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Opinion: Punishing Parents Will Not Stop Beastly Children From Acting Up in School
Filed under: In The News, Opinions
Punishing parents for their child being late to class is going to accomplish nothing. Credit: Corbis
Sure enough. Not one of them went to Tanana Junior High in Fairbanks with me in 1975. Not one of them knew Harry Beesty.
No kidding. Harry Beesty. That was his name.
If any of Alaska's legislators had gone with the Beastly Beesty, they would have known better than to pass a law punishing parents for their kids being habitually tardy or absent. Granted, people named Beesty should be educated to the point that they don't name their sons "Harry," but punishing them would not have stopped this Harry Beesty.
He may be a deacon in his church these days for all I know, but, back in middle school, he only showed up for class when he realized there was a kid he hadn't pummeled yet. How mean was he? If they made a movie about Tanana Junior High, he would have been played by Lee Marvin -- in a gorilla suit.
Many considered him the fifth horseman of the Apocalypse.
Every school has a Harry Beesty. Think of Judd Nelson in "The Breakfast Club." The only difference is Harry Beesty never would have let Michael Anthony Hall live to the end of the movie. And he would have had Principal Vernon stuffed and mounted.
This was Alaska, after all.
Legislators should remember that some kids are just going to be mean. They are going to skip school and pulverize the weak and mathematically inclined. Punishing the parents is doing to accomplish nothing.
Back in 1970s Alaska, in fact, a parent slapped with a fine and sentenced to parenting class might well have showed up at the next school board meeting with a hunting rifle and a bad attitude.
What is with our society? We keeping thinking we can punish our way out of a problem if we just take the right board to the right rump the right number of times.
That was not a metaphor when I was growing up in Alaska. Tanana Principal Leroy Brown had his own "board of education" hanging in his office that he took to offenders for infractions as small as talking in class. Harry Beesty felt its sting on a regular basis.
There are more sophisticated ways to deal with the Harry Beestys of the world. A paddle isn't one of them. We know that now. Yet, we're still looking for rumps to redden.
Kids were the popular choice when I was one. We later moved on to blaming teachers. Now laws in Alaska, California and other states target parents. Personally, if we have to blame someone, I think we had it right in the first place: Blame the kid.
Not that I believe in paddling and other methods that lean more heavily toward punishment than understanding and education. Everyone, I believe, should be held responsible for his or her own choices.
Harry Beesty could never blame anyone else for being Harry Beesty.
For children to see parents, teachers or anyone else bear the brunt for their behavior gives kids a dangerous mission: There is always someone else to blame.
They might grow up believing that and end up ... end up ... wow. They could end up just like us.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
5-23-2011 @ 7:07PM
dougalcandy said...I was almost agreeing with the whole punish the parents thing, when I read the line about kids learning that there is always someone else to blame--absolutely right, I never thought of it that way. As a teacher and dean, I know that no matter how hard some parents try to do right by their kids, there are just some really bad apples. Parents CAN be held responsible for truancy, but not really for anything else. What worries me is that I see too many parents siding with their children, telling them that their bad behavior is not their fault, it's the school, the teacher, the other kid, society, the economy...you name it. So they do learn that they are not to blame for anything. Some parents are working 12-14 hour days just to put food on the table, how could they be punished? No, we definitely have to stop treating children like blameless little icons and start making them responsible for their own actions.
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5-26-2011 @ 8:23PM
Sandy said...I personally believe that blame needs to be given to whom it is owed. A kindergartener with excessive absences is not the one to blame; clearly, the parent is not taking them to school. In the school that I teach, there is a student in first grade who has an alarm clock so he can wake himself up and dress himself and get himself on the bus every morning because his parent refuses to awake on time and send him off. I feel that that is a tragedy and the child is being punished for a neglectful parent. Hopefully, that child will not become a statistic. On the other hand, I believe a high school student who plays hookey is responsible for his/her own actions. In that case, hold them responsible for the missed time. I think there is way too much finger pointing in all different directions. Playing scapegoat never gets to the root of the problem, and each case is unique. In some circumstances, a parent IS the one to blame for their poor choices. In other circumstances, it is the student or even the teacher that needs to pay the piper.
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5-26-2011 @ 9:57PM
Grace said...Well if the child is too young to "do the time for the crime" then it's the parent's responsibility. I mean the child is a product of his home environment, it's not the school's, the church's or anybody else's responsibility. And to say that the child will always think that he can blame somebody else for his actions? Not when he turns 12 or 16 or whatever age they are going to start treating kids as adults. If the parents are neglectful, well I am sure they will smarten up if they have to start paying fines or else spend a night or two in the slammer.There are kids now killing their parents with their guns (then again only a moron would keep a gun in a house with small children) or murdering their neighbor or friends or stealing. Society is falling apart, and some parents personally shouldn't be allowed to have kids, but this is America! Anybody can reproduce, whether you are capable of raising the child or not. If not, then you better learn quick!
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5-27-2011 @ 12:39AM
Michelle said...Stick it to the parents - they will pass it back to the kids. I have seen lazy, slothful parents driving their kids late to school and it makes me angry. The kids arrive disheveled, snacking on donuts, rudely passing other children. In 11 years of parenting, my child has never been to school late. We leave on time, that's why. We plan. Once he was old enough, I passed it to him. Now he sets his alarm clock, takes a morning shower and is waiting in the car at a certain time. Timeliness and tardiness are learned- habits. Parents need to teach their kids. Dock the parents for not teaching them. Then the kids will learn it at least. Otherwise, the same will happen to this one mom who could not get it together to get her kid on time EVER to school so she decided to homeschool the kid. Sickly pathetic.
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5-28-2011 @ 10:01AM
TheCoz said...Children learn from "others". The first "others" they are exposed to and learn from are the parents. Naturally, as the children age they become in contact with so many more people. With "forced" bussing, the school culture in nearly ALL schools is disgusting. Strong parenting AND accountability are the only things to get us out of our problems. Maybe it has to be a case by case basis BUT, the parents are culpible and a contributor to childrens behavior. If the parents were forced to be accountable for their children don't you think the children would be better behaved? And, yes, children will act out and will do wrong. When they do, THEY must be held accountable, not excused. If you know that when you step on a burr it will hurt, you will avoid stepping on that burr.
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