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Cyberbullying Solutions for Parents
Filed under: Bullying
Spreading rumors and bullying is nothing new. Kids have always found ways to be cruel to one another. But today's kids are dealing with something much more sinister: cyberbullying. Kids are now using their cell phones and computers to hurt, humiliate, and harass each other. And it's reaching epidemic proportions. They're not just receiving nasty comments, but also getting demeaning text messages, embarrassing photos, and snide opinion polls. This type of bullying is especially disturbing because it is constant, pervasive, and very, very public.
What is cyberbullying?
Whether it's creating a fake Facebook or MySpace page to impersonate a fellow student, repeatedly sending hurtful text messages and images, or posting cruel comments on the Internet, cyberbullying can have a devastating effect. Nasty comments, lies, embarrassing photos and videos, and snide polls can be spread widely through instant messaging (IM) or phone texting, and by posts on social networking sites. It can happen anytime -- at school or home -- and can involve large groups of kids. The combination of the boldness created by being anonymous and the desire to be seen as "cool" can cause a kid who normally wouldn't say anything mean face-to-face to show off for other kids. Because it's happening in cyberspace, it can be completely undetectable by parents and teachers.
The facts
- The most commonly experienced form of cyberbullying is when someone takes a private email, IM, or text message and forwards it to someone else or posts the communication publicly.
- 38% of girls online report being bullied, compared with 26% of online boys.
- Nearly four in 10 social network users (39%) have been cyberbullied, compared with 22% of online teens who do not use social networks (all from Pew, 2007).
Why it matters
Nothing crushes kids' self-confidence faster than humiliation. And just imagine a public humiliation sent instantly to everyone they know. Sadly, hurtful information posted on the Internet is extremely difficult to prevent or remove, and millions of people can see it. Most cyberbullying happens when adults aren't around, so parents and teachers often see only the depression or anxiety that results from being hurt or bullied. This emotional damage can last a lifetime.
Parent tips for all kids
- Give them a code of conduct. Tell them that if they wouldn't say something to someone's face, they shouldn't text it, IM it, or post it.
- Ask your kids if they know someone who has been cyberbullied. Sometimes they will open up about others' pain before admitting their own.
- Establish consequences for bullying behavior. If your children contribute to degrading and humiliating people, tell them their phone and computer privileges will be taken away.
Parent tips for elementary school kids
- Keep online socializing to a minimum. Let your kids use sites like Webkinz or Club Penguin where chat is pre-scripted or pre-screened.
- Explain the basics of correct cyber behavior. Tell your kids that things like lying, telling secrets, and being mean still hurt in cyberspace.
- Tell your kids not to share passwords with their friends. A common form of cyberbullying is when kids log in to another child's email or social networking account and send fake messages or post embarrassing comments. Kids can protect themselves from this by learning early on that passwords are private and should only be shared with their parents.
Parent tips for middle school kids
- Monitor their use. See what they're posting, check their mobile messages, and let them know you're keeping an eye on their activities.
- Tell your kids what to do if they're harassed. They shouldn't respond or retaliate, they should block bullies immediately, and they should tell you or an adult they trust. They shouldn't delete the messages because in persistent cases, the content should be reported to a cell or Internet Service Provider.
- If your kid is doing the bullying, establish strict consequences and stick to them. That goes for cruel or sexual comments about teachers, friends, and relatives.
- Remind them that all private information can be made public. Posts on friends' walls, private IMs, intimate photos, little in-jokes can all be cut, pasted, and sent around. If they don't want the world to see it, they'd better not post or send it.
- Don't start what you don't want to finish. Chat in online games and virtual worlds can get ugly fast. Make sure your kids are respectful because hurtful retaliation happens all the time.
Parent tips for high school kids
- Tell kids to think before they reveal. At this age, kids experiment with all sorts of activities, many of which should not be made public. Remind your teens that anything they post can be misused by someone else.
- Remind them they aren't too old to ask for your help. There are things some kids can handle on their own, but sometimes, they just need help. Coming to their parents isn't baby-ish; it's safe.
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Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
2-08-2011 @ 3:50PM
rana said...Why do you think it is only children that suffer from cyber bullies? Many adults and especially seniors also do. Did you know that the police will do NOTHING unless a physical threat is made even when days, months or years of this behavior continues. A doctor in my city, Las Vegas, has written a book called the HOA Syndrome which also covers these type of bullies. Just a note F.Y.I. Its sad that law has yet to really address the problem with the exception of children.
Reply
2-08-2011 @ 4:00PM
Tom said...Articles like this that give such advice, and many of the resulting comments, just wear me out.
Did the parents never learn any common sense?
The solutions are somewhat simple.
If a kid is bullying someone else, or if the kid is being bullied, shut down their acces to the internet and global phone systems.
Close any MySpace or Facebook accounts, cancel the texting options on cell phones (or just take the cell phones away), and enforce penalties for violations.
PARENTING 101.
If these parents can't control their kids, or can't sucessfully advise their kids how to handle the situation, they should have never had children.
Kids are a blessing, not a convenience or the result of a drunken fling.
These parents must have had poor training in "parenthood" before electronics were born.
People, people, people...., spend time with your children, teach them right from wrong, and reinforce their self-esteem.
Above all. teach them that there will be consequences.
If I had a daughter and some wise-assed kid inappropriately defamed her through one of these electronic avenues, Katy.... bar the door.
That kid would see wouldn't see next Tuesday.
It doesn't take some Internet "guru" to figure this out.
Reply
2-08-2011 @ 5:14PM
kb said...Tom, if you could shut the bully down, the problem would have gone away already. The parent of the child being bullied can't force the other parents to close an account or limit access. Many times the other parents say, "Kids are being Kids" and that you are overreacting. I heard coaches say that when I taught school. The school says it isn't happening on campus, not our problem. Teasing on steroids. People are actually selling houses and moving to get their children away from bullies...it's sad when we need laws and courts to get children to behave. Can we imagine for a minute what our world is going to be like when these teens become adults? They are going to make peachy citizens.
2-08-2011 @ 6:38PM
Terri said...My daughter was not allowed to have Facebook until very recently. she is about to turn 18, and I feel she is now mature enough to conduct herself in a reasonable manner. She understands what she types has impact, and if anyone "bullies" her she can deal with it in an adult way. Kids should be focusing on schoolwork and productive activities, and not be glued to their Facebook 24/7. Keeping your kid off facebook and other social media until they are older won't get rid of the bullies, but it will cut off one way bullies have of directly reaching your child. Saying no isn't mean; it is being a parent.
2-08-2011 @ 6:57PM
stephanie said...Either you don't have children or have had your children before the era of technology. In your second paragraph you state "or if the kid is being bullied", to take away their cell phones, internet & basically shut them off from the rest of the world. I have a sweet, smart & beautiful sixteen year old daughter who is a respectful girl. She has been cyberbullied since September 2010. Part of this is due to other girls her age who have a few jealousy issues & start rumors. Some of the things they said have caused emotional damage. We are STILL nipping it in the bud mostly through legal actions. MY question to you is this; WHY on earth would I punish my daughter by taking everything that she worked so hard to earn away from HER? She is not the criminal here. That is not the solution. Neither is not letting the "bully" see "next Tuesday". What kind of message does that send. Bullying is a form of violence. So basically your solution is to fight violence with violence?
2-08-2011 @ 4:12PM
seavet1 said...The best way to stop bulling is to make the parents accountable. That means making the parents financially responsible for their kids. The problem is the police don’t like domestic cases and it requires the legislatures and the courts to come down really hard on parents, and not accept the cop out "I didn’t know".
Reply
2-08-2011 @ 4:12PM
Wowzer said...Wow, this is crazy!!! But honestly, none of the parent tips will help. Im in Middle School when I gut bullied- either online or in person- I do not tell my parents because either a) they freak out and get super involved and make the problem way worse or if I tell them wat I did to try and fix it(example: Jenna posted this really mean thing about her autistic sister and so I commented and said aw but your sister is so sweet) and my mom usually will go well dont do that next time or just stay out of it etc. etc. etc.
Parents just need to step back sometimes. If their kids are telling them something that went down, then the parents need to talk to the kids about how to handle the situation. And if the kid makes a comment about something they commented on or something, the parent needs to step way back and then dont jump on them about it. If the parent is asking the kid what to do about bullying, and the kid says i do not know, then THEY DO NOT KNOW. So you might wonder why they vhenemely refuse the suggestion of talking to a teacher? They don't want to get anyone else involved. (most times)
Bullied kids just want somebody to vent to without them telling them everything they should have done or things they did wrong. Parents need to be open to hearing kids vent and be able to not harp on the kid, and lots of things would be better.
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2-08-2011 @ 4:27PM
Great said...If your kid is cyber bullied you have a ton of issues going on. First kids should not have a twitter or facebook account as not one good thing is related to those sites and if as a parent you allow your child to be put in that amount of danger your kids should be taken away. You allow your kids patterens to be followed, thier friends locations to be stalked and of course this sissy cyber bully my feelings got hurt crap to go on. Parents needs to toughen thier kids bring them back to the real world and teach thier kids the things parents should and not the computer. A kid that allows this kinda stuff to bother them is parented correctly its a non issue. Parents need to grow up, parent and pay attention.
Reply
2-08-2011 @ 5:42PM
kennm said...I figure the simpilist way toget around it, isto turn the d--med computer off people.
Reply
2-08-2011 @ 7:19PM
Dominick said...Now america is paying attention to this issue. This crap has been going on for so long and no one for the last 10 years has mentioned a word of cyberbullying or bullying in general. I guess this country has nothing better to do. i guess a recession is the only time we focus on important issues like this. I think bullys should be treated like terrorist and face the same extreme punishment. Waterboard those bullies.
Reply
2-10-2011 @ 12:10AM
Kurt said...Dominick, you must really get off on what this government is doing to thousands of innocent people overseas in the name of the "War on (of, actually) Terror." You'll really be in hog heaven when the "authorities" start waterboarding people who don't agree your line of reasoning. SICK!