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Does Parenting Make Being Healthy - and Thin - Too Hard?
Filed under: Opinions
They say nothing really changes when you turn 40. It's true. It's 41 that's the kicker.
I turned 41 last December and have since experienced all sorts of surprising changes, like hair where once there was none and eyes -- eyes which have always seen everything perfectly for four decades -- no longer able to process anything smaller than 14-point type.
Nothing has bothered me more, though, than watching my metabolism rapidly transform from Screaming Mimi to Slow Flo. I have gained 15 pounds in little more than a year-and-a-half. Fifteen!
How is that even possible? Wouldn't you need to eat ice cream, like, every day? Oh ... Wait a minute ...
I have always had the great fortune of having a good metabolism. I have regularly sampled the world's great ice creams, my favorite food, with abandon, never realizing that it wasn't normal to be able to consume so much sugar and high-fat dairy without blowing up like a balloon.
But the great gift I never realized I had been given has now expired. I have watched myself go up a size, and then another, and then another, to the point that I'd be much happier if I could go everywhere wearing an over-sized robe.
And it's not the numbers on the scale that matter. I'm not fat. I don't even like the word fat. It's all relative. We all have a weight range that, for us, feels most comfortable. What your range is has never mattered to me because I don't judge people by what they weigh. I do judge myself though, strangely. Now that I've left my comfortable range behind and lost the ability to wear 98 percent of my wardrobe, I'm not a happy camper.
Or eater.
This week, the Internet would have us believe that, for many moms, it is their kids that are making them mushy. As reported widely, and here on ParentDish, a new study has found that women with children younger than 5, eat more calories and get less exercise than those without children.
You're shocked, I know.
I've recently started a diet, and I'd like to point out that the study has it wrong. It's not just moms with kids younger than 5 who have it bad. My kids are 5 and 9, and it's very hard for me to eat properly with their ice-cream bars calling my name from the freezer and their yummy little snack cakes nearly spilling out of the snack drawer every time I walk by.
Both of them are naturally very thin, so I find myself cooking them delicious-smelling dinners using ingredients like butter and cream and cheese and bacon and then sitting down to a pile of lettuce, raw veggies and chicken with a scant smattering of oil and vinegar. Yuck.
It makes me want to rip my hair out. Or my palate.
I don't know how other women do it. I have actually avoided dieting because I knew I'd have to make two dinners, one for them and one for me, and I didn't want the hassle -- or the heartbreak -- of not being able to eat the good stuff.
And don't get me wrong, I am not blaming my kids. It is my responsibility alone to keep myself a healthy parent and find the time to exercise. I don't do it, though, and I do find that it is harder to get it done when one has so many other responsibilities, including raising children. How much can a woman do in one day?
What about you? Are you one of those people who rises at the crack of dawn to get exercise? Have you been able to steel yourself against the pleasures of food? Or are you, like this mom, learning to be happy with the skin you are in, and accepting of your body no matter the weight?
Tell me your story, mamas.
Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!
I turned 41 last December and have since experienced all sorts of surprising changes, like hair where once there was none and eyes -- eyes which have always seen everything perfectly for four decades -- no longer able to process anything smaller than 14-point type.
Nothing has bothered me more, though, than watching my metabolism rapidly transform from Screaming Mimi to Slow Flo. I have gained 15 pounds in little more than a year-and-a-half. Fifteen!
How is that even possible? Wouldn't you need to eat ice cream, like, every day? Oh ... Wait a minute ...
I have always had the great fortune of having a good metabolism. I have regularly sampled the world's great ice creams, my favorite food, with abandon, never realizing that it wasn't normal to be able to consume so much sugar and high-fat dairy without blowing up like a balloon.
But the great gift I never realized I had been given has now expired. I have watched myself go up a size, and then another, and then another, to the point that I'd be much happier if I could go everywhere wearing an over-sized robe.
And it's not the numbers on the scale that matter. I'm not fat. I don't even like the word fat. It's all relative. We all have a weight range that, for us, feels most comfortable. What your range is has never mattered to me because I don't judge people by what they weigh. I do judge myself though, strangely. Now that I've left my comfortable range behind and lost the ability to wear 98 percent of my wardrobe, I'm not a happy camper.
Or eater.
This week, the Internet would have us believe that, for many moms, it is their kids that are making them mushy. As reported widely, and here on ParentDish, a new study has found that women with children younger than 5, eat more calories and get less exercise than those without children.
You're shocked, I know.
I've recently started a diet, and I'd like to point out that the study has it wrong. It's not just moms with kids younger than 5 who have it bad. My kids are 5 and 9, and it's very hard for me to eat properly with their ice-cream bars calling my name from the freezer and their yummy little snack cakes nearly spilling out of the snack drawer every time I walk by.
Both of them are naturally very thin, so I find myself cooking them delicious-smelling dinners using ingredients like butter and cream and cheese and bacon and then sitting down to a pile of lettuce, raw veggies and chicken with a scant smattering of oil and vinegar. Yuck.
It makes me want to rip my hair out. Or my palate.
I don't know how other women do it. I have actually avoided dieting because I knew I'd have to make two dinners, one for them and one for me, and I didn't want the hassle -- or the heartbreak -- of not being able to eat the good stuff.
And don't get me wrong, I am not blaming my kids. It is my responsibility alone to keep myself a healthy parent and find the time to exercise. I don't do it, though, and I do find that it is harder to get it done when one has so many other responsibilities, including raising children. How much can a woman do in one day?
What about you? Are you one of those people who rises at the crack of dawn to get exercise? Have you been able to steel yourself against the pleasures of food? Or are you, like this mom, learning to be happy with the skin you are in, and accepting of your body no matter the weight?
Tell me your story, mamas.
Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
4-22-2011 @ 12:15PM
Jeannie said...Oh, so you've experienced some changes related to entering your 40's? Wait til menopause! Better watch out with those butter-filled yummy dinners. Your little ones will soon be teens and you may find that their little bodies didn't handle all that fat so well, and now, you're thinking, ok they need to be in sports, except they don't really like sports or there's not enough time, and if that isn't hard enough, now the little know it alls think that everything they eat needs butter and that everyday they should have that ice cream. It doesn't get easier, I know this from experience. Stop with all the "delicious" and get everybody moving. Change your personal culture. When you get to 50 and start taking bone and colon health seriously, and your teen son is wearing his dad's old pants - it will be monumental to make changes.
Reply
4-22-2011 @ 3:37PM
Jeannie said...I'm terrible about exercise, but I can make decent food choices and I think I am doing a pretty good job of teaching my kids to make good food choices for themselves. I do believe that everyone has a weight range that is comfortable for them despite what the experts say about ideal weight, but I also think we try to fool ourselves into believing that we are doing a good job, when in fact, we are not. If daily life is too busy with activities and work and chores to fit in an hour of physical activity, as well as the time needed to cook meals with whole foods, then some changes are in order. Not living in balance, and failing to make choices that are good for our health is like living in debt. We need to stop making excuses and attack these problems with known solutions such as trading computer time for bike time, trading a bag of burgers or a frozen entree for a piece of broiled fish and a salad - and do this DAILY! And it would help if our schools would make a rule about using candy as rewards and stop with the class parties which yield candy bags and cupcakes and sweet punch! And does every event have to have food??? Can't the mental or physical aspect of an event be enough?
Reply
4-22-2011 @ 7:30PM
Tina said...Both of the other posters said what I want to say very well, But I want to add that there's no reason you should be making two different meals, you shouldn't have ANOTHER job as a short order cook. Instead of dieting you should be making a lifestyle change in what you eat not necessarily eliminating foods but limiting their consumption and importance in your diet. i.e. sure buy ice creams but get smaller portions and it really doesn't always need to be in the house. Kids learn from their parents habits and if your cooking and eating what you should be they can too or go without ( at least in my house) Healthy foods can be good but it takes trial and error and good cookbooks!
Reply
4-23-2011 @ 6:52AM
mariaschmid216 said...Very true that major brands do give out samples on their products, search online for "123 Get Samples" we just got ours today. You wont need CC.
Reply
4-25-2011 @ 2:40PM
ldstka3 said...Our family is identical to your family Katherine. I too was blessed with an excellent metabolism for my whole life until... I turned 40 then I stopped smoking, and have gained a total of 35 pounds. I don't know when it happened but it did. My kids are very tall and according to the doctor are overweight. But I don't worry because I know my sons 8, 10 and 15 will lose their weight. My 15 yr old just lost all of his puberty weight and looks great. The rest of us, including my husband are changing are diet’s and trying to be more active. But it is so hard, with work, homework, cleaning the house, errands, who the heck has time. All I know, if I spend too much time on myself then other things don't get done. This all falls back to that perfect parenting, then the guilt comes in and back to square one. No diet and exercise. I have lost 12 pounds, but every day is a struggle. Some days I win, some days I lose. Eventually I will look great again.
Reply
4-25-2011 @ 9:11PM
haj said...Boy do I hear ya Katherine. I've never been one to be concerned about gaining weight with most of my adolescence up until age 33 being spent figuring out how to put on weight (and that includes post-baby). But then, bam, mid-thirties and it's like I'm a different woman. I've put on 20 pounds in 2 years. Funny thing is, I don't eat that much more than I ever used to. go figure huh? or maybe more appropriately, there goes my figure;)
Reply
4-26-2011 @ 4:08PM
cavernvision said...I guess,by being vegan,eating only whole grain carbs,and baking my own sweets,so we only have desserts around when we decide to,and I can control what and how much of things go into what we eat,instead of having junk food around has helped me to keep off the weight. That.and running after my toddler, exercising when my 6 year old is at soccer practice,and generally trying to be active,not just as a mom,but as a role model to my children so, hopefully,they will learn how to take care of themselves in a healthy way.
Reply
4-27-2011 @ 10:34AM
kellyannehudak1976@yahoo.com said...i believe any mom who prioritizes daily exercise and healthy eating does so because it makes her a better mom, wife, sister, daughter and friend. as a mom of five (oldest 9 and youngest 19mo-and special needs), my kids know that mommy's run is important and respect that part of our day.
Reply
4-27-2011 @ 10:57AM
kelly said...oh no- my email popped up- i was just trying to be part of the conversation but can you please delete this? i'll need to run again to get rid of this stressor ;)
4-27-2011 @ 12:02PM
Dawna said......and I forgot to mention. Trying to hard to be empathetic to Kathryn... she's so exquisitely beautiful (:
Reply
4-27-2011 @ 2:50PM
Melissa said...It's really amazing how many stories are so similar. I have barely been 100lbs for as long as I can remember. I'll be 39 in August and in the last year I have gained about 8lbs and my clothes are not fitting. This is a nightmare for me. I have never been disciplined about eating healthy or maintaining a regular exercise routine. Never had to. I have 2 boys 7 and 4 years old. My husband and I have no help and no breaks. We have no family nearby. I brought an elliptical machine to my office but that only lasted for about 2 weeks. And now it sits collecting dust. I just can't get motivated to do it. I'm tired all the time.
Reply