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SmackDown: Would You Make Your Kid Drink Hot Sauce as Punishment?
Filed under: Opinions
Is making your kid drink hot sauce child abuse? Illustration by Dori Hartley
Hot Sauce Doesn't Constitute Child Abuse
by Tom Henderson
Ohmigod! Another child killed by hot sauce! When will this madness end?!
Oh, wait. A mother in Anchorage, Alaska, punished her son by forcing him to drink hot sauce, but he didn't actually die. Yet 36-year-old Jessica Beagley has been arrested for ... for ... what?
Felonious hot saucing?
Granted, forcing your 7-year-old son to take a cold shower and drink hot sauce comes right off a page from of Dr. Evil's Guide to Child Rearing. However, it's an old book.
My father got a mouth full of hot sauce during the '30s and '40s if he so much as thought about the F word. My mother was more enlightened and progressive. She made me take a swig of Woolite. This was after I psyched her out by saying Dial soap tasted good.
"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child," Proverbs 22:15 tells us. "But the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."
Our forebears took that passage seriously. And hot sauce is a dandy substitute if the rod of correction isn't handy. Such, uh, creative brands of punishment are no longer in vogue, but that doesn't mean they are criminal. Our parents and grandparents somehow managed to survive to maturity.
Personally, I would never resort to such harsh punishments. Psychological torture is much more effective -- and fun. Yet I think we should tread lightly when applying our standards to others.
Beagley got in trouble after she sent a tape of what she did to her 7-year-old son Kristoff to -- of all people -- Dr. Phil McGraw. He showed it to the world on a segment called "Mommy Confessions." The studio audience turned into a veritable barnyard of clucking chickens.
"Dr. Phil, no one in this audience can stay in our seats," Areva Martin, a family attorney and child advocate, said during the show. "We're just appalled at this. We're looking at this little boy who seems so sweet and innocent, and we're looking at this behavior as moms. We're just shocked."
Audience members were not alone. Viewers across the country flooded the Anchorage Police Department with calls for Beagley's arrest. Police obliged the angry mob, charging Beagley with child abuse.
"Nothing Jessica has done is criminal, Bill Ingaldson, a lawyer for Beagley, tells ABC News. "If you give your child food that has hot sauce on it -- maybe they eat Mexican food -- does that mean its child abuse?"
Good point. There is a fine line between child abuse and strict punishment. Wherever it's drawn, it should be by competent legal authorities after a thorough investigation, not a bunch of a reactionary hens clucking about something they saw on "Dr. Phil."
A television audience is not a courtroom jury.
Few people even spank their kids nowadays. I have spanked my own son exactly twice. Both times he was in imminent danger, and there was no time to explain the situation to a crib dweller whose vocabulary didn't extend far beyond "goo goo." I have also grabbed him by his short collar a time or two, but that's been it in terms of physical punishment.
However, I know if I pulled half my son's shenanigans when I was a lad, I would have found myself on a one-way flight across the living room courtesy of Dad Airlines. And my dad is about the sweetest guy in the world. But standards change.
Yesterday's stern punishment is today's child abuse. We shouldn't jail someone just because she's behind the curve.
Not all change is good. We might be kinder, gentler parents than our forebears. However, we seem to have lost our grasp on what -- and is not -- any of our damn business. Reality TV and talk shows like "Dr. Phil" apparently make us think we have a license to judge.
Beagley clearly sent the tape to Dr. Phil not to brag, but to seek help. She mistakenly thought she would get it. Instead, she was scorned and ridiculed as the latest freak in our ongoing national sideshow.
Her biggest crime was not forcing Kristoff to drink hot sauce. My guess? He'll survive. He might have a few therapy bills later on, but who among us reaches adulthood without baggage?
No, Beagley's biggest crime was looking for help from a nation of reactionary and judgmental busybodies.
Save the Hot Sauce for Her Lawyer and Dr. Phil
by Jennifer Mattern
At the very least, Jessica Beagley (a.k.a. "Hot Sauce Mom") needs a new lawyer, one capable of issuing a statement that is not completely inane.
"Nothing Jessica has done is criminal. If you give your child food that has hot sauce on it -- maybe they eat Mexican food -- does this mean it's child abuse?" Bill Ingaldson, Beagley's lawyer, tells ABC.
I'd love to hear Ingaldson argue the pros of waterboarding at Guantánamo Bay: "Nothing the U.S. government has done is criminal. If you take your prisoners to a waterpark -- maybe they like the Roaring Rapids -- does this mean it's prisoner abuse?"
A proffered taste of Mexican food does not equal a bottle of hot sauce forced into a sobbing child's mouth. (I could argue that Taco Bell is abuse for the whole family, but that's another SmackDown entirely.)
Let's back up: If you haven't heard, Beagley, a 36-year-old mother of six from Alaska, was recently charged with child abuse and arrested, following a November appearance on "Dr. Phil." The segment, called "Mommy Confessions," featured home video of Beagley screaming and shaming her 7-year-old adopted son, Kristoff, by pouring hot sauce into his mouth as consequence for telling lies, then forcing the child to strip and climb into an ice-cold shower. She confessed that she is angry at her son "all the time" and has tried numerous methods to punish him, to no avail.
I watched the video, submitted freely to Dr. Phil by Beagley herself. Three things occurred to me: 1) Appearing on "Dr. Phil" in a video showcasing your worst parenting moment is never a super-savvy move; 2) None of us would look fantastic on home video captured during our worst parenting moment; and, 3) This is a mom who is aware that she needs help and is aware she is doing damage -- or she wouldn't have agreed to ask Dr. Phil for his dubious "help."
I'm not in the business of vilifying other parents. Parenting is a dirty job, and at various times, every parent makes a damn mess of it. But I don't believe that hauling her ass into court is going to address this incredibly sad matter at its core. Using hot sauce and cold showers on a regular basis to discipline a child is repugnant, certainly. But there are two issues in play that are far more sobering to consider than the act itself: How did the ugly dynamic between Beagley and her son escalate to this point? And what will the consequences of her extreme corporal punishment be in the long-term?
There are no published studies available on the far-reaching consequences of hot-sauce-and-cold-shower discipline. But the cons of physical discipline are well documented. Take your pick. In a 2009 study conducted by Duke University and other top universities, researchers found that when parents' use of physical discipline continues through childhood, they're far more likely to have serious behavior problems by the time they become teens.
In addition, corporal punishment actually creates more aggression in children, according to a 2004 study by the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health "[S]tudies showed that corporal punishment was linked with difficulties later in life ... the study takes into account other possible explanations for aggressive behavior such as violence between parents and maternal depression, drug abuse and neglect. It does, however, point to the explanation that spanking is the biggest factor that contributes to a child's aggressive behavior," the study states.
The studies of sociologist and family researcher Murray A. Straus suggest this common-sense conclusion: "When a parent resorts to physical punishment and the child does not comply, the parent increases the severity of the punishment, eventually harming the child."
Jessica Beagley and her son are caught up in a devastating cycle of abuse. This family needs counseling, stat -- and not of the sensationalist Dr. Phil variety.
I'll finish up with a quote from my favorite child psychology expert, my 10-year-old daughter:
"One spank is one spank. But being shoved into a freezing shower and getting hot sauce poured in your mouth makes you afraid of your mother. The results are just pain. Their throat would burn. And they could choke. They lose trust. And that's really hard to get back."
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ReaderComments (Page 3 of 29)
2-02-2011 @ 12:01AM
brian GULYAS said...Are you really that big of a sissy? Should we put everyone in a velvet lined coffin the day they are born so not to have any misfortunes in life? The mentality of the American populous is blatantly toxic to the health of our nation. If when we are young and not shown that their are reactions to our actions our actions will not know boundaries, and we will seek them. This can be seen in the youth of today exploring death deifying "sports" as a way to see if really they have nothing to fear because they did not learn fear as a child. Hot sauce has not killed anyone....shocker! Neither has a cold shower....a scalding hot shower is a different story, but that is not the case here. I for one would rather have the hot sauce early in life then to think lying is fine then to realize I have to spend three to six months in jail for lying to the police.We have become a nation of timeouts and no backbones. Who would stand up for anything if it would take a little effort? You all need a little hot sauce and to MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. P.S. a little boy just died somewhere in the world right now. Life goes on bitches.
2-02-2011 @ 12:59AM
Jen said...@DCB, all of what you just said is a HIGHLY DEBATED THEORY. And I don't know if you used "God" as just something general or if you're an honest downright Christian, but the bible preaches something called "original sin" which means that everyone is born with sin and can only be washed of it in their baptism which then leads to being able to reach the Holy Spirit.
2-02-2011 @ 1:21AM
Jenn said...I agree that chilldren are not born as brats but, it's not always the parents turning their children into brats either. It's what we as a society have allowed. Children are exposed to much more information than ever these days and they know how to manipullate better than ever. A child is not suppose to enjoy the punishment. This is why is it called being punished. For a good majority of children these days being sent to their rooms is a joke. No dessert is a joke. I'm 24 and remember manipulating my father so well as a child and it's only getting worse. Children are having sex in middle school now a days, doing drugs, believe a healthy realtionship is when people are emotionally hurt, cursing in 4th and 5th grade. They think it's cool! A talk by a parent is not doing much when all their friends are doing it. WWJD, and would you jump off a bridge if they did it? Does not work. I swear I will never watch a Doctor Phil show ever again. It's 1/2 her fault for going on there. Reality TV has ruined her just as rap songs (talking about sex, drugs, and alcohol) does PSYCHOLOGICALLY change children's idea about what is acceptable in the world. We as parents can not always dictate what they watch and listen and who they are around and what is being fed to them because of society implimenting these thoughts onto the great majority of children. We can not shelter them as we once could against these things, and a talk does not do much anymore nor does getting a cell phone taken away... Of couse I am still one of the few who thinks a child over the age of 11 doesn't need one and if they have one I will get you a firefly which has Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa's number as well as 911. What are we really allowing into out children's lives and with the abuse accounts going up how will we ever reverse such psychological impairments which are heard on the news, radio, tv, movies, concerts, word of mouth etc? It's sad and pathetic a mother should be allowed to back hand a child for calling her a bitch (or hot sauce), let them kneel on grits for getting a D (for sending to a room to study is a laugh; how many times have you walked back in to find them playing?) or even send them to their room without dinner for lying (as no dessert is ridiculous / we shouldn't want our children to be having excess sugar anyways). Oh, wait we should fall in line with society and have them eat sweets non stop because everyone's elses child is obesse; afterall we wouldn't want them to feel left out and be healthy individuals. It's impossible for a child to starve with no dinner.
2-01-2011 @ 5:02PM
Ingrid said...When my sons would talk back or say age inappropriate words, I would put " A DROP" of tabasco sauce on my finger and rub it on their tongue. It worked!! All I had to do if they mouthed off, is ask them.."do you want tabasco?" and POOF!.. instant attitude change. They would cover their mouths and say, "NO!".
They are in their 20's now and Love Tabasco on everything!!!
I always felt it was a lot less traumatizing than a smack-upside-the-head.
I could be wrong.
Reply
2-01-2011 @ 5:57PM
Hemlock said...But like you point out, you used a DROP, you didn't force half a bottle into their mouth.
All she's teaching is fear and pain, not discipline.
She needs parenting classes, and that child needs to be taken away from her.
2-01-2011 @ 8:08PM
TONY DEE said...ITS CALLED TOUGH LOVE
OR YOU CAN LET THEM HAVE THEIR WAY.
AND GO BAIL THEM OUT OF JAIL LATER!
2-01-2011 @ 10:26PM
Sandra said...She didn't put a drop in his mouth it looked like she put a jigger in his mouth how would she like it if someone did that to her where is the father when all this is going on if the child had a little bit more love and understanding and could trust his mom maybe he wouldn't lye. Isn't he adopted
2-01-2011 @ 10:30PM
jessica said...This mother didn't force "half a bottle" into his mouth! She gave a SQUIRT! And a little squirt at that! Did you even watch the video?
2-01-2011 @ 10:34PM
Don said...Right on. I'd of probably thought the T sauce was a treat compared to the stuff they painted on my thumb to keep me from sucking it.
I'm in my 70's, and remember the so called abuse that was given by my parents. Far more severe than anything I hear of today. I grew up to be an upstanding citizen, was and executive of what was one of the top 10 corp. When my peers and I would get into discussion of these matters, I found they all grew up with the same types punishments as I. It also was helpful when we were all in the military back in the 50's/60's. You need some consequences when your young, to mature you.
2-01-2011 @ 8:07PM
JM said...WHAT THIS MOTHER DID IS WRONG! NO IF ANDS OR BUTS! SHE SHOULD HAVE TO DRINK A BOTTLE OF THAT CRAP HERSELF. WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY? KIDS HURTING OTHER KIDS,PARENTS HURTING AND KILLING THEIR OWN CHILDREN OH MY GOD! COLD SHOWERS YIKES SHE SHOULD BE IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL
Reply
2-01-2011 @ 9:38PM
Jennifer said...The real problem is that everyone things they have a right to an opinion on how people raise their childre.. I would wager a bet this woman has tried absolutely everything with this kid with bad results. If this kid winds up needing therapy due to hot sauce and a cold shower, it's because mental midgets tell him it should traumatize him. We are a society of marshmallows. We have none of the grit and metal of our ancestors. People are thin skinned, everything hurts their little tender sensibilities and overall people are whiney. Just because a form of discipline doesn't meet your standards doesn't mean it's abusive. Personally? People who have a lazy attitude towards raising their children and don't put a little starch in their kid's spines to cope and succeed in the real world are real abusers. But, that's my opinion and not against the law.
2-01-2011 @ 10:48PM
JoAnne said...I'm just wondering how many of you have children, and I'm talking kid's you've raised into adults or at the very least teens, not new parents of a one year old who has yet to experience what it is truly like to have a kid mouth off to you or get in trouble at school for ridiculous behavior or lie to your face. Sometimes no matter how hard you try your children do things they shouldn't and sometimes milder forms of punishment, ie: taking away dessert or a favorite toy, just does not work. I have three kids, 23, 13 and 4. I've run the gammet. My first-born was a peice of cake, my second more than a handful, and my third a combo of both. Don't be so quick to judge until you've been in the other person's shoes. As much as it broke my heart to hear/see the things this mom did, I had to step back and remind myself that I didn't know the circumstances that led up to this, as well as remind myself I have felt that frustration before. I would much rather use a drop or two of hot sauce to try to teach my son lieing is unacceptable than see a parent knock the kid into next week. The cold shower was a bit much and the repitition from the mother was pointless but I think having her arressted was a bit much. The self-richeous people who made such an uproar at the police station should have done some self-reflection before calling and sticking their noses in to someone elses business. Why not put that energy into saving the babies being dumped in trash cans or the little girls being whored out so their mommies and daddies can get their meth fixes??? Get real people.
2-02-2011 @ 4:16AM
AUDEAN said...WELL SAID JIM...THAT IS WRONG,,,...
2-01-2011 @ 8:10PM
Susan said...That much hot sauce can burn his mouth and throat . He already probably has stomach ulcers from living with a mother that causes so much fear and stress ..
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2-01-2011 @ 9:42PM
Jennifer said...Oh Susan please, stop holding back. Surely you can get more melodramatic than that! Come on! You have a fan base here!
2-02-2011 @ 4:16AM
AUDEAN said...WELL SAID
2-01-2011 @ 8:17PM
What?! said...I know a good number of leftists that need to be washed with a soap bar. I don't know why this incident was videotaped.
Reply
2-01-2011 @ 8:52PM
Angela said...I'm a liberal. Want to take a shot at me???? What is you point regarding this abuse? Was is just to take a shot at adults who want to make the world a better place? Does it matter why this was video taped? The woman needs help, but more important, the child needs help. Yes, the hot sauce bothered me, but what botherd me more is the child being pushed into a cold shower. Imagine being terrified, having your mouth, throat and stomach burning, AND THEN, being shoved into a cold shower. How scarred would you be?
2-01-2011 @ 9:21PM
James Woods said...What??? Carve me a break! The most conservative minded mothers judiciously pulled out the punishment in my family. Conservatives are volitile and unstable people, in general, so don't go blaming it on liberals. Smack your own fat conservative ass!
2-01-2011 @ 9:45PM
rehquick said...Angela, I'm a conservative and I agree 100% with you. I can't imagine this happening to me as an adult, much less a 7 year old 1st grader. You are right he has a burning stomach and freezing in the shower. How Dr. Phil didn't thump this lady up side of her head I do not know. I have a 7 year old grandson and I can tell you this would scar him. It is horrible.