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On Single Life, Sickness and Safety Nets
Filed under: Divorce & Custody, Opinions
Illustration by Dori Hartley
I wake up just before dawn with a sledgehammer headache.
Aghhh. I mince to the bathroom, head pounding merrily down the hall and back. I dig myself a new cave in my flannel sheets, shivering. My throat wants in on the action: Hey! Check me out! I'm sore!
The girls are with their dad and his family until tomorrow, which means I have 24 hours to try to kick this.
And two articles to write, critical in my underemployed existence. Two litter boxes to clean, also critical. A house sorely in need of scrubbing. A dog-fur choked vacuum to empty. A backyard to pooper-scoop. A mound of laundry that's grown so high, it's insulating the bathroom ceiling. Bills that hiss at me from the desk whenever I walk by.
I am not in the mood to be a grown-up, not today.
Where is my butler? Where is my mommy? Where is my hot, smoldering-eyed cabana boy also trained in healing herbs and potions?
Without the girls in the house, though, there's a bit of a reprieve. I can cut myself some slack, tell myself the chores will wait, peck out the articles between cups of tea. Some single parents (heck, some married parents!) never get a time-out for themselves. I get a breather, from time to time, when I need it.
I'm lucky. I know it.
I have a single friend with young daughters, ages 3 and 7. Their father is not in the picture. Both my friend and her daughters have been sick near constantly this winter, a round-robin of colds and pneumonia and strep. My friend is a teacher. Between both her illnesses and her daughters', she's had to stay home from her job to care for herself and for them.
They've been too sick for daycare, and she has no family nearby. Now the school she teaches for wants her to pony up for the fees they've paid to substitute teachers. She can barely afford groceries as it is.
"C'est la vie," she tells me, with an exhausted shrug. She is pale, with dark circles under her eyes.
She's done all she could do, and it's still not enough.
Which makes me wonder: What safety nets exist in your community for single parents?
If you're a single parent with a chronic disease, or with a child who's chronically ill, what safety nets do you rely on?
What options do you have for daycare?
Where do you find support?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
4-04-2011 @ 12:12AM
SamIam said...There are no guaranteed safety nets. I have a son who was for a period of time undergoing tests and doctor visits and was put on anti-seizure meds, and the workforce is not sympathetic to this. I spend every vacation day I had in either a doctor's office or the hospital, and every sick day was for the kids, not myself. If I was sick I would drag my butt to work. And while my bosses were not heartless people, I could tell I was not liked for this reason. I was deemed unreliable, not focused on work, and was punished for it by having important assignments reassigned, or having to face an inqusition about certain matters when I got back. Meanwhile kidless coworkers would call in sick when their A/C died b/c their dog needed help so he wasn't stuck in a too warm house all day (true story!) and those coworkers are not frowned upon. Did my work suffer? Probably-I had one child in the ICU twice in 8 mths, all while I was mid-divorce. But the general feeling is that the US workplaces just don't care if you have sick kids, b/c you can be replaced. It is a tough world we live in right now! I vote they allow sick kid daycare for mildly sick kids to hang out in, or a huge crazy thought: stop punishing mothers for sick days. Let them make up the work by remote work, extra days, etc. P.S. I do have friends that have taken my kids before, but it is not something that can be done too much without straining a relationship!
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7-07-2011 @ 3:46AM
Clea said...My safety net is thin, but I do have some family living nearby in case of emergencies. I think this is necessary for both marrieds and singles, but having a terrible boss creates a problem in and of itself; I decided to move on and am in search of working for a decent and compassionate boss. Just my .02 as a single mom.
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8-30-2011 @ 4:47AM
melanie said...Maybe America should wake up and provide real support for its citizens rather than the utterly pathetic approach it has currently. No health care system, work related health care that provides nothing and if you lose your job you lose your heatlh care. Unemployment benefits, support for single mothers so they don't have to work and end up neglecting their kids in order to survive. Hey how about it America wake up and smell the poor people lying on the pavement. You don't educate your children, you are a country of evangelists who don't really care about anyone. Single mothers should not have to worry about survival, they should be able to look after their children and if the father won't support them then the state has to step in.
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