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'Genderless' Baby Raises a Storm of Controversy
Filed under: In The News
When Kathy Witterick gave birth to her third child in January, friends and family knew not to send blue or pink balloons.
The Toronto Star reports that, following their home waterbirth, Witterick, 38, and her husband, David Stocker, 39, sent a simple email to everyone in their social network, explaining that they planned to keep their child's biological sex a secret. Only six people -- apart from Storm -- know the child's biological sex: the parents, his or her two brothers Jazz, 5, and Kio, 2, and the two midwives present at the baby's birth.
"We've decided not to share Storm's sex for now -- a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm's lifetime (a more progressive place? ...)," the Toronto-based couple wrote.
At only 4 months old, Storm has already lived up to his or her name, birthing a tempest of controversy. The story has made international headlines, was featured on "Today" and "The View" this morning and has spurred ethical debates throughout the parenting blogosphere.
Baby Storm and older brother, Jazz. Credit: Steve Russell, Toronto Star
Cause for Concern?According to the Star, Witterick was inspired to hide Storm's biological sex from the public after reading Lois Gould's 1972 short story "X: A Fabulous Child's Story." The fictional account revolves around X, who hides his or her biological sex from the public. While neighbors are confused and at times angry about X's sexual ambiguity, X has a confident sense of self and embraces whatever gendered behavior -- be it dressing in pink and playing with Barbies or wearing blue and smashing Tonka trucks –- he or she sees fit. The story ends with the assertion, "by the time X's sex matters, it won't be a secret anymore!"
When the Star's report was published, outraged responses filled the newspaper's online comment section.
"This is a perfect example of why you should have a license to have children," Chrissy111 writes.
Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association, a Mississippi-based organization that promotes "traditional family values," tells Fox News he "[doesn't] think there's any question that this is going to do severe harm to this child. ... That child is either a male or female, and it's a tragedy that his parents or her parents are apparently unwilling to base their approach [to child rearing] on scientific and biological truth."
Other members of the psychiatric and psychological community, however, approach Witterick and Stocker's parenting ideology with more open minds.
"I would not presume harm on any individual child without knowing the full scope of development and the full understanding of the parents' decision," Dr. Scott Leibowitz, a psychiatrist at Children's Hospital Boston and liaison to the Gender Management Service, tells ParentDish. "Gender identity is typically formed around age 3, so the infant doesn't know one way or the other."
While Leibowitz mentioned studies that have implied children raised in unconventional ways do well by having positive egos, strength and resilience, he says "since no studies have been done [that involve] raising kids as a genderless role, [there's no way] to know what psychological effect this might have on the kid."
Family therapist Susan Stiffelman, who writes the AdviceMama column for ParentDish, says she applauds the family for trying to de-emphasize gender norms, but adds that she " just can't get behind an experiment with a human child."
She says her main concern does not lie with Storm, but rather with the child's older brothers being encouraged to keep their sibling's gender a secret. According to the Star, even Storm's grandparents do not know the baby's sex.
"It's typical for a 2-year-old child to say 'my little brother' or 'my little sister,' " she tells ParentDish. "This is not the same [kind of secret] as saying, 'don't tell anyone I beat you at night,' but there's the contradiction that they want to raise their children with a sense of freedom and a lack of restraint in terms of gender expectations and, at the very same time... they are confining their other children."
Is it Possible to Keep Biological Sex a Secret?
While this child-rearing experiment is unique, it is not unprecedented. In 2009, a Swedish newspaper created a similar uproar when it followed a family who raised its toddler, Pop, as gender neutral. There has been no follow up with the now 4-year-old child. In an email to the Star, Witterick indicates her family, will decline future interviews.
But many medical professionals question whether it is feasible to keep Storm's sex a secret for long.
"The truth is, I don't see remotely how that is possible," Stiffelman says. "As soon as that child goes pee-pee it's going to be over."
Marianne LaFrance, a professor of psychology and women's, gender and sexual studies at Yale University, wonders if the family, in spite of its best intentions, will be able to interact with Storm without gender biases.
"I would be surprised if they didn't behave differently despite their best efforts," LaFrance tells ParentDish. "Little things like that can combine over the course of days, months or years."
LaFrance cites studies that have found boy babies tend to be more "inconsolable" than girls, so they get a different type of nurturing that implies "big boys don't cry." Girls also tend to be held more, she adds. Other studies have shown that when people observe a crying baby and are told it is a girl, the child is labeled "sad." When told the baby is a boy, however, observers find the baby "angry."
Story Just Part of a Bigger Issue
Backlash to Witterick and Stocker's decision has brought about discussion surrounding the larger societal issue of accepting those who do not fit into gender norms.
Online comments critiqued not only Storm's ambiguous sex, but the fact that Kio loves purple and Jazz is allowed to wear his hair in braids tied with colorful elastics and sparkly dresses.
"We really need to ask ourselves why it is that we are so uncomfortable when children express themselves differently," says Cheryl Kilodavis, author of the children's book "My Princess Boy," a term coined by her pink tutu-loving son.
Kilodavis says she hopes this story will invigorate a national conversation about accepting all children, even if they defy gender stereotypes.
"It is very courageous to challenge [the world] on adjectives that you use on children," Kilodavis tells ParentDish. "Instead of saying what a strong boy what a pretty girl, they are saying what a strong or beautiful child."
Do you agree with Storm's parent's decision to raise their child genderless? Join the discussion on Facebook!
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 66)
5-26-2011 @ 11:07PM
Wade said...Just when you think people can't get any crazier...
Reply
5-26-2011 @ 4:06PM
trisha said...first, this is a baby so why the mean comments. second the baby is not going to remember anything so there is no damage to her/his well being, unless they plan to do this until the kid is old enough to remember, and third, it is no one's business and look they made the news and we are writing about them. soon they will have a reality show between mob wives and jersey shore.
5-26-2011 @ 4:20PM
Rick said...WHO CARES IF IT'S A BOY OR A GIRL it's not like the baby is heir to the throne or something.....
5-26-2011 @ 4:47PM
IA Cooper said...Im 15, and I understand the need to want to protect one's child and individuality, but gender? Really? That's just a huge part of life....I guess....I don't know.....people will raise their children the way they want too, Im no one to judge.
5-26-2011 @ 6:07PM
Clarissa49 said...So true!!!!
5-27-2011 @ 2:48AM
Fay said...G-d help this poor child. It has crazy parents that will make life difficult for him/her. Children get teased so much as they are growing up. Imagine what this concept will do for the child in the future, especially since it is so public.
5-26-2011 @ 5:29PM
Karl (LasVegas) said...Sounds like these parents and any other parents that do this have MENTAL ISSUES!
5-26-2011 @ 5:43PM
ecj100 said...How is it that supposed journalists cannot remember what they should have learned in grade school -- WORDS have GENDER, PEOPLE have SEX. I understand it in the context of collefge Gender studies, because sex studies would suggest an unintended meaning, but here, the parents said sex yet the captions talk about gender. Sheesh.
5-26-2011 @ 5:45PM
KC said...Woman reads a novel about a fictional experiment and decides to do the same with her own child, more precisely, her child's life. Wacky! Equality between human beings is a good thing and a "must" in civilized society, but males and females will never, ever, ever be the same. The degree of difference varies, but there's a difference. Denying our differences always leaves one sex or the other in the dust. Both sexes are to be celebrated.
5-26-2011 @ 6:06PM
Terry said...What a bunch of IDIOTS that will one day be running this country and world. I thought it was bad now but with morons like this doing things like this with babies I'm glad I won't be around for that generations f-ups! If these people didn't have a goal they should have kept their mouths shut - period - about the sex of this baby. Crazy people like this is why normal folks are not having babies. In twenty years the world will see just what shell's of humans they have created. God will not have to destroy the world again - people will!!!!
5-26-2011 @ 5:49PM
Pam said...(¯`’•.¸*♫♪♫♪*¸.•’´¯)¸.• ‘´¯) ♫
(¯`’•.¸(¯`’•.¸*♫♪*¸.•’´¯)¸.•’ ´¯)♫
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♫♪ (_ ¸. •’ Hello ALL!!!!! ’•.¸_)
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(¯`’•.¸*♫♪♫♪*¸.•’´¯)¸.• ‘´¯) ♫
(¯`’•.¸(¯`’•.¸*♫♪*¸.•’´¯)¸.•’ ´¯)♫
♫♪(¯`’•.¸(¯`’•.¸**¸.•’´¯)¸.•’´ ¯)
♫♪ (_ ¸. •’ Hello ALL!!!!! ’•.¸_)
(_¸.•’(_¸.•’ (_¸.•’´(_¸.•’´ ♫
5-26-2011 @ 8:02PM
cyndi said...Looks like a baby boy to me.. :O)
My question is, "Are they doing this to 'protect' the baby? Why?"
And, "Wonder how much money they are making off this story?"
Honestly no-one really cares, a boy or girl, as long as baby is healthy, as an Aunt or Grandma though, that would be a bummer because I'd want to spoil the 'little girl' with 'girly' things or, a ball and tonka truck for a 'little boy'. Either way, blessed be the little one. Cyndi
5-29-2011 @ 12:35PM
john said...Well i wanted to dress like a girl when i was a kid but if my parents let me, I would have been a gay. That would have ruined my life.. I am happy and married with kids now and im glad my parents were not freaks like these losers..
5-26-2011 @ 5:50PM
Valerie Valentine said...Jane, I went to that link you have on your comment and my virus company will not let me go there says it could damage my computer. You know the one about the on-line auction.
5-26-2011 @ 7:05PM
Lane Eason said...The sick create more sick. Soon we will allbe genderless. Make everyone neutered when they are born will fix it all.
Dumb, dumb, dumb. Need to have the crap slapped out of them.
5-26-2011 @ 5:58PM
Michele said...From the pic shown, it looks like they are still keeping big brother 'Jazz' uniformed as to his own gender as well, I swear that is a little girl pictured there.
5-26-2011 @ 6:17PM
Bob said...It just keeps getting sicker and sicker. I don't believe in a god so don't accuse me of being a religious fanatic.
5-26-2011 @ 7:44PM
faithe said...I had a class in college that required the class write a paper on just such subject, after reading an article. It was rather quick and easy to place onto paper a decision about a baby growning into childhood being raised in this manner. Wish it had been myself. I believe many children could benifit from being brought up in this form.
5-26-2011 @ 6:36PM
bd189 said...maybe this child is one with that genetic oddity where they have both genders parts and the parents are WAITING to see which gender is the domate. too often they just cut the male parts off since they're external and easy compared to the female parts, and you end up with a lesbian because the male was the dominate trait to begin with rather than the female.
5-26-2011 @ 6:41PM
Lori said...First, whoever is overseeing this site needs to start deleting the spam comments.
Second, How is it harmful to the child? The ppl that matter KNOW. Who cares if your neighbors know. Its none of their business anyways. All this proves is that most ppl are too nosey.
Lets all stay in our own lane unless there is a serious risk. Is not like they're beating their children. Or abusing them.
Tho, I will say they made this controversy themselves by going public.