
Am I Too Young to Change My Name?
Filed under: Teens, Baby Names
I'm a boy, and my dad thought Karmen was a boy's name when I was born. Now I'm called Karmen in all my official statements, school records etc. I really hate it and I get bullied for it. I'm 16. Can I change my name? How?
- Karmen
In the U.S., you can't petition the court for a name change until you're 18. For now, the legal request would have to come from your parents. I understand that it may be hard to ask for their help on this, since they gave you the name in the first place.
Part of me is tempted to refer you to the tag-line of the anti-bullying campaign: It gets better. Readers write to me of "growing into" names, or learning to love unusual names they despised as a teenagers. This is one reason I usually discourage minors from making legal name changes.
Your case, though, is a little different. You've run into an ugly truth about names in America: Gender matters. A lot. And there's a double standard. Parents love to give girls traditionally masculine names, and there's even some research suggesting they give girls a competitive advantage. But it's tough to be a boy with a girl's name, and you're right, Karmen is used overwhelmingly for girls. (It's a form of Carmel, a biblical place name. The Italian name Carmine is one masculine version.)
If you'd like to change your name now, have a conversation with your parents. Be gentle; they chose this name for you and understandably have different feelings about it than you do. Build your case with facts. You can show them baby name data from the Social Security Administration to show them that girls named Karmen (and Carmen) swamp the boys by a rate of more than 25 to 1 in the United States. A Google image search of Karmen works too -- but be sure to select "safe search" or you'll be in for a whole different kind of parental discussion.
You can also give your parents a practical argument. If you know you'll change the name yourself on your 18th birthday, the change will be simpler now before you're issued a driver's license and start applying to jobs or colleges.
If your parents won't go for it, though, take comfort that the decision will soon be in your own hands.
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- Karmen
In the U.S., you can't petition the court for a name change until you're 18. For now, the legal request would have to come from your parents. I understand that it may be hard to ask for their help on this, since they gave you the name in the first place.
Part of me is tempted to refer you to the tag-line of the anti-bullying campaign: It gets better. Readers write to me of "growing into" names, or learning to love unusual names they despised as a teenagers. This is one reason I usually discourage minors from making legal name changes.
Your case, though, is a little different. You've run into an ugly truth about names in America: Gender matters. A lot. And there's a double standard. Parents love to give girls traditionally masculine names, and there's even some research suggesting they give girls a competitive advantage. But it's tough to be a boy with a girl's name, and you're right, Karmen is used overwhelmingly for girls. (It's a form of Carmel, a biblical place name. The Italian name Carmine is one masculine version.)
If you'd like to change your name now, have a conversation with your parents. Be gentle; they chose this name for you and understandably have different feelings about it than you do. Build your case with facts. You can show them baby name data from the Social Security Administration to show them that girls named Karmen (and Carmen) swamp the boys by a rate of more than 25 to 1 in the United States. A Google image search of Karmen works too -- but be sure to select "safe search" or you'll be in for a whole different kind of parental discussion.
You can also give your parents a practical argument. If you know you'll change the name yourself on your 18th birthday, the change will be simpler now before you're issued a driver's license and start applying to jobs or colleges.
If your parents won't go for it, though, take comfort that the decision will soon be in your own hands.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 2)
2-24-2011 @ 9:38PM
Pati said...I disagree with you, "Name Lady". Carmen is the feminine spelling and Carman is the masculine. I have known a lot of Italians with that name (men), and several women who have the name. It is not uncommon at all.
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2-25-2011 @ 9:05PM
Taylor said...I am a teen girl and I like the name Pati's right kids are cruel but when your a adult most likely people won't make fun of it. My names Taylor and i hated it because i used to know a boy with that name but now i love it DONT CHANGE IT.
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2-25-2011 @ 9:13PM
Alexandra said...I, too, wrestled with a name I felt uncomfortable with my whole life. Growing up, my given name (I felt) was a "boy's" name. I hated it. I wanted a "girl's" name, and while technically my name was about as 50/50 as it gets, I just hated it. In first grade, I even chose to go by my middle name in an effort to distance myself from that dreaded first name. My dad, who named me, did not approve and I was forced to go back to the name I didn't like. I always told my parents when I was 18 I was going to change it. They told me I'd grow to like my name.
Well, I never grew to like my name, and adopted a new one around 13 or 14, but it wasn't until my mid-twenties that I was finally certain of the name I was going to be stuck with for the rest of my life. Once you change your name, that's it, you don't get any more chances so I wanted to be really, really certain that I was going to be satisfied with my choice. I also wanted to be certain my hatred of my birth name wasn't just a product of teenage angst/drama.
I've been Alexandra now for over two years, and while my parents still don't like it, they respect my decision and I've never been more comfortable in my own name. I say go for it, but don't rush into it. You have plenty of time to decide.
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2-25-2011 @ 9:20PM
Holly said...Karmen, talk to your parents. Before you talk to them, call your county court office and find out how much a name change costs. It depends on the where you live and can be really cheap or up to about $150. Your parents might be more receptive if you've money saved to do it. If your parents resist, start changing your name yourself. Tell your teachers the name you wish to be called by, most will respect your wishes if you let them know that you are tired of the bullying and that is what you will be changing it to when you are 18, if your parents don't let you do it now. Tell you friends, also. Those who are your real friends will respect you and go along with your wishes. Introduce yourself to new people you meet with the new name you have chosen, even when with your parents and correct them if they introduce you as Karmen, by telling them politely that you'll be changing it to that at 18 and would like for them to start calling you that now. You could, also, just stop answering to Karmen. Karmen is indeed a boy's name but that's not what people think when they hear it. My son wasn't born in the SW but was raised here. He likes his name, Gabriel, but hates when Spanish speakers he runs into pronounce it Gabrielle which is how they say the boy's name Gabriel. Good luck to you.
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2-25-2011 @ 9:21PM
LESLI said...As a parent, I am not all that attached to my children's names. If they asked to change it at age 16, I probably would be okay with that. I would have some criteria, as it would actually have to be a real name, nothing notorious, etc. In some Native American cultures, a child's name changed as they grew to reflect the person they were at that time, I love that idea. One other idea to help with the parents though, you might want to volunteer to help pay for the change. Most courts will charge fees for a name change. Look into how much it is in your state and see what you can come up with. Another alternative, if they still refuse, is to just start going by your middle name and using your first initial.
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2-25-2011 @ 10:26PM
trish said...Hope you get your way and change your name. Parents don't realize how a stupid name impacts a child, to this day and I'm 66 I HATE my name, my mother and father use to call me Patty for short, and when my friends heard that they started to call me "Fatty Patty", this guy I REALLY like alot, since I was 12, use to call me my "little red head Patty" and my girlfriend to this day calls me Patty, I could cry every thime I hear that awful name. I couldn't imagin how the kids of Holliwood parents deal with their weird names. PLEASE parents give you kid a NORMAL name that can't be shortened in to a nasty stupid thing to haunt them for the rest of their life.
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2-25-2011 @ 9:43PM
Mark said...Do some of these parents ever think what the child will think of the name instead of the parents thinking "its so cute."
Get a grip parents.
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2-25-2011 @ 9:44PM
JohnK said...Young man, I am an old man. Got to youtbe and listen to Johnny Cash's song, "A Boy Named Sue." Look at the version that shows the lyrics. It's a funny song, but it has a message of wisdom in it
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2-26-2011 @ 2:13AM
Lita said...Sorry, JohnK, but it's idiotic to get life lessons from a silly song. How sad that you would think that it is okay to give a child a name that would ensure a miserable childhood. Life can be tough enough without needlessly adding travails to the journey. After all, shouldn't a loving parent's first act be loving and joyful, and not a lesson in how crappy life can be so I'll toughen you up at the expense of your emotional well-being and dignity as you begin your life? Who needs parents like that?
2-26-2011 @ 7:44AM
JohnK said...Jeez Lita, Idiotic, huh? Sometimes you have to deal with what you've been handed. You must be a whiner.
2-25-2011 @ 9:46PM
mike hylton said...Hey kid, if thats the worst thing that has happened to you then you have had a good life, just man up ,the ones that are your'e real friends wont tease you and the one's who do arent worth worring about,,life is going to get a lot tougher for you and the teasing from losers right now is going to be quickly forgotten
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2-25-2011 @ 10:20PM
bugaloosnana said...If you're not comfortable with your given name, try using your middle name, if it's not offensive to you. Many people go through life using their middle name. Just a thought.
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2-25-2011 @ 10:32PM
Katie said...Karmen,
Although I don't see the problem with your name, I can imagine it's horrible dealing with your classmates. Do you think if you changed your name now that they would take to it, and stop being mean? Personally, I think that maybe waiting until right before you go to college may be a great way to go. It would be easy to ask professors to call you by a chosen nickname rather than Karmen, and if the school you go to is big enough, they won't even know any of the students names. Plus you could always introduce yourself to dorm mates and class mates as another name, they would be none the wiser. It might save you a lot of grief with your family and the chance to avoid the legal hassle while still not having to deal with "Karmen."
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2-25-2011 @ 11:00PM
LillieFaerie said...It certainly isn't like it used to be. My father didn't want his name, and his first day of school he was asked "What is your name son?" And he replied Council (rather than Counciler), added his own middle name and kept his last name. From that day forward, that was his name-the one that he gave. He even went into the military and worked for the government with no problem. It is more of a problem when you change your name later in life because employers ask for and do get verification of schools attended. He is much better off gettig his name changed before he graduates if he wishes. My grandson has a letter changed in his name at the hospital but kept it and has never complained about it. It makes him unique.-well one of his unique things anyway. Just remember schools do not go back and change their graduating records, they go by what you are when you graduate and it will come up repeatedly throughout life Ask your parents, or wait and keep the name. My granddaughter has a masculine name, and it's caught on.,,now I've seen another mother on the internet name her female child the same name.
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2-25-2011 @ 11:08PM
jim said...I think this 'Name Lady' should butt out! With NO background about this individual,she is in no position to be giving advice to a person this young. If it is really that important I am sure a discussion with the parents will be in order. ~~ At the age the individual can make a sane decision of what to change his name to !
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2-25-2011 @ 11:59PM
JO said...I think Karmen sounds cool and not particularly feminine. But you're the one thats living with it, so yes - change it if you don't like it!
I changed my name when I was 43. I always disliked the clunky English and Polish spelling and lack of identifiablity.
When you do it, try to pick something unique. I believe it helps add character. I'm JO 753, believe it or not!
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2-26-2011 @ 1:57AM
George William Gockel said...Yes 16 is too young for a name changel/
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2-26-2011 @ 1:59AM
David S. said...Well, he is 16. At that age, we all thought every little thing we didn't like was the end of the world. He'll be OK with the name he was given. He will face far bigger challenges in life. This too shall pass.
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2-26-2011 @ 2:07AM
Ruth Allen said...My nephews name is Bailey, there is a girl at his school with that name and another boy, he has a girl cousin named baylee and he asked if he could change his name because of the girls having it too. We told him we could see calling him bail or another nickname, i agree with the folks that say let him grow into his name. we all hate our names at some point and we all get over it, unless of course you're a boy named sue...lol :)
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2-26-2011 @ 4:30AM
MELBA ANN WILLIAMS said...If bullying is involved..by all means talk to parents with a counselor about changing the name to one the boy likes. I had my 4th daugher--no son.. so we named her middle name after her dad. She also had problems in school.. We suggested she assume a new middle name that was her choice with our blessings. She went through about 5 of them. As an adult she decided she liked it after all and went back to her birth name. NEVER name a girl or boy an opposite sex name----Names are so important.. give it a lot of thought as it is for life. With Mary being her first name---she goes by just that now---so she never had a legal name change,. Her uncle has an unbearable name-- so he did go to court to change his first name... they should lower the age to 16 for this privilege..
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