Hot on HuffPost Parents:
Babble.com: 8 Parenting Lessons To Learn From 'Arrested Development'
Our Favorite Tweets From Parents This Week
Mother of 'Genderless' Baby Storm Speaks Out
Filed under: In The News
Kathy Witterick, the Canadian mother of the 4-month-old baby, and her husband, David Stocker, 39, sent an email to friends and family following Storm's New Year's Day birth, letting it be known just a select few -- including the parents, midwives, a close friend and the couple's two sons, Kio, 2, and Jazz, 5, would know Storm's sex.
"We decided not to share Storm's sex for now -- a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a standup to what the world could become in Storm's lifetime," they wrote.
The family has declined any interviews since the story grabbed headlines following a report in the Toronto Star May 21, but Witterick defends the decision in a letter to the Edmonton Journal, published May 30.
"I'm shy and idealistic, and all my life I've worked in the field of abuse and violence prevention," Witterick writes. "... Jazz is 5 years old. Since he was a young baby, he's enjoyed color, texture and vibrancy. ... As Jazz grew, his love of bright colors (especially pink) and lots of fabric (especially dresses) continued, and he wanted to grow his hair. The older he became, the more he met with pressure from peers and adults to adjust his image and 'act more like a boy.' Jazz remained committed to his own style."
Witterick writes that Jazz, while listening to "Free to be You and Me" soon before Storm's birth, began asking questions about how people would treat Storm should he, too, like to wear pink one day.
"There are these moments as a parent when you wish your child could bring a different issue to the table -- but there it is, plop! And if you really mean what you say about being kind, honoring difference, having an open mind and placing limits thoughtfully where they help children develop competencies and be safe, then you better walk the talk," she writes.
"We agreed to keep the sex of our new baby private."
Witterick writes that the family believed people would understand their decision, and that the global frenzy that instead ensued was a big surprise.
"The strong, lighting-fast, vitriolic response was a shock," she writes. "These voices demonstrate how much parents are in the world's critical eye -- in particular mothers, who are judged based on little (mis)information and not offered opportunities to share, grow, learn and be supported and celebrated by the community to raise children."
Witterick writes that the family has declined all interviews, but they want the world to know they did not ask their children to keep Storm's sex a secret.
"Secrets are not safe and healthy," she writes. "... If I had to convince my children not to share Storm's sex (which I don't because my children simply are not interested at this point) -- I would teach them that someone else's genitals and sense of how they relate to their gender is their private business, to be shared by them or in a context where safety, acceptance and sensitivity are paramount."
For now, Witterick writes, the decision of gender will be up to Storm.
"Storm is my third child and this is what I know -- some day soon, Storm will have something to say about it, so in the meantime, I'm just listening carefully."
Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!











ReaderComments (Page 2 of 64)
5-31-2011 @ 1:45PM
Cindy & Doug said...T the idiot really? Sure boys and girls SHOULD and DO play any sport they want. But just as kids need a home to be grounded and know they are worth something they also need to know WHAT they are. There are boys and girls made so babies can continue the human species. All other malignant things cannot reproduce for a very valid reason, defective!
5-31-2011 @ 2:04PM
mezl said...i think it's ok for the parents to keep the knowledge of the kid's sex between them selves and the few people they care to share it with. there is no thing wrong with the names they gave their kids, and they are NOT "raising their kids to be gay" as some one else suggested. whether one is "gay" is determined more by the chemicals produced with in one's body than "nurture". were this not the case, kids raised by heterosexual couples would them selves be heterosexual, and there would be no homosexual people. that's a ridiculous argument. one can not make a person turn against their natural inclinations of heterosexuality. nor can one "make" a homosexual person be come heterosexual. even if all people were forced to engage in heterosexual relations with other people, those with homosexual tendencies would still feel an attraction to those of their own gender. one can be married with kids and a house and still be homosexual. just be cause one inhibits and represses their homosexual feelings does not make one "heterosexual". it makes one repressive of their true nature. that is all. i see no thing wrong with this couples' attitudes and ideas. if more people put less emphasis on the idea of gender and more emphasis on the individual, it would be a far better world. i think that is what this couple is trying to say.
5-31-2011 @ 3:22PM
SpiritedSoul said...I'm amazed how so many people have summed up their opinions about these people whereby you just barely know their names. So very interesting how scrutinzing everyone is when the microscope isn't on your ability to raise children. Leave these people alone and focus on raising productive, tolerant and inclusive kids of your own. Because its apparent most of you are not doing such a good job of raising kids with them all being so brutal to each other in school. What does that say about your parenting skills?
5-31-2011 @ 2:50PM
chinalilly2000 said...The mother spilled the beans in the article.
[quote]Witterick writes that Jazz, while listening to "Free to be You and Me" soon before Storm's birth, began asking questions about how people would treat Storm should he, too, like to wear pink one day.[/quote]
Not how she says "he" in the last sentence of the above quote?
5-31-2011 @ 3:38PM
Jules said...You are totally missing the point. It is the culture of bias that she is trying to work against. They are not "deciding their child's sex", nor sexual orientation. They are simply trying to reduce the impact of stereotypical attitudes that society imposes based on whether a person is male or female. For their child, they were trying to leave the child to decide what he or she likes, in terms of colors, activities, whatever.
Think of it this way...
There are artificial limitations imposed due to what society thinks is boy- or girl-appropriate...marginalizing everyone based on their gender. It starts very early in terms of 'little things' like colors, or sports...and it permeates our society. Only a hundred years ago, it was not appropriate for women to be doctors, or soldiers, and even 20 years ago, people raised an eyebrow when men chose to stay home and care for the children, or to be nurses or teachers. Yet, for those who ventured to do what they chose to, those who were brave enough to swim against the tide, they've done great things.
The same limiting attitudes still exist today in some minds, unfortunately, and snarky comments only help illustrate the point.
Why is that so threatening to some people?
As a society, there is far too much focus on superficial things, limiting each of us based on whether we are male or female, what class we are in, how we are educated...distractions from what is really important - the spirit inside the individual.
If we just learned to value our differences rather than fighting, and learned to listen more and speak a whole lot less, and focused on what is inside as our true character, we'd be a whole lot better off.
In the Middle East, we are fighting an enemy that believes that women should not be educated. People have their 'place' based on their sex. How are you different, and where is the line to be drawn?
It is the culture of bias that she is trying to work against, to let the child be all of whatever he or she wants to be.
I wish them the best, for it will be a tough road due to small minded people that surround us all. Be brave.
5-31-2011 @ 5:33PM
shell4me said...Replying to more than one here : First where someone is from makes no differance on how they choose to raise their children. Second just because a child is raised not to know limits such as boys wear blue and girls wear pink, does not mean that they are gay if a male child picks pink over blue. It just means that child likes pink. Just because these parents choose to allow their children to find their own path instead of being put in a box and having to live a certain way, just because everyone else does.Maybe they on to something ! IE freedom of choice. How simple is that? Judge not least yea be judged!
5-31-2011 @ 4:34PM
Denise said...Bill you're clearly NOT educated huh?...lol, what an idiot.
5-31-2011 @ 5:37PM
writerk said...Sand, nowhere did it say that the child had both genitalia. The parents are just withholding the sex from anyone until the child is older.
5-31-2011 @ 5:42PM
julie said...Uh Sand??? Where in this article did it say that the child was a hermaphrodite? It didn't. The child does not have both sex organs, they are just not revealing what "it" has. Way to use your child to make a political statement.
6-01-2011 @ 7:33AM
debiannja said...Bill: Why is she clueless? Sounds like she knows what she's doing.
bugaloosnana: What makes you think that by raising her child the way she wants, and keeping the gender of the child private to the people who count with this child is going to make him or her gay? Being gay is something you are born with, it's not how you are raised. A boy can be raised with hunting, fishing, football, racing and everything manly, and still decide he is gay, and a girl can be raised the same way and still be heterosexual. It's a biochemical synapse that causes attraction to the same gender, or one that causes attraction to both genders, or only to the opposite gender - which is why boys raised by homosexual fathers don't necessarily become homosexuals, they are just open minded.
5-31-2011 @ 5:51PM
johnny6722 said...The children should be removed from the home and placed with foster parents who might raise them normally. stupid canucks
5-31-2011 @ 6:50PM
Joe said...Actually when Bill said that they are Californian and not Canadian, he was not foolishly mistaken, but rather, a brilliant seer of the future.
In a few short years, China, to whom the US owes trillions of dollars, will call our loans due. The US will be forced to sell assets, including California, which we will sell to Canada. The current State will become a Province of Canada and be renamed Canafornia.
5-31-2011 @ 7:40PM
E-NUF said...BILL...
Would that be Toronto Califonia?
I have no idea were you live Bill, but would it be fair for me to assume everyone in your state reads as poorly as you do?
5-31-2011 @ 8:48PM
Aarika said...How is this woman more clueless than a five year old as to "how things really work"? Just because she chooses to raise her child differently than you would? While I personally could never give up gender roles with my own children, I must agree that were kids not "taught" be act like a "girl" or "boy" they would have very little knowledge of what sex they were until close to puberty. I also must agree with the fact that were gender roles not so prominent in our culture children may be able to be just that; children, without all the girl vs boy nonsense
7-27-2011 @ 1:37PM
SJR said...@x12code: chromosomes determine your sex, not your gender. And there's nothing "natural" about gender roles; if there were, kids wouldn't be bullied for not fitting in with what society says are the "correct" gender behavior. Gender mores differ wildly from culture to culture: men don't wear skirts in the U.S., but Scottish kilts and south Asian sarongs (worn by men) are certainly skirts. As for what people can do in the "freedom-loving U.S.A."? How about all the men beaten up and murdered just for being gay, or being thought to be gay?
5-31-2011 @ 10:23AM
MD said...Didnt they just say Storm was a boy in the paragraph that says soon before Storm's birth, Jazz began asking questions about how people would treat Storm, should HE too like to wear pink.??????? so whats the big secret?
Reply
5-31-2011 @ 1:09PM
jenkstate said...Yes, she clearly said HE. Looking at the pictures, he looks like a boy too. Poor kids, they are going to be so confused!!!
5-31-2011 @ 11:24AM
dickie said...right on!!!
5-31-2011 @ 11:24AM
Riverlee34 said...I noticed the same thing!..."Witterick writes that Jazz, while listening to "Free to be You and Me" soon before Storm's birth, began asking questions about how people would treat Storm should ***he*** , too, like to wear pink one day" So is that an exact except of what the mother wrote or is it just how this article was written?
5-31-2011 @ 4:22PM
Erik said...It said that Jazz referred to the unborn baby as a "he" and identified that "he" might face problems like the ones Jazz himself was facing. It is typical for a young child to assume a new sibling will be the same sex as him/herself, because they are still at a very egocentric stage of development. (Unfortunately, that stage can last a lifetime in some.)