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Try This: Kids and Dating
Filed under: Try This
When it comes to teens and dating, we wish we could lock them up and not let them date until they're 30. But, when the teen years hit, reality sets in -- the crushes start turning into puppy-love relationships.
So, how young is too young when it comes to teens and dating?
These New York moms weighed in on the ideal age for teens to start dating and there seemed to be no common consensus.
Dr. Phil says, "Teenagers shouldn't have serious dating relationships. No 14-year-old needs to have an intense boyfriend or girlfriend." He offers the following advice on his blog:
-Don't allow your teenager to close the bedroom door when someone of the opposite sex is over. This should be a non-negotiable rule.
-Talk with your teenager. The more conversations you have, the less likely he/she will be to get into trouble. If you've always kept the door open for discussions, your child will be more likely to come to you with questions or problems.
-If you're too oppressive and restrictive, you are guaranteeing rebellion. Use logic and reason when creating rules for your teenager.
-Don't just forbid certain activities, explain why you forbid them. Doing this will help your teenager understand that you're not merely trying to be bossy or imposing arbitrary rules.
-As a parent, it's your job to teach your teenager the importance of self-worth. Teenagers who value themselves as they are won't need to "find themselves" in other people.
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 8)
3-29-2011 @ 6:58AM
john dumas said...Is he insane? I would have jumped off a bridge rather than wait till I was 14.
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4-06-2011 @ 4:55PM
renate said...check it out what this "dr." phil is not wanting to talk about same with his friend oprah all hype! spreading fear. teenagers will date and they will have sex. marriges have been lasting ong after getting married at a young age. but these days politicians and people like the above like to throw away young lifes check it out for yourself, ilvoices.com sosen.us txvoices.com and more. thisis what will happen to our children!
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3-29-2011 @ 8:29AM
Terri said...Okay I am old fashioned, I told my kids when they turned 13 that they would NOT be allowed to 'date' till they were 16. IF a bunch of their friends wanted to go out to a movie that was fine, I would take them up there and pick them up. But under no circumstances were they allowed to date until 16. They knew this and never gave me any grief over it. I always talked to my kids and told them about things like drugs, sex and I told them I would listen to anything they had to say. I didn't bug them about it but they knew that I was there for them. Yeah I was a little hard but I now have a daughter who does NOT do drugs, who finished high school and a son who is working on finishing high school and he is not on drugs. I am very proud of them.
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3-29-2011 @ 11:56AM
Margaret said...What have you got to be proud of? You imposed arbitrary rules that are clearly antiquated and killed any desire in your children to have a fulfilling life. Graduating high school is no big deal. My mother let me begin dating the summer before high school. I was 14 and this was back in 1966. She was not worried because she instilled in me a sense of self-worth. I had some great boyfriends who were respectful of me. Although I started dating at 14, I didn't start having sex till I was 19 and when I knew it was my time, I was already on the pill. I didn't just graduate high school, I graduated college and graduated law school.
3-29-2011 @ 3:57PM
Jess said...I always wondered why people think drugs are so bad. It is not the drug but how it affects you and how you use/abuse it. Drugs don't mean a person is bad. I know someone who is finishing college as an As and Bs student, is the president of the math club, and has two jobs who does a drug. So how does that seem so bad? I know this was about dating but I figured i voice my opinion on that.
3-29-2011 @ 8:24AM
Leslie said..."Don't allow your teenager to close the bedroom door when someone of the opposite sex is over ????" Are you kidding me ? When someone of the opposite sex is over they shouldnt be in the bedroom at all !!!!!!!
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3-29-2011 @ 2:37PM
Bailey said...Leslie, I disagree with your comment. I am a seventeen year old teenage girl, and have been in a serious, stable relationship with my fiance for three years. I have a lovely engagement ring, and both of our families are aware of this. Since we turned seventeen, we have been allowed in our bedrooms with our doors shut. Both of our families know that we have sex, and they also know that I am on birth control, and that we also use condoms as an extra form of protection. I am lucky to have parents that give me their full trust. However, there are other teenagers my age that were pregnant when I graduated high school. I believe that it depends on your teen and whether or not you trust them to make the right decisions. If you are confident in your parenting, much like my parents, then you should be able to trust your child behind closed doors.
3-29-2011 @ 4:56PM
Bob Balliet said...If you're in your bedroom with the door shut, on birthcontrol and having sex (now for several years) at age 17- what's there for your parents to 'trust' you about? Nothing, that's what! Address this subject when you are a respectable parent (if that's possible), you might have a different opinion about your own kids --- or, better, yet, don't have any ... our society is screwed up enough without you and yours to contribute. You have nothing to be proud about - and neither do your 'parents'.
3-29-2011 @ 6:07PM
Sue said...Bailey,
You sound like a 17-yr-old. Of course you feel lucky to have your parents. Afterall, you've been able to do what you want. It sickens me to know there are parents out there, like yours, who actually condone their teen-aged children having sex. At least you know how to "not get pregnant." I guess the world is supposed to be happy with that!
3-29-2011 @ 8:16AM
Jane said...Real good reply. What part of the sewer are you from?
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3-30-2011 @ 2:29PM
ven said...I think bed room doesn't mean literally bed room, bed room probably he meant kids room. Try to understand, Don't try to jump on him(Dr.Phil).
3-29-2011 @ 8:19AM
suzie said...hi Im going on a 27 year marrage and still love my best friend/husband. we started dateing learning with each other when we were 13 years old or 8th grade. We believe that what has helped us have a successful relationship , had alot to do with that we grew up and learned to grow together. My parents also together since my mom was 14 an my dad was 16 now married 55 years and they also are best friends and truely have a happy and respectful relationg ship and i believe my husband and I also are that fortunet. Now Im a mom of 5 and I believe if you guide your children to be kind honest and loyal truethfull not only to themselve but with others than they have the abilitys of makeing good choices. An they should always feel the ability to come and ask there parents or adults in there lives for advice
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3-29-2011 @ 9:04AM
George said...Former teacher in a H.S. here (20 yrs.). I would tell teens (re: HIV infection) that they NEED to remember that if / when they "sleep" with someone that they're "sleeping" with all their partner's PAST partners for the last 10 YEARS as well ! THAT'S how long HIV can remain dormant in us. Let me tell ya - THAT fact woke them up ! Remember when YOU were a teen ? You'd feel as if you were going to live FOREVER ! "Death" is a long way off to teens ! Well, HIV brought that concept to a different level for many of them. And parents - don't delay discussing sexual relations with them either. They'll find it on line or via their peers whether you bring it up or not ! It'll demonstrate to them that you're more informed than they anticipated. It can also raise their "trust" in you to discuss various issues. AND their peers don't always have the correct information. So, take a deep breath and start talkin' ! You won't regret it in the long run.
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3-29-2011 @ 8:45AM
lklex said...Once again men and dads are hurtfully left out of the picture. Shame on parentdish for continuing to marginalize and neglect fathers.
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3-29-2011 @ 2:49PM
Hgmermaid2 said...Are you kidding me?! Get over yourself. I respect the men and fathers who have to deal with these issues as well; however, the sad truth is that alot of women/mothers are the ones being left to deal with these kinds of issues head on all alone and that's unfortunately just the way it is.
On a more general note in response to this topic/comments, that's why broken homes, broken-down morals/values, and the condoning of such lose 'sexual' behavior from our teenagers is a huge problem in our society. Of course there's a natural curosity and there should be open discussion; however, that doesn't mean as parents we break down our rules and values and throw excuses to the wind like ... 'Well, they're going to do it anyway so I'll just back off, give them a condom and pill, and let them go for it!' What a cop out! No, they don't all do it, I didn't, and if they were still going to do it anyway - I stand by my argument that it's even more of a reason to stick to your guns so they know where you stand on acceptable behavior/choices while they live under your roof. The End.
3-29-2011 @ 2:44PM
Bob Balliet said...Thank you. My thougths exactly! They should call this medium 'mom-dish', not parent dish, since fathers are generally marginalized.
If they had asked dads, the results would have been quite different.
I didn't allow my daughter (or son) to date until they were 16. Some commenters indicate that it's 'too restrictive'. I don't establish my rules based on what's 'popular' - I'm the dad, not the 'friend'. I raised both children to respect themselves and to expect others to respect them. Worked for me - my first grandchild was born when his mother was 23 (now married and the mother of two). My son is married and the father of one.
3-29-2011 @ 8:51AM
Anderson said...Pretty sad but my Step daughters Mom allows her daughter to date at 11 yrs of age. Just in the year 11-12 she had 4 boyfriends. She even takes her daughter to his house and they are often unsupervised. Her mother had her first kid at 17. l guess she wants that to be repeated. My husband and l are against it, totally. But since she had to hide this kid her first 11 years and lie my husband can't say much, especially since they live out of state and she has more children by 2 more guys if not 3.
Personally l think 15/16 is ok but l will say my own daughter dated while into her 14 yrs of age. BUT met her husband of 8 years when she was 16. She only had few bf's and it never got serious until the last one.
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3-29-2011 @ 9:01AM
jon said...Im a 17 yr old guy in highschool, there should be those important talks about sex, preventions of pregnancy and std's....but dateing in middle school and highschool.. teaches us teens many things....here are a few i personaly have learned
1. better judgement skills
2. better social skills
3.teaches teens about good and bad relationships ( i guarentee everyone had a bad relationship atleast once)
4.how to treat, protect, and take care of the people close to your heart.
so ask yourself if you didnt date till you were.....about 18 or older....do you think you would have all the needed and improved skills i have listed?..
i started dating when i first entered 7th grade..i truely fell in love...i moved to a different state but me and the girl i fell for have continued to talk for the past 5 yrs since i moved...and now nearly a year away from college we are back together and we have never been happier....the college im going to is in the state she lives in and is only an hour away from her house....
so what im trying to say is let your teen date, have those awkward but important talks about safe sex....but dont be to stricked.. authoritative parents are too over bearing and may lead to rellelion;......so be authoritative/democratic parents....discuse with your teen the situation and work it out with them and make a deal(compromise) with them.......
please consider my arugument, or opinion on this matter,,, thankyou
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3-29-2011 @ 11:10AM
locamorena06 said...I am turning 18 in May and I haven't dated yet.I have very good people skills and all that you just listed. If you have good friends you don't need a bf or gf just to get those. You need to find who you are first before you start dating.
3-29-2011 @ 9:12AM
kntnew said...this Phil guy is not a DR. , merely a media stooge but then most morons will follow anyone with a pulse !
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