Father Loses 2 Young Children In Tornado
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Suicide-Proof Your Teen (as Much as You Can)
Filed under: Opinions
Okay, here's the terrible news: A 2009 study of New York City public high school students found one in 10 had attempted suicide, and 3.4 percent got so far as to require medical attention. I wish I could say I'm shocked by this, but I know two teens from wonderful families who made a recent suicide attempt.
One is no longer with us.
So the issue becomes: What should we parents be doing about this? Three things:
The first is to sort of "suicide proof" our homes, says Alan Ross, executive director of The Samaritans of New York, a suicide prevention center. This may seem drastic, but it makes sense. Just like we babyproof when our young kids are in danger of accidents, we can protect our older kids by making it a lot harder for them to harm themselves. That means locking up medicine, toxic liquids like drain cleaners, and, especially, guns. Don't make it easy to die.
Then, says Ross, "Be attentive." By this he means to be on the lookout for any signs of a change in our kids. Everyone has good days and bad ones, of course. But when the bad days last for two weeks -- or when we can see that there has been a change in our child's eating, dressing, or sleeping habits, or something else new, like constant headaches, it is time to be on the alert.
Being alert means that, even if you haven't done it until now, it is time to have "The Talk" with our kids. No, not the talk about sex. The one about suicide.
It's easiest to open this conversation by comparing mental health to physical health. So you can start by pointing out that being sick is normal. When someone gets a cold or a flu or even pneumonia, they know to get some help. For a cold, they take a cough drop. For pneumonia, they'd see a specialist.
Similarly, tell your kid you can have the mental equivalent of a cold, flu or pneumonia. Sometimes when you feel really bad, you might even think of suicide. (Yes, actually say that word out loud. Break the taboo!)
Tell your children that when they feel bad, mood-wise, they can always ask for help from you, a teacher or some other trusted adult. Throw in the fact that, "If you have a friend who feels this way," your child should inform an adult, too. Even if your kid promised not to. Better a broken secret than a dead friend.
Once you let your kids know that they can reach out for help, tell them the truth: Seeking help is a sign of intelligence and strength. It's the opposite of weakness.
Ignoring suicide doesn't make it go away. Take action.
CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION. IF YOU OR YOU CHILD NEEDS TO TALK TO SOMEONE, CALL, TOLL-FREE, 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or 1-800-SUICIDE.
Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!
One is no longer with us.
So the issue becomes: What should we parents be doing about this? Three things:
The first is to sort of "suicide proof" our homes, says Alan Ross, executive director of The Samaritans of New York, a suicide prevention center. This may seem drastic, but it makes sense. Just like we babyproof when our young kids are in danger of accidents, we can protect our older kids by making it a lot harder for them to harm themselves. That means locking up medicine, toxic liquids like drain cleaners, and, especially, guns. Don't make it easy to die.
Then, says Ross, "Be attentive." By this he means to be on the lookout for any signs of a change in our kids. Everyone has good days and bad ones, of course. But when the bad days last for two weeks -- or when we can see that there has been a change in our child's eating, dressing, or sleeping habits, or something else new, like constant headaches, it is time to be on the alert.
Being alert means that, even if you haven't done it until now, it is time to have "The Talk" with our kids. No, not the talk about sex. The one about suicide.
It's easiest to open this conversation by comparing mental health to physical health. So you can start by pointing out that being sick is normal. When someone gets a cold or a flu or even pneumonia, they know to get some help. For a cold, they take a cough drop. For pneumonia, they'd see a specialist.
Similarly, tell your kid you can have the mental equivalent of a cold, flu or pneumonia. Sometimes when you feel really bad, you might even think of suicide. (Yes, actually say that word out loud. Break the taboo!)
Tell your children that when they feel bad, mood-wise, they can always ask for help from you, a teacher or some other trusted adult. Throw in the fact that, "If you have a friend who feels this way," your child should inform an adult, too. Even if your kid promised not to. Better a broken secret than a dead friend.
Once you let your kids know that they can reach out for help, tell them the truth: Seeking help is a sign of intelligence and strength. It's the opposite of weakness.
Ignoring suicide doesn't make it go away. Take action.
CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION. IF YOU OR YOU CHILD NEEDS TO TALK TO SOMEONE, CALL, TOLL-FREE, 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or 1-800-SUICIDE.
Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
3-03-2011 @ 5:51PM
Floyd said...Back in 1977, the 18 year-old son of my late wife's cousins took his .22 rifle and drove a few miles out of town and killed himself.
He left no note and no one could ever figure out why he did this. He was a good kid, never got into trouble and a great student and well liked.
It was very sad and of course, his parents still ask themselves, "if we had only known what was bothering him, perhaps he'd still be here now."
Reply
3-04-2011 @ 12:04AM
craftyb said...I just read on another blog (a real shame I can't recall which one) a description that I thought was elegant and beautiful in it's simplicity.
Suicide doesn't end pain- it just spreads that pain around to the people you love.
Reply
3-04-2011 @ 3:22AM
Steve said...What most people don't seem to know, in spite of all the information on the net and in books like Dr. Peter Breggin's fantastic book: MEDICATION MADNESS, is that many kids and adults are not committing suicide because of depression.
They do it because they are taking psych meds prescribed by ignorant doctors who don't realize the drugs themselves "cause" bizarre behavior and suicidal thinking and acting out. All you have to do is look at the warnings that accompany these meds to see that most have a BLACK BOX warning about these very possibilities.
Peter Breggin's website ( Breggin.com) is a goldmine of information. Do some reading and watch his videos. Listen to some of his radio broadcasts on his site.
Reply
5-15-2011 @ 5:51AM
bgreenbergphd said...It's unlikely that we can "suicide-proof" our teens but we can sure be alert to symptoms of depression and anxiety. Recent studies have shown that anxiety plays a larger role in suicide then we had originally thought. We need to raise kids who feel comfortable opening up to us without fear that we will fall apart if they share info. that frightens us. That is KEY.
Barbara Greenberg PhD
co-author Teenage as a Second Language -A Parents Guide to Becoming Bilingual
For more ideas to make the difficult job of parenting teens and pre-teens easier, take a look at @talkingteenage
Reply