The Hatch-Palucks, Week 15: The Elephant In the Room

by Amy Hatch (Subscribe to Amy Hatch's posts)
Jan 20th 2011 9:00AM

Filed under: Healthy Families Challenge

Emmie loves to bake with her Easy-Bake Oven -- but she rarely eats what she makes. Credit: Amy Hatch

One of the most basic aspects of parenting is feeding your child, and it's the one that most often makes me feel like a failure.

It isn't because I'm not a good cook. It isn't because I resort to fast food too often. It isn't because I prefer baking treats to creating healthy dinners.

It's because of the elephant in the room.

The pachyderm in question is Emmie's food phobia.

Our daughter always showed strong food preferences, even as an infant on baby food. She hated anything green, turned her nose up at proteins (with the exceptions of yogurt and cheese) and gave up milk at age 15 months.

I took mothering her very seriously, of course, and I was so excited the day that she had her first taste of "real" food. Even then, I could tell Emmie was going to be finicky. She didn't even like baby-food peaches. And who doesn't love baby-food peaches?

My own sweet tooth and emotional-eating history influenced my feelings as well. I have strong associations with treats and love, so imagine my delight when watching my own child enjoy a chocolate-chip cookie made by her grandmother (and she does).

Until Emmie was about 18 months old, we could count on her eating roast chicken, broccoli and other unprocessed foods. She adored my homemade macaroni-and-cheese, and would always eat her Mandarin oranges.

Then, she began to exhibit normal developmental pickiness. She stopped eating meat, unless it was molded into nugget form. She made her preference for mac-and-cheese from a box known. She gave up all fruit and veggies, with the exception of bananas, and fell in love with French fries and grilled cheese.

I indulged her, thinking it was just a phase.

Now Emmie is 6 years old and her diet consists entirely of frozen waffles and pancakes, grilled cheese and fries, chicken nuggets, smooth yogurt (no fruit pieces allowed), bananas, boxed mac-and-cheese, Nutella, white bread, bagels, crackers and some cookies.

When we ask her to try something new, like noodles with butter or pizza, she has a panic attack -- the kind you can't fake. This isn't just a child throwing a tantrum to get out of doing something she doesn't want to do. She gets hysterical from the fear, with tears and the shakes.

It's heartbreaking to watch.

Her food preferences extend to sweets and junk food, too. She isn't a fan of frosting, won't eat oatmeal cookies or anything with nuts, and she can't stand Doritos.

Heck, if she ate a Cheeto, we'd consider it a breakthrough.

I joke, but only because it deflects the uncomfortable truth.

Our daughter has a diagnosed, severe food phobia. She's seen several doctors, and they're in agreement. She fears new foods as someone with a dog phobia would fear a pit bull. In fact, that's exactly how one professional described it to me, when I expressed my frustration with Emmie's reaction to being asked to try a new food.

Imagine, she said, fearing dogs and being asked to cuddle one on your lap.

When we ask our child to try a new food, she panics. It is so hard to watch, especially when it's an item that we know would help make her healthier. For weeks, I worked on coaxing her to try a sliver of peeled apple, and, when she finally was able to make herself put it in her mouth, she gagged and almost vomited.

As Emmie has gotten older, eating has also become a social issue. Birthday parties and play dates become a nightmare when you can't bear the thought of putting peanut butter or pizza in your mouth.

It's so hard to hear her tell me that the pot of tomato sauce simmering on the stove smells delicious, then watch her struggle to find a way to get over her fear of tasting it. I know she wants to eat something different.

She just can't.

No doubt, there are some texture issues at play, as well as some preferences that she comes by honestly. Channing and I are hardly what anyone would call adventurous eaters.

In taking on the Healthy Families Challenge, our hope was that Emmie would follow our example as we ate better. Sadly, this hasn't been the case. She's had behavioral therapy designed to desensitize her to new tastes and textures in the past, and even that hasn't worked, so I suppose it shouldn't be a surprise.

Not too long ago, we had a glimmer of hope. My mother pointed me to a piece that ran on ABC's Nightline, about this specific issue. Watching the video of the young girl in the piece was like watching Emmie. It even gave us a name for her problem -- food neophobia.

There is someone out there who might be able to really help our daughter. According to Nightline, Dr. Nancy Zucker is an assistant professor at Duke University's School of Medicine, and runs its Center for Eating Disorders. That organization is just beginning to study food neophobia.

It's time for us to reach out to Zucker, because I can't stand to watch her suffer -- and she does suffer -- one minute longer.

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ReaderComments (Page 6 of 18)

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1-22-2011 @ 9:35AM

Debbie said...

Wow! Someone asks for help and all they get is grief? Personally, I would let her eat what she eats. I always had texture issues with some foods. It wasn't the taste it was the texture. Maybe encouraging her to grow some things in the garden and then encourage her to help you cook. If she eats new things ok, but if not allow her current diet. Focusing on the problem may actually make it worse. I grew up on peanut butter and the doctora told my Mom when she asked about the "problem" just to buy a bigger jar!

melanie said...

My incredibly wise NY pediatrician told me years ago: "don't worry if your toddler won't eat a balanced meal - aim for a balanced day, or even a balanced WEEK - as long as you're offering them good foods at every meal & snacktime, you're doing your job." Not only was this comforting as a new mother, it turned out to be fine advice for my first three children - they each began to try new foods as they matured and their palates developed. But they each have distinctly different preferences - even the most adventurous, health-conscious of them won't touch a banana and one of them hates milk. My two youngest are still in the throes of pickiness - but you can make good choices as a Mom - reduced sugar peanut butter, low fat cheeses, whole grain bread disguised as soft & white, organic mac & cheese brands, whole grain, all white meat nuggets, sweet potoato fries - and who cares if the yogurt has chunks? And a daily mulitvitamin along with low sugar juices that incorporate vegetables are recommended anyway. I don't doubt that this poor child has a very real problem, regardless of the genesis. But it is perhaps being "given too much air." I also found that my children began to try new foods and be more conscious of their choices once they went to school and saw other children eating different foods. I doubt very much that this child will starve to death, nor will she be socially crippled by her fears forever. I hope this Mom finds some good, supportive, funny friends to help her through this difficult patch. I hope she remembers that this little girl probably won't go off to college eating only frozen waffles. ;)

1-22-2011 @ 9:34AM

Joyce Frisby said...

I battled my parents over food when I was little. Come to find out the ones I hated were those which caused me allergic reactions. I still can't eat those I hated as a child. Parents should accommodate children who have definite likes and dislikes. They may have good reasons for those they dislike.

1-22-2011 @ 9:37AM

thriceshy said...

My son was much the same way, but instead of screaming and crying, it was absolute refusal, and if we pressed, he would gag--sometimes even vomit--at the slightest bit of a new food. He loved new foods as a baby, but by 16 months or so, that was over. Only chicken nuggets (and not ANY chicken nuggets--they had to be real meat, not parts is parts), fries, fruit, breads, cereals, and Reese Sticks. No kidding, there were days when all he had to eat was an eggo waffle and a Reese Stick--he'd gag at any attempt to feed him more.

It wasn't until he was ten years old that he actually ate something with CHEESE on it. It was his first time eating pizza (yes, we had all the terrible birthday parties because he wouldn't eat pizza), and it ONLY happened because we were on vacation in a totally unfamiliar place, and his two favorite cousins were having pizza. Even today, I know that he would never have tried it at home or in familiar surroundings. It was a lucky fluke, but it opened the door to some other foods, including chips and salsa, which opened him up to (eventually) pasta with arrabiata sauce (for the spice). Now he'll eat any pasta dish with red sauce, and even expresses interest in beef (though he still balks a little at the texture).

Hang in. Try everything. Try new surroundings and building associations in her head between foods she already does eat and new foods. Good luck!

1-22-2011 @ 9:51AM

Tam said...

This is a very similar situation to what my son had. Little did we know at the time it is a common symptom of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. My son did go two weeks without eating for fear he would choke when he swallowed. Every meal was filled with panic attacks and crying spells. It was horrific to watch and very difficult for us parents to feel so helpless. He was always a very picky eater and did lots of chewing before he swallowed.

My suggestion is you see a Psychologist who specializes in OCD and that does Exposure Response Prevention and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. You should also check out the website OCfoundation.org as they have a list of Drs. that are really up to date and know how to treat the disorder. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The first year was rough, but we are now three years past the first onset of symptoms and he is eating normal again. He does take an SSRI to help minimize the symptoms. The SSRI helps take the edge off the symptoms a bit so that he can use his skills learned in therapy to deal with the OCD. I wish you luck with your daughter. I wish someone would have been here to guide me as I felt so helpless, emotional and confused when this happened. Best of luck!

1-22-2011 @ 9:38AM

David B said...

First of all some of you didn't read the article. This isn't a case of just being picky that heavy handed parenting is going to solve. Until you've seen a child go days without eating or throwing up when forced to eat something they fear (yes FEAR) you really don't understand. This is a real problem and a lot of parents miss it because they don't care enough to be concerned with their child's eating habits and feed them only what they will eat regardless of what it is. However a lot of parents try very hard to get their kids eating right and fail no matter how many times they discipline their child. I'm glad someone had the courage to write this article because most people don't understand and it doesn't end in childhood. I've had co-workers that had food issues (won't eat anything of a certain color for example) and they were in their 40s and 50s. So to all you idiots that think you can beat a kid into submission think again. The future will show you just how wrong you are.

1-22-2011 @ 10:04AM

J V L said...

IF this kid actually fears food, then this parent is negligent by NOT SEEKING professional psychiatric help for the child, rather than making money on AOL by freelancing a story which may or may not be true.

Otherwise, this is just another over-indulgent post-60s parent steeped in psychobabble who has created a situation that she cannot tolerate and is clueless about how to counteract it.

1-22-2011 @ 9:53AM

Courtney said...

This sounds like my boyfriend's son. I would hope at 9-years-old he would have grown out of this by now, but there is no end in sight. I push for my boyfriend to talk with his son's mother about seeing a doctor about this, but nothing happens. I worry about him a lot...he's the smallest kid in his class.

And to the people who think that the reason for this little girl's disorder is "bad parenting", you couldn't be further from the truth. We've tried sending him to bed hungry on multiple occasions, and it doesn't work. He (and this little girl) simply have an aversion to many foods. You're a bad parent if you don't attempt to do something about it!

1-22-2011 @ 9:44AM

Kelly said...

Okay People who are criticizing, read the darn article, its NOT the parents fault, the kids are AFRAID to physically eat new food! So STOP complaining, if you don't have anything else to say but criticism then don't bother saying it! YOU don't understand what the parents probably feel like! Imagine if your kid as an infant didn't eat anything but apples how would feel? I know how you would really feel your just truing to be mean and look cool to bad your NOT!

ebneila said...

American people/parents have been so jerked around by psychologist and so-called nurtrition experts, they don't know how to handle themselves or their children. Since the mid 60s, women have fallen victim to the dietary industry who constantly tell them they need to lose weight and spend $billions on weight loss products, regimens and therapies. Many inadvertantly pass this mindset on to their children who have become spoiled and out of control themselves. Parents need to stop reading dietary guides and watching pop media "experts" and return to the old practice of setting examples of behavior and demanding all family members join together around the dinner table. This allows the younger to emulate good appetites for a variaty of food offered and also learn manners.

1-22-2011 @ 2:44PM

Jackie said...

definitely need a FULL medical and psych work up--- some kind of sensory deficit for sure! But also, check medical. And don't forget testing for food allergies. Watch out for preservatives in foods, especially processed foods... they can exasperate the sensitivities and her reactions/ behaviors. Meanwhile, try pureed foods mixed into the foods she will eat (start small to desensitize her so she won't start refusing the few foods she will eat). There is a book out there about sneaking in veggies to other foods so the kids will eat them. Think colors. (carrots to mac and cheese, etc. BUT start VERY small since she is so sensitive to taste and texture. Also, the vitamin deficiencies from such a limited diet can exasperate the behaviors you are seeing. What she will eat is not a power struggle you will win, but what you offer is. Don't even have the junk food offers in the house! She will probably survive off the healthy foods she'll eat. Let her help you in the kitchen. Don't push her to eat. Maybe start a garden (if she can stand touching the dirt, otherwise let her help water it). Pay attention, does she have the same sensitivities about touching things/ how her clothes feel against her, tags, socks, tightness of shoes, does she walk on her tiptoes, etc. Eliminate TV and video. Something about the way they affect the brain, not good for these hypersensitive kids. Sounds like There definitely are issues above "just being picky", don't give up. She needs medical/ psych/ behavioral therapy. The older she gets the more these issues will affect her and the way people treat her, therefore affecting her emotionally as well. Not to mention once she starts to get secondary females hormones involved as pre/teen years are coming soon, things may or may not get worse before they get better. FOR ALL THOSE OTHER PEOPLE OUT THERE, if you don't have something helpful to say, beating the mom down won't help anything. For a "normal kid", normal strategies may work, but not for someone with a disorder (which I am sure this child does have). Mom has same/similiar anxiety spectrum disorder hx, just not as severe, by her report in article. Mom, seek support group to help you and your spouse (they may have helpful suggestions too) ! The dysfunctional fear is there for a reason, she needs psych/ medical/ even someone like Occupational Therapist and GI doctor and Endocrinologist to check all possibilities. FOR OTHER PREGNANT/ WOMEN CONSIDERING A BABY, BREASTFEED YOUR BABIES AT LEAST 1 YR PREFERABLY 2 YRS> research show babies are more likely to easily eat those foods/flavors they are exposed to during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Breastmilk also helps complete the myelin sheath coating on the nervous system. Breastfeeding helps develop the musculature your baby will need to chew and talk. If you hear "my baby couldn't breastfeed".... that's a red flag that there is an issue... if you decide to stop trying to breastfeed, it doesn't fix the issue (which may show up as disorders later on, but could have been addressed as early as infancy--- you'll have to be persistent, cuz most doctors don't take the time to figure it out they just say feed a bottle then).

1-22-2011 @ 9:48AM

kelly said...

First, I am sad so many brutes bullied you above. Until they live it, they should NOT judge. As an Occupational Therapist, I would ask if Emmie were sensitive to other sensory experiences: touch, sound, vision, hearing. Does she "melt down" during other activities? Does she have difficulty transitioning between places or tasks? Is she fussy about what clothes she can tolerate wearing? If she displays any of these other sensitivities, I would also investigate an OT evaluation with a therapist trained in Sensory Integration. The kind of pain Emmie displays may be a phobia, but it may also be a processing problem with sensory input. Good luck and congratulations on being persistent to help your daughter.

"Every child will fall in love with french fries and grilled cheese . . . ?"

Not mine. In fact, mine wouldn't touch anything with cheese until he was ten-and-a-half years old. He also would only eat certain fries--home baked (which we made often), and McDonald's. No Burger King (too hard), no Wendy's or Arby's (too mushy), and he wouldn't touch McDonalds' chicken nuggets.

He's ten now, and while we can almost always find something on the menu to please him these days, he's still never had a hamburger. Luckily, I don't think hamburgers are particularly good for him, so I'm not troubled, but understand that this isn't about self-indulgent, spoiled kids. If it were, my son would be eating cheeseburgers, grilled cheese sandwiches, and macaroni and cheese, but he's not--in fact, he's never had any of those things. One nibble and he was vomiting.

It's easy to tell this woman she's being overindulgent when you've no personal experience in the matter. It's easy to say, "Children eat what they learn to eat," when you don't have a child who refuses all the foods his or her family eats and screams in terror or heaves helplessly when faced with new foods.

runpros said...

This is a prevalent trait, "almost" universal, among those with high functioning autism or Asperger's Syndrome. I didn't try new food until three years ago when I was 34. If you were to ask why, I couldn't give you an answer. I guess it's just how the brain is wired. There's a scene in the movie "Adam" about a man with Asperger's. He opens his cupboard door and we see nothing but boxes of Macaroni And Cheese. Talk about commitment!

1-22-2011 @ 9:52AM

claudia said...

Wow, honestly all of you calling this woman a bad mother, have no right. You have read one article about her family. Her daughter has a psychological problem. it is not her fault. She cannot change what is happening in her daughters brain and body. It is also a bit childish to start calling her a "loser." I'm only fifteen, and even I think thats immature.
in response to the article, I wish the family the best of luck in finding a cure for their daughter's problem. I hope she can start enjoying new foods, it sounds like she wants to.

1-22-2011 @ 9:50AM

Saturday said...

The little chub certainly doesn't look like she misses any meals. Perhaps she throws a tantrum-panic attack-as a way to manipulate the parents into relenting when she doesn't want to do something. It sounds like the entire family needs professional help.

1-22-2011 @ 10:26AM

Kacey said...

Wow...what a lot of hate comments! My child also has issues with eating. It started with baby food as a texture problem, every time something with any lumps or chunks went in his mouth, he promptly gagged and spit it out. It is impossible to get him to try new food and he eats chicken nuggets, PB&J, fruit, French toast, yogurt....and that's about it. Despite what everyone on here says, Emmie is not fat, and neither is my child, in fact, he's only in the 25% for weight. Ignore all these idiots on here, the fact is that it's a real struggle and no amount of yelling/screaming/punishing is going to change it. Those of you out there who think you can, go ahead and starve your children, but don't complain when CPS is called on you for neglect. Shame on you for thinking that you are superior to another human being!!!

I applaud you Amy, I hope that one day Emmie and my son will be able to overcome their food aversions and fears.

sunny said...

"Afraid of the food"?????
Why do I think this kid is going to be in therapy until she is 30.
Just what I'd expect from a hyphenated family.
Give her a peanut butter sandwich and get on with your stupid lives......

1-23-2011 @ 9:36AM

Liz said...

Wow. The list of things Emmie eats is nearly identical to what my son eats. I'm going to talk to his doctor and see if this is the answer to his picky eating. I always thought it was a phase so I'm surprised that it could be something more. Thank you so much for this article, I'm going to explore this further.

1-22-2011 @ 5:57PM

liz said...

My story with my 15-year old son is very similar. For those of you whose kids are not picky eaters or who do not have a food phobia - count your lucky stars and please do not be so critical of us that do. I so empathize with this family! My son is in counseling now and there is so much anxiety and shame involved with this issue. I am so thankful he is getting help now and NO, I could not help him. My pediatrician for years told me to forget it, he would grow out of it, it's a power thing, etc. It's not. It's much larger than that. Blast me all you want but until you go through something like this or see a loved one so tortured by food, you really don't get it.

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