Boy, 11, Disconnects From Family After Half Sister's Birth

My Aunt had the best solution. Nearly 70 years ago, my cousins were nine and seven when they learned there was to be another baby in the family. Excitement ran rampant. But, one day after a visit from an older neighbor, the seven year old became very quiet and withdrawn when anyone mentioned the new baby. After a couple of days my Aunt took him aside and asked what was bothering him. After a little coaching he asked her if she and his Dad would still love him and his brother because the neighbor indicated that baby would take all their time. My Aunt was really taken back by this, but she was always very quick with just the right answer. She told him that a new baby doesn't take away love. A baby comes wrapped in their own love, and it is the responsibility of the family to unwrap that love and add it to the family. Of course, a baby can do nothing for itself like the others. It can't talk, feed itself, sit or walk. So the older boys would have the fun and joy of helping teach him or her all of that. That solved the problem!

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I am a other of 3 soon to be 4, ages 16, 11, and 4. I set up a date night once a month for each of my kids and my husband too. One on one time. It's VERY important. It doesnt have to be much, lunch, going to get ice cream, bowling, movie...ect, they truely appreciate the quality time. I also make a point of asking them how there day was and listen while they talk. Just including them and doing things as a family is important. As for the Xbox, we have one also, it's in the main room and is only used an hour at the most. Eventually they dont really want to play. But... one on one time is VERY important especially at 11, puberty, his little body is already going thru so many changes.

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Studies show that children with sibings are the least happy while only children are the happiest. The more siblings in the family, the less they are happy and the more rivalry and the more bullying occurs within the family. Children with siblings, on the whole, suffer from lower self-esteem than children who are only children. So it is best to be an only child.

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Just talk too the boy and tell him he will be in teaching his new sitter the good thing she will needs too learn.Being a resposible and smarter older brother. It is a grown up job but he can do it.

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Yeah, kid, I would disconnect too. They don't care about you anymore, it's all about the little girl now.

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So, how much time did you spend preparing your son for new baby? How much time did you let him spend with you while you were in the hospital?

Sounds like not much, if he's having that bad of a time adjusting...maybe the one poster is right. Pull your head out. If you want your son to be a part of your new family, make him feel welcome. I'd be willing to bet that as soon as baby was born, step-dad stopped being "dad" to your kid and started treating him like a neighbor.

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Beat his ass! Take the stupid X-BOX away...DUH!

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inmate, misbehaving you make it sound like the kid should be punished for not being able to adjust to a massive change. taking away the xbox forcing him to be a part of things he doesn't want to will only breed resentment and lead to even more wild behavior.

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You have totally ignored the conventional (and wise) advice that it is the husband's job (even though stepfather) to increase the amount of time that he spends with the older child. If he does not, the boy will spend his life feeling abandoned. It happened to me.

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I agree that this should be looked into. It could have been phisical,mental or sexual abuse while the mother was gone. You never know now days. And children do not tell. Do not punish him by taking away his x box. Look deeper to help this child. Maby he would rather go live with his real father.

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Try telling him life is not sheltered as you probably have made it seem and that in life, even as kids, things happen that we may not like but just because you(the son)doesn't like it, this is unfortunately the way it is and you will adapt to it and to quit acting like a spoiled brat because not everything revolves around you(the son). And please please please don't let your kid be raised by tv and xbox, take those out of the bedroom and put them in a common area where you can monitor what they are watching and doing and force him in a place where he is forced to interact with the rest of the area. Last but not least limit the time everyday he can use entertainment electronic entertainment, and play the game of life or clue or some family time that doesnt include a chord.

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duh, did anybody think maybe the boy has a horrible disturbing secret he is sitting on of things that might have happened while stepdaddy was home alone with him? Thats when the trouble started. Doesnt take a genius...get him evaluated ASAP.

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I think taking the video game away completely is a bad idea. I can see the rage that's going to come out of this kid. He's been left on his own in his room to entertain himself with his video game. I have to ask is it a first person shooter game? If that's the case, she's got a huge problem. Obviously, she doesn't have the time or desire to get to know her son and talk with him. She simply wants the picture perfect family. I don't know any 11 year old boys who are eager to join in with bottle time & diaper duty.

I think some family counseling is in order. This is a HUGE problem. Do you think things are going to get easier as he gets older? As people are saying, you need to spend time with your son one on one...let me guess, "you don't have the time."

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THIS IS DEFINITLY A RED FLAG TO ABUSE. YOU NEED TO GET YOUR SON TO A THERAPIST TODAY. HIS ACTIONS CAME ON TOO QUICKLY TO BE FROM YOU BEING IN THE HOSPITAL FOR A MONTH AND THE NEW BABY. SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE.
I THINK YOU KNOW ALSO THAT SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT. I CAN READ BETWEEN THE LINES IN YOUR LETTER. GO NOW, GET YOUR SON AND HEAD FOR A THERAPIST. YOUR CHILD IS AVOIDING THE FAMILY TO GET AWAY FROM THE STEPFATHER.

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I can't believe how quickly people leap to 'abuse'. Cut the guy some slack!

Mom can't help that she was hospitalized. Don't know about other hospitals, but when I was hospitalized before my child was born, hospital regulations would have severely limited how long an 11 year old was allowed to stay. It's 13 and up for that hospital.

Everyone ALSO forgets that Stepdad had to run back and forth between the hospital and the boy, plus work. I remember how hard that was on MY husband, and he was able to just work part time and had no young children at home. Plus, this guy had to cook, do laundry and everything else that's usually a team effort.

My guess is, if there were babysitters, they were more than happy to allow the kid to play his XBox because it meant less problem for them. The stepdad was probably too beat (and didn't spend enough time at home) to realize how bad the problem had gotten. I'll bet it's only since everyone's at home, on a more-or-less normal schedule again, that the problem's been really noticed. Ease up on the judgmentalism; let me tell you, when you're hospitalized for a month, you're weak, tired and sick. There's only so much people can do. When you've been there yourselves, then judge- until then, don't.

We noticed a change in my younger stepson's behavior after I got pregnant...and he was 19 and in college! He deliberately cut classes, flunked out of school, and has been spending time hopping from couch to couch and losing entry-level burger-flipping jobs because he's gaming all the time. It's a big fat attention getting cry. From him, it's completely lame because he's old enough not to do that (but he's self-centered and extremely immature. And before anyone opens their mouth to judge me for that comment, *I* was the one who put in the years of overtime so he could afford to GO to college in the first place, not his mother.)

This is a cry for attention and a wish to do something that's fun versus schoolwork, which, comparatively speaking, isn't. I agree with the posters who've said that they should try to do more things together; also that they need to limit the XBox -- BUT they need to make it clear that it's tied to grades, NOT the little sister. The mom needs to do all she can to reassure him that he's loved and needed. I'm sure all of that will help.

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whn i was young my mother was admitted into the hospital for emergency surgery. My "stepfather" watch me during her departure. He also molested me during this time. I'm wondering if that may be the reason this boy started acting up in suddenly since boys that are abused tend to lash out at authority figures after being sexually abused. I'm shocked no one else thought this might be the case. =[

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I am a mother of three boys, ages 19, 15 and 10. When my middle son was born my oldest, who had been almost the perfect child started to act up. It lasted about 2 months and then went back to normal. Some thing happened with the middle son when the youngest was born. No stepparents involved. No extended hospital stay for me. It is a normal reaction to a new baby in the house compounded by the fact that mom was gone too. Plus age 11 is a difficult age for kids. They are ready to be independent but also want cuddle time.

Yes it is possible that there could be problem with the stepfather and the son but I would not say the son's behavior equals red flags of abuse. Carefully investigate that but don't assume that is what happened.

It could be too that the step dad did step back somewhat now that he has his own child, which could be hurting the son more than just the fact of the new baby.

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An 11 year old boy withdraws after a month with his stepdad. I don't know this family nor the stepdad so I don't want to accuse him of anything, but I wonder if the mother has thought at all about the potential of abuse. Withdrawing and acting out are some very huge signs, one the mother should definitly be looking into. Not all stepdads are abusers, but this boy has clearly shown a complete change in his character. This mom needs to talk to her son, let her know that anything he says is okay. And that he is more important than her stepdad, maybe once he feels he can trust her he will open up.

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