Hot on HuffPost Parents:
Caron Gremont: Obesity's Officially a Disease, So How Come My Child…
Karri-Leigh P. Mastrangelo: Am I Going to Hell For My Position on…
Try This: Kids and Dating
Filed under: Try This
When it comes to teens and dating, we wish we could lock them up and not let them date until they're 30. But, when the teen years hit, reality sets in -- the crushes start turning into puppy-love relationships.
So, how young is too young when it comes to teens and dating?
These New York moms weighed in on the ideal age for teens to start dating and there seemed to be no common consensus.
Dr. Phil says, "Teenagers shouldn't have serious dating relationships. No 14-year-old needs to have an intense boyfriend or girlfriend." He offers the following advice on his blog:
-Don't allow your teenager to close the bedroom door when someone of the opposite sex is over. This should be a non-negotiable rule.
-Talk with your teenager. The more conversations you have, the less likely he/she will be to get into trouble. If you've always kept the door open for discussions, your child will be more likely to come to you with questions or problems.
-If you're too oppressive and restrictive, you are guaranteeing rebellion. Use logic and reason when creating rules for your teenager.
-Don't just forbid certain activities, explain why you forbid them. Doing this will help your teenager understand that you're not merely trying to be bossy or imposing arbitrary rules.
-As a parent, it's your job to teach your teenager the importance of self-worth. Teenagers who value themselves as they are won't need to "find themselves" in other people.
Your<span>Voice</span>
Ask Us Anything About Parenting
Recently Asked
- 50 million people vote and 25% do not vote for you =12.5 million would you really want your image on tv after position ended(you r your entity
- Do I report my friend's kid to the police?
- Copyright court case litigation? the words spoken by attorney at trial ? in defense of a product or person(or as plaintiff or defendant))











ReaderComments (Page 6 of 8)
3-29-2011 @ 8:55PM
Rachel said...I Think That The Appropriate Time To Date Is Around 14-15. I Am 11 Yeears Old And I Think That As You Are 13 Years Old, You Are Just Exploring The World As A Teenager, And Don't Need Love Blocking You Exploration Path.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 3:18PM
Somebody said...As I grew up, I knew many children that were having intercourse and oral sex at 12 years old.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 3:21PM
Somebody said...In fact, I even knew a girl who said that she had slept with 36 guys before her 16th birthday, and another one that had intercourse with three different guys on the same night at age 14.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 4:17PM
DCW85 said...Frankly if you are relying on Dr. Phil for teenage dating advice, I would question your motives. The fact that he states "Teenagers shouldn't have serious dating relationships" when he was 33 and dating his 19 year old second wife.
Gotta love that acrid taste of hypocrisy...
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 3:26PM
Beatrice said...I agree too-each child is different-and as a parent you should know your child. And hopefully have an open communication with them. But children at even early ages are wanting to have relationships-its interesting.....children define themselves by when they start having boys/girls like them. And for many it is important to have that relationship at school. Also school activities are based off relationships-when you have a dance-if you aren't asked to the dance or asked to dance with anyone-the self esteem is effected. Siblings see this-But also how many people still remember they weren't asked to the Prom-or brag that Freshman year they were asked. Prom is also where many girls lose their innocence. And how many parents are in the dark on that one. The reality to this question is most children start thinking about relationships as soon as they become social.
Reply
4-01-2011 @ 2:48AM
doxienestewart said...Met my husband in 4th grade. Been married now for 63 years. Yes, I dated when I was 14 ( a lot of different boys ) but finally settled on my one and only when I was 16. No, we didn't have sex until after we were married. I was 18 and he was 20. That was the norm at that time. In fact, we didn't even discuss sex, pregnancy, etc., with anyone. We simply knew what not to do and abided by the rules. Old fashioned? Yes, but we never heard of STD, AIDS, or unwanted pregnancy or abortion. So far as we knew, it was non-existent. Never knew a girl who got pregnant by mistake or out of wed-lock. It seems that when you follow the rules, God provides the proper instructions. Same thing when I had my two children, the instructions just sort of came with them. This was in the laste 40's and early 50's, during WW ll.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 3:47PM
Rayje said...Dr. Phil ( we call him Dr. Pill ) would be a nobody if not for Oprah. So, who died and put him in charge of the rest of the world?
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 3:52PM
LoriBecky said...ummm helllooooo - don't let them close the bedroom door? No boy is even allowed near my daughter's bedrooms, they aren't even allowed upstairs. No reason that a teenager should have someone of the opposite sex in their room... period. I can't believe that even had to be a "don't" duh!
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 4:03PM
Shannon said...My boyfriends door is closed all the time, and I'm always in his room, it's not like we go and have sex, we just lay there and talk, thats what a real relationship is.
3-29-2011 @ 4:38PM
rdjillian said...How do you know what your daughter and her girl friends are doing in her room? If you're going to be defensive make sure you realize that it isn't only the opposite "sex" that could be causing promiscuity. :)
and don't go and call me a lesbian because I'm not. I'm not bashing your parenting, I would just like to think that parents shouldn't function and react to situations like this one according to a binary level of gender and the cultural "norm" of heterosexual relationships.
3-29-2011 @ 3:59PM
Shannon said...My boyfriend just turned 15, and I'm going on 18, and we're in a serious relationship. Who cares what this NON-Doctor says. I've been with my boyfriend for a while now, and actually we're engaged now. Parents just try to keep their kids away from the other sex, but in doing that, it'll make things worse. Now our parents don't do that, they trust us, but still.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 4:03PM
qwertyui said...Dr. Phil...yeah..right...wouldn't ask that moron about a hang nail.
Do what makes sense...but older is probably better...and better informed is even better yet. Keep 'em involved in school, sports and family life...not much time for other less important stuff.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 4:10PM
Lola said...FIRST- what is a date?
If a date is getting together and going somewhere like lunch or a movie then there is no age restriction. Kids have been doing this for centuries.
If a date means "physical contact" of somekind......from a kiss to actual oral or penetration sex then it will depend on the age.
Kissing - many of us were doing taht at 13 - what's the big deal?
Oral Sex - a blow job is a blow job - big deal
Penetration - if both partners want to do it then DO IT!!! What we need to be spending our energy on is TEACHING THEM HOW to have responsible safe sex. They will do it regardless of what we say or think - they need to be prepared GIVE THEM condoms. There should be a class ( in 7th grade) where the kids are given a bag of ALL of the birth control possibilities available. They should be taught ( 1 by 1) what they are and HOW TO use them. This will help reduce disease, pregnancy and abortions. WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT?
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 4:15PM
sylvia santiago said...It has a lot they see in the movies,fashions and television. So much is based on sex,and not in good way. Poor role models in the media. Yes, teens will have sex when they choose to, the urge is too great. So parents have to be realistic, remembering their own feelings, and experiences.keep the communications open. A good home life for teens is a plus.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 4:37PM
Jillian D said..."Don't allow your teenager to close the bedroom door when someone of the opposite sex is over. This should be a non-negotiable rule."
Are people blind to the fact that children are capable of same "sex" sexual relations/encounters. It happens more often than many people believe (or wish to believe).
I'm not a parent and I don't have much of an opinion as to how I would feel about "closing the door" but I just wish publications like this were more open-minded.
JUSSAYIN' :)
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 4:24PM
HeLLNo said...How about this, you can date when you are out of the house and paying your own damn bills!! You can skank it up when you get afford to feed the rugrats you pop out, but not under MY roof!! And especially not if they are illegitimate.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 4:27PM
Art said...Dating 16 to 18 is ok, but as friends. it's safer to be friends as opposed to a serious relationship becuase it's a big destraction towards their education and a lot of attention and too much time is spent as boyfriend and girlfriend. There's too much emotions and heartbreak at an early age. As friends, you have the freedom to speak and hang out with who ever one chooses. It also builds positive charactor, positive and healthy self esteem, and improve social skills. However, it's important to speak to children about it.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 4:42PM
Rosario Trusso said...I never read these things But when I seen the topic I had to add my 2 cents.You see I meet my WIFE in 1977 at 14 yrs old (we where both 14 ) we stayed together all thru high school and we would see each other every weekend and maybe some time during the week and when we where not together we where on the phone lol after graduation we where still together. We never dated anyone else and we married at 22 yrs old on the Queen Mary in Long Beach Ca 1986.Oh yeah we have the same birthday as well she is 4 hours older than me.We just celebrated are 25th wedding anniversary(Feb 3rd) and yes it totally depends on the maturity level of the child as well as the parents.We have 2 daughters 18 &15 and when we look at the 15 yr old we too think it is to young(for her anyway) But are quickly reminded of when we met by both of are girls, So you never know when OR how true love will hit you it is just something we BOTH knew at the time we met.One thing that I can say for sure is to talk to your kids it is not always a easy thing to do but DO IT or they will find someone else to talk to and it my not be the best person for them to be around.Unfortunately my wife was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer stage 4 (GBM) in the spring of 2009 and has been fighting ever since, I am so Thankful that our parents didn't try and keep us apart but did talk to us. I have never left her side in 30+ yrs and I don't plan on it now.(Well that's a whole different story )
So when one of your kids "Say I am in Love" just take a sec and look at the whole picture they might just know something you don't ?
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 4:39PM
MissTeen said...I'm nearly 16, and I'm single. I've watched one of my best friends date several guys, and I thought all of them were jerks. And she got pregnant by them. I've got guy friends, and we don't have to worry about dating and just be very open. I think that's much better to have right now, good friends who are there and who you can be really open with. Yeah, sometimes I sit back and think, "Yeah that would be nice". But I think all teenagers are too emotional to handle a relationship. I read romance novels to get my fix, and then I go back to more important things, like being an excellent student.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 4:52PM
Camaro said...You go girl! Good for you! As I said in a previous comment, I imagine you will have a LOT of fun when you're older and get to look back at all the 'popular'/girls that put out and see what trainwrecks their lives usually turn out to be.
I'm 25 and call me petty, but damn if I don't enjoy looking on facebook at all the snotty girls in high school who gave me such grief for not dating and seeing how many kids they have from several SEVERAL different fathers. HA! It'll be one of your favorite past-times trust me.