How Can I Get My Teenage Son to Open Up?

I know this may sound wierd but try texting with him. I text a lot with my 15 year old (even when he's just in his room) and it opens the door for face to face converstations. Also that whole "she's looking at me" thing kind of seems to freak out most teenage boys so I find a lot of conversations held in the car going from one place to another work very well. Good luck and just let him know you're there for him!

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I lost my Daughter 6 years ago from complications of Juvenile Diabetes at 26 years of age however only one male child remaining his wife seems so indifferent toward me on Mother-Day's, she only get her Daughter Caiah who is my Grand-Daughter to send me a card under my Grand-Daughter only name; is breaking my heart I am feeling so sad??? my Daughter so was traditionnal and she would hurt anyone or missed anyone special days so why she( Richelle, myDaughter-in-Law) doesn't feel the pain of loneliness I am going through due of having a position of a Mother ,herself

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And provide opportunities for disclosure:walking with them, sitting with them, being around etc.

Barbara Greenberg PhD
Co-author Teenage as a Second Language_A Parents Guide to Becoming Bilingual

talkingteenage.com

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i raised a boy-now a man without a father in his life to guide him but i learned this much looking back
1.teenagers forget that we were once their age and have gone through the same type of issues that they face
2. boys see in black and white and do not give much thought into why they feel the way they do- we as women will pick things apart
3. timing is everything-you have to have patience on picking the right time or they will just tune you out and call it nagging
4.stop treating him as a kid-he feels that he is grown. it causes resentment for your authority and he will tune you out
5. respect him and the choices that he makes. he needs to learn by his mistakes -yes it is hard to stand by and watch this and do not under any circumstances say i told you so. he has to know that he can depend on you to support him
6. respect his opinion and ask his opinion on adult matters-let him know how much you value his thoughts
7. praise him for the good choices that he makes
8. tell him that you love him often
9.get him a part time job-it builds character
10. let him know that until he is grown and can support himself that you will always have the final say on what is going to go on and always follow through or he will think that he has the upper hand
if you follow these steps you will be helping your son to become a functioning adult that will be prepared to handle the problems that arise in life.communications will be slow at first but if he knows that you respect him and value him he will start to open up.

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How do you get him to open up? Ask him to say "ahhhhh."

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I raised a son by myself and I knew there would be some communication issues. Here's what worked for me. I would take him out to eat. Nothing fancy, but somewhere we could grab a round corner booth that put me more beside him than in front of him. Much less confrontational for him. I told him that while we were sitting there, the deal was we could talk about anything and everything, neither of us could get mad and there would be no repercussions afterward. Everything stayed between us. All answers had to be honest from both of us and no prying if the other person really didn't want to answer. We would save it for another time. It took a few times, but I can't tell you the depth of some of the conversations we had! He's an adult now, but still comes and says we need to go to dinner.

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Most normal teen boys don't want to talk about their feelings and would get annoyed if you're constantly trying to get them to "open" up. Mine, when a teen didn't want to talk about his life because it was his life so I kept my nose out of it. We had a great relationship from before he turned into a teen and never fought. His dad had died when he was 3, so I raised him alone. I knew who his friends were but if he said he was going over to one's house, and I asked what they were going to be doing and just got "Hangin' out" as a response, I didn't push it. Did I really need to know if they were planning to go to the mall or just to sit around and play video games?

It's not like we didn't have conversations since we always talked to each other a lot about everything else under the sun except his personal life. We talked about his personal life when he brought it up. For example, when he shared that he thought one of his friends was stupid for smoking pot or how he was disappointed that some gangbanger wannabees who'd challenged him didn't show up for a fight because he wanted to kick tail. He would, also, always ask my advice on financial decisions but I had no idea of what girls he dated as he never brought them to the house and I didn't ask. I didn't even know who his prom date was but we did have a discussion about what he'd be wearing and why he should buy her a corsage (I'd asked him if he wanted me to order one from a florist and his take was if she wanted one, she could buy it herself. The unknown young lady did get a corsage because I shamed him into it.) He did tell me he was looking into going into the military but didn't bother to get my approval before he signed with the Navy. Now in his 20's, and out of the service, he's still isn't big into talking about his personal life, but invited me to dinner to meet a girl he's serious about and answered questions I asked about what she was like without withdrawing. When your teen wants to talk about his personal life, he'll open up so don't push it or he'll clam up completely. And sometimes, it's more important to just listen and only offer advice when asked for it.

Unless your kid starts acting in a way that might indicate issues such as drug use, bullying, suicidal behavior, health problems or sexual identity, I wouldn't alienate him by trying to get him to open up. The teen boy shutdown is nothing new. Nor is the parent's sense of loss when the shutdown occurs. Just ride it out and be happy with what crumbs he throws you.

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I think you should just leave him alone. As a guy, I get so sick of women trying to open us up. If we want you to know something, we'll tell you. As a teenager, my mother was always guilty of doing this. I finally had to sit down with her and my dad, who agreed with me, and explain that if I really want her to know something or want her advice, I will ask her.

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And some teenagers are just quiet. I know we live in a world of Facebook, twitter, and myspace, but when did keeping one's thoughts to themselves become a bad thing.

If it doesn't seem like he's on drugs, doing crime, or failing school leave him alone. The explosive anger may come from your pressuring him. As long as he's not verbally or physically abusive, anger is a valid emotion that humans are entitled to display.

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Take him on a road trip!! Even though I have been very blessed in having a very open communicative relationship with my son I still learned soooo much more after getting him the car for 3 or 4 hours.

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I wish my mom would read this
from "silent" teenage son

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I agree w/ just about all these comments. I, too, have raised my son alone after his dad died when he was 14.He is now 23. He doesn't open up to me, wants to "(I'll) figure it out/handle it", buries himself in sports TV, his man-cave, etc. etc. I think right now he is conflicted w/ some big decisions related to his final year + of college and his asprirations. HIs girlfriend graduated and is not in the neighborhood", too. All he says to me right now about getting a summer job etc. is I don't know what I want to do. He tells me he is going to talk to various contact people but doesn't follow up. It's time for him to be "getting on" with things,i.e.job. I know I frustrate him when I try to discuss his efforts or filling out application sitting on table day after day ..So I recognize his personal struggle(s) and do my best to keep lines of communication open w/o as he says, bombarding him with questions because he won't let me in. I do my best when I see an openning to bring up for discussion things that I do not think will seem threatening or invasive to him. I think he is like most young men these days - private and on a need to know basis and not being judgemental.

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when my son was growing up we were open and honest with him we did not condom him for trying drugs ,smoking cigs or drinking because my husband and I had done it all.in order to have a relationship with any kid be honest tell them what you have been through and everything works out in the end.

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Texting I think is one of the best ways. You could try showing no reaction, too. It can frighten him/her into not sharing. . . practice listening without judging. You can get your point made at a later date, in another venue.

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In my experience, parents often have had no interest in what their kid has been talking about, finding it shallow and boring (sports, a tv show, pop stars, the popular kids at school, etc.), and letting the teen know it. Then suddenly the parent expresses that they want the teen to open up about something really vulnerable. Ain't Gonna Happen!

If you want your teenager to open up, first start by really listening to what they are saying now. And ask questions about it -- what truly matters to your kid about that stupid Kardashian wedding or Justin Bieber's hair?! If you show interest, and get to grasping your kid's feelings beneath it, they will be immensely more likely to open up to you about those deeper subjects you might find more interesting.

And if you simply can't stomach one more conversation about Snookie... find other subjects you can both enjoy! The more you build their trust, the more they'll dare to tell you.

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