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SmackDown: Would You Let Your Tween Wear Makeup?
Filed under: Opinions, Tween Culture
Is there anything wrong with a little bit of lip gloss? Illustration by Dori Hartley
Forget the Face Paint and Let Kids Be Kids
by Amy Hatch
When I was in sixth grade, I was pretty tight with two other girls.
These girls were more sophisticated than I was at the time, and I remember very distinctly the day that one of them came to school sporting purple eye shadow. She whipped out the compact it came in, and flashed it to me and our other pal under her desk during reading class.
Two weeks later found me sobbing my eyes out, my head in my mother's lap, as I wailed out my anger and frustration about not being allowed to wear makeup yet. I was only 12 years old, and it was forbidden.
The two girls in question left me in the dust of baby-blue and purple sparkling powder, and I never quite forgot the betrayal.
So when I saw that Walmart is marketing a cosmetics line targeted to girls ages 8-12, I shuddered with horror -- because I can tell you right now, no 8-year-old of mine is ever going to be swiping shadow over her lids in reading class.
It seems counterintuitive to say that after my sad tale. But the ending of the story is that the two girls I wanted so badly to fit in with ran with a fast crowd all through middle school, junior high and high school.
Looking back, their antics were pretty tame, but their crowd wasn't right for me -- and my mother knew that, because she knew me.
A little lip gloss here and there isn't going to lead to a life of pole dancing. But our society has girls on an accelerated path toward adulthood. Don't believe me? Two words: Lindsay Lohan.
Or how about Miley Cyrus, just voted the worst celebrity influence in a poll conducted by ParentDish sister site, JSYK. Cyrus went from wholesome giggles as the star of "Hannah Montana" to taking bong hits.
My kid isn't a child star, but she does live in a world where children are hyper-sexualized. If you don't believe me, take a stroll through the mall one of these days and check out the skinny jeans in size 2T. Or the thongs for 12-year-olds.
And now, the makeup.
Kids should be allowed to be kids. Girls have a lifetime ahead of them of trying to meet an unnatural standard of beauty. They are bombarded with images that tell them that they aren't good enough, pretty enough or skinny enough.
Do we really want our 8-year-olds spending their time primping in front of a mirror with mascara and rouge?
What will they be doing when they're actual teenagers? Oh, wait, I know -- they'll be getting plastic surgery.
This is the absolute wrong message to send to our girls. My mother knew it way back in 1984, and I know it today.
Lip Gloss Doesn't Turn You Into a Lolita
by Lesley Kennedy
Growing up, I was definitely more tomboy than princess. I spent my tween-age summers at basketball camps, playing softball, roller skating and taking part in some seriously competitive neighborhood games of kick-the-can.
Still, around the age of 12, I began to develop an interest in the girlie side of life. I got subscriptions to Teen and Seventeen magazines. I talked my mom into buying me a crimping iron. And, for the first time, I bought makeup. Specifically, Bonne Bell Lip Smackers and blue eyeshadow.
And, (gulp!) 25 years since I bought that blue eyeshadow, tweens still want to wear makeup. Just look at all the brands aimed at the tween market. Starting in February, Walmart is set to launch GeoGirl, a 69-item collection, including everything from blush and mascara to lipstick and face shimmer. The mega-retailer already carries several other lines geared for tweens -- Disney Princesses, Lip Smackers, Lotta Luv, FAB Beauty and Crayola.
I'm fine with that.
When I was a tween, I couldn't wait to get home and get that blue shadow on my lids. Of course, I looked ridiculous. But you know what? Wearing it didn't make me a 12-year-old wine cooler-swilling tramp. It didn't make me feel like I was trying to be a mini-me of my then-idol, Olivia Newton-John. It didn't mean I was going to quit playing sports or caring about school or start dressing like a hair metal groupie.
It just meant I liked wearing makeup.
Now, with two daughters of my own, I don't freak out or panic when my girls want to play with makeup.
And, in a few years, when they're tweens and start to really get interested in wearing a swipe of lipgloss here or a swirl of blush there, I won't deny them.
Critics spout that allowing girls to wear makeup is terrible for their self-esteem. That it creates little Lolitas. That it sends "the wrong message."
I say, relax. Makeup, especially when you're a kid, is just fun.
Perhaps most of all, it's fun to pretend you're like your mom, taking part in her glamorous ritual. I will always joyfully remember moments spent watching my mother prep for an evening out, sitting at her vanity, when she would paint my own lips in the same color she used on herself.
Just because I will allow my daughters to wear lipgloss -- or even blue eyeshadow if they insist -- doesn't mean they'll immediately start painting their faces like child beauty pageant contestants, drag queens or circus clowns.
Teaching them a couple tricks -- and not acting like there's a huge stigma attached to makeup -- will keep them from going crazy with it.
And, maybe, with a little guidance, instead of sneaking makeup behind my back, we'll take a trip to Sephora together that will end up with my kids spending their allowances on sweet, root beer-flavored Lip Smackers and crazy nail polishes.
And less on blue eyeshadow.
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 11)
2-02-2011 @ 3:39PM
pdq said...When I was a little girl, it was considered "cheap" to wear obvious makeup. Even in my teens, I had to wait till I got out of the house to apply a light lipstick. My dad was very strict as my mom had passed away when I was eight.
I raised three girls, and they mostly don't bother with makeup at all, even before they married. Good for them, I say, although I have always used some to a natural degree, because as a natural blond (once) my skin and eyebrows were too pale for my taste. I am definitely against young girls doing anything to make them appear older than they are as it is much too shallow to sexualize them early. They'll have enough of that when they are older and can handle it.
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2-02-2011 @ 3:40PM
un4getablEwe said...I don't care how you feel but, let me add that the PEDOPHILES are more than happy to see your little sweetie looking like a sexy little thing. They are more attracted to them when they look older than they are. PLEASE LET YOUR YOUNG GIRLS BE YOUNG GIRLS FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE!!!!!!! Don't make temptresses out of them. I am so afraid of this trashy stuff! Look at children like Jon Benete(?). It's asking for trouble!
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2-02-2011 @ 3:41PM
V said...Amazing..when I was a little girl, I couldn't wait to wear pantyhose and makeup. Now, I can't wait to take both off as soon as possible!!
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2-02-2011 @ 5:39PM
donate to help paddy paws said...The problem is not just that society is pushing for the early end of childhood. It's that the age of puberty is falling. It's normal for little girls to start developing breasts by the age of 8 these days. (See the study "The Falling Age of Puberty in U.S. Girls".) Of course they're interested in makeup. Their bodies are sending out signals that they are almost ready for sex. Absurd, given that they aren't nearly finished growing mentally or physically. But that's what happens when food animals are fed hormones. We need to buy organic right from the start if we want to let our kids be kids. And we need to give the meat and dairy industry a piece of our mind about stuffing cows, chickens, pigs, etc with estrogen.
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2-02-2011 @ 3:47PM
Susan K said...I think there is such a short window anymore to childhood, that I don't get the push for more sophistication at younger and younger ages. Lip gloss or chapstick is fine and innocent and an appropriate means to introducing make-up, then maybe some concealor if blemishes or under eye circles alot of girls may have due to allergies, but I also feel anything that distracts from their school day really needs to remain under the parents or care providers control until they are about HS age. It is just one more distraction - play make-up for practice for a tween fine, the real thing, save it for the rest of their lives!
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2-02-2011 @ 3:52PM
Dancerctry said...I don't wear makeup, neither does my mom (i'm 30) and I only ever wanted to makeup was in HS when I had never had a boyfriend and no one seemed interested. I did, however, start wearing makeup at age 6, for my dance recitals. That's the thing, kids wear makeup for dance recitals even as preschoolers and there is nothing wrong with that.
My guess is that most girls who want to wear makeup as they start to explore teenagehood (without actually being a teen) is because makeup is important to their mothers. If a mom treats her makeup like that is the only reason she is beautiful, then the daughter will have learned that makeup makes you beautiful. In my case, my mom also felt and acted beautiful as her natural self, even with a lot of gray hair at age 32.
That makeup thing I went through only lasted a few months then I just decided to be me. It was also in the middle of my eating disorder stage so I had other self-esteme issues I needed to deal with first since make-up didn't solve my problems. My husband and I started to date in the summer before my senior year, when I wasn't wearing makeup and started to be more comfortable with myself, feeling beautiful as is.
For my daughter, for any nonperformance makeup wear I say negotiations are in order. Okay you can wear lip gloss but nothing else. That's also when I would start reassuring her of her natural beauty and telling her WHY I don't wear makeup. That will help her feel like she can participate with her friends but still see her own true beauty.
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2-02-2011 @ 3:55PM
lisa o said...8 year olds are not tweens! 8 year olds are little kids. Tweens are 12 and 13 year olds. This is so disturbing. I thought it was horrific enough seeing 12 year old girls dressed in skin tight strapless leaopard print mini dresses and spiked high heels at Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, but letting 8 and 10 year old girls wear make up and skinny jeans to school is not just inappropriate; its asking for trouble.
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2-02-2011 @ 3:56PM
Talia said...I see nothing wrong if tweens want to play with make-up. When I was a kid, about 9 or 10. There was this little girl that lived down the road from me. This little girl was beautiful, I mean just naturally gorgeous, and let me tell you she grew up to be model gorgeous. But when we were kids, I always felt so plain next to her. One day I went home crying and my big sister was in the bathroom she and I shared getting ready for a date or something. (She's 5 1/2 years older than me, so she was around 15 or so.) She said "What's wrong sweetheart?" I just shook my head and God only knows how she new but she looked at me and said "Are you feeling plain next to Destin?" I shook my head yes. So she curled and french braided my hair and put just the lightest touches of make-up on me and then sent me back out to play. It was such a little thing but it made all the difference in how I felt that day.
Also when I was 8 my DAD stood me up on the counter and shaved my legs. Now I know this sounds weird but there is a good reason behind it. I have VERY fair skin, I mean PALE goth skin and it's all natural, no paper white make-up for me. But I also have the misfortune to have very dark almost black hair naturally. (You wouldn't believe the "Born Goth" comments I've gotten. :P) But when I was a kid, because my hair is so dark and my skin so pale, I got teased a lot by the other kids for the hair on my legs because it was so noticeable against my pale skin. My dad just got sick of me coming home in tears and his natural instinct was to keep his little girl from having to be teased for something she couldn't help. So after that, my mom took me into hand and taught me how to shave my legs. The teasing stopped. My parents started me in dance when I was kid as well, and by the time I hit my teenage years, I was a lot more confident in myself. I eventually grew into my looks and I even model part time now when i'm not taking college classes or chasing my kiddo around. Just because I started all these things young, didn't make me grow up to be a stripper or promiscuous. I didn't get into drugs, I didn't sleep around, I didn't dress like a tramp. I finished High School, got married and then had my son two years later in Japan where my husband was stationed at the time when we were an active duty Air Force family. Honestly i'd never even been drunk in my life until after my son was born and I was almost 23!
When I turned 11, I started wearing make-up by myself, and I never really asked my mom, but I wore it anyway. Years later, I asked her if she even noticed, and she said "Yes, but you were wearing it appropriately and weren't going overboard for your age, so I figured it wasn't that big a deal." What people don't realize, is little girls today are bombarded by what we consider to be the standards of beauty and at the young ages they are, they are already taking hits on their self esteem, so if a little Mascara, Eyeliner, and lip gloss or very light lip-stick makes them feel pretty and confident, why would you take that away from them? It pulled me through my awkward stage and I eventually grew into my looks.
Now I agree, that 8 and 9 is a little young for much of anything other than maybe some lip gloss and clear mascara if they insist on wearing something (Both really good, non showy "Concessions" on the parents part if they beg. ;) ) But I think at 10 or 11 is ok to start with the light stuff, light brown eye shadows, mascara, and light eyeliner. It all depends on the parent and what they are comfortable with, but at the same time they need to listen to their daughters. I guarantee you at the those ages, it isn't about attracting the opposite sex, it's about making themselves feel better, and imitating their mothers and big sisters. It's when you start to get into the teenage years, 12, 13, etc that the boy crazy thing comes into play, and that's when you're going to have to really communicate and teach them the APPROPRIATE way to wear make-up. A little girl doesn't grow up to be a crackwhore because she wore make-up. It's because her parents didn't teach her to respect herself and her body.
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2-02-2011 @ 4:37PM
carol said...Talia, my point exactly. little girls or big girls for that matter shouldn't get their confidence from looking pretty or like all the other girls. You mentioned "taking a hit on their self esteem". Give me a break. Their self esteem shouldn't come from being pretty, it should come from who they are from within. I am older now, but was always considered very pretty and attracted any man i wanted, but unfortunately beauty fades and having spent so much time developing my outer person, i neglected my inner self, who i really was and my worth as a person with or without beauty. It sends the wrong message to suggest make up as an aid to a child's "self esteem"
2-02-2011 @ 4:07PM
carol said...Will there be anything for our kids to look forward to or anticipate if we allow them to do everything they want when they want to? The world is moving at a faster pace than when we were kids, but I think it is better to discourage this kind of interest as long as possible. Some things should be anticipated, a little like a rite of passage. My 10 year old granddaughter has taken an interest in eye shadow and lip gloss. She is allowed to wear the lip gloss in a pale, natural shade, but can only wear the eye shadow around the house, but certainly not to school or out in public. She is small boned and petite and would look ridiculous with make-up on. It is sad to seee these parents that almost want their girls to grow up fast. I think Moms get a satisfaction seeing their little girls all dolled up looking the way they wish they could look. Kids should be involved in enough wholesome activities that they are not obsessing over make up and the whole growny looking/acting thig. Sad..
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2-02-2011 @ 5:21PM
Talia said...I'm not saying all of a little girls self esteem comes from "looking pretty" I'm saying it helps. Did my parents help me develop my own self confidence? Yes, they put me in dance which helped immensely. Did they teach me that inner beauty is more important than outer beauty? Yes. Did they teach me that being intelligent was every bit as important as being pretty? Yes. I graduated with a 3.9 GPA from HS and maintain a 3.8 in college right now. Should a little girls entire self worth come from what she thinks she looks like? No. Should she be able to wear make-up if it makes her feel better and gives her the confidence to allow her other just as important non superficial qualities shine through? Yes. Imagine walking into a room full of people, imagine you want to go and talk to a particular group of people but you don't feel confident enough to do so. Imagine that group of people would have helped you onto something important, say, a new musical passion, a new scholastic pursuit, something that would have enriched your life, but you don't go over and introduce yourself because you don't feel confident enough and miss out on the opportunity. Now, if a little lip gloss and mascara gives a girl the glow that makes her FEEL more confident and fearless, then she should be able to wear it.
2-02-2011 @ 4:09PM
Beverly said...I remember meeting a 9 year old at my prenatal, I was wondering how the hell did that happen. Well I had to ask after several encounter and yes she was 9, he was 13 go figure. A child going to prenatal and needs her mother to bring her. Parents needs to let there kids be kids and stop exposing them to soo many stuff. If you go to the movies there are 3, 4 years old watching R movies lets me parents and stop being your kids best friend.
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2-02-2011 @ 5:44PM
Talia said...Wait are you saying a PREGNANT nine year old? Or a nine year old who was there getting birth control? Either way, that's entirely messed up and the parents should be investigated for child abuse for even allowing their kid to date a thirteen year old. Holy Hell what's a nine year old doing dating anyway? When I was in 7th grade there was a girl who got pregnant at twelve. That poor girl and the ridicule she faced, not to mention the life experiences and being young that she missed out on.Where were these kids parents? You should still be playing with action figures at nine, not out getting knocked up!
2-02-2011 @ 6:25PM
anita said...actually talia i work as a cna i used to live in slc utah while there i remember working the maternity unit one night and the SADDEST thing i EVER SAW was a TWELVE YEAR OLD girl sitting in the recovery room COLORING after having just given birth how about them apples
2-02-2011 @ 4:00PM
sugarb227 said...WALMART IS AT IT AGAIN, TARGETING 8 YEAR OLD KIDS OR MAYBE EVEN YOUNGER WITH THAT CRAPPY LINE OF MAKEUP WHICH WILL DO NOTHING BUT BREAK OUT THE CHILD'S SKIN! IT'S ALL ABOUT THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR WITH THEM AND NOTHING MORE! I CAN TELL YA THIS MUCH, THE CEO'S OF WALMART WOULDN'T LET THEIR DAUGHTERS WEAR THAT MESS. LET THE CHILDREN STAY INNOCENT WITH NATURAL BEAUTY AS LONG AS THEY CAN. BE A CHILD AND HAVE FUN, NOT PAINTING THE FACE TO LOOK OLDER AND HAVE SOME PERVERT OUT HERE EYEBALLING THE YOUNG CHILD! WE HAVE ENOUGH OF THAT ALREADY.
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2-02-2011 @ 5:09PM
Beverly said...I am 43 years old, I believe beauty is skin deep. I wore make-up 2 times in my life, I felt like a clown. Just a little gloss is all you need.
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2-02-2011 @ 4:02PM
phyllis said...What is going on?? Why do people want kids to grownup so fast?? I think preteen should only be wearing lip gloss, as long as it's clear. As far as wearing any kind of makeup, around 13 or 14. It's nothing wrong with saying NO!!
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2-02-2011 @ 4:04PM
carol said...Katherine, 18 is no comparison to a tween or 8 or 10 year old. I would expect a sixteen or 18 year old to wear quite a bit of make up. But to you moms: just because the stores are selling it doesn't mean you have to fall prey to their clever marketing strategies. It's all about money$$$. They see an opportunity to cash in on young girls and they will glamorize it so that every girl out there will want it. I'm proud to say there are some wholesome young girls out there that have other interest and are not giving into to peer pressure.
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2-02-2011 @ 4:09PM
Dancerctry said...I don't wear makeup, neither does my mom (i'm 30) and I only ever wanted to makeup was in HS when I had never had a boyfriend and no one seemed interested. I did, however, start wearing makeup at age 6, for my dance recitals. That's the thing, kids wear makeup for dance recitals even as preschoolers and there is nothing wrong with that.
My guess is that most girls who want to wear makeup as they start to explore teenagehood (without actually being a teen) is because makeup is important to their mothers. If a mom treats her makeup like that is the only reason she is beautiful, then the daughter will have learned that makeup makes you beautiful. In my case, my mom also felt and acted beautiful as her natural self, even with a lot of gray hair at age 32.
That makeup thing I went through only lasted a few months then I just decided to be me. It was also in the middle of my eating disorder stage so I had other self-esteme issues I needed to deal with first since make-up didn't solve my problems. My husband and I started to date in the summer before my senior year, when I wasn't wearing makeup and started to be more comfortable with myself, feeling beautiful as is.
For my daughter, for any nonperformance makeup wear I say negotiations are in order. Okay you can wear lip gloss but nothing else. That's also when I would start reassuring her of her natural beauty and telling her WHY I don't wear makeup. That will help her feel like she can participate with her friends but still see her own true beauty.
Reply
2-02-2011 @ 4:09PM
Sheri said...First off since when is an 8 year old a tween? 11-12 is a tween 8 year olds should only be wearing makeup when they are playing kids are growing up fast as it is and now when they talk about teenage pregnancy we are looking at 13-14 year olds even some tween pregnancy's also it isn't 16-17 year olds anymore like when I was in school kids need to be kids 13 is young enough to start with a little make up give them something to look forward to instead of giving them everything they want spoil them all the time and you will be wondering why they are still living with you when they are an adult!!!
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