Motherhood Moments: A Mother's Sad Decline

I am so glad that I just happened to see your blog. I am in the same situation with my mother. She is 89 yrs. old and my youngest brother wants her to be placed into assisted living.
My mother was not the best of mothers, but she raised six children, which was very difficult. She had her favorites, ( I not being one of them. ) I feel that she gave me life, I owe her respect.
I will be the one that will not allow her to go into a home. I am in Phoenix, she is in Ohio, which I will be returning this month, to care for her. She would much rather have my brother or my younger sister care for her, but they have refused. I am self appointed. I know this will be a job, but I am ready to take it on.
I wish you the best of luck, as I need it as well.

Don't tell Chris to take a deeper breath, he doesn't want to pass out! Only those caring for aging parents can understand his pain. I hear you buddy!

I see I am not the only one.God Bless you all , my experience has truly been a trip so far.An older brother and sister who do almost nothing,a phone call on occasion or take her out for a quick meal and boom ,back to little brothers house and away they go.I am telling you this is the way , Mom is worth it.I have a much different out look on life as we continue our journey.

I know what you mean about being a 49 year old kid. When I first moved back here, Mom had only started telling stories wrong, and she used to point out where people lived that I'd known forever. She talked about me "cleaning my room" as if I was a teenager. It seems that it was a blessing of sorts that i got laid off a few months after she contracted MRSA, but we didnt know what was causing her cough, as she was misdiagnosed. Then after she died, I've now inherited taking care of the house and my dad. He's not an invalid nor is he at all mentally incapable. But she took care of EVERYTHING. And he does have probs with his eyes, however, without a job, the finances keep me stressed out to a degree I never knew existed. I have 3 sisters and a brother. The sisters at least send money and come to visit when they can. My brother does nothing. He thinks a phone call every week or two is doing his duty. And that is just the icing on the cake as far as he is concerned. So I agree with others about the article: you are the good son as far as I'm concerned!

Knowing you are not alone isn't much help. But please know you are more empowered than you think. I stepped in to take care of everything for my mother in 2009, and 2 yrs later I wouldn't change a single decision. Here's my tips: Do not feel obligated to discuss the options with your Mother - she doesn't understand and cannot make rational choices. Do not feel obligated to seek other contributions from family/friends - do what you feel is necessary.
Get all your Powers of Attorney in order - sooner rather than later. Accept help whenever it is offered, but only if it truly helps you. I also want to agree with the company scammers - for my mother, it was those Auto Warranty scams, my mother had four of them at once, two with the same company. The POA's will nip them in the bud. Good luck, do not sweat the small stuff and keep writing. I see myself in you. :)

Taking a deep breath??? C'mon. Have you ever spent hours on end with a demented, confused person??? This person may be someone you love dearly but their personality has changed drastically to someone you don't recognize. They may become demanding, aggressive or suspicious and paranoid. They can't be left alone because they could walk away from the house and get lost, fall down the stairs or leave a burner on to burn the house down. Don't minimize how challenging it is to care for an aging family member unless you've given it a shot.
Our elderly family members deserve good care by those who love them but sadly often times family members are unable or unwilling to do so. There are also those folks, now elderly, who were not the nicest folks on the planet but they still deserve care. It's a tough call...nursing homes are expensive. Having an elderly parent in your home can be very challenging as they change the whole dynamics of your family. Bottom line: never judge unless you've walked a mile in the other persons shoes.

I understand completely and share your sorrow.

You reminded me of my own situation. My dad got Dementia when I was 66 years old. No siblings. His wife, who he'd married years ago after my mom had died, was not any help, as she was very selfish and only was concerned about herself. I tried to get by with aide service. Eventually, I had to have them for him 24/7. His wife contiually tried to undermine the aides. To make it worse he sometimes did not even recognize me, Fortunately I have 2 daughters that are nurses, so they were able to help with a lot of medical situations. The church, which I understand is not unusual, tried to get her to force my dad, and her to give them PA. Fotunate ly it was one of my dads lucid moments, and he insisted that I and my oldest daughter be made PA.. Then it became a problem of the church trying to get control of finances. Long story short, the Dr warned me I as pushing a heart attack. It happened, and required a quad bypass. I had to finally put my dad in hospice where he passed in peace.

I see my husband 6 mornings a week, but I no longer have the burden of being a full-time caregiver and when I visit him I call it our "date." Sure, the financial burden is tough, but it beats having a stroke. Did you know 73% of family full-time caregivers die before their loved ones?