'Teenage as a Second Language': Q&A With Author Barbara Greenberg, PhD

Have you heard that guy on TV and Radio advertizing he can get ANY kid to stop giving you back talk and behave themselves? I didn't belive it so I had to buy the program - a week later a box shows up and what does it have in it? A 9mm handgun with a note to give your kids that says ' If you ever dare give me one bit of crap ever again - I'm going to take this gun and blow your fu#king brains out' - Perhaps a bit extreme - but it did work.

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All children should be treated with respect, never slapped as one comment said they do to their kids.
I made one huge mistake raising my son, I didnt ask anything of him, ever. I never asked him one time to bring my a glass of water, for example. I never gave him chores until he was 12 years old. HUGE MISTAKE. There was some trash in our yard, I told my son to go out and pick it up please. He cried.
I was shocked. He really felt abused by that. This has nothing to do with talking to your child, I know, I just dont want anyone else to go through what we did.
Make sure to give your child chores while their still VERY YOUNG. I dont mean to have them mow the yard at 6 years old, just have them dust, or pick up things, something, anything while their young, or it wil be too late.
My son never did do a chore, because I waited too late to tell him too. Dont do what I did, give them some responsibilities, and consequences while you can.
If their 12 and dont have any chores, its already too late.

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First off...Shuri! EWWWWWW... Second...people...really? All your advice your giving on the subject of how to talk to or raise children is disturbing. Simply love your children, love yourself and your partener. The rest falls into place. Love, understanding, patience and honest information begets empathy, empathy begets understanding which leads to trust, trust begets respect. Respect begets listening and comprehention. Everyone eventually makes there own choice no matter how much advice or education you give. All you can do is be available and assist them while they discover whether there choice was a sucees or a mistake. Direction and guidance through the difficult maze of life and the dangers it presents children and teens today is much more complicated then most of us had to endure so the solution to talking to your children is not discipline or stifiling but information and direction delivered with love without conditions. Unconditional love is the best way to raise a man to be a man or a woman to be a woman, unless your intentions are to raise a boy or a girl.

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God. Im glad none of you guys are MY parents. You guys would probably smother me.

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Dare I mention God? "Train up a child in the way he should go
and he will not depart from it." Training involves first and foremost
example. Living by God's rules applies to all members of the family.
When children see that mother and father live by the same rules they teach thier children to follow it gives them core values to live
by. Communication is a two way street with all members of the family heading in the same direction. Trust is therefore the natural
result. God's rules always work.

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you guys who dont think this will work obviously dont have kids or have already messed up raising them. and if you think your son or daughter is so good you have no idea what they really do he probably does drugs and shes probably a whore or a stuck up bitch same with the dudes. and if your kid actually is good its barely because of you they are the ones that made the decisions you probably inspired them to make that choice because you were not doing a good job.

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What a surprise! another article on how to talk to your son or daughter like you are their best friend and how to not hurt their feelings,,, are todays stupid/is that to harsh?/ ever going to learn how to be parents? i handled my kids talks as i did any conversation with any of the 1000S of people i arrested over 30 yrs as a cop, no dealing with them no fear of hurting their delicate feelings, just im the dad answer my questions and i better not find you in a lie, or suffer the results,, yea they hated me as kids, as adults and now parents they realize how right i was in my technique and tell me so,, be a parent it's a offspring not a friend when they are teenagers, the friendship comes with maturity

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Sure, if you think this will work, I have a bridge to sell you. I was taught in mathematics that the letter "X" represents an unknown. In plumbing "spert" is know as water under prseeure.
Put he two togewther and you have "Expert" an unkown under pressure. These people claim to be Experts, wonder if wither has a child and if so I wonder what prison they are in.

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You never be a friend to your children. You are their parent not their childhood friend. I have two grown children and two grandchildren now and my kids would come to me with everything and let me know what was going on without me even asking but maybe that was because I raised them by myself from the time they were 1 and 5. Yes I was a single parent all those years after divorcing their dad and my kids would talk to me themselves. They are both working don't do drug and are just fine.

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This article is good for parents that need the help. Parents that don't have any idea how to talk to their children and didn't start when they were younger and perhaps have difficult children to deal with.
Luckily, I had a great relationship with my parents who always had an open door and never reacted bad to the bombs I dropped. I grew up with the right direction and therefore did the same with my children. Even though I am their friend (to a certain degree), I am also their parent and they know that and respect that. They are also secure in the knowledge that I am here for them always. They feel very comfortable telling me about the parties they go to and what their friends are doing (even if there is drinking involved). I always listen and don't pass down any judgement or opinion in haste. I will definately talk to them about the things that are happening (especially if safety is a factor) but also I help them think about the consequences to any action. This has helped so much in allowing them to figure things out for themselves and make good decisions.
My children are 21, 19 and 12. They are so polite and curtious that it sometimes surprises me. Especially when my 12 yr old holds the door for strangers (all the time) and goes out of his way to help people. It's a happy surprise for sure.
For those of you that know how to communicate with your children and are doing great with this, Congratulations...keep up the good work. For those who are having difficulty, don't give up and keep on trying. You care and that is what your children need to know..that they are loved. THAT is what is most important.

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I'm a teenager myself. After reading over this article, I see how a lot of it makes sense. I know that if my parents used these techniques, it would have been easier to open up to them. I also want to point out that asking a direct question, sometimes seems overwhelming. Like "How was your night?". Even though not much might have happened, it's still to big, (no we are not stupid), but if you were to ask, "How was shopping" or "How was Kayla's birthday party?", it would be easier to give details.

I do agree with some comments though, about discipline. I wouldn't let my child run off all the time if she never told me anything and I just played the "oh she'll tell me when she's ready" game. I believe if it goes on longer then you personally feel it should be, confront your child and ask straight up. If there isn't an answer, take away a privilege. Make them know that it is serious!

I'm not telling ANYONE how to raise their kids. We all have different opinions, and I respect that. I'm just throwing my comment out there, if it makes any sense. Thanks for reading. :)

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you have to put down rules and boudaries, yes, but you also have to let the teen find out who they are as an individual. Parents who put down too many rules will eventually force the teen to rebel in order to get the freedom they need. I am a teenager, just shy of becoming an adult and i know from experience with my parents that if you have trust in your teen and give them their own space, they will respect you and will let you in on their lives. i have never gotten in trouble with the law, im in a private college, majoring in the medical field, and im doing very well. That doesnt mean every teen will turn out the same, but if parents try to pry into their teens every little bit thing in life, it will end up biting them in the butt later. Give your teen space, if they dont want to talk, leave them alone for a while, put your foot down and enforce rules when you teen wants to do something harmful to themselves or to others, but show affection as well. Teenagers need to feel loved the most during those rough years of middle school and high school, a lot happens these days in a school setting, the last thing a teen wants to hear when they get home is being yelled at.

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This is a really touchy subject because no one wants to be told how to handle/talk to their own child. I think that every parent knows their children best. Only a parent knows when it's a better time to get information out of their child. For instance, I know if I want to get the most information out of my son to wait until he isn't wrapped up in a video game or just about to walk out the door to play basketball with his friends. But there are also times where you have to demand information. Again, only you know your child best and only can get the necessary answers that you need. I like to be firm. My kids know where they stand with me. They know I am the parent and they are the children. I show them respect but I also demand repsect, I don't ask for it. These are my beliefs on parenting and eveyone is different. I believe that as long as you pay attention to your kids in every way(wants, needs, and discipline) everything else will fall into place.

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Kids shouldn't talk at all. Since they have nothing to say this would be best.

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God help and protect our children!! Especially
from arrogant, hard-headed,ego driven parents who don't think they need to learn to
be better parents than they are. Trust me,
we have ALOT to learn about parenting. If
your kid is disrespectful, distrusting, and
uses foul language.....they had alot of fine
examples to learn from! There is plenty of
room for improvement. Useing brutality and
fear is NOT the way to go unless you want
brutal and fear-inspiring people to result.
Our morgues and prisons are full of them!!

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when i was young, my parents divorced, my mother was the one to punish me. my dad let me do whatever i wanted. i repect them both but i have to say that moving in with my dad when i was 16 was probably the worst decision i made. i did what i wanted, when i wanted. that allowed me to hang out with the WRONG people & do things i knew my mom would kick my ass for. i dropped out of school 3 months before i was supposed to graduate & moved out into my boyfriends mothers house. i love both of my parents but i have much more respect and an amazing relationship with my mother now cuz now i kno she was just trying to guide me in the right direction. we are so open with each other now and have nothing to hide. im 20 years old, i recently earned my diploma, have a full time career, have my own house, my own car, and pay my own bills. i think everything happens for a reason, so i have no regrets, but looking back i wish i would have just been honest and open throughout my teenage years. i guess in telling my story, im just trying to say, teens, talk to your parents, they are alot more understanding than you think, they were teens once too! =] peace and love

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stephanie- Get off the racist remarks about the differences of "white and black society and behavior! Teens behavior is just as bad on both sides! If you want to vent with racist comments go to some black panther site and vent all you want.

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