other parents who face the same challenges as I. I have heard many "well-meaning" suggestions....I believe it is as hard on me as it is on my son, just in a different way.

1-22-2011 @ 6:15PM

Hattie Crabtree said...

Ellen,its rude to type in caps online,its considered "yelling".See how this little girl is when she is older?I hope she isn't fat.

1-22-2011 @ 9:24AM

Mal said...

The girl does not look fat and I think if she only prefers the fattening versions of the foods she likes, then as long as they keep her active and give her the right portions she will be fine. I agree that some people didn't read the article; she has seen doctors about it and has been diagnosed with a problem, and it isn't that her parents are lazy and are choosing to give her fast food or other fattening items that are easy to dish out. She has a problem that her parents did not contribute to, unless you are calling the mom a liar about fruits and veggies they tried to get her to eat.

1-22-2011 @ 9:43AM

bry8tiyze said...

Please listen to the parents who have encountered the same kind of extreme reaction to foods intheir own children and have your child evaluated for one of the Autism spectrum disorders. It is truly a spectrum and children with milder forms like Aspergers and Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Othewise Specified (PDD-NOS) often have sensory sensitivities that impact a child's reaction to the texture, smell and look of foods. It's great your child has been diagnosed with a legitimate phobia, but don't stop there. Anxieties and phobias often accompany Autism spectrum disorders. My son seemed fairly normal, no developmental delays to speak of, so no one ever recommended that he be evaluated for a developmental disability, but at age 20 after failing out of college, I had him evaluated because I'd read about Asperger's. Recalling his food, clothing and hearing sensitivities set off alarm bells for me. These were the most prominent symptoms of his disorder when he was very young but there were others that I just didn't recognize. Had I, he could have had support to overcome or at least develop accomodations and have support options. I wish I'd known more then but I'm getting him the help he needs now. I hope you stay strong and don't listen to all these self-proclaimed parenting experts who are blaming you for your daughter's condition. It's beyond a question of "nurture" or parenting and I'm sure you are proactive enough to get your daughter the help she needs. Stay strong!

1-22-2011 @ 9:27AM

DSherlne said...

Enough with all this psycho babble about disorders and phobias and how deep it is and all of that BS. She's a 6 year old child for crying out loud, and needs to be treated as such. If she won't eat what she's given let her go hungry. Sooner or later she will eat and she'll be glad she got what she got.
Of course the "specialists" and psycho babble doctors, I mean the "therapists" are going to call “it” by all kinds of creative names and be willing to treat “it”. That's how they make their living.
Ignore the tantrums, and eventually they'll stop, and yes that's all it is, normal childhood tantrums. Perhaps because of the reactions from the adults around her they've been allowed to get to a point where they seem to be something significantly worse but it's nothing more than normal childhood tantrums.
A little common sense is needed here. This isn’t a new problem and most real people have already figured out how to deal with it. Treat her as a 6 year old child and act like the parents you’re supposed to and everything will work out. It has worked well for hundreds of years already.

1-22-2011 @ 9:29AM

Bonnie said...

Have you tried having her seen by a Medical Hypnotherapist who specializes in fears and phobias? The mind is a very powerful tool that can work for us or against us, a good hypnotherapist can help her sort out the issue and resolve it from an unconscious perspective.

Laura J said...

Some of you are so insensitive..."I would NEVER LET ME CHILD ACT LIKE THAT" "Who is running the show here?" "No problem letting the kid go hungry" "The kid is fat"

Go straight to hell on the horse you rode in on.

I have been working with children and familes for almost a decade on anxiety and behavioral issues. I have seen it all and most of all, rather than just being some therapist with no actual experience...I have two children with deveopmental disabilities and my daughter has GAD or generalized anxiety disorder. My brother is autistic. We have mental illness in our family. It just is. Screw you , all you self righteous morons who think this is just a battle of wills. The kid has an anxiety attack. By forcing her to 100% take on her fear with no coping strategies, is irresponsible. She might get over the food thing as she gets older, but the anxiety will then be transfered to something else. And who knows how destructive that can be. Trust me, this could be a lot worse.

Amy you are a wonderful mother. Just be recognizing that this is something more than just a willful child, you have shown yourself more intellegent than most of the people that have responded. By seeking help you are far and away a better parent than most. Kudos, and thank you for sharing your story.

There is only one thing I disagree with and that this is something specific like food neophobia. I think that she has sensory integration disorder and anxiety. But Not being a doctor I can't make that determination. I would reccomend a developmental psychiatrist, and they can do the official test, and determine the best course of action. Your daughter has a disease...not just a willful personality.

Here are a few suggestions...in the immediate, she needs some more nutrition. When my brother was yonger he lived on pringles and diet koolaid. He would throw anything else right back up due to sensory issues. I would look into vitamin supplements. Nutra-Thera is a good braind that I use and my brother used. Despite only eating pringles and kool-aid he never had a cavity or was sick, while he took these vitamins. It gave him the nutrition he needed to stay healthy.

Then, I would just begin by putting next to her plate, in a seperate bowl, the food you want her to try. Don't call attention to it, don't mention it, just have it there so she gets used to it's presence. The fact that you ask her, just adds to the anxiety, because she knows you want her to eat it, and the pressure just builds inside her. It is illogical but it it is still very real, as I am sure you can attest to having seen her have a panic attack over a new food. She won't eat it, but she will eventually get used to something she doesn't like being there. Then, one day, put it on her plate, again not calling attention to it. She might, one day, just eat it an not even thinking about it, because she is used to it being there. Stick with one food, so there are no changes. Then once she starts eating one thing, begin all over with a new one. THIS IS A VERY SLOW PROCESS, and very stressful for you.

And as much as I hate to say it if it is as severe as you say it is, do not be suprised if a doctor mentions meds. You can start slow and combine it's usage with an Occupational Therapist...I am wary of meds myself, but they do help. My son is on one for hyperactivity, and my daughter is on a small dose of Zoloft for her anxiety, although that is not a typical use for the drug. Start slow like I said, but there might be merit in it.

I want to re-itterate that you are a wonderful mother. You are doing the best you can, don't listen to the crack pots who think they know better. Just because they strong arm their kids doesn't mean that is a practical way to raise children. If you find you need some more guidance, I am available, if you want to contact me off board, and I will send you my email.

Something my mother said to me that I think you might find comforting...We are chosen for our roles as parents of non-typical children. Whatever higher power your believe in, made sure that you were Emmie's mom because you would be the one to give her the best care possible.

Good luck my dear. Know I am rooting for you! (and Emmie too!)

Laura Johnson

1-22-2011 @ 9:31AM

Harry Hurt said...

What about allergies? Does Emmie have food allergies? I had no food problems until I was in my 30's, and now I can't eat raw pineapple. It's a thyroid thing. Anything else I don't eat is just a matter of preference, for example, I don't eat rabbits, and I don't eat squirrels. Squirrels are rodents. I'd just as soon eat a Norway rat! Call it imagination if you must, but I love shellfish, but will not eat squid.

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