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The Word 'Retard': Stop Using It
Filed under: Medical Conditions, Special Needs, Opinions
Ellen and her son Max. Courtesy of Ellen Seidman.
Let's say that in honor of Spread The Word To End The Word Day, which was this week, you decide to do a little project: For a few days you will message people on Twitter who use the word "retard" and let them know the r-word is derogatory to people with disabilities.
You don't actually expect the word to disappear anytime soon or that people will instantly chop it out of their vocabularies. But maybe, just maybe, you can raise a little awareness. You will set up alerts for tweets that contain "retard."
And you will find that there are so many mentions of the word -- thousands a day -- this could be your full-time job. People in the U.S., England, Germany, the Netherlands, and Kuwait say the word. Men, women, teens (lots and lots of teens), people of all races and all spelling abilities.
You will not fault people for their use of the r-word, because the term has become slang. They don't mean to malign people with disabilities. Heck, you used to call annoying situations "retarded" before you understood.
You have no problem with the words "stupid" or "dumb" or worse. Sure, call your friends names if you'd like, it's your conversation. But maybe you don't have to toss around the word "retard." Or say even worse things:
You'd expect some to be defensive, as the very act of tweeting at them is confrontational, even though you try to keep your tweets even-handed: Hi. Mom of kids with disabilities here. The word "retard" is demeaning. But still, you will be surprised by how people dig in their heels:
And because for the first time in your life, you fear how people may one day treat your son when you are not around to protect him. You will feel sorry you started this project. But you will not be able to stop. Those alerts for "retard" will keep popping up. Forty six alerts, 373 alerts, 1,452 when you wake up one morning.
And you will keep tweeting: Hi. Mom of kid with disabilities here. Would u help end the use of the word "retard"? It hurts. http://www.r-word.org. Some people will use rationale ...
But some will inspire you to keep going:
He won't give up either:
And then:
And you will feel a little bit of hope. The day you are done, you will get an email from one Lars who tells you that last week his organization launched The Social Challenge.
Through that site, you can anonymously "challenge" Twitter r-word users. But then, you will feel proud that you did this on your own. For all the times you felt sick to your stomach to see a string of smiling faces jokingly calling people "retard," for all the nasty responses you got and for all the non-responses, you will know that even if you've changed a few people's minds, your efforts will have been worth it.
But you will not be able to stop looking.
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ReaderComments (Page 5 of 38)
3-07-2011 @ 4:29PM
livelywife said...Yes, but in all fairness, this person set her twitter account to alert her to the use of the word. NOT to what CONTEXT the word was used in. Therefore, if someone had tweeted "retard the timing", it STILL would have alerted her, and she'd have sent her little plea, which, if I'd received that, having used the word in context, would have been taken as someone policing me. Sorry, but I'm an adult. I don't need someone else trying to police my speech, just because it MAY be offensive to a few people. If she can't understand the difference between usage in context, and usage as an insult, there's a problem.
3-04-2011 @ 3:10PM
REH said...Another "R", word to quit using is "racist". People are using this just because someone disagrees with them.
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3-04-2011 @ 5:04PM
YngMaji said...Simply put, words only have the power to upset you if you let them. By you making a big deal about people using the word "retard" you are in effect telling them how to hurt your feelings. Additionally, you are being a bad parent by attempting to protect your children from hurt feeling and instilling a sense of entitlement to not having their feeling hurt.
Get over it. There are jerks in the world and they have free speech. You have no right to not have your feelings hurt. Stop the whining and laying the blame on someone else for you not being in enough control of your emotions to shrug off a bit of inadvertent name calling.
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3-04-2011 @ 3:07PM
Heavy said...Speech Police at again. If any word offends anyone, let's ALL stop using the word..People need to realize, Americans died for the right of people to speak freely in this country. Why push YOUR agenda on everyone else? I'm sick of these PC morons. Hey, it's a free Country. Say what you like. Fag, retard, lard _ss, whatever. While you still can. These people are all about limiting what you say, and they won't stop here. What's next?
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3-04-2011 @ 3:13PM
Carl said..."Retarded" was used as a more humane word than, "moron" or "stupid." But euphemisms tend to work their way into the language as cruel insults. So now it's used as an insult.
So we will invent a new word or phrase that we think is more humane and not degrading.. The article suggests, "cognitivly disabled" or something. If that phrase comes in to general use, it too will eventually be used as a joke and an insult.
The problem, dear Horatio, is not in the word, but in ourselves.
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3-04-2011 @ 3:18PM
Lita said...When I was growing up, we were taught that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." But I always thought, if words never hurt, why do some things that people say leave me feeling so bad? For those who really feel this saying is valid, tell your children how stupid they are every day. Tell them how they will never amout to anything. Tell them that no one will ever love them and how they have no friends; people are just being polite. No? You won't do that? Could it be because you actually know that words do hurt? It is so easy to not use these kind of words. It takes no effort to not wound others. (Don't wars typically start with words?)
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3-04-2011 @ 3:20PM
dougalcandy said...My stepson is mentally retarded. Retard means "slow"--he is now 24 and is on the level of a 5 year old. He is a wonderful young man, with many capablities. When I first met my husband 16 years ago, he matter of factly told me he had a "retarded" son. I later asked him if he had a problem with anyone using the word and he said "you can put any name on it you want, it doesn't change anything". I have never seen a father more devoted to his son than my husband. My son is what he is, no matter what words you use to describe it.
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3-04-2011 @ 3:39PM
MiddleAgedMama said...Exactly the point -- if the person is mentally retarded, and your family accepts that term, that's that. But why would you want to have "retarded" be derogatory? It's in everyone's interest to have it be descriptive, so retarded means the condition from which that person suffers.
3-04-2011 @ 3:38PM
MiddleAgedMama said...This whole thing makes me sad. Don't you get it? This is not about whether you refer to a person with a particular handicap as retarded or mentally deficient or whatever. And it's not about whether you refer to a gay or lesbian person as gay vs homosexual. It's about the alignment of what should be a descriptive term with a new, derogatory meaning. So saying "that's so gay" when you mean "that's stupid" means that you're equating gay with stupid. And saying that something dumb is "retarded" equates a particular handicap with being dumb. THAT is the point. Nobody would say anymore That's so Polish, to mean That's so dumb - we know better than to make ignorant ethnic comments like that. So why is it not clear to people that "gay" and "retarded" as catch-all terms to slam something as being lame or stupid are also just plain ignorant?
It makes me sigh that so many people don't and won't - or can't - understand.
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3-04-2011 @ 4:11PM
livelywife said...But, why should you feel obligated to lecture someone because they use a word that you don't agree with? As I previously stated, I use both words in context. If in context usage offends you, then the problem does not lie with me. That is like telling me that using the term "b*tch" in reference to a female canine is offensive. However, that is the correct usage of the word.
3-04-2011 @ 3:25PM
Evil Jack said...How can we stop using the word 'retard' while the DNC is still the majority in the U.S. Senate lead by Harry Reid?
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3-05-2011 @ 3:20AM
bkwormsjv said...For myself, I'm not really convinced that abandoning the word "retard" is the best way to go. It is a valid word to describe a group of people. Is it misused sometimes? Yes. But define "misused"... I consider it misused if it is used to cause emotional distress. Whether the subject is actually challenged or not is beside the point. In a lighthearted context, it is just like using any other insult to get at someone. So that brings up two questions:
1. In a non-deragatory context, what *actually* is the cause of offense?
2. Which stereotypes does it perpetuate, and how?
It is quite common for us to get upset over something that is really not a big deal (i.e. when no harm is done and no harm was intended). I do it myself. So, I am looking for a string of logic that tells me HOW the use of "retard" causes actual harm. I'm willing to adjust my position, but I need a little more.
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3-04-2011 @ 3:55PM
Randy said...That's the most retarded idea I have ever heard. After a few years the term 'mentally challenged' will be an insult, then whatever they come up with after that will become an insult when people get tired of hearing it. It never stops. These PC idiots just need to learn to live with reality and get over it. There is something (medically) wrong with some people and there is no 'perfect' way to say it. These (PC) people need to quit harping on the 'words' that are used and concentrate on getting the best help possible for those who need it. Banning certain words is not going to make anyone better, nor is it going to make anyone think any different about those people. Most people do have compassion for the disabled and a word is just a discriptive word that allows someone to understand the type of disability involved. It's not an insult any more than 'mentally challenged' is, or mentally handicapped, or any other word or phrase you use to try to say the same thing. If there is any derogatory connotation, it's all in the mind of the person who feels insulted. So forget the words, get on with your life, and take care of the person in your life who needs it. You will be a lot happier if you let the small stuff go and concentrate on the important things only. Then you will see that you will be happier and you will have time to do things that make you happy too, instead of using all your spare time for something that really doesn't help the person that's sick.
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3-04-2011 @ 3:59PM
provodp said...This whole idea is retarded!!! No one ever is going to tell me what I can or can't say!! Not the government, the PC police or anyone else. Free speech!!!!!
Get a thick skin if you don't like it!
Fed up with all this crap!
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3-04-2011 @ 4:00PM
Randy said...Do you really think that if they banned those words for their 'intended' use that people would automatically stop using them as slang terms? That is really ignorant thinking.
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3-04-2011 @ 4:01PM
Kris said...I completely understand your thoughts on this matter. I have an older sister that is severely mentally handicapped. People can be ignorant and cruel when using words carelessly. I grew up as a young child in the late 60's when very little information about mental disabilities was available. During my 2nd grade year, a few people found out about my sister and spread it around and soon NO ONE in the grade would play with me, for fear of "catching it". My mother did the best she could in reminding me that, not everyone knows how to handle things that are different, so this was a way I found who were my REAL friends were.
In my house, with my family, I have made it a point to teach my children respect for all people and to not belittle or judge someone different just because they are. If my children's friends say that in front of me, I simply say, with a smile and nice tone, that is a word that we don't use in our house.
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3-04-2011 @ 4:09PM
Al B said...Ok folks ... here we go again trying to eliminate something we do not understand. The word RETARD means to slow the development; to slow the tempo; or the act of slowing.
In the early days of automobiles, the driver would have to "retard" the spark by moving a lever in order to start the vehicle. A conductor of an orchestra will call for the musicians to retard for a specific effect in music.
Retarded or retardation began as a medical reference to persons experiencing slower than average intellectual development. The term was not created to describe those individuals. Rather it was an existing term which was determined to be applicable as a term, thought more politcally correct for that time, when describing a lack of mental development.
Have you ever thought that fifty years from today, the current politcally correct terms will be determined offensive and banned by the "forward thinkers" of that day?
Why don't all you "forward thinkers" try thinking backward for a change and research a little history before trying to ban a word.
In fact, it's not the word that is offensive .... it's specific usage. And trust me ... you will never eliminate offensive intent when using language. There will always be people who intend to offfend even if they must create words out of their imagination and attach an offensive use.
Relax. Become thicker skinned. Stop seeking reasons to be offended.
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3-04-2011 @ 4:11PM
R Garner said...More 'PC' crap from Ellen Seidman ... her article is RETARDED!
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3-04-2011 @ 4:13PM
Earl said...We have freedom of speech in America. I do not set out to offend someone, but if it happens... so be it.
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3-05-2011 @ 4:08PM
MoxeeGirl said...Sorry, but the author is trying too hard, and refuses to acknowledge that in MOST current useage, the word more closely represents its original meaning (slow down, supress -ie. Fire Retardant) that the old MEDICAL term for low cognitive capacity.
BTW? I have a child with disabilities. I am not offended by MOST current uses of the term. (the Special Olympics one, now that was pointed and offensive)
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