Big Brother is Watching You Snarf Those Fries During School Lunch
In an effort to raise a new generation of crazy Texans who wear tinfoil hats and go on paranoid rants about how the "gummit" is reading their thoughts through their hip implants, school officials in San Antonio are spying on kids.
Time magazine reports officials are installing surveillance cameras and rigging cafeteria food trays with computer barcodes with a $2 million grant from -- you guessed it -- the federal gummit.
Meanwhile, toothless conspiracy theorists across the land are cackling, "I knew it! I knew it!"
Hold on. How all this ties into the UFO cover-up remains uncertain. School officials in San Antonio tell the Reuters news service they're just using the grant from the U.S. Department of Agriculture to find out what children are eating.
Then they report their findings to parents, school nutrition specialists and the Vatican. OK, maybe not the Vatican. (Someone's been reading too many Dan Brown novels.)
The actual conspiracy, according to Reuters, is to create healthier lunches based on what kids actually eat. The information can also help parents plan meals at home. If your kid is practically inhaling fries at school, you might want to know so you can force some green vegetables down his gullet later on.
Scientists who study children's nutrition also can use the data to better understand how kids' diets cause obesity and Type 2 diabetes.
"We will be able to determine whether current programs that are aimed at preventing obesity work and whether they are really changing students' behavior," Roberto Trevino of San Antonio's Social & Health Research Center, which is leading the program, tells Reuters.
In other words, are kids eating more salads and fewer Hostess Ding Dongs? You really need surveillance cameras and barcodes to figure that out?
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.