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How Camp Changes Kids
Filed under: Opinions
Over the past few years, there's been talk of a new camp ailment: childsickness. It's not children getting sick, it's parents homesick for their kids.
Pathetic, but understandable. After all, this is a generation of parents who spend a huge chunk of their free time (or what used to be free time) driving their kids, assisting their kids, watching their kids practice some sport/instrument/college-stunning-hobby, or simply reading about what new thing they should be doing for their kids.
The result is parents who feel bereft when they send their kids off to camp, particularly overnight camp. And yet, being away from parents is exactly what makes camp so heady. Free from the scrutiny of Mom and Dad, kids can grow up.
I recall how intensely I didn't want my mom to come along on field trips because I didn't want her to see the different young woman I was at school. (And I sure didn't want her babying me in front of my friends! Ack!)
Well, camp is the ultimate field trip. My husband says it was only when he went to overnight camp that he got to express interest in his new hobby: girls. Back home, he had to pretend he was a nerd (not quite sure how much pretending was necessary) for another three years.
Camp allowed him to be his real self.
Camp also is where kids have to deal with life on their own. "The most important lesson I learned," my friend Becky says, "was that nobody cares if you don't like the food."
Picky eaters learn to eat. Scared kids learn to swim. And, most profoundly, unhappy kids learn there is a bigger world out there.
"I was bullied ruthlessly," recalls one young man who wrote me a note. "My life would have been much different had I not had the chance to go away for seven weeks and forget that school existed."
Another bullied kid says every morning during the school year he would recite the camp's name before getting out of bed. That got him through the day.
Holding kids back from camp because we can't bear to be apart is like shackling them to the castle wall. "I love you so much I won't let you go!"
Let. Them. Go.
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Pathetic, but understandable. After all, this is a generation of parents who spend a huge chunk of their free time (or what used to be free time) driving their kids, assisting their kids, watching their kids practice some sport/instrument/college-stunning-hobby, or simply reading about what new thing they should be doing for their kids.
The result is parents who feel bereft when they send their kids off to camp, particularly overnight camp. And yet, being away from parents is exactly what makes camp so heady. Free from the scrutiny of Mom and Dad, kids can grow up.
I recall how intensely I didn't want my mom to come along on field trips because I didn't want her to see the different young woman I was at school. (And I sure didn't want her babying me in front of my friends! Ack!)
Well, camp is the ultimate field trip. My husband says it was only when he went to overnight camp that he got to express interest in his new hobby: girls. Back home, he had to pretend he was a nerd (not quite sure how much pretending was necessary) for another three years.
Camp allowed him to be his real self.
Camp also is where kids have to deal with life on their own. "The most important lesson I learned," my friend Becky says, "was that nobody cares if you don't like the food."
Picky eaters learn to eat. Scared kids learn to swim. And, most profoundly, unhappy kids learn there is a bigger world out there.
"I was bullied ruthlessly," recalls one young man who wrote me a note. "My life would have been much different had I not had the chance to go away for seven weeks and forget that school existed."
Another bullied kid says every morning during the school year he would recite the camp's name before getting out of bed. That got him through the day.
Holding kids back from camp because we can't bear to be apart is like shackling them to the castle wall. "I love you so much I won't let you go!"
Let. Them. Go.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
3-15-2011 @ 12:52PM
Alicia said...Thank you! I loved camp. It was hard, dirty and exhausting, but it taught me to make friends quickly, as well as how to care for animals (I went a horseback riding/farmhand camp). I got to learn that the reward from hard work wasn't necessarily monetary, because if I didn't work hard, the animals I cared for were unhappy, but I certainly wasn't getting paid for mucking stalls.
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3-15-2011 @ 5:24PM
mommamia said...Who died and made you, Lenore Wahteveryournameis, the queen of anything? Seriously? Do you have a PhD in child development? Or Psychology? Anything, anything at al?. You don't. You just dispense this "advise" as though you are an authority on the subject of everything and yet you don't know anything about anything.
Who do you think you are? Some kids can't go to camp. Some kids don't want to go to camp. What about kids who who still wet the bed, or have night terrors, or sleep walk, or have severe anxiety, or allergies or asthma?
You have these one size fits all generalized idealized philosophies that all your "size." You never take into account that some parents have legitimate reasons for doing the things they do and that they have nothing to do with helicopter parenting. Your attitude is that if we're doing anything that remotely reminds you of hovering, or it doesn't match your own, better, parenting method, then it's wrong. I think you're a self-granndizing, smug, arrogant fraud.
Getting back to camp: With summer only 8 weeks long now and getting shorter, just when are families supposed to have time to have fun together without the stress and routines of the school year, visit granparents, take vacations, etc.? What about divorced parents who have to divide their kids summers in half? And have you seen what these camps cost? Who can afford these camps? I bet you never took anything I said into account. Because none of my reality-checks fit into your one-size/Leonore-size fits all head.
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3-15-2011 @ 6:38PM
mambette said...Hi mommamia,
I would like to respond to just the last paragraph. Although I send my kids to camp because they love it, I too wrestle with the family time of summer. So, I compromised. Camp is 2 identical sessions until they are 13. So, my kids go for one session and are home with us for the other. I try to have only one of the three kids home with me at a time so that they get some alone time with us.
The cost is another issue. I work for 2 weeks in camp to help defray the cost. It is money well spent in my opinion. Where we live, most of the kids don't go to camp. It is a cultural thing as well.
I hope this helps you if you are wrestling with the idea of camp.
Take care and have a great summer with your family.
3-15-2011 @ 6:55PM
Holly said...Mommamia, you sound like a very bitter woman. Lenore is not saying that all kids should go to camp but that it is a good experience for those who go and directed to parents with average kids. Most kids are not still wetting the bed, having night terrors or sleep walking nor do they have severe anxiety, allergies or asthma. Sorry yours were. Having allergies or asthma does not necessarily preclude a child's going away to camp.
Both my kids went to camp and loved it. They made new friends, were able to be independent and have experiences they couldn't get at home. They were always excited about going. Lenore's remarks are directed at helicopter parents who think their kids can't function without them. As she says, "Holding kids back from camp because we can't bear to be apart is like shackling them to the castle wall. "I love you so much I won't let you go!". Some of these parents don't let go even when their kids are adults and there are many ruined marriages and adult singles still living at home because of it. Not everyone can afford to send their kids to camp and there's no reason to feel guilty if you can't. But helicopter parents who keep their kids at home because they can't let them go need a reality check. We raise our children to have the confidence to leave us and begin lives and have families of their own.
Mommamia, you really have issues to read into the article that Lenore is saying that all kids should go to camp and one size fits all. Summer camp can be great for kids and yes, mom & dad, you'll miss them more than they miss you but we all need to grow up someday. (And yes, Mommamia, before you start another rant; I am aware there are "special needs" children who will never grow up because they have the mind of a 5 year old.)
3-15-2011 @ 7:27PM
arella said...Me thinks thou dost protest too much! Your overt defensiveness certainly would lead one to think YOU are indeed a helicopter parent. Children need time away from their parents and school. Not necessarily at sleep away camp but at least with relatives, neighbors or friends. If we are present for all of our childrens experiences how will they ever grow emotionally and learn how to get along with others without a parent running interference. I am watching a lot of parents create children who have no ability to operate in the world indepently.
3-16-2011 @ 1:42PM
mommamia said...Hi to all, Me again. I just want to clarify some of my earlier comments. Some of them were actually and specifically about going to camp (or not), but most were in response to this writer in general. I've been reading her column for quite now and have never responded with comments - until now - when I just couldn't take it anymore. So my comments, I'm sure, came off as blown way out of proportion to the subject. If you read her long enough as I have, you start to get a little tired of her holier-than-thou, I've got all the answers and you're merely idiots who need me to set you straight-attitude, specifically on the subject of "helicopter" parenting versus her way, "free-range.". In this column she actually called parents who miss their kids who are away at camp "pathetic." Go back and look, it's right there. paragragh two. She does this all the time. Read her column long enough and you too will come to see how arrogant, smug, condescending, and downright "word that starts with a b" and rhymes with "witchy" she is. You'll get to a point like I did where I felt I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer. So since it's come to this - seeing as I obviously detest this writer - I'm not even going to read her column anymore. There, problem solved. Thanks to all who responded to my comments and for the opportunity to explain where it was coming from. Have a nice day to all, including Lenore Whatshername.
3-23-2011 @ 5:29PM
Robin said...mommamia - You really need to stop reding Lenore's column if it disturbs you so much. Some of us actually like what she says, but if you don't STOP READING IT.
3-17-2011 @ 6:17AM
Pat said...Just because YOU loved camp does not mean it is "required." Plenty of us grew up just fine without being sent off to camp, and haven't been harmed or been limited in any way. When I was a kid, only the "rich" kids went to camp, and I NEVER envied them. I got a lot of grief from friends and family while my kids were growing up for not sending mine, but, 1. We couldn't afford it. 2. The boys weren't interested. 3. they got plenty of stimulation and play time right at home. My kids are happy, successful adults who are plenty independent and able to fend for themselves. They are also successful and have been exposed to other cultures as adults.
There. That's the other side of the coin. From the people I've spoken to who "always" went to camp, the only thing they have said they got from it is "networking" with other kids which has lasted till their adult years. I still have friends from my pre-school days. (I'm 62 and we have worked to keep in touch.
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3-15-2011 @ 7:02PM
Gilly said...I spent a few summers at camp when I was young and loved it! I went for as few as 3 nights and for as long as 4 weeks. I still to this day tell stories about Camp Kooch-i-Ching in International Falls, Minnesota and the lifelong memories it gave me. Although it might not be best for every child, it was always a fun experience for me. Kids grow up fast these days and I know for sure these experiences beat the heck out of spending the summer playing X-box or checking facebook!
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3-15-2011 @ 7:13PM
Mary Jennings said...I also wanted to comment about children who have "special needs" and whether they should go to camp. There are summer camps out there just for those children who DO have special needs and they are wll staffed by volunteers and professionals traned to work with such children. I went to a Christian camp when I was a child. We always had at least one to two full time nurses on campus all week. So if a child had to have medication for allergies, asthma diabetes etc. those needs were well taken care of. Any child who had food allergies, had those listed on their applications before they were registered and those needs were met by the kitchen staff at every meal during the child's stay. So, even if children have some illnesses or other special needs there are camps that have staff that can handle such needs.
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3-15-2011 @ 9:26PM
Holly said...Mary, as you've said most camps easily accommodate children needing medication or special diets. There are, also, wonderful charities that recognize the benefit of the camp experience for "special needs" children and either run their own camp or raise money to send these children to camps specifically designed for children with needs ranging from autism, down's syndrome, cerebral palsy, etc.
For instance, Paul Newman's Hole in the Wall camps have served over 250,000 children & their families since their founding with their sole purpose being improving the lives of children facing serious medical conditions through therapeutic recreation. Newman started the camp so children with cancer could escape the fear, pain and isolation of their conditions, kick back and “raise a little hell.” Now, children with many serious illnesses attend his camps free of charge.
Summer camps are anything but day care and serve all types of children, those with special needs and those without.
3-15-2011 @ 7:57PM
Annedyth said...I went to camp (once) when I was a kid. I'm glad my parents took the plunge and sent me, it didn't change my whole life but it DID give me a better handle on it!.
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3-16-2011 @ 12:46PM
MrsB. said...I think some parents are taking this out of context. I believe the writer is simply reffering to the time of today. Many (not all) parents today do not let their children out of sight. Even playing outside is a Ahhh.. moment for many, afraid of all the danger that is out their own doors. Many kids are entertained most summers or vacations from school by TV because of the number of channels that play childrens shows/cartoons at all hours and video games. Now this is not all parents for me I do not subcribe to cable or such my children would watch most the TV I am a busy SAHM and money is limited here. I am a caring parent who when my children play outdoors I have the door open and I am so terrified to let my oldest daughter ride her bike to the park that is just up the street in our community without heavy traffic and the only video game we have is a leapster and that play is limited when you have siblings waiting their turn to play next.. But I understand the importance ot letting children be children you know like we all were. I remember following my brother on the bike through out the neighborhood now a days you never even see children outside playing in yards, I remember being allowed to go to a friends house for birthday parties and slumber parties, now a days kids arent allowed unless the parents are close friends with the family, I remember my parents suggestion of "you will forget about it tomorrow" when I would come home and say a friend and I were "fighting" about something silly now parents are quick to jump in and get involved and try to "protect" their child from everything. My parents were great, loving and caring parents in no way would want us to be harmed but they let us be kids and today this isn't happening. The dangers were just as big as when my parents were children and I was a child it may not have been so much in the media or you couldn't go online and find every person in your neighborhood that commited any type of crime. I'm not trying to down size the danger of sex affenders in anyway they are bad people but they were around when I was a child as well as when my parents were growing up we just didn't know who they were or where they lived. We were raised to watch out for ourselfs we were taught to say "NO" we were taught of the dangers out there and what to do if we happened to come across a situation we also had to learn to adapt in social situations all on our own we had to learn who are friends were and we had to learn to stick up for ourselfs and although we are teaching this to our children now a days we arent' allowing them to put the teaching into action in their own lives. The writer simply wants parents to be open to the thought of camp if they weren't already and their children showed an interest and the family can budget it in. I personally never went to camp my family had not means to send any of my sisters brother and I to camp even if we showed an interest. My kids have not showed an interest but I often ask my children what they want to do for vacations and if they did ask about camp I would try to save some money so they can have that experience.
Don't get worked up about something that is not directed to you personally I read it and it was obvious it wasn't written for me but it was a great article to read and it actully made me think to put camp on the table and actully ask my children "would camp be interesting to you"? Because I have never directly asked and what if my children haven't because they figured I would say no. So that is our dinner coversation tonight "camp".. :)
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3-20-2011 @ 5:11PM
Laurah said...I went to overnight camp starting after 3rd grade, I think--week-long Girl Scout camp, then 2 weeks, followed by other programs until by the time I was 13 I started going to 7-week camp, 4 or 5 hour drives from home--and I LOVED it. Changed my life. SO glad my parents did this for me.
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3-22-2011 @ 12:01PM
Beth said...The author is not forcing anyone to send their kids to camp, nor is she saying that camp is best for everyone. What she is saying is that, if you won't send your kids to camp because you will miss them too much, you are quite possibly limiting their life experiences because of YOUR wants and needs, not your child's. That's it.
Please try to read the article that is printed, and not the one you are imagining it to be.
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3-22-2011 @ 1:19PM
Molly Santa Croce said...Great article Lenore! I live in an area where the outdoors is very much a part of life and many many kids go away to camps. My kids have never gone because, well, they're music geeks and always have a music or theater camp they want to attend. I have to say, I am a free-range Mom, but I do have a slight phobia of sleep away camps. I got lice as a kid from one. And slept in a three-walled open cabin thing where mice ran around the walls while you slept. YUCK! So I have never really pushed them with my kids.
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