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SmackDown: Would You Make Your Kid Drink Hot Sauce as Punishment?
Filed under: Opinions
Is making your kid drink hot sauce child abuse? Illustration by Dori Hartley
Hot Sauce Doesn't Constitute Child Abuse
by Tom Henderson
Ohmigod! Another child killed by hot sauce! When will this madness end?!
Oh, wait. A mother in Anchorage, Alaska, punished her son by forcing him to drink hot sauce, but he didn't actually die. Yet 36-year-old Jessica Beagley has been arrested for ... for ... what?
Felonious hot saucing?
Granted, forcing your 7-year-old son to take a cold shower and drink hot sauce comes right off a page from of Dr. Evil's Guide to Child Rearing. However, it's an old book.
My father got a mouth full of hot sauce during the '30s and '40s if he so much as thought about the F word. My mother was more enlightened and progressive. She made me take a swig of Woolite. This was after I psyched her out by saying Dial soap tasted good.
"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child," Proverbs 22:15 tells us. "But the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."
Our forebears took that passage seriously. And hot sauce is a dandy substitute if the rod of correction isn't handy. Such, uh, creative brands of punishment are no longer in vogue, but that doesn't mean they are criminal. Our parents and grandparents somehow managed to survive to maturity.
Personally, I would never resort to such harsh punishments. Psychological torture is much more effective -- and fun. Yet I think we should tread lightly when applying our standards to others.
Beagley got in trouble after she sent a tape of what she did to her 7-year-old son Kristoff to -- of all people -- Dr. Phil McGraw. He showed it to the world on a segment called "Mommy Confessions." The studio audience turned into a veritable barnyard of clucking chickens.
"Dr. Phil, no one in this audience can stay in our seats," Areva Martin, a family attorney and child advocate, said during the show. "We're just appalled at this. We're looking at this little boy who seems so sweet and innocent, and we're looking at this behavior as moms. We're just shocked."
Audience members were not alone. Viewers across the country flooded the Anchorage Police Department with calls for Beagley's arrest. Police obliged the angry mob, charging Beagley with child abuse.
"Nothing Jessica has done is criminal, Bill Ingaldson, a lawyer for Beagley, tells ABC News. "If you give your child food that has hot sauce on it -- maybe they eat Mexican food -- does that mean its child abuse?"
Good point. There is a fine line between child abuse and strict punishment. Wherever it's drawn, it should be by competent legal authorities after a thorough investigation, not a bunch of a reactionary hens clucking about something they saw on "Dr. Phil."
A television audience is not a courtroom jury.
Few people even spank their kids nowadays. I have spanked my own son exactly twice. Both times he was in imminent danger, and there was no time to explain the situation to a crib dweller whose vocabulary didn't extend far beyond "goo goo." I have also grabbed him by his short collar a time or two, but that's been it in terms of physical punishment.
However, I know if I pulled half my son's shenanigans when I was a lad, I would have found myself on a one-way flight across the living room courtesy of Dad Airlines. And my dad is about the sweetest guy in the world. But standards change.
Yesterday's stern punishment is today's child abuse. We shouldn't jail someone just because she's behind the curve.
Not all change is good. We might be kinder, gentler parents than our forebears. However, we seem to have lost our grasp on what -- and is not -- any of our damn business. Reality TV and talk shows like "Dr. Phil" apparently make us think we have a license to judge.
Beagley clearly sent the tape to Dr. Phil not to brag, but to seek help. She mistakenly thought she would get it. Instead, she was scorned and ridiculed as the latest freak in our ongoing national sideshow.
Her biggest crime was not forcing Kristoff to drink hot sauce. My guess? He'll survive. He might have a few therapy bills later on, but who among us reaches adulthood without baggage?
No, Beagley's biggest crime was looking for help from a nation of reactionary and judgmental busybodies.
Save the Hot Sauce for Her Lawyer and Dr. Phil
by Jennifer Mattern
At the very least, Jessica Beagley (a.k.a. "Hot Sauce Mom") needs a new lawyer, one capable of issuing a statement that is not completely inane.
"Nothing Jessica has done is criminal. If you give your child food that has hot sauce on it -- maybe they eat Mexican food -- does this mean it's child abuse?" Bill Ingaldson, Beagley's lawyer, tells ABC.
I'd love to hear Ingaldson argue the pros of waterboarding at Guantánamo Bay: "Nothing the U.S. government has done is criminal. If you take your prisoners to a waterpark -- maybe they like the Roaring Rapids -- does this mean it's prisoner abuse?"
A proffered taste of Mexican food does not equal a bottle of hot sauce forced into a sobbing child's mouth. (I could argue that Taco Bell is abuse for the whole family, but that's another SmackDown entirely.)
Let's back up: If you haven't heard, Beagley, a 36-year-old mother of six from Alaska, was recently charged with child abuse and arrested, following a November appearance on "Dr. Phil." The segment, called "Mommy Confessions," featured home video of Beagley screaming and shaming her 7-year-old adopted son, Kristoff, by pouring hot sauce into his mouth as consequence for telling lies, then forcing the child to strip and climb into an ice-cold shower. She confessed that she is angry at her son "all the time" and has tried numerous methods to punish him, to no avail.
I watched the video, submitted freely to Dr. Phil by Beagley herself. Three things occurred to me: 1) Appearing on "Dr. Phil" in a video showcasing your worst parenting moment is never a super-savvy move; 2) None of us would look fantastic on home video captured during our worst parenting moment; and, 3) This is a mom who is aware that she needs help and is aware she is doing damage -- or she wouldn't have agreed to ask Dr. Phil for his dubious "help."
I'm not in the business of vilifying other parents. Parenting is a dirty job, and at various times, every parent makes a damn mess of it. But I don't believe that hauling her ass into court is going to address this incredibly sad matter at its core. Using hot sauce and cold showers on a regular basis to discipline a child is repugnant, certainly. But there are two issues in play that are far more sobering to consider than the act itself: How did the ugly dynamic between Beagley and her son escalate to this point? And what will the consequences of her extreme corporal punishment be in the long-term?
There are no published studies available on the far-reaching consequences of hot-sauce-and-cold-shower discipline. But the cons of physical discipline are well documented. Take your pick. In a 2009 study conducted by Duke University and other top universities, researchers found that when parents' use of physical discipline continues through childhood, they're far more likely to have serious behavior problems by the time they become teens.
In addition, corporal punishment actually creates more aggression in children, according to a 2004 study by the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health "[S]tudies showed that corporal punishment was linked with difficulties later in life ... the study takes into account other possible explanations for aggressive behavior such as violence between parents and maternal depression, drug abuse and neglect. It does, however, point to the explanation that spanking is the biggest factor that contributes to a child's aggressive behavior," the study states.
The studies of sociologist and family researcher Murray A. Straus suggest this common-sense conclusion: "When a parent resorts to physical punishment and the child does not comply, the parent increases the severity of the punishment, eventually harming the child."
Jessica Beagley and her son are caught up in a devastating cycle of abuse. This family needs counseling, stat -- and not of the sensationalist Dr. Phil variety.
I'll finish up with a quote from my favorite child psychology expert, my 10-year-old daughter:
"One spank is one spank. But being shoved into a freezing shower and getting hot sauce poured in your mouth makes you afraid of your mother. The results are just pain. Their throat would burn. And they could choke. They lose trust. And that's really hard to get back."
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ReaderComments (Page 6 of 29)
2-01-2011 @ 8:21PM
Kelly said...My parents had different styles of "punishment". My Dad would whack us. We always deserved it, but he would hit us and it would be over with. We undestood that what we had done was wrong (mouthing off, telling lies, swearing, fighting). Then we got the silent treatment for a little while, to show that he was disappointed in us.
My Mom would yell.....and yell.....and yell.....and yell.....and not say very nice things when she was yelling. Now, my Mom was also under a lot of stress when we were growing up, so I understand the yelling.
The FAR WORST of it was the disappointment from my Dad. The hit was the easiest. He didn't beat us, but you got a spank, a wack or a grab. It was over with and that was it. It usually hurt your feelings more than your physical person. I would much rather have had that than my mothers yelling.
By the way....we all grew up very well adjusted and functioning, contributing members of society. My parents both did the best they could.
The hot sauce mom needs help. She is one step away from child abuse and going postal on her kids. Not because she made them drink hot sauce. A swig of hot sauce isn't that bad. It is the way she goes on....and on....and on after the kid has already admitted he lied and why....he got the hot sauce....and she still goes on, and on, and on. She needs help.....FAST.
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2-01-2011 @ 8:21PM
DD said...Although I do believe in discipline when needed. I feel act went way too far. What happened to a good old fashioned spanking. Soap in the mouth or no tv, phone or video games for a week. I can also agree that a dab of tabasco sauce for swearing might teach them from lesson. I also must say that I know plenty of Black Americans and they are by no means afraid to discipline their children when necessary..It's mainly caucasion that I see who try to reason with their children instead of taking immediate action. Sparing the Rod will definitly spoil the child.
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2-01-2011 @ 8:22PM
oif2009 said...You Know different parents have different tactics by mother made me put a soap bar in my mouth if I said a naughty word what. I would thing hot sauce would be better since it is used to make food more spicier while soap is to kill germs and is not meant to consumed but in both cases after a few times if not just 1 time the child will get the point and not say a naughty word again because they will think of the consequences before hand and with that saying you dont need to fill their mouth with it no not even an adult would be able to handle the hotness but maybe a teaspoon or less with get the point across and a cold shower well idk about that i think a shot of hot sauce would be just fine cold shower could send a child into shock. trust me I had to pick my own stick to get my butt whipped when i was younger people just need to chill let parents discipline their child the way they want to. now with that saying no i don't believe you should hit the kid or any type of harmful abuse but a good smacking on the butt won't do any harm to the child you must show them you will not let things slide if you do that them they know they can get away with anything and thats why most kids are trouble in school and by the time they start disciplining them its to late. but thats how I will raise my kids and they will turn out just fine
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2-01-2011 @ 8:23PM
ed said...so, whats wrong with a good spankin, geessss people no wonder this country is going to shit
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2-01-2011 @ 8:26PM
Momma said...All that for getting a card pulled? I would lie to. She should be punished for that horrible mushroom hair cut.
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2-01-2011 @ 8:22PM
KAT said...Totally unacceptable, she traumatized this child.
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2-01-2011 @ 8:23PM
Januali said...Sorry but what went on in the 40's, 50,s and even the 60's was not always right and in many cases it was abuse. I also had my mouthed washed out with soap and was forced to eat some things that I really disliked and in one case it was finally figured out that I was allergic to. I also went to private school and we had some nuns that were abusive and frankly they should never been allowed to teach or be around children. Just because it was done in the past, does not make it right or ok. Thank goodness things have changed for the better when it comes to abuse. With my own kids, I would threaten to spank and show them the dreaded wooden spoon but it was not used, the threat was enough. No hot sauce, soap or other bad tasting crap. In other words, I learned from what was done to me as a child and did not pass it on to my kids as they are not passing on to their kids.
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2-01-2011 @ 8:26PM
LSULinebacker64 said...That is totally abuse. Those of you who don't understand you still have plenty to learn. Take what I'm about to say as an example:
When a Robber comes into a childs house and scared him / her like Holy Hell. That was a moment branded in that childs mind & feelings for life meaning Mentally & Emotionally reaction around the corner everytime they look.
Now when a mother does this to her son/daughter. Once again that is a reaction that will be placed in that childs mind forever. A mother going so far to put pain in her childs life so easy there. WHAT? WHAT? What would that mother do for her pleasure for a tantic to teach her child at a later date in age?
I'd say the mother is the one with a Psychological mind problem. Pushing her son to that disorder and problem.
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2-02-2011 @ 12:51AM
Jen said...That's wonderful that you think there's something wrong with her psychologically, but I think the mother in question might have already figured out she has a problem seeing as how she voluntarily went to Dr. Phil for help...so exactly what's the point of your post? To be redundant? Unless advice for this misguided woman is included, I think that ragging on her probably isn't going to do anything.
2-01-2011 @ 8:23PM
Donna said...She'd better hope to hell I never meet her on the street! Yeah, kids can make you nuts but WE are the ADULTS!! Take a deep breath, walk out of the room if you need to in order to get yourself under control, but never EVER do something cruel to an innocent, trusting, defenseless child! I'd be very happy to give this b**tch a taste of her own medicine!!
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2-01-2011 @ 8:42PM
simple said...Discipline is supposed to show a child that their are negative consequences for braking certain rules. You cannot curse, you'll get tobasco sauce. You cannot hit, you'll get a spanking.
This author, while not entirely correct, makes an excellent point. What is child abuse? Is spanking going too far? He is right in saying that she is not a perfect mother. She did what she thought was necessary. Look at these comments, from judgemental busy bodies. She needs parenting classes, yes, but these people makes it seem like the brat is in mortal danger. She sent her tape for help, yet the almighty Dr. Phil decides, rather than educate the mother, to chastise her.
You think this kid has it rough? Check out your average household. Some kids get it worse. Some get the belt, others get a legnthy time out. Sending kids to their rooms doesn't work for all children, and beating doesn't have the same effect.
And the worst part in all this? You people, the ones calling her a monster? Whenever you see children growing up to be young criminals and thugs (of all races, I might add), you're the first ones to chew the parent out. "Oh, he needs to have been punished more", "he needs the belt". You wonder why they turn out this way?Busy bodies who think they wrote the book on children.
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2-01-2011 @ 8:30PM
jane said...Child abuse, no question.
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2-01-2011 @ 8:35PM
Jenny-Anne said..."My father got a mouth full of hot sauce during the '30s and '40s if he so much as thought about the F word. My mother was more enlightened and progressive. She made me take a swig of Woolite."
Tom, I'm sorry you had abusive parents, that doesn't mean the rest of the world should follow suit. There were a lot of things that were done in the30's and 40's that we wouldn't consider doing now. For good reasons. We move on and we learn and we evolve as humans...well some of us do
anyway. This was child abuse plain and simple. This was child abuse bordering on torture. If this were done to a prisoner in jail we'd be screaming from the rooftops for his rights. Tom, if you treated your wife like this you would be in jail. So why is doing it to a child ok? This child is terrified of his "mother". Did you not notice the terror in his voice and eyes? Did you not hear his screams in agony? Did you not see him sobbing his eyes out forced to hold a burning liquid in his mouth? And what exactly is the difference between burning your child's mouth with hot sauce and burning their mouth by putting a cigarette out in in? What's the difference between what this mother did and David Pelzer's (A Child Called It) mother forcing him to lay in an ice cold bath? What's wrong with you Tom that this whole thing doesn't tear at your heart strings? What's wrong with you that your first instinct isn't to protect the child and hang his evil sorry excuse for a mother?
My seven year old daughter had a hell of a time transitioning from kindergarten to first grade. We spent half the year trying to get her to stop lying, to turn in her homework, to stop disrupting her class. We never had to resort to child abuse though. And wow, she's in second grade now, the issues are gone, her teachers adore her. I can't even imagine what this woman would have done to my daughter. And thinking about it hurts my heart even more.
Tom, I hope you're not a parent, I hope you never become one, but if you are, I hope that someone is watching out for your children. I wouldn't trust you around a hamster, much less a child.
If what this woman did is ok with you, you're one twisted puppy!
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2-02-2011 @ 12:51AM
Jen said......seriously...? You'd scream from the rooftops for the rights of prisoners forcibly being fed hot sauce...?
Prison Guard: Okay, it's time for your daily hot sauce dose for attempted robbery at the residence of a 'Ms. Jenny-Anne'.
Prisoner: Nooooooooooo! I don't wanna!
-END SCENE-
2-01-2011 @ 8:31PM
survivor said...The one quote that rung true for me: "One spank is one spank. But being shoved into a freezing shower and getting hot sauce poured in your mouth makes you afraid of your mother. The results are just pain. Their throat would burn. And they could choke. They lose trust. And that's really hard to get back." My own mother's "style" of disciplining made me resent her for most of my life thus far because I lived in constant fear and shame around her. It's effected me well into my teen and adult years, and although I recognize I'm not a victim--I'm someone completely responsible for my own actions--it was really hard to forgive her. Luckily we're in a more neutral place. I learned what NOT to do--here are better ways to discipline a child.
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2-01-2011 @ 8:46PM
Brittany said...This lady went to far, why would u make ur kid get in a cold shower.?! What lesson are they going to learn. It is only going to make them hate you and make them scared of you. I was an abused kid and to this day, I am scared to even be with my parents, I don't see or have really anything to do with them. It does not matter what ur kid does it does not give u the right to treat them like that. I hope she gets some jail time, or they take her kids away!
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2-01-2011 @ 9:21PM
ethel banks said...That bitch should have the book thrown at her not only for the hot sauce but the cold shower I wish some one would throw her in a cold shower, the child should be taken away from her.
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2-01-2011 @ 8:40PM
Lisa Miller said...Hot sauce is not the only "hot" thing used. When I was 6 years old (far to many years ago) I got pepper on my tongue. Let me tell you that was hot AND I never, ever told a lie again!
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2-01-2011 @ 8:33PM
Rich said...What if the child gets an allergic reaction to the sauce? What then? It's very dangerous to do this. Any parent who hurts a child in ANY way needs to have their kids taken away from them.
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2-01-2011 @ 8:34PM
Vera said...What happen to just loving our children. It seems to me that the adults need to grow up. We wonder what is wrong with young children and teens not respecting adults?????. Maybe our 60's education was good, because we respected our parents and still lived to tell about it.
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