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SmackDown: Would You Let Your Tween Wear Makeup?
Filed under: Opinions, Tween Culture
Is there anything wrong with a little bit of lip gloss? Illustration by Dori Hartley
Forget the Face Paint and Let Kids Be Kids
by Amy Hatch
When I was in sixth grade, I was pretty tight with two other girls.
These girls were more sophisticated than I was at the time, and I remember very distinctly the day that one of them came to school sporting purple eye shadow. She whipped out the compact it came in, and flashed it to me and our other pal under her desk during reading class.
Two weeks later found me sobbing my eyes out, my head in my mother's lap, as I wailed out my anger and frustration about not being allowed to wear makeup yet. I was only 12 years old, and it was forbidden.
The two girls in question left me in the dust of baby-blue and purple sparkling powder, and I never quite forgot the betrayal.
So when I saw that Walmart is marketing a cosmetics line targeted to girls ages 8-12, I shuddered with horror -- because I can tell you right now, no 8-year-old of mine is ever going to be swiping shadow over her lids in reading class.
It seems counterintuitive to say that after my sad tale. But the ending of the story is that the two girls I wanted so badly to fit in with ran with a fast crowd all through middle school, junior high and high school.
Looking back, their antics were pretty tame, but their crowd wasn't right for me -- and my mother knew that, because she knew me.
A little lip gloss here and there isn't going to lead to a life of pole dancing. But our society has girls on an accelerated path toward adulthood. Don't believe me? Two words: Lindsay Lohan.
Or how about Miley Cyrus, just voted the worst celebrity influence in a poll conducted by ParentDish sister site, JSYK. Cyrus went from wholesome giggles as the star of "Hannah Montana" to taking bong hits.
My kid isn't a child star, but she does live in a world where children are hyper-sexualized. If you don't believe me, take a stroll through the mall one of these days and check out the skinny jeans in size 2T. Or the thongs for 12-year-olds.
And now, the makeup.
Kids should be allowed to be kids. Girls have a lifetime ahead of them of trying to meet an unnatural standard of beauty. They are bombarded with images that tell them that they aren't good enough, pretty enough or skinny enough.
Do we really want our 8-year-olds spending their time primping in front of a mirror with mascara and rouge?
What will they be doing when they're actual teenagers? Oh, wait, I know -- they'll be getting plastic surgery.
This is the absolute wrong message to send to our girls. My mother knew it way back in 1984, and I know it today.
Lip Gloss Doesn't Turn You Into a Lolita
by Lesley Kennedy
Growing up, I was definitely more tomboy than princess. I spent my tween-age summers at basketball camps, playing softball, roller skating and taking part in some seriously competitive neighborhood games of kick-the-can.
Still, around the age of 12, I began to develop an interest in the girlie side of life. I got subscriptions to Teen and Seventeen magazines. I talked my mom into buying me a crimping iron. And, for the first time, I bought makeup. Specifically, Bonne Bell Lip Smackers and blue eyeshadow.
And, (gulp!) 25 years since I bought that blue eyeshadow, tweens still want to wear makeup. Just look at all the brands aimed at the tween market. Starting in February, Walmart is set to launch GeoGirl, a 69-item collection, including everything from blush and mascara to lipstick and face shimmer. The mega-retailer already carries several other lines geared for tweens -- Disney Princesses, Lip Smackers, Lotta Luv, FAB Beauty and Crayola.
I'm fine with that.
When I was a tween, I couldn't wait to get home and get that blue shadow on my lids. Of course, I looked ridiculous. But you know what? Wearing it didn't make me a 12-year-old wine cooler-swilling tramp. It didn't make me feel like I was trying to be a mini-me of my then-idol, Olivia Newton-John. It didn't mean I was going to quit playing sports or caring about school or start dressing like a hair metal groupie.
It just meant I liked wearing makeup.
Now, with two daughters of my own, I don't freak out or panic when my girls want to play with makeup.
And, in a few years, when they're tweens and start to really get interested in wearing a swipe of lipgloss here or a swirl of blush there, I won't deny them.
Critics spout that allowing girls to wear makeup is terrible for their self-esteem. That it creates little Lolitas. That it sends "the wrong message."
I say, relax. Makeup, especially when you're a kid, is just fun.
Perhaps most of all, it's fun to pretend you're like your mom, taking part in her glamorous ritual. I will always joyfully remember moments spent watching my mother prep for an evening out, sitting at her vanity, when she would paint my own lips in the same color she used on herself.
Just because I will allow my daughters to wear lipgloss -- or even blue eyeshadow if they insist -- doesn't mean they'll immediately start painting their faces like child beauty pageant contestants, drag queens or circus clowns.
Teaching them a couple tricks -- and not acting like there's a huge stigma attached to makeup -- will keep them from going crazy with it.
And, maybe, with a little guidance, instead of sneaking makeup behind my back, we'll take a trip to Sephora together that will end up with my kids spending their allowances on sweet, root beer-flavored Lip Smackers and crazy nail polishes.
And less on blue eyeshadow.
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 11)
2-02-2011 @ 2:21PM
Mimi said...Beautifully said Robert. I couldn't agree more!
2-02-2011 @ 2:16PM
Louise said...I have let my girls wear lip gloss for a long time, but real makup is 13. That is for everything but eye liner and mascara. That is 14. When my daughter turned 13 I bought it for her and on her 14th birthday I bought her liner and mascara. The school they go to does not allow make up or nail polish so most of the time it is a non issue.
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2-02-2011 @ 3:51PM
Janet Cangialosi said...FINALLY a school that has common sense, THEY DON'T ALLOW IT personally I feel that's the correct way, 14 to wear mascarea, eye liner, are you when she reaches 16 going to purchase a boob enhancement for her and get her birth control, you are merely condoing the child to grow up way too fast.
2-02-2011 @ 4:15PM
sc said...excuse me carolyn but make up doesnt lead to sex. i am 14 i go to a christian school and ive been a straight A student my entire life and ive even competed in the national spelling bee. i am allowed to wear make up and i DONT want to have sex because i dont want my stomach to be bigger than my body! i wear eyeliner on an everyday bases unless im not in public. oh yea its black eyeliner and i dont look like a skank because my skin is tan , and i have very long eyelashes so mascara only intesifies them. Ive never really had a restriction on make up i mean my mother even gave me a whole bunch when i was 10! at first i was excited and then i really could care less until like the end of 7th grade. The problem isnt with the face its with clothes. im not allowed to wear strapless shirts, low cut tops, or short that are so short you can see my butt. And to one of the comments who said thongs were such a bad thing, not all people who wear one are a skank. some just dont want the lines through like athletic clothes or leggings, and im not defending myself because i dont wear them because its a constant wedgie
2-03-2011 @ 9:34PM
sc said...i meant that for janet. sorry when i looked to see the name of the person who posted it i accidently read the name of a diff post
2-02-2011 @ 2:19PM
JrHagler said...As a father with two girls. I made the decision early in their lives to let kids be kids. Let 'em run, tumble, get dirty, get hurt, play games and sports, have friends, and keep up with school. Make-Up! At high school level. As a father I was more interested in character development than how pretty one looks. Pretty looks only go so far and usually have an expiration date (your age). But character, that goes on for the rest of your life.
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2-02-2011 @ 3:56PM
Carolyn said...Having had three sons, this didn't come up...but now two of my
grands are girls....One is 3 1/2 and told daily how beautiful she
is and she is a princess and she has beautiful clothes !!
THIS grandma praises her memory, her abilities and her
being a "quick learner". Her mom and her family do not
realize what they are doing to her self-esteem. We
encourage her to play with cars and in the dirt....Ha!
We are encouraging her to "be" a teacher or a doctor
when she grows up...rather than a street-walker.
2-02-2011 @ 2:25PM
Eric said...I WOULD SAY IT'S BOTH NATURAL AND FAIRLY COMMON FOR TWEENS TO EXPRESS A CURIOSITY ABOUT MAKEUP -- INCLUDNG THE USE OF SAME. SHOULD THIS BE "ALLOWED," HOWEVER? IT SEEMS HARMLESS ENOUGH TO ME TO LET A TWEEN EXPERIMENT -- BUT PREFERABLY WITH ADULT SUPERVISION (INCLUDING A NON-JUDGMENTAL DISCUSSION ABOUT THE POSSIBLE RAMIFICATIONS OF SUCH CHOICES AND/OR CURIOSITIES).
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2-02-2011 @ 2:35PM
dancer said...As a little girl, I performed in little ballet performances every spring and every winter. These occasions were very exciting because my mom got out her own makeup and gently turned me into a princess. I was gorgeous, but even as an eight year old I knew it was only for stage.
Mom always said that the mascara and shadow was so that the audience could see my eyes, the foundation so that I didn't look like a white ghost. But she also mentioned that while it can hide blemishes, foundation can be bad for your pores and not let them breathe. Even at eight, I completely understood.
Ten years later I was still performing and my mother had been encouraging me to wear makeup ever since I was oh, 14. But I didn't really want to. I knew what it looked like to exaggerate my features and I saw "heavy stage makeup" pretty much daily with all my friends. When I wore stage makeup, I still felt beautiful, but when I wiped it all off after the show and lifted my eyes from the washcloth to the mirror, I beheld a much more beautiful girl. Her cheeks were red from scrubbing, her eyes a little smudgy from mascara, but once all the blush and gloss came off, I realized just how much I liked myself even when I wasn't wearing all the makeup. So even at 18 I was still only wearing a little shadow to school. Earth tones. Pinks and browns. Catch me wearing blue.
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2-02-2011 @ 7:58PM
David Snow said...dancer let Me quote a leader of My Church You are a child of God a Daughter of Your Heavenly Father His Greatest Creatian of infonaut Worth and Value but I think You already know that
2-02-2011 @ 3:54PM
Janet Cangialosi said...I'm sorry but more and more parents are allowing children to grow way too fast, let them enjoy their childhood, once it's gone you'll never get it back and when they finally leave your home you will definitely miss them. Monitor what your kids watch on TV and stop allowing them to "guilt" you into allowing them things you know in your heart are wrong merely by saying "Oh but so and so's Mom said she can" who cares, give kids limits, and let them know consequences, but allow them to be kids, at home let them experiment outside the home it's NO
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2-02-2011 @ 2:33PM
bellapie said...I think it is totally fine, they are just experimenting and it's part of dress up and girly fun, no reason to read into it as long as it's off limits at school.
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2-02-2011 @ 8:48PM
Alicia said...Agreed. My dad bought me a make-up set when I was nine and he and my mom taught me how to apply it for dress up. When I started breaking out at 13, I was allowed foundation and concealer and at fourteen, I was allowed to buy my own make-up and wear whatever I wanted. If I looked overdone, my mom told me so. By 14, make-up wasn't a big deal anymore though, so there was never really an issue. I wore concealer to cover the acne, foundation to even my skin tone (rosacea), chapstick and gloss and mascara. Despite the apparent horror of being allowed to play with and eventually wear make-up, I remained a virgin until college, have always been a good student and worried more about having fun with my wonderful friends than boys. At 20, my make-up routine and priorities haven't changed much. Loving my life, myself and my friends is what's important, not looks. It's not make-up that makes girls act irresponsibly. It's poor parenting.If you treat you're amazing, well-behaved little girl like she's going to go rogue at the drop of a hat and needs to be kept on a tight leash like she can't be trusted...well, let's say, I had friends whose parents treated them very much the same way and sure, they were well-behaved through high school. Then they hit college and started drinking heavily and experimenting. Fortunately they're smart girls and realized quickly that they were being stupid, but they were the exception to the good-girl-gone-bad rule. Meanwhile, my parents never set a curfew, let me drink at family functions, openly discussed sex and drugs with me and let me come to my own decisions on how I dressed and how I thought it best to treat my body and to this day, I've never tried drugs, when I choose to have sex, it's with someone I trust and always protected and I still only drink at family functions and never, ever drive when I do.
2-02-2011 @ 2:33PM
Rina Ortiz said...as a 21 year old woman i did not start wearing make-up until i was 15 and i just wore an innocent amount of eyeliner. Girls now a days are growing up too fast. I remember my mother did not even let me shave my legs until i was 14, i mean i was not hairy but all my friends were doing it and i wanted to feel like them. Girls at this time now they are having sex at 13 more than ever it is now not a big deal and seen as casual if one of my friends had sex at 13 it was like omg unbelieveable. you get the point i do not think it is appropriate it gives your daughter an excuse when she is older to dress and look like a mini skank and than makes the parents look horrible. I am not a parent but my niece is only 15 she has a cute body and dresses and wears makeup like if shes a 22 year old young woman going out clubbing. Stop letting our girls grow up too fast!!!
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2-02-2011 @ 4:22PM
Heather said...Wearing makeup at age 8 is one thing, but wearing it at age 12 is a different story. There is a big difference between girls that are 8 and girls that are 12. I am 23 years old, and my mother allowed me to start wearing makeup at age 12, when I started middle school. I don't see anything wrong with this. She allowed me to wear eyeshadow, mascara, lipgloss, pretty much whatever I wanted. I usually only wore eyeshadow and lipgloss though. I did not turn into a skank of any kind, and I don't think wearing makeup at the age of 12 is going to turn your child into a skank. I do agree that wearing makeup when you're younger than 12 is a little weird unless you are in a recital or something. Honestly though, wearing makeup is not such a HUGE deal. There are many other things in this world that have a bigger effect on children and how they grow up.
2-02-2011 @ 2:35PM
Barry Hayden said...Children deserve a "childhood", absolutely correct. However, they, not their parents, deserve to be the one who decides when it is over. We "adults" seem to think we can go back and forth on a whim so why not "non-adults:. Remember, "Kids are little people".
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2-02-2011 @ 2:36PM
LaToya Taylor said...I am 26 years old & having my 1st baby & it's a girl. My fiance & I just had this discussion on letting our daughter play with makeup & my answer is no. I don't wear makeup, if I do it's a little bit of mascara & gloss that's it. I believe in natural beauty & that's something we as parents need to instill in our children. So often teenagers & even adults feel that makeup is the only thing that makes them "pretty". When in fact a face without paint is the most beautiful face. It's also a play on self esteem, teens will pick up a magazine with a photoshopped, makeup caked face actor or model & believe that is what they are supposed to look like. No makeup for my daughter until she graduates high school. A little gloss will be fine but she will know the importance of natural beauty.
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2-02-2011 @ 2:41PM
bugaloosnana said...Little girls playing with makeup at home is fine. But I would not allow an 8 yr old to go out in public with it on. It's like little boys playing at shaving, all harmless fun. But, to allow them to wear it to school or out in public is saying it's ok to be sexually promiscuous. After all makeup is meant to accentuate a WOMANS looks to make her more sexually attractive to a man. Little girls should not be sexually attractive to anyone! Let them be kids while they can, they grow up much too quickly as it is!
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2-02-2011 @ 2:38PM
tailsrats said...Too young for any makeup. If an 8 year old is wearing makeup, they'd better finish the outfit with a tube top and nano-skirt.
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2-02-2011 @ 2:46PM
travelertaylor said...When they're ready for sex is when they should start wearing makeup. I guess it's never too early for a future whore though.
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