'You're the Meanest Mom in the World!'

Oh Yes. I was the "meanest, strickest" Mom at my son's private school. However, the FIRST time he was caught drinking and driving I sold his car. No second chances. He did without his own car for about 6 mos. And, I drove him to and from school for 6 wks. (very tough on me). Now he is 25 yrs old and married and a wonderful, delightful, responsible young man. I told him, "I can hear you now telling your children 'you know what my Mom did the first time she CAUGHT me drinking and driving'". Tough love pays off. You can be your children's friend when they become adults.

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And, my comeback to him was, "Do you know how proud that makes me?" A couple of weeks later one of his friends mom was driving her to school for the same reason. Didn't sell the car though.

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So some preteen little girl thinks you are mean!! so what? her opinion means nothing, she can talk all she wants as long as she maintains normal volume, she knows nothing of the world it's your'e responsibility to teach her, if she wants to see mean, let me have her for a week she will return home thinking you are the best mom in the world wont be physically harmed but her delicate little psyche will get a dose of reality

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my standard answer to the "i hate you" rant is.. aww.. that's too bad because i LOVE you... and as for "timmy's" mom lets him..etc.. i just told my kids.. well, maybe when "timmy's" mom adopts you, you will be able to do what timmy does.. but for now.. you do what i say. that always ended it.. and you know what. .my 2 guys are 19 and 20 and responsible, well adjusted college students.. never had problem one beyond normal snarkiness.. even when their dad passed away when they were 14 and 16.. not one single lash out problem even from that... so i guess i did something right.

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Don't try to reason when the kid is ranting? I'm sorry but anytime you stop trying to reason is when the flow of communication is stopped also. Sure, the kid may already not be open to it, but the trick is to get them open to it - start with, "Why do you think I'm telling you [this]?" Get them to stop and think for themselves. Now, about half the time they stop short and consider it. The other half the time they just retort with "I dunno, cause you're mean!" Sometimes they also walk away.

If they say, "You're just mean," again, get them to stop and think. "Do you really believe that? Was I mean when I [did something nice] for you?" I usually go with last birthday party or when I made something they particularly liked for a meal, something that was special.

When they walk away, good. They are learning to walk away from a fight they (1) can't win, and (2) shouldn't be fighting in the first place because their emotions are getting the better of them. Don't chase them down and get into a power-play that YOU can't win without it getting physical. Keep doing whatever it is you doing and make sure they are doing what they are supposed to be doing, or at least just keeping to themselves if there is nothing particular they are supposed to be doing (chores, homework, etc).

When they are ready to return, ask them if they are ready to discuss the situation more calmly and rationally. Many times they will be, and this lets them know that they aren't getting off the hook that easily.

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Parents who give in to their offspring in these situations need to take parenting classes or practice carefully chosen words if front of a mirror - or whatever it takes.
This article is full of great advice that WORKS, to the benefit of both the child and the parent. If you are a currently spineless or tactless parent please go back and reread the article, print it out and practice what it says when no one else is listening. Staying calm and consistent pays off in with a safer and eventually happier child.

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WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP! This part really gets to me: "If your daughter starts to fling horrible accusations, stay as steady as you can, at least on the outside. (On the inside, you may be crumbling, but try your best to appear strong.)" ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? How pathetic is that?What the hell is wrong with parents nowadays who CRUMBLE when their daughter yells at them? When are parents going to grow a spine, stop acting like scared rabbits, and stand up to their bratty, spoiled kids? Grow a pair already!

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Kids, much like pets, are a nuisance.

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Whenever I told my kids to clean their room or do homework, etc. and got one of those passionate "I HATE YOU"s back, I'd reply "TERRIFIC! You always tell me you're bored. Now you have TWO things to do... clean your room and hate me! Problem solved!" Left 'em with their jaws on the floor each and every time, and they both turned out to be responsible, bright, loving adults. Hold the line. NO is not a bad word.

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@Hawkeye: I agree with you entirely. Why in hell should parents be "crumbling inside"? What a crock of happy horse***t! Parents have the right and obligation to lay down the law. Prenting is tough if it's done right. There are many times when kids will despise what parents decide. And we do it anyway for their own good. I will never understand those who whimp out.

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"In the same way that we don't negotiate with TERRORISTS"??

If you regard your daughter or son in THAT matter I can guarantee you actually aren't a good parent. Your child is not about to bomb you. One, thinking they're that dangerous is a ridiculous notion, even if it is a metaphor. Second, a beneficial relationship with your child hangs on negotiation and logic. Not all preteens scream and rave. By the time I was that age, I'd been raised with the idea that what I wanted mattered, even if it was wrong or my parents refused to give it to me. I respected my parents for that. I never called either of them "The Meanest Parent in the World." Or anything similar. Really.

Preventing this from happening is talking with your child about how bad choices, such as going to a parent-less sleepover or an R-rated movie, can later inhibit their better choices, like school, jobs, significant others. If you discuss these issues openly with your child at an early age, you're going to find that not only will you have a good relationship with your daughter or son, but they will also respect you for your logic and honesty, as they have grown up with the familiarity of these choices.

While all preteens care about popularity at some point, if you raise your child smart, they're going to see the priorities, and if they have good reason to trust you (other than the standard "Because I'm your mom" reason), they'll know what you say should be taken to heart.

One more note: as for teenagers, parents need to heed the fact that they are coming-of-age adults and, if they have been raised right, they aren't going to run around wildly. While we all don't want our precious kid at beer keg parties and smoking weed in the basement, there's something to be said for giving them some freedom, especially for good behavior. A mutually trustworthy relationship will either result in bad, carefree decisions for your teen, or in responsibility. It depends on not only what you've taught them, but HOW you've taught it to them. Don't shove good behavior down their throats. Explain it to them from a young age like it's a fact, like their math tables, or how to read.

I know this because my mother was both my friend and a wonderful teacher. I, honest to God, never got in trouble with drinks or drugs. I never even tried them, because I loved and respected my mother and her views.

Your child is not a terrorist. So don't treat them like a prisoner of war.

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Im 17 and my mom basiclly lets me do whatever i like as long as i help with the chores around the house. I go to parties and stay out till whenever and go with my freinds all the time and have my boyfreind over all the time and i still get good grades, i never get in trouble with the law or in school and im not like addicted to drugs or a prostitute or anything like that and im about to graduate high school and start college. All you moms who thinks it does a bunch of good to be so overprotective, it does not. i have freinds with parents like that and all it does it make a gap between you and your child. your kid is going to do the same things anyways, they are just going to lie to you about it and sneak around. i never lie to my mom because i dont have to and we have a great relationship. Thanks

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I am not a mother, but I obviously was a teenager at one point =) I did a lot of terrible things that I still regret years later. I would give anything for my parents to have locked me in my room for years. They tried to discipline me every once in awhile, but they did not explain to me why I shouldn't have done this things. My mom had more interest in it but was to timid to follow through. My father just let me do what I wanted and figured I would learn that way I guess. Looking back, I really believe it would have helped if they explained to me WHY I shouldn't have done these things. Whenever anyone told me not to do something, I would want to do it more because I was extremely stubborn. The more you say things like "Because I'm the adult" or "Because I said so" the more the child wants to fight back and the more rebellious they become. So, that is my piece of advice for any parents. Explain in detail why they shouldn't be doing these things. Don't shelter them from the realities of the world. Show them the consequences of their actions. I guarantee you will have an easier relationship with you teenager.

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