Lilah Sutphen: Surrogacy Soapbox
How Young Teens Are Different From Older Millennials
SmackDown: Would You Let Your Tween Wear Makeup?
Filed under: Opinions, Tween Culture
Is there anything wrong with a little bit of lip gloss? Illustration by Dori Hartley
Forget the Face Paint and Let Kids Be Kids
by Amy Hatch
When I was in sixth grade, I was pretty tight with two other girls.
These girls were more sophisticated than I was at the time, and I remember very distinctly the day that one of them came to school sporting purple eye shadow. She whipped out the compact it came in, and flashed it to me and our other pal under her desk during reading class.
Two weeks later found me sobbing my eyes out, my head in my mother's lap, as I wailed out my anger and frustration about not being allowed to wear makeup yet. I was only 12 years old, and it was forbidden.
The two girls in question left me in the dust of baby-blue and purple sparkling powder, and I never quite forgot the betrayal.
So when I saw that Walmart is marketing a cosmetics line targeted to girls ages 8-12, I shuddered with horror -- because I can tell you right now, no 8-year-old of mine is ever going to be swiping shadow over her lids in reading class.
It seems counterintuitive to say that after my sad tale. But the ending of the story is that the two girls I wanted so badly to fit in with ran with a fast crowd all through middle school, junior high and high school.
Looking back, their antics were pretty tame, but their crowd wasn't right for me -- and my mother knew that, because she knew me.
A little lip gloss here and there isn't going to lead to a life of pole dancing. But our society has girls on an accelerated path toward adulthood. Don't believe me? Two words: Lindsay Lohan.
Or how about Miley Cyrus, just voted the worst celebrity influence in a poll conducted by ParentDish sister site, JSYK. Cyrus went from wholesome giggles as the star of "Hannah Montana" to taking bong hits.
My kid isn't a child star, but she does live in a world where children are hyper-sexualized. If you don't believe me, take a stroll through the mall one of these days and check out the skinny jeans in size 2T. Or the thongs for 12-year-olds.
And now, the makeup.
Kids should be allowed to be kids. Girls have a lifetime ahead of them of trying to meet an unnatural standard of beauty. They are bombarded with images that tell them that they aren't good enough, pretty enough or skinny enough.
Do we really want our 8-year-olds spending their time primping in front of a mirror with mascara and rouge?
What will they be doing when they're actual teenagers? Oh, wait, I know -- they'll be getting plastic surgery.
This is the absolute wrong message to send to our girls. My mother knew it way back in 1984, and I know it today.
Lip Gloss Doesn't Turn You Into a Lolita
by Lesley Kennedy
Growing up, I was definitely more tomboy than princess. I spent my tween-age summers at basketball camps, playing softball, roller skating and taking part in some seriously competitive neighborhood games of kick-the-can.
Still, around the age of 12, I began to develop an interest in the girlie side of life. I got subscriptions to Teen and Seventeen magazines. I talked my mom into buying me a crimping iron. And, for the first time, I bought makeup. Specifically, Bonne Bell Lip Smackers and blue eyeshadow.
And, (gulp!) 25 years since I bought that blue eyeshadow, tweens still want to wear makeup. Just look at all the brands aimed at the tween market. Starting in February, Walmart is set to launch GeoGirl, a 69-item collection, including everything from blush and mascara to lipstick and face shimmer. The mega-retailer already carries several other lines geared for tweens -- Disney Princesses, Lip Smackers, Lotta Luv, FAB Beauty and Crayola.
I'm fine with that.
When I was a tween, I couldn't wait to get home and get that blue shadow on my lids. Of course, I looked ridiculous. But you know what? Wearing it didn't make me a 12-year-old wine cooler-swilling tramp. It didn't make me feel like I was trying to be a mini-me of my then-idol, Olivia Newton-John. It didn't mean I was going to quit playing sports or caring about school or start dressing like a hair metal groupie.
It just meant I liked wearing makeup.
Now, with two daughters of my own, I don't freak out or panic when my girls want to play with makeup.
And, in a few years, when they're tweens and start to really get interested in wearing a swipe of lipgloss here or a swirl of blush there, I won't deny them.
Critics spout that allowing girls to wear makeup is terrible for their self-esteem. That it creates little Lolitas. That it sends "the wrong message."
I say, relax. Makeup, especially when you're a kid, is just fun.
Perhaps most of all, it's fun to pretend you're like your mom, taking part in her glamorous ritual. I will always joyfully remember moments spent watching my mother prep for an evening out, sitting at her vanity, when she would paint my own lips in the same color she used on herself.
Just because I will allow my daughters to wear lipgloss -- or even blue eyeshadow if they insist -- doesn't mean they'll immediately start painting their faces like child beauty pageant contestants, drag queens or circus clowns.
Teaching them a couple tricks -- and not acting like there's a huge stigma attached to makeup -- will keep them from going crazy with it.
And, maybe, with a little guidance, instead of sneaking makeup behind my back, we'll take a trip to Sephora together that will end up with my kids spending their allowances on sweet, root beer-flavored Lip Smackers and crazy nail polishes.
And less on blue eyeshadow.
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ReaderComments (Page 4 of 11)
2-02-2011 @ 3:57PM
Coop said...My daughter is 12. I put it to her this way: I'd rather you didn't. You don't need it. But, you can try it - up to a point. However, you will not leave this house looking like a prostitute. If you put on enough that you look like a hooker, you'll either tone it down or throw all of it in the trash. Your choice.
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2-02-2011 @ 3:10PM
Dick said...Amy's childhood experience is exactly why her daughter (or son for that matter) should be able to explore the world in which she lives. We are not talking about drugs here. It's make-up, for crying-out-loud! Teach your daughter how to use those products. Do a mom daughter thing! You will be amazed at how much closer you become.
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2-02-2011 @ 3:26PM
Lindsey said...It's not drugs, but if an 8yr old is wearing make-up to feel pretty there are self esteem problems there or ones that will develop quickly. And no matter what her family's social status is, wealthy, poor, etc, those self-esteem issues could VERY EASILY turn into a drug problem later in life (and not much later, drugs are available to kids at a very, very young age in their little social worlds whether parents want to admit it or not) to fill the personal void she has of not feeling good enough.
2-02-2011 @ 3:13PM
Beverly said...When I was a teenager (in the 60's) I started wearing makeup when I graduated from high school two weeks after I turned 17. I can't even remember if it was an issue with my parents. I picked up the foundation, powder, eyeliner, eyeshadow, lipstick and nail polish and never put it down. When my daughters were teenages (in the 80's) they didn't even think about using makeup. Maybe it was because they had parents who, from the time they were big enough to understand, told them how beautiful the were, how special they were, how important they were, etc. They wore lipstick and eye makeup for their proms. They wore makeup on their wedding days. Fast forward 20 years and they still don't wear more than lipstick. I, on the other hand, do not leave the house without eyeliner and powder. Bottom line - if you don't start using it you'll probably be just fine without it and save a boat load of money over the course of a lifetime. I've never heard any woman say "Oh I wore makeup for years but then I stopped." You can't unring a bell so keep yourselves and your daughters just the way God may you - beautiful in your own skin!
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2-02-2011 @ 3:11PM
promqueen said...NO girl should wear makeup ( except lip gloss ) until age 16!
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2-02-2011 @ 3:12PM
Chandler said...My mom was a Mary-Kay lady, so I grew up around make-up constantly. We had a whole drawer in my basement of play makeup that I remember playing with as early as 5. I still remember my first make-up buying "experience"-a compact of pink and green eye shadow from Walmart. She allowed me to wear it out, but within reason. If I wore too much, she told me and I wiped it off. I was around 12 years old. 12 is such a difficult age, so wearing a little make-up here and there made me feel better about myself. As if, my face could be beautiful, even if my body wasn't. As I got older, she upgraded me to the "real" make-up--Mary Kay foundations, mineral powders, blushes, eye shadows, etc., and taught me how to wear it properly. I now have a healthy outlook on make-up and I advocate that is definetly not a bad thing to let young girls wear make-up within reason.
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2-02-2011 @ 3:14PM
Joe said...You'll have a bunch of Miley Cyrus wannabees running around acting like their 18. It's trouble.
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2-02-2011 @ 3:15PM
Vikki said...I started wearing lipstick at 14 and eyeliner at 17 and glad my parents didn't rush me to grow up....this was all from 1958 to 1961...with the teased hair...LOL I dont' have a little girl, but I would raise her like we were raised in the 50's....We have raised our son like that....and we are still complimented on the way he was raised....Thank you Victoria
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2-02-2011 @ 6:17PM
Fancie said...I really believe some are a bit over-exaggerating the big picture here. Yes, my mom was more conserative and was only allowed to wear makeup in my tween years for special occasions only; then lip gloss and hair spray the rest of the time all I wanted.
I personally have seen my young nieces wearing makeup at the ages of 7 and 9 and personally have let my own daughter of 3 indulge in a little adult makeup wearing for the fun of it. That is just it! For fun, no more no less. It is the corruption of the minds that cause bad things to happen to little girls not the other way around.
How can you let your girl or boy become fully who they want to become if you stifle them at every given societal moment???!!! What if you full blown teenage boy wanted to wear makeup? Is that really a whole different story, dialogue or do you see where I am going with the whole "issues" facet.
Moms do best to teach and promote high qualities and values and then be ready to listen and give with take rather than stomp down any little "silly notion" that pops into your childs' head.
End of my word for now...
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2-02-2011 @ 3:18PM
Lindsey said...Make-up for playtime is a completely different circumstance than an 8 year old wearing make-up to school, which I ABSOLUTELY is un acceptable. We should be teaching young girls that they are beautiful the way they are & at the age they really don't need make-up to hide under eye circles, wrinkles, etc. They have their whole lives to grow & apply make-up as a woman/older teen. It sends a bad message to the girls peers that it's ok for them to wear it too. Kids grow up way too fast these days, if an 8 year old wants to play Movie Star & put on Mom's lipstick, etc, have fun! But when she's wearing eye-shadow, lipstick to school, she looks foolish & the parents should feel foolish for allowing their daughter to, sorry to say this, look easy. It's a cry for attention from men (which is misdirected, b/c they really want the attn from their parents) when they are wearing make-up to look "pretty" & "older". If a kid wants a flavored lip gloss, whatever, but when eye shadow, liner, blush, foundation, lipstick come into play, things are going way overboard.
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2-02-2011 @ 4:07PM
John said...Strippers and street walkers have to start somewhere. Allowing your child to act this way simply supports their early development.
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2-02-2011 @ 4:12PM
sla said...As the mother of a dancer who has to where full makeup for shows I am quite happy that Walmart is making makeup that is targeted for tween skin. There has always been cheap make up for children to play with which usually leaves my child with a rash. Th thing i am so amazed about is why it is somelses business what I let MY child do. I cant tell you how many times people have commented or rolled there eyes at me because my child happens to have on makeup in between shows. Everyone has the right to raise their children how the see for if you don't want your child to have the make up don't buy it
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2-02-2011 @ 9:46PM
sapphire said...i'd say by your comment you're not much of a caring mother and doesn't give a crap what happens to your daughter
2-02-2011 @ 3:30PM
Rosemaree said...RIDICULOUS!!! When is society going to let girls be girls, and appreciate them for the way they look - and not try to make them into Barbie Dolls. We need to teach our daughters that beauty comes from inside, i.e. personality - and that they are beautiful the way they are!!! We not only create girls who are self-conscience by centering on looks, but are teaching them that looks/make-up are of the upmost importance. This is crazy, besides, cosmetics are not good for any of us - many are full of carcinogens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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2-02-2011 @ 3:33PM
Sarah said...I've had makeup kits since I was 5 or 6 years old. At sleepovers my girlfriends and I would do makeovers, but the makeup was always wiped clean before we left the house.
At 11, after a sleepover, I asked my mom to let me wear makeup to school. She said yes, but to prevent embarrassment, gaudy colors weren't allowed.
I've never over-done makeup, and none of my friends that started earlier ever came to school looking like hoochies.
However, I did notice the ones who are 'set free' at 14 or 16 go balls to the wall with foundation, mounds of eyeliner, clumpy mascara, and eyeshadow in every ugly neon imaginable..classy.
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2-02-2011 @ 3:30PM
Lily said...Im 16 years old and i still have no interest in wearing makeup. i cant imagine an 8 year wearing it. why rush into adulthood? i kinda like being a kid..
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2-02-2011 @ 3:49PM
Jim said...Absolutely...you hang in there Lily and stick to principles.
2-02-2011 @ 3:36PM
davide463 said...Let em get outside and play. Lots of time for make up when they get older. Kids don't know HOW to play anymore. If it doesn't have batteries and a control hand set they are totally lost. Go climb a tree.
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2-02-2011 @ 3:37PM
Jim said...What a schizophrenic society we live in...on the one hand we are shocked when our teenagers engage in sex, and we don't understand why our kids are out of control. On the other hand, it's ok to put our children in beauty contests and to let them wear make-up at increasingly younger ages. They watch shows like "Sex in the City" where sex of all kinds are discussed and we wonder why our teenagers have no sense of boundries. We let them do things that were normally reserved for adults, yet our laws say if you are under 18 you cannot consent to sexual activity, you cannot enter into a contract, you cannot make adult decisions except for the decision to have an abortion--which is invasive, potentially dangerous, surgery.
And we wonder why we have a pedophile problem?
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2-02-2011 @ 3:37PM
Linda said...I am not going to blame this on any store. Only a parent can control what his or her child does. Don't let your child wear make up except when they are playing make believe/dress ups as we did as kids. To allow this as ordinary everyday wear out in public is just setting them up for pedophiles and sex slavers. They abound everywhere,and in England Islamic pimps have been exploiting children . It's called "grooming" and what they are grooming them for is sex.
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