Jamie Krug: What If It's Getting Better?
Daniel Donahoo: The Evolution of Parent-School Engagement
Is My Child About to Be Snatched?
Filed under: Funny Stuff, Opinions
When you suddenly notice your child is not by your side at the grocery, or the mall, or the sidewalk, do you immediately think, "Oh my God! Kidnapped!?!" If so, you are not alone.
You are also not in your right mind. You are suffering from media-induced madness.
Here's the deal. We all know that when we turn on TV, chances are good we're going to see something horrific. The last time I watched "Law & Order," it was about a 3-year-old boy snatched off the street in the blink of an eye. The time before, it was about a teenage girl, snatched off the street in the blink of an eye. Watch any of the primetime dramas regularly –- or the news -- and your brain will soon be bulging with stories of kids kidnapped, raped and, of course, killed. The problem is: Those memories are like Styrofoam peanuts. They never wither away.
Instead, they get filed in the brain and consulted on a daily basis. So when we wonder, "Gee, is it safe to let my kid wait at the bus stop by himself?" up pops a file labeled, "KIDS STOLEN FROM BUS STOPS."
And even though it's filled with stories from 30 years ago (Etan Patz), or an ocean away (Maddie McCann) or fictional ("Law & Order"), they are often the only info on that topic that we've got. After all, our brains aren't filled with stories of the millions of children who never went missing. But Jaycee Duggard -- her, we know. She was snatched from a bus stop at age 11 and got away 18 years later. And that easily accessible story is what we use to make our parenting decisions. (Or at least, that's what our mothers-in-law use.)
Dr. Marc Siegel, a professor at New York University Medical Center, is trying to help parents understand why that's a bad idea. In his book, "False Alarm: The Truth About the Epidemic of Fear," he writes, "A lion is wise to be afraid of a lion, but not a lion thousands of miles away."
Trouble is, thanks to TV, the lion never seems thousands of miles away. It seems like it's one aisle over, in produce. TV wants us to feel that way. It keeps us watching. How else to explain this fact Siegel dug up? From 1990 to 1998, the murder rate went down 20 percent in America.
On TV news it went up 600 percent.
We can act like misguided zebras and live in constant fear for our kids. Or we can turn off the TV and reacquaint ourselves with the real world, where lions are not allowed in the grocery store.
And there aren't very many at the mall, either.
You are also not in your right mind. You are suffering from media-induced madness.
Here's the deal. We all know that when we turn on TV, chances are good we're going to see something horrific. The last time I watched "Law & Order," it was about a 3-year-old boy snatched off the street in the blink of an eye. The time before, it was about a teenage girl, snatched off the street in the blink of an eye. Watch any of the primetime dramas regularly –- or the news -- and your brain will soon be bulging with stories of kids kidnapped, raped and, of course, killed. The problem is: Those memories are like Styrofoam peanuts. They never wither away.
Instead, they get filed in the brain and consulted on a daily basis. So when we wonder, "Gee, is it safe to let my kid wait at the bus stop by himself?" up pops a file labeled, "KIDS STOLEN FROM BUS STOPS."
And even though it's filled with stories from 30 years ago (Etan Patz), or an ocean away (Maddie McCann) or fictional ("Law & Order"), they are often the only info on that topic that we've got. After all, our brains aren't filled with stories of the millions of children who never went missing. But Jaycee Duggard -- her, we know. She was snatched from a bus stop at age 11 and got away 18 years later. And that easily accessible story is what we use to make our parenting decisions. (Or at least, that's what our mothers-in-law use.)
Dr. Marc Siegel, a professor at New York University Medical Center, is trying to help parents understand why that's a bad idea. In his book, "False Alarm: The Truth About the Epidemic of Fear," he writes, "A lion is wise to be afraid of a lion, but not a lion thousands of miles away."
Trouble is, thanks to TV, the lion never seems thousands of miles away. It seems like it's one aisle over, in produce. TV wants us to feel that way. It keeps us watching. How else to explain this fact Siegel dug up? From 1990 to 1998, the murder rate went down 20 percent in America.
On TV news it went up 600 percent.
We can act like misguided zebras and live in constant fear for our kids. Or we can turn off the TV and reacquaint ourselves with the real world, where lions are not allowed in the grocery store.
And there aren't very many at the mall, either.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
4-05-2011 @ 9:54AM
Sara said...I wish you could hear me clapping. With my first born son I fed into the "there's a child snatcher on every corner" belief not only fed by the media but by the other mothers as well. Peer pressure in high school is NOTHING to a PTO mom. LOL So even though I live in square mile suburban town, I hovered. I watched. Until middle school he never went anywhere without me. I walked him to school, I went to the park. The poor kid was so supervised!! Although so were his friends so it's not like he knew any different. Now five years later along comes boy number two and I guess somewhere down the line I realized boy number one didn't break. Now my youngest is 10 and I actually (gasp!) let him ride his bike to school. Left me say we live 5 blocks away and there's a bike path and crossing guard. I even let him go to the park two blocks away by himself to meet friends. Maybe I feel more secure because he has a cell a phone or because I've already been through it with boy number one but I know he's shown himself to be responsible and he likes the responsibility. I get comments and I know some moms think I'm a bad mom for letting him but at 10 I ran around the neighborhood and my mother didn't even have a clue where I was. I'm not saying let them roam the streets of NY until all hours of the night but a little freedom is a good idea!
Reply
4-05-2011 @ 11:59AM
Melissa said...Could it be the reason the murder rate fell is that people are more cautious and/or observant to what is going on around them. I don't think living in constant fear is the way to go, but being oblivious to it is not the answer.
I live in a small town, there have been two, no three murders in said smal town within the past 12 months. However, there are a lot of sexual offenders who live within a 25 mile radious of my home. I would say the Lions ARE in my grocery store, my childrens' parks.
Your readers should check the offenders' lists in their own part of the jungle before they decide whether they should be concerned or not.
Reply
6-30-2011 @ 11:12AM
Robin said...Have you checked that those sex offenders had anything to do with children? Sadly, a lot of men end up on a sex offender list who don't deserve it. You can end up on that list for peeing in a park. I wouldn't call that person a danger to children
4-05-2011 @ 11:55AM
Clarissa said...According the FBI’s National Crime Information Center (NCIC)
85% to 90% of the 876,213 persons reported missing to America’s law enforcement agencies in 2000 were juveniles (persons under 18 years of age). That means that 2,100 times per day parents or primary care givers felt the disappearance was serious enough to call law enforcement.
152,265 of the persons reported missing in 2000 were categorized as either endangered or involuntary.
The number of missing persons reported to law enforcement has increased from 154, 341 in 1982 to 876,213 in 2000. That is an increase of 468%.
I'd rather know where my child is at than be flippant and have something happen to her. Taking the "it can't happen to me" stance is just a disaster waiting to happen.
Reply
4-05-2011 @ 2:48PM
Alicia said...And according to the National Incidence Studies of Missing, Abducted, Runaway and Thrownaway Children, the majority of missing children reported each year and runaways or lost. Of those actually kidnapped, they're taken by a family member in custodial or familial disputes. The number of children snatched by strangers is small in comparison, so unless you're going to be protecting your children from dad and grandma, it is paranoid to keep your children with you every second of every day.
4-05-2011 @ 2:15PM
Sara said...I'm not saying I don't get your concerns ladies and I don't know how old your children are but step away from the computers and the TV and the fear. At some point you have to let the kids have some freedoms as scary as it is. Our parents did too and you make good decisions? Even better question.....Do you know how to make decisions? We are raising an entire generation of children who don't because every move, every choice, every day is planned right down to the nano-second. I know, been there, done that. I think my 10 year old relies on his own judgement better while my oldest is more likely to wait for me to say this is what you need to do in a situation.
Reply
4-06-2011 @ 5:01PM
cpb said...The lions are everywhere. It's just that they are in a good disguise. I would rather have a child on a therapist couch saying mother was too over-protective than on one saying he was assaulted when he was a child. Not to mention, everyone thinks it won't happen to their family--until it does. Why would anyone let go of their child's hand or let them out of their sight for an instant anyway? Maybe your parents did when you were a kid--but it's not the same world anymore. I'd rather live "in fear" than "with regret" any day.
Reply
6-24-2011 @ 3:01AM
Rae Ray said...Is this the woman who let her, like, 4 year old ride the NY subways by himself?
Look, Stranger Danger is bull, your kid probably won't be snatched, but Honey, let's talk about Crimes of Opportunity and how if ANY kid is gonna be snatched, it's some lost 4 year old unaccompanied on a subway. I am almost 30 and I am pretty sure I'd get lost on a Subway... but I'm almost 30, so most likely I wouldn't be quickly snatched. I suppose maybe I'd get lost so easily because as a 4 year old I was not allowed to ride them by myself??
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