How Can I Get My Child to Sleep in His Own Bed?

Kids who don't or won't sleep are one of the most daunting and unwelcome challenges of parenting. If children sleep poorly, their parents are likely to do the same, and the result is irritability, grumpiness, and general misery, if memory serves me. A new study suggests the stakes might be even higher. Its authors found a clear association between the bad sleep of babies and children and the poor health of parents—physical and sometimes mental.

What can desperately tired parents do about this? Another new piece of research proposes a sensible-seeming answer I haven't heard before. And I'll tell you the sleep advice I give to parents of infants and toddlers. But first let's sort out the link between kids' poor sleep and parents' poor health.
The new study involved 5,000 Australian children followed from infancy by a team led by Melissa Wake and Harriet Hiscock at the University of Melbourne, and an additional 5,000 children who enrolled in the study as preschoolers. The children's parents were asked whether their child's sleep was a problem. Possible answers: "no," "mild," "moderate," and "severe." About 15 percent characterized their infants and preschoolers as having moderate or severe sleep problems. This number seemed low to me—based on previous research, I would have expected about twice as many. But the difference probably results from the researchers' decision to look beyond mild sleep difficulties.

When Wake and Hiscock compared the children's sleep history with parents' medical histories, looking at general health, mental-health problems, and severe psychological distress, they found an association. Both fathers and mothers of infants with sleep problems reported poor general health for themselves. Alas, the researchers didn't ask whether these problems preceded the babies' bad sleep, or—as I suspect—it was the babies' sleep patterns that led to their parents' health troubles.
The relationship is clearer for mental health. The researchers asked mothers whether they had a previous history of depression, and they found that sleepless infants put mothers with no past history of depression at risk for developing mental-health problems. (If they already had such a history, their babies' sleeplessness didn't make their prognosis any worse than it already was.) By contrast, infants who sleep poorly seem to have little effect on the distress levels of their fathers. Also, preschoolers' sleep problemswere associated with milder negative effects, physical and mental, on both parents.

really? your freaking infomercial going to get a kid to sleep alone.

Our 3 year old tries to sleep in our bed, too. Our mistake was letting her fall asleep with us and then moving her. Once I started putting her in her own bed and staying just a few minutes (not long enough for her to fall asleep) we had great results. When I say good night, I also "pinky promise" with her that she will stay in her bed all night. If she gets up, I just remind her of the pinky promise and take her back to bed (not angry, just matter-of-fact and neutral). If she makes it all night in her bed, when I wake her up I shower her with praise about being a big girl and making mommy soooo happy. So far, so good.

When he was about three, my son did not want to sleep in a bed, so we set up a tent in one corner of the room he shared and he happily slept there for months. There are bed tents, might help some kids stay in there own bed. My husband was AF, flew on cargo planes and was gone alot. After they were two-three months old, kids slept in own beds - did not have them sleep with me as a treat when dad was gone. If you don't want the problem, don't let it start.

Are you kidding me?? I don't even want to hear your theories on toilet training!

My last resort with my son when he was Waay too old to come to my room was to lock the door and to remind him that there was no getting out of bed after lights out. Just because he broke the rules was no reason for me to break them also. But, what worked best was to read to him every night. No matter how much he liked the story, he would fall asleep on it. I would only read to him if he was in his own bed so if he wanted to get thru the story book, he had to get in his own bed. As he got older, we would share the reading. I always finished with him sound asleep. Then a kiss on the forehead and a firm tuck of the sheets. Firm enough that he had to really work to get out.

aw see what happens when you actually tell people you are the parent and dont deal with your kids,, you turn into the bad guy, im the same as you, i made rules my son and daughter followed them, no discussion no asking them how they felt about them , just do it ,,i always told them if i tell you something if i make a rule, unless it is illegal or immoral you do it, they thought i was the meanest dad in the world, seems that they grew up just fine tho, no trauma from my harsh parenting,, responsible law abiding adults that are now i say proudly following my way of child rearing on their kids, very well behaved kids, no acting out ,no tantrums,, just well behaved kids

I say start your kids off in their own bed from DAY ONE. They need to know when it is bed time, it's bed time and it's in THEIR bed. Never even crossed our minds to have them sleep with us. Parents start bad habits then turn around and ask advice from "professionals" when their method doesn't work. Here's an idea....don't start the bad habits. It's really not that difficult.....wait til they're teenagers!

That is inhumane and cruel. Do some research into human evolution to see why the behavior and attitude you recommend is harmful. This is the kind of treatment that causes children to have serious psychological problems, anger and attachment issues.

So now if you child has to go to the bathroom or if the house catches fire, he will be so afraid of "Mr. Paddle" that he will not get out of bed. SMART - make your child afraid of you!!

Sorry L, I don't agree. When I was growing up, I knew that if I got out of bed and bothered everyone, I was in trouble. So, I went to bed and stayed there. Of course I knew the difference if something was really wrong, I was sick, or there was an emergency. My parents were firm but fair. I knew the rules and what was breaking the rules and what was acceptable. This is the problem with today's kids. We need to explain everything to them and ask them about their feelings. Of course kids want to stay up late. But guess what, they are kids. My sister went through this. She now has a 9 year old that has never slept in her own bed, and my sister goes to bed at 8:00 pm every night with her. How is that a life?

Bottom line, parents are in charge, not the kids.

AMEN to datt224! When it was my bedtime growing up, if I didn't want to get a taste of the BELT, I had better keep my little butt in bed UNLESS it was an 'usual' situation (i.e. fire in the house, I was sick, etc). This is NOT making your child "scared of you"! That sort of mentality is THE number 1 problem w/our society today-A LACK OF DISCIPLINE! If a child acts out, paddle his/her butt-END OF STORY!

I got to say that I am with you datt. There should be consequences if a child doesn't do what he/she is told. I wouldn't go as far a spanking them or locking my door but there would be something. Parents are too soft these days. Just look at this generation of kids. It's depressing. Can't blame them though, you have to blame those raising them!

you hit a Toddler with a Paddle?!!??

Thats seriously wrong on so many levels. I'm all for the occasional swat on the bottom when a young kid gets out of line but Paddles?!!?? That's a nasty, and very ineffective way to communicate the message "you are old enough to sleep alone now, you are a big kid!!!!"

plus you are setting your child up to become a serious pervert in years to come.

If there is a fire and the door to your child's room is locked you are endangering your child. What if you cannot get to their bedroom and the child of course cannot open their door? Are you going to be able to live with yourself if your child dies? I will never lock my child in her room. I would lose more sleep worrying about the dangers. What if your child injures themselves in the middle of the night and cannot come to get you because their door is locked? The child could potentially choke or bleed to death depending on the injury. I sincerely hope this never happens to your children, but I do hope you re-think your so-called parenting.