How to Cripple Your Kids: Treat Them Like They're Helpless

I agree with this article except for one point. Most kids don't walk to school today, not because they are lazy, but because their parents' know how many sick people are out there. My son will never ever walk to school alone, too much crime and perverts in Philly. However, we do get plenty of excercise. We play outside most days, and he even does P90X with me.

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I don't think it's so much the crime that stops kids from walking to school these days. (There's a lot of research that says crime is down from 20-30 years ago when we were kids - it's just that we perceive that there is more crime because the media reports on it like crazy now.) There are two things that do make it less safe though: first, there are more cars on the road, so that's a hazard to kids walking on our streets/sidewalks (and maybe a higher proportion of those drivers are teenagers driving to school? that's just a guess). Also, there's some safety in numbers. So when there are no other kids out there walking to school, it's not as safe for me to send my kid to walk by himself to school. If there were 5 or 6 other school-age kids walking to school with him, I'd be fine with it, but there aren't.

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I grew up on a farm and from the time I was five I had chores to do and it taught me responsibility! It wasn't hard labor, but there were things I could do and I did to help out my family and myself. Kids should make thier bed every day, it takes less than five minutes! I am sorry but I hate it when parents think they have to be more of a friend than a parent! Your baby is no longer a baby!!!
And as for my kids, no they won't be walking to school. Granted it is too far away but even if we lived closer there are just too many creeps out there.

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I remember when my daughter was around 9. She had a friend come over. When the friend's mother came to pick her up, the little girl whined "Mom, put my shoes on for me". Without blinking an eye, the mother stooped to put her daughter's shoes on. I hope the horror didn't show on my face! My daughter has been self-sufficient and self-motivated since elementary school, and yes, we did let her walk home from school from about 4th grade on. She even got her first job on the way home from school--walking a neighbor's dogs after school, which she did for about 2 years.

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Helicopter parents are the biggest problem here at my daycare and they're not even attending, but their results are. Mondays are pure hell, yet the parents haul them out of here screaming and kicking because they don't want to go home. What's that tell us?

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My daughter is the nicest and the lazyest 13 yr old girl i have ever met..hard to ask her to change..

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I want my 10 year old to be independent. I drop her off at Girl Scouts, while some of the other mothers stay. I let her play outside, spend the night with her friends, and I enrolled her in a membership at the gym just for "tweens". I have to stay in the building, but I work out, instead of sitting and staring. My sister recently passed away, and I loved her so much, but she overprotected her daughter and made every decision for her, told her what to eat, all of that. Her daughter is 23 and totally lost; she doesn't know how to make choices or what she should do. Our family is helping her, but the loss of her mother is even harder than it should have been. Let your kids become adults.

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Excellent observations! I had a large blended family - nine kids. Believe me they ALL picked up after themselves and were responsible at an early age. And ya know what? They are all well adjusted adults, with responsible positions in society today. Imagine that.

Learning how to function within a family is preparation for learning how to function in the real world. Our job as a parent is to create functioning, thinking, contributing adult members of society, capable of healthy relationships, possessing a good work ethic and a love of constant learning. Can't do that if we don't let them grow into the people they are meant to be.

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I agree with much of this article. We are producing a generation of dependant children. True, it is very rewarding for young children to do things on their own. They may not make a bed as well as Mom, but who cares? Hovering parents are likely to become a liability to their children. It makes them feel that YOU are not putting trust in them that they can manage anything, without you. Be cautious, but not paranoid. Lest we teach them to fear anything new or different.

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I inherited a 13-year-old (step-daughter) whose mother did and still does everything for her. She's 21 soon to be married and has no clue. We tried to do what we could, so she does know some things. But I only had her for 4 years and she was pretty well set. She is a cripple.

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I agree 100% with this article. Kids need to learn independence early on and be responsible for their actions and take the consequences. I taught public high school for over 30 years, and you wouldn't believe how overly involved some parents are in their kids' lives. The emails I received from parents were outrageous. They made excuses for their teen age children, did their kids' papers, argued with me when their child got a bad grade. The students should have been speaking up, and taking responsiblity for their bad work ethic but many times it was the "helicopter" parent who took control. Sad situation.

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This "helicopter parenting" thing is a pain in the A-double-scribble! I've had people badmouth me innumerable times because I actually *GASP!* make my kids do chores, and there have been plenty of times when my older daughter has butted heads with me because I've told her she can't go play at a friend's house until she gets her chores done! If she whines about it, too bad, so sad, work comes first! If not doing her chores means she can't go play, tough noogies. I've told her that learning to be self-reliant and independent will be valuable throughout her life. She'll be able to go off to college and take care of herself, unlike her dormmates who won't even know how to sort laundry, much less balance a checkbook! (I had a dormmate who was terrible at managing her money and put such junk as fast food ahead of having enough quarters for laundry, so she would do such things as putting deodorant on her FEET so her socks would last longer! GROSS!)

Debbie, I have been doing the same thing with my kids and their activities. At the preschool library reading group, I would drop my kids off and stay in the main part of the library reading while they had their story and craft time. At swimming lessons and soccer practice, I stay on the sidelines with the other parents, but I usually bring my knitting or some other craftwork so I have something to do that's practical.

As far as walking to school by themselves, that probably won't be until middle school. Not that there's much crime to worry about in a small town, but there will be less risk of them wanting to play hooky on the way if they know Mom's watching! Plus, it's a chance for us to talk about anything and everything, and I've taught my kids a lot of extra information that way.

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It takes 2 parents to have a baby...child...adult...They must SHARE & agree on ALL aspects of that childs developement...Never just1 ...
Know who the Father...is before you decide to bear that child...It's not just having this child...it's the responsibilities that are very important...having them learn it at a YOUNG age are where it's at...
I had a husband that SPOILED my daughter ... now 50 years old without a job EVER he died and left her stocks & bonds so she would never have to work...He screwed up her LIFE unfortunately ...

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Interesting this should come up today. Yesterday I heard on the radio, a women asking for advice about her 3yo kid who liked to dress as a fairy on holloween and commented that many of his friends did the same.

Here's the answer dummy!

YOU are the adult here. YOU must make some decisions. It's ok for your kid to choose to dress as a fantasy creature on occasion, but it is YOU job to TEACH that kid that, even in Hollywood, dressing like that is only for occasions, not a way of life.

I YOU fail to raise your kid into a responsible contributing member of society (not a leech, criminal or politician), it is a major failure on YOUR part, and you inflict him/her on the rest of society. How do you think we got as screwed up as we are now?

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I am 80 years old and an grandmother. My daughter is so helpless and I blame me because I am to blame , when she was growing up I did all the things that you mention about doing everything for her. I am so sorry because she is now in her fifties and so unhappy with her life and it diffinetly is my fault. I even kept doing as she grew older and older I thought she needed me to do most things she came in contact with . I also was very unhappy in my marriage and had no spouse help which I feel was part of why I was always there for her . Today she is living alone and at times I am there for her and trying to keep doing doing doing but she now stops me which I wish she had done a long time ago, but then I probably would not have stopped because I was selfish and enjoyed doing everything for and thought she needed me , which if I stopped to realize I was wrong and I was making her believe she could not do things on her own she would be a different person today. I still try to keep doing things and finally she has sstopped me. Mothers out there don't do what I did have your children learn what life is all about, the good and the bad and have them do most things for themselves. Be there when they need you but teach them to learn about life and make them suffient........I wish I had given her a chance to learn about life on her own , I hate myself for what I did to her.

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I agree with the article, except for one thing: children don't walk to school anymore because the schools are too far away! I walked 6 blocks to and from school every day. Now, the nearest school to my home is 2 miles. Why? Because it's cheaper to build one or two huge schools for the entire town than it is to build 4 smaller schools in the neighborhoods.
Something not mentioned: Homework! My children frequently hear; "I finished that grade, I don't need to do the work again." I refuse to check homework or do it for them. If they have a question, I'll answer it but write the teacher a note that they did not understand it the way he/she taught it.
My daughter in grade 7 recently had a required Science Fair. She did all of her own work. Her presentation wasn't perfect, but it was hers. The children who "won" First, second, and third places readily stated that their parents either did the project for them or helped more than 50%.
In trying to help our children not have any adversary in their lives, we're forgetting something: They're future ADULTS and need to learn to care for themselves.

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My kids are up at 5am. They put the coffee on and then daily they have chores to do. Monday laundry, Tuesday clean bathrooms, Wednesday dust and vacuum, Thursday sweep the garage and take out trash, Friday laundry, Saturday wash cars, Sunday yardwork. They know what is expected of them and they know the consequences of not performing their duties. Spoiling children does not do anyone any good.

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