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Try This: Kids and Dating
Filed under: Try This
When it comes to teens and dating, we wish we could lock them up and not let them date until they're 30. But, when the teen years hit, reality sets in -- the crushes start turning into puppy-love relationships.
So, how young is too young when it comes to teens and dating?
These New York moms weighed in on the ideal age for teens to start dating and there seemed to be no common consensus.
Dr. Phil says, "Teenagers shouldn't have serious dating relationships. No 14-year-old needs to have an intense boyfriend or girlfriend." He offers the following advice on his blog:
-Don't allow your teenager to close the bedroom door when someone of the opposite sex is over. This should be a non-negotiable rule.
-Talk with your teenager. The more conversations you have, the less likely he/she will be to get into trouble. If you've always kept the door open for discussions, your child will be more likely to come to you with questions or problems.
-If you're too oppressive and restrictive, you are guaranteeing rebellion. Use logic and reason when creating rules for your teenager.
-Don't just forbid certain activities, explain why you forbid them. Doing this will help your teenager understand that you're not merely trying to be bossy or imposing arbitrary rules.
-As a parent, it's your job to teach your teenager the importance of self-worth. Teenagers who value themselves as they are won't need to "find themselves" in other people.











ReaderComments (Page 4 of 8)
3-29-2011 @ 10:22AM
kenny say's said...believe it or not but some think 5 is ok to go on first date, true story,
In Romania is the worlds youngest granny~~age 23, had her daughter at the age of 12 and her daughter had her fist child at the age of 11,
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3-29-2011 @ 5:44PM
Carolyn said...I allowed my kids to "date" whenever they wanted to. They all had rare "dates" from age 12 onward. The safety net was that they could only "date" people their own age or grade until they were 16. Until they graduated from high school they could only date people a year or grade older or younger. After high school they dated whomever they chose. (If they'd chosen someone I hated, they would have known it for sure!)
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3-29-2011 @ 10:50AM
teresa said...I think teens should wait til about 15 or 16 at least to be dating one on one, 15 only if they are very mature minded. My mom let me start going out with groups when i was about 14 and then let me date at 15 and while she would talk to me about stuff, she didn't watch me enough, I broke some rules. I think young girls (sometimes boys too) put too much seriousness into dating at too young of ages. Moms need to talk to their teens about breaking up and that it will happen, it will hurt sometimes and it's not the end of the world like it may seem. rejection is part of growing up but it can be quite hard on dating teens.
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3-29-2011 @ 10:57AM
bugaloosnana said...My daughter was not allowed to date until she was 16, then she had a strict schedule to adhere to. I insisted on knowing where they were going and she knew to be home at a certain time. Most importantly I knew to educate her about birth control, because as much as we want them to wait, they are going to do what they are going to do. Don't assume you daughter will do it herself, you have to sit down and talk to them about it.
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3-29-2011 @ 10:58AM
bugaloosnana said...You have some serious issues, get help.
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3-29-2011 @ 11:04AM
walber said...ALLÔÔÔÔÔ . . .
SERÁ QUE TEM ALGUM BRASILEIRO NESTA REDE !!!!!!?????
RESPONDÃO !!!!!!
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3-29-2011 @ 1:55PM
Carlos said...não há nenhumas prostitutas brasileiras aqui
3-29-2011 @ 11:09AM
jud5w said...If two people fall in love that is just what it is. These are type that will also kill themselves if they are forbidden to be with one another. People are not ages. Laws (population control) and other stuff go against real learning and communication with opposite sex or other. If you over stop it will mess up learning about the opposuite sex. Some older age waiting bs means bad relationships and divorces becasue you think you're supposed to get married and don't what to lok for about yourself and the other to really know love comaptibility and truth at it's best. Break ups teach this, why aern't you there along the way? Just beacuse tou are a parent do you know what a good relationship is either - you can be in a false one still youself.
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3-29-2011 @ 11:28AM
Tammy1126 said...As has been said, there is no golden age. It really depends on the maturity of your child. However, the word "date" is not the same to younger kids as it was to us, at least not where I'm from.
My 13 year old, has not shown a lot of interest in dating yet, my 14 year old has been "dating" since he was in 5th grade. Don't faint! Let me explain...
My 12 yr. old son came home one day and announced he had a girlfriend. I smiled and congratulated him. They "dated" though the whole 5th grade year. Now by dating I mean they talked to each other and sometimes had lunch together LOL
In 6th grade he also dated a girl for about 4 months. Again this dating consisted of occasional lunches together and small conversation at school.
In 7th grade he had a serious relationship that lasted the whole year and into the beginning of summer. This one was deeper then the rest. He spent time at her house, went on church outings with their family, she came to our house, etc. This relationship got deeper then her parents or I wanted and was approaching intimacy. As a result, we as parents put up road blocks. We didn't force them to stop dating as that doesn't work, it only leads to lies about what they are doing. Instead we both kept our kids pretty busy all summer. We organized ourselves so that if her family was home, we were busy on some outing and when we were home her family was busy. This worked, they grew apart and broke up not knowing a thing about their parents involvement.
Now he's in 8th grade, dating a new girl but this relationship is going very slow, which is comforting. Neither her parents nor I feel a need to get involved at this time as we both feel they already are not close enough to survive the summer.
Next year I'm sure will bring a whole new batch of issues for me to dodge LOL.
But let me say from my personal experience as a rebel child...If you try to "force" your child not to see someone, friend or otherwise, a rebel child simply begins to lie to you. The more my parents tried to control me, the more control they lost.
At some point you have to trust the way you raised your child, the morals you taught them, and the values you taught them. Most kids don't show signs of "real" dating until 14-15 yrs old, by then they are 3-4 years away from being a so called adult.
I met what would become my husband when I was 15 years old. I was married at 18 years old. We've been together 23 years now and have 2 great kids.
Do all teen romances work out? Nope, but then again not all adult romances work out either. Rather then trying to stop them, be involved and guide them :)
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3-29-2011 @ 12:02PM
James said...I completely agree that the definition of dating changes as teens grow and mature. The levels of intamacy also change with age.
I wonder, however, you spoke of your older child becoming too intimate for your comfort. When you and his "girlfriend's" parent's felt this way, did you speak to them and ask them to pull back on the relationship or take it slower? Also were the "roadblocks" supposed to starve the relationship and end it? Or were you trying to help slow down their relationship to an appropriate level and it died out on it's own?
All in all (although I can't judge you or your children) I would like to commend you on inviting your son's girlfriends into your household. By allowing him to be open with you now, you prevent him from lying to you later. Trust is probably the most important factor in this whole thing.
3-29-2011 @ 11:12AM
Chris said...Dr. Phil is not a Doctor. Who cares what he thinks, where does he come off telling everybody what he thinks, what kind of education does this idiot have. If O would put me on her show I could take a simple situation and criticize and call myself an expert or a Dr. BS nothing but a circus act. Dr. Phil is a hypocrit and needs to stay at home and take care of his own problems.
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3-29-2011 @ 11:14AM
Soonergal said...It isn't just the opposite sex, that you need to keep the door open with. With what is on television and tween popular shows. Your child could be experimenting with their same sex friend.
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3-29-2011 @ 2:32PM
Button said...IF YOU ALLOW THIS COMMENT, I AM A GREAT-GRANDMOTHER....AND WE HAD A DATING AGE, ONE ON ONE, AT AGE 16. GROUP FUNCTIONS EARLIER. GOT OUR KIDS INVOLVED IN A CHURCH YOUTH GROUP EARLY ON. IN THIS SITUATION, BOTH DAUGHTERS WERE RAPED BY THE CHRISTIAN MEN. OUR SON WAS FINE UNTIL HE WENT TO COLLEGE WHERE HE FOUND OUT THERE WAS DRINKING. HE DIED AT AGE 19 FROM DRINKING AND DRIVING. THERE ARE NO EASY ANSWERS....THAT'S WHY JESUS SAYS, "IN THIS WORLD YOU WILL HAVE TRIBULATIONS....." LOL
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3-29-2011 @ 11:43AM
James said...I have a couple of questions: One, why weren't fathers polled? Two, what age did those mother's first go on a date?
The average age parents seem OK with is around sixteen, but what age do kids think is appropriate and what age do they actually start dating?
What do the parents define as "Dating" and what experiences might influence that definition?
As interesting as this video was, it left me with many unanswered questions.
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3-30-2011 @ 10:52AM
pbr1458 said...OMG, the SPAM on AOL is out of control. Changing my homepage.
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3-29-2011 @ 8:04PM
??? said...so all teenagers shouldn't be trusted because every single one of them regardless of who they are are not to be trusted?
wow
don't teach the stereotypes!
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3-29-2011 @ 12:33PM
scasella1 said...dr. phil should try taking care of his own family before commenting on others
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3-29-2011 @ 12:34PM
Mom of son said...Dr. Phil has no daughters. What kind of advice is that?? Give me a break!
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3-29-2011 @ 12:47PM
Cherokee said...OK so I'll be showing my age here but what the heck. I wasn't allowed to even wear makeup till I was 15 let alone date. I was 16 when I went out on my first date....lol. I have 3 grand daughters & knowing my son, they'll not be dating till at least 16 & the shotgun will be by the front door. The guys won't have it easy where my girls are concerned. Between my son, their 3 brother & their mommie being a cop, it could get rough....lol.
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3-29-2011 @ 12:59PM
katlan said...Unitarian Universalist churches offer a course called Our Whole Lives which teaches about personal relationships, life choices, and sexual relationships including respect for yourselves and your partners. It's not about religion, it's about real life issues. My kids were not allowed to date until they had completed that course which, on a weekly basis engaged us in an open conversation. I think UCC churches offer it too. I highly recomend it.
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