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Why Are Companies Still So Inflexible With Working Mothers?
Filed under: Work Life, Opinions
Many years ago, I commuted every day, 45 minutes each way, to downtown Atlanta for my job. I was fortunate that I could afford to put my son in a top-notch day care facility, one that he and I both loved.
The day care had a very low ratio of babies to workers compared to most places, which is what drew me to the place. Every morning, I'd drop him off and he would happily sit on the braided rug and start drooling all over all the toys, and I'd happily head off to a job I enjoyed.
Evening picks-ups, on the other hand, were not so happy. In fact, they were a nightmare that still haunts me to this day. This center had a rule that every child had to be picked up by 6 p.m. No later.
There were more than a few days when I'd find out at 5:15 p.m., as I was ready to head out the door, that some vice president wanted to have a marketing meeting at 5:30. Only, I was supposed to be leaving, like, now, because it was my only hope of getting to my son in time.
I remember one day in particular when it was the chief marketing officer who wanted to meet me and a few others at 5:30 p.m. It's not often you get face time with the CMO of your giant consumer marketing corporation. As little miss "climb-the-corporate-ladder," you can imagine my excitement. Yet, I had to say no, because I had to get home. My husband was out of town, as usual, and I had to take off like a jet. Of course, I got stuck in traffic, and was late to pick him up. Not only had I missed the meeting, but I was a total Mom failure for picking my kid up last.
Every evening I would experience the same painful trade-off. Either I would miss out on an important meeting or I'd press my luck and leave much later than I should have, only to get stuck in traffic and sit on the highway sobbing because I was so worried I wouldn't get to my sweet boy in time. It felt like I was playing Russian roulette.
For years after I left that job, I still had nightmares that involved picking my child up from day care. I'd dream that I forgot to pick him up, or that I was at the office and looked at the clock to find it was already 8 p.m. I'd arrive at the center and he'd be gone, and I had no idea who to call or where to go to find him. I'd search and search and search until my brain couldn't take the stress and I'd wake up covered in sweat, having heart palpitations.
At the time, I wondered why it was so important to my company that everyone work in the same place at the same time. Why did we have to arrive no later than 9 a.m. and leave no earlier than 5 p.m.? Couldn't I work at home sometimes? Couldn't I come in earlier, and then leave a little earlier, but also work at night? Did it matter where I was, as long as the work I was doing was excellent and I was available for necessary meetings?
I saw so many women leave my company once they had children, because there was very little flexibility. Sure, you could do a job share program with another person, but that was effectively a career killer and everyone knew it.
I'm not the only one who has faced such inflexibility, or the pretense of flexibility when it really didn't exist. A post by mom and astrophysicist Susan Niebur on her Toddler Planet blog reminds me of the daily sacrifices and choices from which I suffered.
The day care had a very low ratio of babies to workers compared to most places, which is what drew me to the place. Every morning, I'd drop him off and he would happily sit on the braided rug and start drooling all over all the toys, and I'd happily head off to a job I enjoyed.
Evening picks-ups, on the other hand, were not so happy. In fact, they were a nightmare that still haunts me to this day. This center had a rule that every child had to be picked up by 6 p.m. No later.
There were more than a few days when I'd find out at 5:15 p.m., as I was ready to head out the door, that some vice president wanted to have a marketing meeting at 5:30. Only, I was supposed to be leaving, like, now, because it was my only hope of getting to my son in time.
I remember one day in particular when it was the chief marketing officer who wanted to meet me and a few others at 5:30 p.m. It's not often you get face time with the CMO of your giant consumer marketing corporation. As little miss "climb-the-corporate-ladder," you can imagine my excitement. Yet, I had to say no, because I had to get home. My husband was out of town, as usual, and I had to take off like a jet. Of course, I got stuck in traffic, and was late to pick him up. Not only had I missed the meeting, but I was a total Mom failure for picking my kid up last.
Every evening I would experience the same painful trade-off. Either I would miss out on an important meeting or I'd press my luck and leave much later than I should have, only to get stuck in traffic and sit on the highway sobbing because I was so worried I wouldn't get to my sweet boy in time. It felt like I was playing Russian roulette.
For years after I left that job, I still had nightmares that involved picking my child up from day care. I'd dream that I forgot to pick him up, or that I was at the office and looked at the clock to find it was already 8 p.m. I'd arrive at the center and he'd be gone, and I had no idea who to call or where to go to find him. I'd search and search and search until my brain couldn't take the stress and I'd wake up covered in sweat, having heart palpitations.
At the time, I wondered why it was so important to my company that everyone work in the same place at the same time. Why did we have to arrive no later than 9 a.m. and leave no earlier than 5 p.m.? Couldn't I work at home sometimes? Couldn't I come in earlier, and then leave a little earlier, but also work at night? Did it matter where I was, as long as the work I was doing was excellent and I was available for necessary meetings?
I saw so many women leave my company once they had children, because there was very little flexibility. Sure, you could do a job share program with another person, but that was effectively a career killer and everyone knew it.
I'm not the only one who has faced such inflexibility, or the pretense of flexibility when it really didn't exist. A post by mom and astrophysicist Susan Niebur on her Toddler Planet blog reminds me of the daily sacrifices and choices from which I suffered.
"When I faced the choice to stay and run the amazing Discovery Program of new NASA missions to explore the planets or be home before my kids' bedtime, I wavered. I explored my options, and, after a time, there were none. No one at NASA headquarters allowed regular telecommuting at the time, and no one allowed part-time work. I know. I called in all my chits and went to talk to everyone I knew, in offices from Astrophysics to Heliophysics to Planetary, the Chief Scientist's Office and staff positions, but there was nothing. No options. No way to stay at the job of my dreams and also work less than 40 hours a week -- 50 including commuting time -- away from my infant. No one could even understand why I would want to."
Niebur left her dreams behind to stay home, and says she doesn't regret her decision, but she still wonders "what if?"
I don't regret leaving my career, either, yet, I still don't understand why organizations make it so hard for women who have children to succeed.
I find myself asking why companies work so hard to hire and train women, but are so willing to let these accomplished women, now filled with so much institutional knowledge, go down the road.
Companies need women, whether in the boardroom or the office or the store or the wherever. We are smart. We have different perspectives. We are good at what we do.
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ReaderComments (Page 3 of 3)
3-25-2011 @ 10:03AM
FP said...Yes Bill, that may be true to some degree and with some families. But look back at some of those kids who were shooting up schools. Some of those teens had stay-at-home moms and some irresponsible fathers and mothers. There is definitely a positive side to kids seeing both parents working and seeing happy parents. And it is up to both parents to teach the kids respect and responsibilty. I have 3 grown kids (parents themselves) who were wonderful, respectful, responsible kids and both my husband and I worked (we just were careful of our schedules). And we showed love and caring when we were together .. still do!
3-24-2011 @ 12:13PM
Luz said...I can surely sympathize. I hear the word choice brought up with regard to working and caring for children . We can take the word back to the point of don't have kids if you want a career or job. I was a single mother for many years and definetly not by choice. I had to work to support my family or the alternative was... well there was no alternative. I had no CHOICE. I remember the days of going to work sick with fever or injured because I need to save days for my children. I digress, the point is that many PARENTS do not have a CHOICE if they are going to work. They have to support their family. This goes for families where both parents are present. Many families require both incomes.
Reply
3-24-2011 @ 12:45PM
Hilary said...Many women seem to think that the world revolves around them as soon as they have children. I assure you, it doesn't. As someone who has worked shift work in the past, I've seen excellent workers given the worst hours because all the day shifts were given to women with children instead. They would cry foul any time they were scheduled for nights or weekends, so the rest of us had to take the scraps. Our time is worth just as much as theirs, and they should not have taken a position with changing hours if they could not be flexible with their schedules.
Even now, in a professional setting, I see more of the same - mothers wanting preferential treatment. If you can't deal with the job, leave. Or just leave your entitlement at the door.
Reply
3-24-2011 @ 1:02PM
Bob said...This attitude (while perhaps accurate for some) is not the point here. It runs tandem with the articles position, which is, women only (rather than all parents) are somehow being slighted on this issue. Whether we like it or not, the age of dual income earning parents is here and here to stay. This is NOT a gender specific issue. Given that, how do we get society to change to make family and children more of a priority in the workplace?
3-28-2011 @ 11:07AM
dmb said...see, that's reality. i know so many 'superwomen' of the 90's who thought they could have both. they did, but now they have jobs and teenagers that don't know them and really don't care to get to know them. kids know your priorities. if a parent has to work to survive, that's one thing. when a parent just wants the ego boost of a "career"? quite another. can't fool your kids forever.
Reply
3-24-2011 @ 3:53PM
nulyte said...The problem is the USA is run by Big Business. In foreign countries women's jobs are protected. In the Netherlands women on maternity leave are actuallly paid for 12 weeks. In the USA you may take FMLA but most companies will not pay you. We need to start taking care of our people and not Big Business....The only people benefiting now are the CEO and CFO's...
Reply
3-24-2011 @ 1:42PM
Angiebaby said...I'm not unsympathetic to the plight of the working mother. However, I'm by this like I am by the military. If you sign on to accept a position, it is not your employer's responsibility, or the military's job, to work around your childcare schedule. If you can't make an impromptu meeting with a company VEEP for whatever reason, then you can't meet the expectations of your job description. If you show up to deployment with a baby on your hip, that is desertion. It's this way for men. Why should it be any different for female employees?
Reply
3-25-2011 @ 7:11AM
mg said...@Angiebaby--no one is saying that it should be different for mothers than fathers. You're missing the point. Parents need to work, whether in the private or gov't sector. Most employers aren't taking into consideration that some employees have kids. There have been MANY kids who have been killed, abused, etc because their parents were on active duty. Sad.
3-24-2011 @ 2:42PM
dmom1 said...I wonder if blame is not misplaced. I ended up being a stay at home mom. Not because I feel moms don't belong in the work place but out of my husband and my self he had the better education an better income potential. When a position opened up before we had children that would require relocation, my husband was willing to change jobs and even be a stay at home father. The current job marketplace is getting increasingly more demanding of those who are still employed. While I don't feel it is fair of large corporations to exploit their salaried employees that way, it is the way things are. One parent has to be the one who is willing to leave work early if a child is ill, be available for extracurricular transportation, pick up from day care etc. Why did it have to be the mother that is also the astrophysicist? This is something couples need to work out. Women do not have something in their DNA that makes us better at kiddy carpooling. Rather than blaming the companies (who are not without blame) look to your spouse. Or move to Las Vegas where day care is available 24 hours a day.
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3-24-2011 @ 5:05PM
kokopuffs said...The author of this article should have contacted the CMO and told him that his late meeting time was unrealistic for employees that have family to take care of. Why couldn't he schedule it for first thing the next morning? He's probably one of those people who has an in-home nanny and doesn't know the reality of common people's lives.
Reply
3-24-2011 @ 8:49PM
Amy said...You can't have it all at the same time. The mother should stay at home with her kids or not have them at all.
Reply
3-25-2011 @ 7:09AM
mg said...Take a good look at some of these posts and you'll see why the USA is having this issue. There are WOMEN constantly saying things like "well my time is just as valuable as yours" about the parents who need flexible hours or "don't have kids if you can't handle it" blah, blah, blah. SELFISHNESS. The problem is a society where family and KIDS are not considered a valuable commodity. Why would employers reassess and change if WOMEN are doing so much of the bashing for parental fam/work issues?? Instead of being on this site and whining because you think parents should be punished for HAVING kids, why not make suggestions to help the problem. Then call YOUR OWN parents and let them know they shouldn't have had you.
Reply
3-25-2011 @ 8:20AM
Hilary said...My mother had me when she was on the police force. She worked nights, mornings, and weekends. She never demanded special treatment, and I truly respect that commitment to her duty. She raised me just fine without throwing aside her career in some self-imagined need to smother a child. I enjoyed my independence and I thank my mother for working so hard to put a roof over our heads.
That, mg, is what a real working mom looks like.