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Filed under: Opinions
I am 41 years old and, of all the things I've learned to accept in my life, aging has not yet become one of them.
The day my lipstick starts bleeding up the newly-formed lines on my upper lip is the day the astronauts will hear me screaming all the way from the International Space Station.
I know. Aging is a normal process of life. I should embrace it. It is abundantly clear, however, that I haven't found it within me to do that.
There are things I like about being older. I have more courage to try things, even if I might fail. I'm more confident as a parent. I don't care anymore what I look like at school drop off. (Just ask the people who see me there, without makeup, wearing the same sweatshirt for the third day in a row.) I have great friends who are mature and interesting and don't put on airs. We don't have to pretend to be something we're not with each other. It feels good to settle into yourself and get comfortable.
Yet the physical process of aging just peeves me to no end. How does it happen that I've looked almost the exact same way for a good two decades, and then in the space of one year I have wrinkles in places I didn't know wrinkles could form. Where did all these chin hairs come from? When did these deep frown lines suddenly appear? And the feathering above my upper lip? I'd be lying if I didn't say I outright despise it. I frantically rub creams and lotions there, hoping to evict what I know will only keep fighting its way into moving in forever.
Please don't tell me that I'm vain and shallow, or that I don't have anything more important to worry about. I have plenty of important things with which to be concerned, and they duly concern me. I realize my face doesn't hold a candle to those things, yet I'm still pissed off about what's happening to me.
I looked up the word vain in the dictionary, and Merriam-Webster says it means having or showing undue or excessive pride in one's appearance. I have a limited amount of pride, maybe a smidgen or slightly more, in my appearance. I don't think I'm a runway model and I don't think I'm the girl ogre in Shrek, either. Maybe somewhere in the middle. I highly doubt this would constitute excessive pride, so why can't I let go of the youth in my face?
I've had no problem letting go of the youth in my clothes. You won't find any short shorts, jumpsuits or rompers in my closet, and I'm not at all disappointed with letting go of the latest hip trends. I can still dress stylishly but with an eye to my own age group.
I've let go of the youth in my arts and entertainment, too. I laugh at the fact that I don't recognize half the celebrities in US Weekly, which I find fun to flip through whenever I'm on a plane. And the MTV Music Awards? No clue who these people are. I've never seen a Justin Bieber video.
I feel perfectly okay with every other change except those in my appearance. The transformation bums me out, which is odd, since I think older women are just as beautiful as young ones. It's just my own aging that bugs me.
Perhaps this is just one of those life transitions into which I will eventually settle. At this moment, though, if I had the money I can't say I wouldn't be at a dermatologist's at 9 a.m. tomorrow asking for Botox and line fillers. Have you seen Demi Moore or Jane Fonda lately? I'll be glad to make a deal with that devil.
For those of you in my same predicament, does it get easier? Does it bother you as much as it does me? What have you done to accept how your body changes as you get older?
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The day my lipstick starts bleeding up the newly-formed lines on my upper lip is the day the astronauts will hear me screaming all the way from the International Space Station.
I know. Aging is a normal process of life. I should embrace it. It is abundantly clear, however, that I haven't found it within me to do that.
There are things I like about being older. I have more courage to try things, even if I might fail. I'm more confident as a parent. I don't care anymore what I look like at school drop off. (Just ask the people who see me there, without makeup, wearing the same sweatshirt for the third day in a row.) I have great friends who are mature and interesting and don't put on airs. We don't have to pretend to be something we're not with each other. It feels good to settle into yourself and get comfortable.
Yet the physical process of aging just peeves me to no end. How does it happen that I've looked almost the exact same way for a good two decades, and then in the space of one year I have wrinkles in places I didn't know wrinkles could form. Where did all these chin hairs come from? When did these deep frown lines suddenly appear? And the feathering above my upper lip? I'd be lying if I didn't say I outright despise it. I frantically rub creams and lotions there, hoping to evict what I know will only keep fighting its way into moving in forever.
Please don't tell me that I'm vain and shallow, or that I don't have anything more important to worry about. I have plenty of important things with which to be concerned, and they duly concern me. I realize my face doesn't hold a candle to those things, yet I'm still pissed off about what's happening to me.
I looked up the word vain in the dictionary, and Merriam-Webster says it means having or showing undue or excessive pride in one's appearance. I have a limited amount of pride, maybe a smidgen or slightly more, in my appearance. I don't think I'm a runway model and I don't think I'm the girl ogre in Shrek, either. Maybe somewhere in the middle. I highly doubt this would constitute excessive pride, so why can't I let go of the youth in my face?
I've had no problem letting go of the youth in my clothes. You won't find any short shorts, jumpsuits or rompers in my closet, and I'm not at all disappointed with letting go of the latest hip trends. I can still dress stylishly but with an eye to my own age group.
I've let go of the youth in my arts and entertainment, too. I laugh at the fact that I don't recognize half the celebrities in US Weekly, which I find fun to flip through whenever I'm on a plane. And the MTV Music Awards? No clue who these people are. I've never seen a Justin Bieber video.
I feel perfectly okay with every other change except those in my appearance. The transformation bums me out, which is odd, since I think older women are just as beautiful as young ones. It's just my own aging that bugs me.
Perhaps this is just one of those life transitions into which I will eventually settle. At this moment, though, if I had the money I can't say I wouldn't be at a dermatologist's at 9 a.m. tomorrow asking for Botox and line fillers. Have you seen Demi Moore or Jane Fonda lately? I'll be glad to make a deal with that devil.
For those of you in my same predicament, does it get easier? Does it bother you as much as it does me? What have you done to accept how your body changes as you get older?
Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
1-27-2011 @ 12:55PM
Vicki Lewis said...WOW! We are on the same page. I'm 57 years young. THis morning I looked in the mirror and just wanted to scream "Who is this woman?" It seems as if the last two years, I have become very aware of wrinkles. I know I have to stop this obsession with pulling my cheeks up to see what I look like without the droop in the corners of my mouth. I know I have to let go of examinining the "Lip wrinkles" That is the one that bugs me the most I think. Where did my top lip go? I am totally getting the phrase "Youth is wasted on the Young!" And now I have this obsession with the skin in the corner of my arm pits that looks a bit like crepe paper when I'm trying on sleeveless shirts at the store, and get a shicking glimpse of the little pad of soft pudgy skin. I thought of getting those shaky weights in an effort to firm those pads up a bit. I won't, but it sounds good. I need the extra funds for the face products!
Reply
1-27-2011 @ 4:59PM
Godiva said...Oh no, you are not vain or shallow! It is incredible how suddenly everything strats to "go south." Weirdly so!
No, the chin hairs never go away so pluck away or invest in electrolosis.
You're a lovely lady...the one thing that you must must must have, is Retin-A. On your face, every night, for all eternity (!).
That works wonders!
Reply
1-28-2011 @ 11:04AM
Visita said...I share you're feelings. I was wondering though, if lazer would correct those lines between the brows and on the upper lip. Let me know what you think.
Reply
1-30-2011 @ 8:33PM
Karen said...Ahhhhh...What most women think and say while gazing in the mirror! Or to their hairdresser! Whilst still semi private, I love that you put it here for all to read. When I get frustrated with the all the physical parts of aging and yes there are many! I only have to go out and see a man my age and say, "Well at least I still have my hair". I am 45 and felt the same as you at 41, it was as if the "lines and wrinkle fairy" had come over night. Uggg! I wish, as a cosmetologist, I had more advice to share than do not give up a great hair cut and color, as no matter what good makeup you have on or the most beautiful dress, if your hair looks like crap so will you...;)
Reply
2-02-2011 @ 9:52AM
Dorothy Sander said...Thank you for articulating what every honest woman feels at one time or another in their lives. I can't decide whether it's a good thing or a bad thing that you are feeling this way at 41. I'm not prone to examining myself in the mirror, carefully practice avoidance tactic, but I can't recall becoming really concerned about physical aging until I turned fifty and then not really intensely until my mid fifties. Perhaps if you figure it now you'll be on your way to acceptance way before I was. You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned "transition". Westerners forget that all of life is a process that takes us through many transitions. When we embrace the transitions and let ourselves take time to adjust to change we figure things out and come up with an attitude that works for us. It's when we fight the changes that we run into problems. You are questioning things and these questions will supply your answers as you talk, think, meditate, discuss, rage, cry and become a woman who ages with beauty and grace.
Reply
6-30-2011 @ 5:29PM
Amanda said...I've got nothing against those fine lines on my face around my mouth and eyes. Considering how much time I spent (and still do) smiling and laughing, I figure I earned those lines.
But why didn't somebody tell me part of hitting the mid-30's involves those darned chin hairs suddenly popping up out of nowhere?!??!?! One or two here and there I can live with, but now it's like I'm growing a goatee down there! EEEK!
Oh well...I guess I'd better get used to using the razor not just on my armpits, but the "goat" as well. *Sigh.*
Reply