Neale Godfrey: Return to the Nest
Jill Patir: Hug Your Loved Ones a Little Tighter
Help! I Can't Get My Teen Out of Bed in the Morning Without Shouting and Drama!
Filed under: Opinions, Teen Culture, Expert Advice: Teens
This question has two parts. The first is about the age-old problem of getting kids up in the morning and out the door in time for school. Regardless of their age, most children don't bounce out of bed to catch the bus because they'd rather stay home!
Despite our well-intentioned lectures about the importance of education, or our desire to motivate our youngsters to be enthusiastic students, kids are biased toward having fun as much as possible, and, for many of them, it's just more fun to stay home.
That's not to say that once they're at school, our children don't have a good time playing with friends and learning new things. It just means that to a sleepy child, the pull is strong to stay in that cozy, comfy bed as long as possible!
Rather than resorting to threats, bribes and general hysteria to light a fire under that slow-moving youngster of yours, focus on waking her and her groggy brain up without relying on drama and shouting to get her adrenalin pumping. Bring her a protein smoothie or an apple slice to kick-start her system when you wake her up. Turn on energetic music to help your daughter shift out of her foggy state. Some kids like it when you inject a bit of fun into the morning routine, having them eat breakfast with their left hand (if they're right handed), or holding a contest to see who can make it to the car first -- with shoes, backpack, lunch and homework in tow.
But your teen may not respond favorably to games, especially if she's tired, which adolescents usually are. The lure of Facebook and the magnetic pull of the online world -- not to mention late night cell phone chats and texts -- keep our kids up much later than is healthy, given the early hour they have to awaken for school.
Help your daughter find a meaningful incentive. Does she care about her grades? She will, if she's motivated to get into a particular college. Help her see the link between missing part of class and getting a lower grade. Or, perhaps the two of you can invent a motivator -- something she can remind herself of in the morning when she's tempted to hit the snooze button. Often, something relatively insignificant can work -- the promise of her favorite dinner on Friday night if she gets to school on time all week, or an extra hour added to her Saturday night curfew.
But the most important element of your question is the fact that your daughter, like most of her peers, is tired all the time. Teenagers should get vastly more sleep than they typically get. They need between 8 ½ and 9 ¼ hours, but most of them average just 6 ½ hours.
And, because of hormone activity and biorhythms, most adolescents don't feel sleepy until 11 p.m., or even midnight, which spells disaster when school starts between 7:30 a.m. and 8 a.m. In 1996, Edina High School in Minneapolis changed its start time from 7:30 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. and noticed a significant difference in students' performance. But inadequate sleep impacts more than just grades; it can contribute to mood swings, car accidents, illness and behavior problems.
What can you do? Instead of trying to force your daughter to unplug earlier, set a quiet tone in the evening for the whole family, turning off computers and opening books, pulling out colored pencils or playing music. Create unwinding rituals that gently help her body shift out of the stimulated state it's in when the TV or computer is on. If need be, establish a time when the Internet router and cell phones are turned off.
Even if you do manage to get your daughter to go to sleep earlier, however, don't expect her to cheerfully leap out of bed when you tell her it's time to rise and shine, and don't take her grouchiness personally. She is, after all, a teenager, and no matter how much sleep she gets, she'll almost always want to stay in that cozy bed to catch a few more zzzs.
AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.
Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!
Your<span>Voice</span>
Ask Us Anything About Parenting
Recently Asked
- My mom's boyfriend molested my sister, my mom doesn't believe her.
- Alot of .gov when submitting a program or proposal for government agency (be sure you personally can provide for the agency)
- Discuss Derian douglas hickman's answer to: 01/16/2013 Order Sua Sponte to/for: Entered 2 day's before initial scheduling conference 01/16/2013
TheTalkies:RelatedVideos
-
How to Get Your Kids Out Of Bed and Out the Door
Get your kids out of bed and out the door with these parent-tested tips.
-
Raised Bed Gardening Tips
Another one of my European-inspired country fantasies…. RAISED BED GARDENING!! Everything about it makes me squirrelly. The nod to formal gardening…. the convenience…. the ease… the endless possibilities… the joy!! Similar to square foot gardening and container gardening, raised bed gardens offer a simple and flexible style of gardening. Perfect for kids gardening.
-
Merits of Chores for Kids
Make your bed. Clear the table. Prepare the taxes. When do you turn yourself into a broken record to get your kids to do their chores? If ever. The Dads debate the merits of chores for kids.
-
How to Help Your Child with Bed Wetting
“Nocturnal enuresis” may sound like a serious diagnosis, but it's not. It's actually the medical term for bedwetting, a common condition affecting millions of kids. While there's no quick cure for children who wet their beds, there are ways you can help
SitesWeLove
- Site Map
- |
- Staff
- |
- Terms of Service
- |
- Privacy Policy
- |
- Trademarks
- |
- Advertise With Us
- |
- About Our Ads
- |
- AOL Downloads
- |
- Contact Us
- |
© Copyright 2012 AOL Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Aol Family
ReaderComments (Page 3 of 4)
3-29-2011 @ 7:36PM
Megan said...You are totally right, Barbn. I can't believe some of these parents! What miserable lives they dole out to the children they love. My son has similar issues (Aspergers, so they say), but I "coddled" him into a happy, responsible 19-year-old. It seems many parents are too concerned with showing that they're the ones in charge. I've got nothing to prove, just a couple of kids to raise. I'm very proud of mine. I'm sure you're raising a kid to be proud of too. : )
3-29-2011 @ 1:10PM
Becky said...When our son was in 4th grade, I gave him ample warning of when we were leaving for school. At whatever state he was dressed, that's the way he went to school. A couple of times barefooted putting on shoes in the car with a 5 minute trip to school really motivated him.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 8:09PM
Jane said...All you have to do is put a jar of Mayo straight out of the ref. into the bed with them. Worked everytime for me.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 2:02PM
Chas Wienke said...ttrexx has it right, by golly! The voice of experience, no doubt!
I used this Ice water recipe on our three kids, after most other methods failed, and it ALWAYS worked. Actually, Ice Water is not nearly so bad as it seems, because even a sleepy/lethargic/lazy kid learns this one really fast! Like, instantly!
The first time, after I'd tried everything else, I told each kid what I was going to do. No response. I flipped the blanket up, sloshed in the icewater, [cold water, poured over ice cubes and delivered with careless abandon], and within 3 seconds, the kid was up and functioning, although not in the best of moods.
The very next day, expecting a replay, I stopped at the fridge, clinked in the ice, and ran the water, on the way to the bedroom. The kid was still in bed, but far more alert this time. He leapt up long before I got within range! I never had to apply this threat again. All three kids learned, after only one application, that I was not only ready and willing, I was eager to employ this wonderful new tool of parental empowerment.
Even an obdurate, stubborn or slow-minded kid will fly out of bed, long before you have a chance to deliver, after only one encounter.
Ever afterwards, all I had to do was ask, "Glass of icewater, anyone?", and feet would hit the floor. This also demonstrates that even sleeping kids can hear very well indeed, thank you! I never raised my voice after that. The grinding of the old icemaker gave the signal and everyone knew it was time to move!
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 2:01PM
Chellebelle850 said...@Holly - I'm still a young adult & don't have any kids yet, but my mom used to do the singing thing in the a.m. too. If I didn't get up after the 1st or 2nd time, she'd come back in my room, turn on the bright overhead light, pull all the covers off me & start singing "GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE, WON'T YOU COME ON OUT & PLAAAYY" Omg, I HATED it!! But that was probably in middle school. By the time I was in H.S. & classes started so early, I think I had to get up at 5:30am so I had my own alarm clock & got up, got ready, ate breakfast & got to school on my own. Also, I can't believe this article is supposed to be about TEENS...I mean really, suggesting "games" like eating breakfast w/opposite hand or racing to the car?? LOL! Any teen is seriously going to roll their eyes at that crap!!
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 2:21PM
gedking said...My Aunt Ruths way to wake up my Cousin Bruce when he didn't get up the first time she called was to use a Pail of cold water. It worked every time
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 2:24PM
R. Wood said...Half a dozen frozen marbles under the covers did wonders for us and I am 60+years old. Didn't hurt me a bit and it only took once.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 2:55PM
lj said...I pulled out a water gun and started squirting her in the morning after I had told her to get up. It was funny enough, while not being that much fun. Within two weeks she was cured of staying in bed after being told to get up.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 2:56PM
Tammy said...Bacause each person is different, it seems like it would be prudent to experiment with what works for waking a kid up and then proceed from there. Go with what works after you have found it.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 2:53PM
Jeff said..."Foot massage", you're kidding, right? This article can't be for real, this is just a put on to tease those of us who are working parents and barely have the time to mumble a hello before we have to be out the door to get to out jobs. OK, good for you. Look at all the people who thought this was a for real article published by some psychologist. Everyone, rellax. It was only a put on. Now, all you parents out there who are reading this at your desk, at the job you've been slaving at for thge last 10 or 20 years, get back to work and dream of the day you can lay in bed and say, "I don't wanna go."
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 2:57PM
Barbara said...I am LMAO, at some of these comments. they are Great! The one about the father that would kick your ass, out of bed, is hysterical.Just tell them that you will not pay anymore for the cell phone ect, and get the breakfast ready, Try to be nice and tell them if you don't get up you will fail, and have to stay back, in school, or not get into college and while your friends are all leaving for college you will be crying as they wave good bye to you, if you don't get up, to go to school on time. believe me they won't like to hear that. Yelling does not work, just gives them and you a headache, you cannot be loud in the morning like that, just be yourself and say thid to them and see how they react. GIGI
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 3:27PM
Dan said...My mom had 2 magic words that got us out of bed quicker; FRENCH TOAST.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 7:11PM
Megan said...Dan, I do that on the weekends. Weekdays it's just coffee and a cheery mood. You have a good mom. : )
3-29-2011 @ 3:32PM
Kath said...I had the same problem with my son. My solution?? I started sending the DOG in to wake him up! It was hilarious! And my son absolutely LOVED it! He started the day by laughing instead of yelling!
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 4:00PM
leon said...Oh Brother. All the lame excuses. How can I get my kid up and out without hurting his or her feelings? Horse feathers! I found I had to do this only once and never had to do it again. One 3 gallon bucket of cold water in the face in bed did the trick. Any more lessons I would have stepped up the learning scale.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 5:06PM
Denise said...When my daughter was a freshman and sophmore things were fine. She got up went to school, no problem. Junior, Senior years were hell. She wouldn't get up. When she did if she was late she wouldn't go. She had no phone or car because we took them away. She had no money and no job. It didn't matter. Until she turned 18 she was our problem. When she did turn 18 she dropped out, and moved out. When she turned 19 she asked to move back in and took her GED and now in school for cosmotology. They do learn. It just takes time. I can't imagine not getting out of bed when I was a teen. I was afraid of what my parents would have done.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 5:22PM
Lisa T said...I have gotten my 16 year old up every morning the same way since he was a toddler. I pet his head, rub his back and make jokes. He smiles before he even opens his eyes. Sometimes I pretend to try to lift him out of bed, but can't even move his legs. I repeatedly say things like, "Alley-Oop!" and "Here we go..." but, then fall back onto the floor and pretend I'm dead...with legs and arms up straight in the air. The next thing you know his smile turns into a giggle and he is very cooperative to get moving.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 5:30PM
karen said...Gee, maybe mom and dad should shut down the computer and take away the cell phone at 10pm every night. Then the kids get to go to bed at a reasonable time with no distractions.
I just don't get this. My mom never got me up. It was my responsibility to get myself up and off to school. I even made my own lunch. I was leaving the house as my mom was getting out of bed every morning. I had no idea I could have just stayed in bed waiting for my back rub. Jeeze.
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 5:32PM
Sarah said...I can understand the problem. Our teenage boys were a real problem to wake up, but we got a SunRise Clock from a company called BioBrite that was a game changer. It wakes they up effectively with an artificial sunrise. I know it seems hard to belive, but it REALLY works. It's based on scientific research called dawn simulation, and it have life much better for my teens and for me..
Reply
3-29-2011 @ 6:09PM
bubuhu said...My daughter had issues getting out of bed in the morning when she was younger. I got tired of fighting with her, so she went to bed a half hour earlier every night until she could get up in the morning. It only took about 3 days of going to bed everynight at 5:30 and she was up dressed, had breakfast and ready to go - no problem. When she got older and in high school she was responsible to be ready to when I did or she walked to school and that made her late. It only took once walking the half mile to school for her to be on time. That was way better than when my brother missed the bus on purpose and my mom made him walk 6 miles to school and 6 miles home....guess what he never missed it again.
Reply